little steps out of the closet

Leila · Post by **Leila** » Mon May 17, 2004 10:26 pm

I 'm seriously thinking about coming out to a family member about my cding.The good thing about it is that I think she sorta know about it ,but don't know how strong the complusion the dress is ,like I love totally to
dress like a woman and express this part of me ,I wear panties under my male clothes ,paint my toes ,shave my body hair etc I wanna know what
thier reaction is when you told them about your cding?

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Tue May 18, 2004 2:34 am

Hi Leila,

Good for you!

Now that we've got that out of the way.

Have you told anyone before? Is this relative someone you know has no negative feelings about gays? I asked that because it's a good barometer. Lastly, for now, do you think you should approach it a different way?

The way I told my first friend was I told her I knew someone who told me they were a CD. She was supportive of "that friend" so I just blurted out that "my friend" was me.

She was in shock.. lol. It took a LONG time for her to understand it, but she did.

Beauty

Caroline · Post by **Caroline** » Tue May 18, 2004 3:56 am

Hello Leila,

I'm sorry that I can't give you any advice from my own personal experience about coming out to a family member, but I have to agree with Beauty that their attitude to gays is a good barometer of their capacity for consideration of and compassion for others.

Remember, also, that if you judge this person wrong, and tell them about your 'secret', the consequences may not be what you desire. Can you face that?

Frankly, I think there's nothing 'wrong' with CDing, but I'm very careful who I share it with because of the consequences that would have for both me and my wife.

Kind regards, and take care,

Caroline.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue May 18, 2004 6:50 am

Leila,
Heed my sisters' advice. First "set the stage" ask about gays, first. We are sometimes all "lumped together" and that is a good measure.
Whatever your decision, we are here for you, so let us know what you decide and how it goes.
Love,
Deborah

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Tue May 18, 2004 8:06 am

Leila,

You have received some sound advise here. I would just like to add that it might be good to ask yourself what you envision to benefit from this person receiving this Knowledge? I don't know how close this family member is to you.
As Caroline has pointed out you need to be able to accept it if this person is unable to support you. In fact I would suggest against not doing this until you are prepared to accept the consequences should they not turn out in your favor.

Jessie · Post by **Jessie** » Tue May 18, 2004 11:54 am

Leila,

I came out (in a sense) to my mom just over a year or slightly more ago. At first it was long proccess my stomach was all twisted in notes as I kept debating wether or not to tell her. SHe happened to be over at my my apartment at the time helping me with some other stuff. The thing is I knew my mom could handle it (she is pretty opened minded except for repulicans or directly Bush

) any way after several minutes of starting and stopping I finaly told her and once I did it was like a huge waight was lifted do the fact that no one else knew about my CDing. Although it can be tuff at first once you have a feel for the person who you are going to tell it can be euphoric that you can have someone to share this with.

Well that is all I can say.
Jessie

Post by **Celia** » Tue May 18, 2004 1:28 pm

Leila,

The advice for you to "ask about gays" first is good, but think of it as only a half-test. If this person displays negative attitudes about gays and lesbians, it's a pretty good time to remember that discretion is the better part of valor. Don't assume, though, that accepting attitudes about gays and lesbians automatically translate to acceptance of gender variance.

Gays and lesbians have had a considerable head start in the areas of public awareness and political organization. As TG's, we're just barely getting our social sea legs. Sexual orientation and gender identity aren't the same thing, and even some gays and lesbians are not much more comfortable with, or friendly toward, the transgendered than their heterosexual counterparts (Massachusetts Rep. Barney Frank comes to mind).

You might bring up the subject of crossdressing in terms of a hypothetical third person: "A guy I know wears women's clothes sometimes". Test the waters thoroughly, and, even when you've done so, remember that the proof of the pudding is in the eating: you never really know someone's reaction until she reacts.

Yours,
Celia

Karen Marie · Post by **Karen Marie** » Tue May 18, 2004 4:24 pm

leila,
i would be very cautious about who you tell.really think it out.
you never know how people are going to react.try to proceed slowly.
you don't want to end up hurt, good luck,karen.

Leila · Post by **Leila** » Wed May 19, 2004 10:12 pm

Thank you all for the great advice.I think she has some negative feeling about gays especially when it come to gay marriages,another reason why
she might suspect my cding is because she have seen me with traces of lipstick on and she told my uncle about it he told me that she can accept
this part of me,so I hope that she have no negative feeling about it.

Thank you all for you valuable advice ladies, Leila