Lorna has to go away indefinitely - UPDATE!!!

[Lorna]

Edited WED MAY 26, for an UPDATE on the situation regarding my niece:

Update on the situation... I have decided NOT to do it. My family can go to HELL.

If I do this then know for a fact that I'll just wind up screwing myself in the end - again, while the two parties (my deadbeat sister & BIL) who SHOULD be taking responsibility for this get off scott-free.

Even if it means that I contact child services to rectify the situation. I will do what I must. I am SICK of sacrificing ME on account of "family" that screws me over again and again.

Call me selfish, call me evil, but this is what I have to do. I can barely take care of myself - what business do I have raising kids? Especially kids that aren't mine???

I can't do this. I just wouldn't respect myself. And truth be told, I don't even like kids. And let's be honest - do you REALLY think that I have the mental capability of being responsible for another human being?

I know that many of you would do differently if you were in my shoes, but I guess that you're a lot stronger than I am. It takes a LOT of strength to put out enough forgiveness and love in order to take on such a burden. I guess that I am just too angry a person, and frankly I have NOT known enough forgiveness and love in my own life in order to pass it on.

I have to do what's best for me. I cannot take this child. I'll just wind up abusing her.

[Virginia]

Lorna, You are right honey, the children must come first, regardless of who has the responsibility for raising them. But, don't give-up on Lorna yet (you know she is part of you and always will be) this is an opportunity to show her nurturing qualities. Beyond that, you must have someone or two that will be willing to "babysit" once in a while? Don't go overboard on the repression or supression it will make you miserable. It is like a chess game and as long as you ain't dead, you got options! I would imagine that your sisters here don't know your complete realtionship situation with (previously discussed - "friends") but there must be someone willing to babysit or just help you out once or twice a week.
Don't give up, we all love Lorna and I think she will find a way and still not lose sight of the child's benefit.
Love ya,
Deborah

[Lorna]

Don't go overboard on the repression or supression it will make you miserable.

I think it's too late. I'm miserable already and it's only the first day.

[Jessie]

I never wanted kids of my own. I was perfectly happy living the childfree lifestyle.

It is funny that you say that as I fell somewhat the same way especially when my mom had "watch over the house" when she really ment is make sure my youngest brother does not have any eild parties while they are away. But unlike you Lorna I am not much of cluber and well my brother is a lot older (17).

Still it is intersting that many sigle people do not (In my opinion) want children am I wrong?

Jessie

[Lorna]

It is funny that you say that as I fell somewhat the same way especially when my mom had "watch over the house" when she really ment is make sure my youngest brother does not have any eild parties while they are away. But unlike you Lorna I am not much of cluber and well my brother is a lot older (17).

Still it is intersting that many sigle people do not (In my opinion) want children am I wrong?

Jessie

All I know is that I had to be one evil, rotten SOB in a past life to be paying for it in this life.

[Jessie]

All I know is that I had to be one evil, rotten SOB in a past life to be paying for it in this life.

Actually Lorna I look at it differently I see that your sister as the SOB and you the one with patients to at least realize that your nice needs some one no matter how bad they are at that time in there life.

Jessie

[Lorna]

Thanks Jessie. I'm really trying.

I am just so upset about all this... I'm trying to see the light and thanks for your input... but right now i am thinking such evil thoughts about my family that I fear that if I post it here I will get banned. That's how upset I am. I'm also real scared.

[Penny T]

Hi Lorna,

Everyone tells me that if life gives you lemons, then make lemonade. But nobody EVER told me not to poision it! Being the subversive little b!tch I can sometimes be, why don't you do this:

Get loose from the kid long enough to call your worthless absent relatives(your family MUST be related to some of mine!) while you are performing your duty en-drab tell them how much fun it is to be playing 'Mommy Lorna' with their kid. Use earplugs to protect your hearing from their screams as you say "Byebye!" and hang up rudely.

Betcha they get their behinds back to grab the kid real soon! And if that doesn't work, every 5 year old girl I ever knew was up to playing 'dress-up', and you can play along too! If that doesn't get their goat nothing will except your outright telling them "NO!" when they want ANYTHING from you.

Regardless of how you handle it, be sure to write them a bill for the baby-sitting chores and hand it to them on their return while telling them you'll always be happy to help them out anytime AFTER they pay the bill for this time. We both know the money won't be forthcoming, and it's likely they won't be asking for anything else soon. And if they do, just remind them that they now owe YOU, and NOT the other way around. Presto, problem solved!

Penny T. Subversive
Part-time Anarchist

PS: Today is my first day on Spiro; Woohoo! I'm on the way to being a REAL b!tch now!

[Lorna]

Thanks Penny, but they've owed me ever since I gave them $5000 for their wedding 6 years ago.

[Kersten Lee]

Lorna,

How many times have you told me to hold my head up? I can't count.
Last fall my best friend in the world stabbed me in the back so bad I
really thought I would kill myself. It would take a novel to tell how we
got to that point. It had nothing to do with cding. Worse yet he had no
remorse over what he
had done to me. I still work with him all day every day. He is a friend
no more. I found I hurt myself more by hating him.

You and many others on CDDF helped me through till I could talk to my
therapist about the hole in me. My therapist said look at what you have
survived. Why do you want to let one friend control how you feel about
yourself. He did what he did. She told me that I am a wonderful person
just like you told me. She and you told me to make new friends. You told
me you were my friend already. I said maybe I could be your friend too.

This was no little thing for me in my deep well of pain. You can trust me
and others here. If I were with you I would have been at your flowering
into a bigger and better person than before. Taking care of the child is a
credit to your rightness. You will do good and survive this too.

As we have done before, you can take strength we are giving to you.
One day I'm sure I may need some back!

Take care,
Kersten

[Lorna]

Thanks Kersten, but now that's been ripped away from me. Having time to myself to dress and be Lorna was what gave me the fuel to help you & many others.

Being Lorna has been my one an only source of happiness during many dark days when I had nothing else in this world to make me smile. I always knew that at the end of a miserable week I could put on heels and makeup, and it would be all better. Lorna was my only source of happiness during many hard times.

Now my fuel source is gone, and the future isn't looking so good.

[Celia]

Raising children is at least as traditionally feminine as any of the trappings we dwell on--and is much closer to the heart. Indulge (even though it terrifies you now).

-Celia

[Gaven McLaren]

Well this is a suggestion from a single person who at the moment does not want kids. If it came down to it and I had to take my neice and yet to born nephew for what ever reason I would. Though it would not be for my sister it would be for the kids. My sister and I love each other because we are family though most of the time we are at each others jugular when in the same room for to long. What you can do is to apply for custody and if you get it your sister will have to pay child support. I do feel for you but remember there are always baby sitters and just because you leave them with a sitter every so often does not make you a bad person. I hope you stay here as we can at least give you a place to vent every now and then.

[Lorna]

Well, part of my problem is that I was not raised to be loving or patient enough to deal with kids. This whole thing was just thrust upon me and all I can say is that it's bullshit.

I really do not want this.

[Kersten Lee]

Lorna,

With the way you feel, just tell them you can't do this. You are also
entitled to your happiness. You won't be the best caretaker with the way you feel and the child is their responsibility. If they neglect the child
in a criminal way, report them to child sevices.

Still your friend,
Kersten