You stated that; “What I need to do is to work on incorporating the best traits of my female personality with the best traits of my male personality so that both sides can become one and live as one. But to do that will require society to change its view of what it is to be MALE as well as what it means to be FEMALE. The current "rules of society" are obsolete in the 21st century and I would like to live [long enough] to see them change.”
I do not understand? I have incorporated the best traits of my female personality with the best traits of my male personality so that both sides have become one and I live as one now. And society still has not changed. But that did not happen for me until I was able to get my eyes off of changing society.
Why would that be different for you?
You also stated; But if we want society to accept us as we want to be, then we had better make sure we have accepted ourselves first.
I have no need for them to accept me. My needs are adequately being met the way it is. Why would I want them to accept me, any more than they already have?
OK, let me see if I can explain where I’m coming from, strictly using my own perspective.
Here I sit in my bedroom, isolated from my family and the few friends I currently do have. Because, as members of society, they have accepted that, if I was to overtly display my feminine side to them, either in drab or en femme, then I should be looked upon as seriously flawed and either chastised or shunned. But, in order to maintain my personal equilibrium, I need to let those suppressed personality traits air themselves out and that is where Kathy comes in. She allows me to bring out that part of my personality by dressing in soft, comfortable clothing. But, I am still isolated from the people I care about so my TRUE emotional needs are not being met.
In order for me to live freely, as the complete person I truly am, with or without the femme clothing as I chose, then I need to find a way to educate my family and friends, as members of society, that their view of what it means to be male or female, is distorted and obsolete. Only then, with their acceptance, can I get up out of this chair and leave this small room and live freely as the true person I am without the need to suppress any part of my personality in any way.
At that point, I would be able to move freely about the house, with or without femme clothing, allowing my feminine personality traits to manifest equally with my male traits. But, I will STILL be isolated from society in general because THEY will not have been educated yet. I will still be forced to suppress my femme side as soon as I walk outside my house. And, while better than before, my emotional need to be free is still not being met.
But, if I can find a way to educate my family and friends, and you find a way to educate your family and friends and Aisling educates her family and friends and so on, before long, by working together as educators instead of activists, we will have changed society’s view of us. We will all be able to walk down the street free to be our total selves.
But society will NEVER change if all we do is hide under our wigs and behind our makeup masks, passing through life complaining about how unfair society is but never making the attempt to educate people as to why it is unfair.
Why, as a man in man’s clothing, should I not be able to stop and admire the newborn baby I see in stroller as a woman would? Why, as a man in man’s clothing should I not be allowed to cry during an emotional moment of a movie? Why should I need to dress in a wig and female clothing and makeup in order to be allowed to express these things? Why should I, as a man, not be allowed to wear a pretty blouse and skirt any time I choose while a woman is allowed to wear blue jeans and a t-shirt any time she wants?
Maybe you are happy and content to continue hiding your femme self behind a mask of makeup and a wig. If so, that is certainly your choice and I fully respect your freedom to make that choice.
But I, my friends, have been hiding for a very, very long time and I am getting sick and tired of it. We are now in the 21st century and it is time for old, useless Victorian era ideas to fall.
Whatever you accomplish in life is a manifestation not so much of what you do, as of what you believe deeply within yourself that you deserve. - Les Brown
CDKathy wrote:But society will NEVER change if all we do is hide under our wigs and behind our makeup masks, passing through life complaining about how unfair society is but never making the attempt to educate people as to why it is unfair.
I didn't think that I was complaining about how unfair society is Society has been unfair since the beginning of time, and I see no reason why they should change now. they will continue to attempt to educate us to show us that we are wrong, but I wish you well....perhaps you know something our forefathers didn't.
As for me I will not be looking for a way to educate my family and so called friends. Been there tried that, got kicked in the head until I finally realized that I was better off with out them.
As a result I have friends now some of who know I wear womens clothes, who accept me,
and are not cross-dressers themselves, who I did not have to educate. And I could have had that a long time ago had I been able to stop trying to educate others sooner.
Darlene wrote: "As a result I have friends now some of who know I wear womens clothes, who accept me, and are not cross-dressers themselves, who I did not have to educate."
(Guess I still haven't quite got the quote thing figured out)
This is why I feel that the educational process has already begun. Dressing has been around for as long as society's unfairness. But there is far more acceptance out there today than ever before.
I didn't say that it would be easy. I didn't say it would happen overnight. And I have given myself more than enough headaches in discussions with stubborn people to completely understand the feeling of futility.
But the more we try, the easier it will be for us in the future to find that understanding. Or, if not for us, then for future generations because if we don't look out for them, who will?
I guess I was a bit later in life when I started finding my answers than some of the rest of you here. I'm still figuring myself out while looking around at the rest of the world. While there currently is a lot of pressure being applied by the religious right to take humanity back to the dark ages, I see a lot more pressure being applied in the opposite direction and I like to think that there is still hope for a positive outcome.
Whatever you accomplish in life is a manifestation not so much of what you do, as of what you believe deeply within yourself that you deserve. - Les Brown
This is the third time I have tried to get this posted, I keep loosing it even though I copied all of it the last time. Has nothing to do with the forum though just some stange things happening.
I want you all to know that the only answers that I have or want are answers for me. I don't want to have answers for you all. If you happen to benifit from my experiance great if not there is nothing I can do about that sorry.
I have benifited beyond what words are cabable of describing from my involvement with this forum. Those in charge here have done a remarkable job of keeping this place a healthy community, which is a requirement for people to benifit.
This world always has been full of people who can and can not accept us, it can not be anything different. We will always have people at different levels of maturity amoung us. A fact of life.
My solution is to build my life with those who can accept and support me. I don't want those who can not in my life, it is as simple as that. (A little closet space under the right conditions can be healthy) I see that as a blessing because those people do not make good friends, They have nothing of value to contribute, I am better off with out them, and that is one of the benifits that I have been able to enjoy as a result of being a trangender gifted person. However they do have a place in this world but it is a different one than mine. That was a hard lesson worth learning for me.
That has worked for me, and I suspect that future generations, will likely have to find that asnswer on there own, just like I have had to.
Just a note, as a male with a camera I can stop and look at the baby, stop and smell the roses, and cry in the movie. Yes I get the wierd looks.
I agree that I should be able to wear a sun dress out and about because it is sunny. Just like a woman can wear jeans and a t-shirt without reproach. Just like a Nike commercial I'll "Just Do It".
Just my 2 cents.
Aislin
Aislin
What started as a dream has become a reality.
Above all no regrets.
I apologize to you if it appears that I was involved in a debate in this thread. I hope all that I did was to state my opinion, while trusting that others will be intelligent enough to draw there own conclusions.
Again I am sorry if I said something here to cause you think differently about this, but I have not come here to debate or argue. And that was not the reason I started this thread.
Darlene wrote:I apologize to you if it appears that I was involved in a debate in this thread. I hope all that I did was to state my opinion, while trusting that others will be intelligent enough to draw there own conclusions.
I am with Darlene on this. Being new to this site, I've been browsing the threads, attempting to learn from the others here. When I came upon this thread, I was particularly impressed by the various views that had been expressed and felt compelled to express my own viewpoint. In so doing, I prompted further discussion from other perspectives. I believe that is the point of forums such as this.
I, for one, feel like I have gained much from the experience.
Whatever you accomplish in life is a manifestation not so much of what you do, as of what you believe deeply within yourself that you deserve. - Les Brown
But that did not happen for me until I was able to get my eyes off of changing society.
Society has been unfair since the beginning of time, and I see no reason why they should change now. they will continue to attempt to educate us to show us that we are wrong, but I wish you well....perhaps you know something our forefathers didn't.](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall"){kind=small}
until I finally realized that I was better off with out them.
And I could have had that a long time ago had I been able to stop trying to educate others sooner. 