Hi Penny-
Your post is a good one for situations where you're out and about, but all I was referring to was online, when I said that it was "harmless." But maybe "harmless deception" is not really possible! That was my name for it, but I wouldn't want it done to me!
In real-life, it can be an adventure, because I feel. (like you do), that I have a certain amount of freedom before I have to let someone know. If a guy has come over to talk to me, I'll talk for awhile, and we can both enjoy it. After all, I can't assume what he knows or doesn't know--a certain amount of banter usually has to happen before I can figure out why he came over.
I did get followed one night, and I don't know whether it was because I was seen as a woman, or as a CD. I was walking to my truck, and a car behind me stopped some distance back. I was coming from an expensive hotel bar, and parking was jammed, so I thought nothing of it. I figured they wanted my parking space.
But when I pulled out, the car begin to follow me. This was a new one on me--I had to think about what to do. I finally decided to go to a nearby 7-11, park right at the door, (in the handicap zone if necessary), and go inside and call 911. ( Maybe a 24 hour grocery would have been a better choice, though. There would be more people than just one clerk. )
Going to a police station didn't seem like an option--too far away, and they're like fortresses at night. You have to know exactly which door to go to, and even then, there might be a wait. I wasn't going to chance that.
My tail got bored after a mile or so, and sped off on another freeway. I had felt up to the challenge, but I was glad to see them go. Being followed is not something I've heard any of my girlfriends talk about, but it is something that can happen to anyone that looks female, and it helps to be aware of it.
A
What Are the Ethics of Passing?
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Kersten Lee
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 386
- Joined: Sun Feb 29, 2004 10:05 am
- Location: Central Nebraska
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Stef
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 225
- Joined: Sat May 15, 2004 6:24 am
- Location: TN
Anita you bring up a good point. I think I need to share what happened to me one night so that it might not happen to others.
I was at a club one night hanging out with some friends. Almost the entire night there was a guy who stood off at a distance and just watched everyone. I decided I was getting tired and decided to to head out, after saying my goodbyes to everyone as I was heading to the door the guy asked where I was going. I told him home...alone. He made some sort of comment which I ignored and walked on out.
Where I parked was in a parking garage that was not very well lit. I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings as I was going to my car and as I was getting my keys from my purse to unlock my door I was grabbed from behind and dragged to a corner of the garage. It was the same guy who had been staring all night. He tried to force me to my knees in front of him and he had himself already exposed. Out of sheer gut reaction I hit him as hard as I could between the legs. When he let go of me I punched him as hard as I could and then ran to my car. Luckily I got away with only emotional injuries but it could have been so much worse.
Now everytime I walk into or out of somewhere I'm always paying attention to what is going on around me. I always have my keyring in my hand with the keys situated between my fingers so that if someone does approach me I have a way to defend myself.
I shared this story because I know many girls are nervous when out dressed and usually just look down at the ground and try to avoid eye contact whenever possible. Please don't do that! Always be aware of what is going on around you at all times!!!
Hugs,
Stef
I was at a club one night hanging out with some friends. Almost the entire night there was a guy who stood off at a distance and just watched everyone. I decided I was getting tired and decided to to head out, after saying my goodbyes to everyone as I was heading to the door the guy asked where I was going. I told him home...alone. He made some sort of comment which I ignored and walked on out.
Where I parked was in a parking garage that was not very well lit. I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings as I was going to my car and as I was getting my keys from my purse to unlock my door I was grabbed from behind and dragged to a corner of the garage. It was the same guy who had been staring all night. He tried to force me to my knees in front of him and he had himself already exposed. Out of sheer gut reaction I hit him as hard as I could between the legs. When he let go of me I punched him as hard as I could and then ran to my car. Luckily I got away with only emotional injuries but it could have been so much worse.
Now everytime I walk into or out of somewhere I'm always paying attention to what is going on around me. I always have my keyring in my hand with the keys situated between my fingers so that if someone does approach me I have a way to defend myself.
I shared this story because I know many girls are nervous when out dressed and usually just look down at the ground and try to avoid eye contact whenever possible. Please don't do that! Always be aware of what is going on around you at all times!!!
Hugs,
Stef
Live with memories of what you have done, not regrets over what you wish you had done.
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Gelinda
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 441
- Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 8:31 pm
Anita, I think it would have been best to drive to the police station, even if you can't get to the right door. If it is bad things going to happen then the other person would be too afraid of you at a police station. That is what I have taught my wife and daughter, plus calm thinking about what the vechile is and if you can get a tag number then the better.
Another thing that will get the other guys goat is to make sure he is following you drive thru a lighted neighbor or streets in an looping pattern so to show him that you know that you are being followed. Most people doing that type of thing think they are invisible to you so when you prove they are not, they will run away. Gelinda.
Another thing that will get the other guys goat is to make sure he is following you drive thru a lighted neighbor or streets in an looping pattern so to show him that you know that you are being followed. Most people doing that type of thing think they are invisible to you so when you prove they are not, they will run away. Gelinda.
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi All--
Kersten, it is a good thing to share stories like this, and I'm glad it helped mentally prepare you. At the same time, I don't want people thinking that it's a jungle out there, and you shouldn't venture out at all.
The story I told above is the most extreme thing that's happened in nearly four years--any other harrassment has been more amusing or annoying than scary.
That said, Stef, I'm glad that you came through as well as you did. We do have to be alert and aware, and sometimes we have to have escorts to the car, or pepper spray at hand--stuff we don't think about it day-to-day dealing.
Gelinda, I'm glad you have thought out what's the best course for your wife and daughter. I'd still advise thinking about a big all-night supermarket, as opposed to a police station.
Most of the police stations around here have no one outside at night, at all. The bad guys know this just as well as I do. (Two weeks ago, there was a fatal shooting in San Francisco, and it happened within two blocks of a station.) I would NOT want to sit in the truck for even five seconds after I stop--I want to be able to bolt for a wide-open door.
When I've gone to police stations for non-emergencies at night, I find that someone at a front desk has to buzz me in. This may take only twenty seconds, but it's an eternity in the kind of situation I'm talking about.
I was thinking--if you're in a strange city where you don't know the locations of any stores or police stations, you could call 911 and possibly arrange to meet a patrol car at a spot up ahead of you.
You know you're on "Western Boulevard," say, and the operator might be able to tell you that the police will be waiting at Western and First, a mile further on. I don't know how practical it would be to try to do that, but the whole point is that you want to keep driving until you're SURE that you've got help.
A
Kersten, it is a good thing to share stories like this, and I'm glad it helped mentally prepare you. At the same time, I don't want people thinking that it's a jungle out there, and you shouldn't venture out at all.
The story I told above is the most extreme thing that's happened in nearly four years--any other harrassment has been more amusing or annoying than scary.
That said, Stef, I'm glad that you came through as well as you did. We do have to be alert and aware, and sometimes we have to have escorts to the car, or pepper spray at hand--stuff we don't think about it day-to-day dealing.
Gelinda, I'm glad you have thought out what's the best course for your wife and daughter. I'd still advise thinking about a big all-night supermarket, as opposed to a police station.
Most of the police stations around here have no one outside at night, at all. The bad guys know this just as well as I do. (Two weeks ago, there was a fatal shooting in San Francisco, and it happened within two blocks of a station.) I would NOT want to sit in the truck for even five seconds after I stop--I want to be able to bolt for a wide-open door.
When I've gone to police stations for non-emergencies at night, I find that someone at a front desk has to buzz me in. This may take only twenty seconds, but it's an eternity in the kind of situation I'm talking about.
I was thinking--if you're in a strange city where you don't know the locations of any stores or police stations, you could call 911 and possibly arrange to meet a patrol car at a spot up ahead of you.
You know you're on "Western Boulevard," say, and the operator might be able to tell you that the police will be waiting at Western and First, a mile further on. I don't know how practical it would be to try to do that, but the whole point is that you want to keep driving until you're SURE that you've got help.
A