I just can't beleive this happened to me.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Darlene,

What you say is true. It's a well-known emotional truth that it's hard to love and care for others if you can't do so for yourself. Do you see the catch, though, Darlene? How easy can it be to hold yourself in sufficiently high esteem when the world around you tends to condemn who you are?

There are at least two ways around this, I think. Both can be (and usually are) used in conjunction. One is to develop a high degree of psychological autonomy and independence, a willingness to not rely so much on others for your emotional sustenance as you can on your own resources (of course, you have to work hard at discovering what those resources are and you have to "go within yourself" without necessarily alienating those around you). The other way, more along the lines of cognitive therapies, is to "restructure" our perception of the world by asking ourselves if it's really the case that those around us condemn us for being who we are. The guilt and shame we felt growing up transgendered (a result of our lived experiences at the hands of family members, schoolmates, and friends--often unwitting enforcers of the Freudian superego) have perhaps too often led us to view the world around us in a hard, unyielding way, one that stokes our need to justify our worth in the face of intolerance and oppression. But, given what really, truly goes on in our daily lives, as individuals whose lives and circumstances differ tremendously in the details, is it the case that the world condemns us or do we just imagine or falsely believe that it does? That's a question we can only each answer for ourselves. In my case, a lot of my rage at the world vanished when I realized that, no, I knew of nobody, absolutely not a single person, in my environment who condemned me for being a crossdresser. Yes, I also realize that I'm perhaps one of those fortunate ones. Some aren't. Hence the need for solidarity and sisterhood. And for love.

Love,
CJ

[Virginia]

CJ, honey you are a treasure! Poignant and well said. I fall into the first category. I personally don't care what folks think ( save my immediate family). I think a lot of our sisters fall into the second category in that they feel they have to adjust their pesonna to meet the expectations of those around them. If we can offer them support through this web site and make life a bit easier for them or show them alternatives that they can live with. It is not what we are here for? To make life easier for those we can?
Love having you here,
Deborah

[CJ]

Thanks, Deborah. I love being here. I think all the good folks here, of either sex and either gender (as well as the rest of us), are treasures in some way or another. This is, indeed, a home.

Love,
CJ

[Loretta Ann]

Yes CJ, I am well aware of the catch, I also fall into the first category. I have some people in my environment who would condemne me for being a cross-dresser if they knew about it. I consider them part of the masses who are the asses, and they don't need to know, as a result they are not near as close as I consider some of the folks here, that belong to this group.

[Lorna]

Hi Elizabeth,

Almost every one of us has asked ourselves that exact same question. I do honestly believe that one's environment can strongly affect how she/he feels about certain aspects of this crazy thing we call life. I personally was able to jump into CDing with both feet because I was having many relationship problems so I just wanted to "shock & p*ss off the conservative masses".

But for the most part we have all had specific gender roles drilled into our heads from a very early age. "Boys don't cry." "Boys don't wear dresses." "Stop whining and be a man."

Even with changing times, and society finally slowly beginning to accept the transgender phoenomenon as something more than "sick" or "perverted", it is still quite difficult to reprogram yourself and to "unlearn" everything that was drilled in since early childhood. It is a challenge indeed.

I guess I'm different from the majority in the sense that I never asked myself, "Why me?" I never looked upon this part of myself as a burden. I have always embraced it. I initlally embraced it in secret as we all do, but I embraced it nonetheless. Perhaps another reason I was able to embrace this so easily was because I had already felt like the "freak" or the "outcast" my whole life. I figured, "I'm already catching hell for everything else, what difference will CDing make?" Growing up I was the only black kid in school who was lousy at sports and listened to heavy metal instead of rap.

We all have our quirks. Some of us like to eat peas with a knife. Some of us like to show off a body full of tattoos and piercings. Some of us only go swimming on even-numbered days. To me, "normal" meant average. Ordinary. Accepting any aspect of oneself that differs from "the norm" is never easy. But once you do, the feelings of guilt will subside, and nothing that anybody may say will matter at that point.

[Elizabeth]

Lorna,

So good to see you. Nice to know I was not the only person who sucked at sports, and likes rock and not rap. However I don't get the feeling it had the same consequences for me as it had for you.

I understand we are all unique and we are all wired differently. But at times it sure seems like I got a whole lot more "different" things about me to deal with, than your average schmoe. Again, I am sure everyone feels that way. But that don't help me in the moment. I am making decisions that have life long consequences, and it is difficult to be confident in these decisions. I guess that is all I meant.

It seems it would have been a lot easier to have been Bill Gates kid, for instance, and not be a crossdresser. Who knows? I can accept this is me, but sometimes I just have to take notice that a lot of unusual things have happened to me in my life that seem to make me unique. I guess realizing that is the gift?

Love always,
Elizabeth

[CJ]

Hi all,

Elizabeth,

Yes.

Love,
CJ