Boundaries, limits

[CJ]

Hi all,

I've been reading the posts in the SOs-only section, and find that many are struggling with the issue of our ability (or inability) to respect limits and boundaries.

For me, it's not so much a problem at the moment, seeing as I'm single, but I will admit to having done harm (inadvertently, I still think) to some of my SOs in the past because of the compulsive nature of my behaviour. Over the years, I've worked hard to actually hear their concerns and to learn to compromise where I must, for the sake of my relationships.

We gain our SO's trust insofar as we are willing (and, of course, able) to respect and consider their own needs as well as ours. The question is, how good are we at doing this, given the often inward-looking and self-absorbed nature of who we are and what we do? (No, I don't mean to generalize, here, and I'm not talking about selfishness either.)

So, how difficult do you find it to abide by the limits and boundaries set by your SO?

Love,
CJ

[Virginia]

CJ, I may have voted in the wrong category for the future. Right now however I am respecting her wishes. She does not want me to do out dressed during the day. Remember she has never seen me dressed and before she set this "guideline" I had been going out and passing. Small steps girls, small steps!
Love,
Deborah

[Rebecca]

Hi All,
Iv'e also read through the SO section, there is a lot of pain there and I agree a lot with CJ. As a CD you can spend years of turmoil, anguish, depression trying to come to terms with how you are. When finally the light is at the end of the tunnel It's easy to be over enthusiastic with the relief of acceptance of yourself. The GG can so easily feel threatened with what seems like selfish behaviour. ~D~ my partner says that if a couple are open and honest, discussing along the way, imposing limits is not necessary, common sense should prevail. I suppose the problem is when the trust has been broken, then limits are set by the SO to protect themselves.
Personally, I feel that a lot of the problems originally stem from societies limits, allowing fear, etc to interfere with the natural course of the relationship. When all is said and done... we all are looking for the same thing... happiness, piece of mind etc.
Love to all
Rebecca xxx

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Cj. Good Topic.

I have a hard time with this concept. I fail to see the need for setting limits. What I can't understand is if our feminine part of us makes us more caring, sensitive, and understanding people, why is there a need for limits? A case in point. I have a friend with whom I exchange jokes with via E-mail. I sent a silly thing that I had a blast with by being just as silly with it. (it was one of those things that require you to supply answers to questions it asks you) My friend sent me an E-mail asking me not to send any more like that, and asked me to respect her limits.

This has resulted in a wall being put up between us, because I was not given the opportunity to respect her feelings. Had she simply told me that she did not appreciate those kinds of things, I would have had an opportunity to show my love for her. As a result I felt I was not respected and denied that chance.

Love is a two way street, and when one needs to set limits on others I think there is something wrong with their interpretation of the meaning of the word love, and there is something wrong with that relationship.

The people I let get close to me do not not limit my interaction with them. They instead allow me the choice to decide if I wish to respect there feelings. I simply do not build my life with those who are that insecure.