A thought at the end of the day...
My older brother arrived this evening and will be here through Tuesday. So Kathy will be more "drab" than usual for the next couple of days.
But something struck me this evening as my Mother was preparing for bed and we were all saying our good nights. My mother and father both say "good night, I love you" both to each other and to me. And I respond in kind. But when my mother said "I love you" to my brother, all he could say was "you too".
Thinking back over the years, I don't believe I have ever heard him utter that simple four letter word on any occasion or in any context. He is nearly 60 years old, has never been married and has lived alone since leaving home. This evening it struck me just how empty his life must be.
Then I thought of our discussions here and the subject of this thread in particular. I realized that while I have used that word in my posts, I have never actually said it to any of you.
So I say it now. I love you all.
Good night.
The quest for perfection and love of self.
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Kathy
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Elizabeth
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Hi girls,
Yes, to get back on topic I must say that I too used to be a perfectionist. I have struggled to a compromise, except when it comes to myself. It seems I have always held myself to such a high standard because there was no one else to do it. Coming here has been all about learning to love myself. I have never even tried to love myself. I have to learn how to be selfish, and take care of my needs, also something I have never done. It has always been drilled into my head that my job was to provide for my family. What i wanted along the way was not a consideration. It has been how to make the most money, be the best husband, dad, employee, brother. So when I came out of he closet, all the people that i tried to make happy, abandoned me. I always thought that it was my job to make everyone else happy, and that would make me happy. And in many ways it did. But never, until now have I said, "what does Elizabeth want?" Now it is that time. So I am going to learn to love myself. Then perhaps I can find someone to truely love me. Inperfections and all.
Love always,
Elizabeth
Yes, to get back on topic I must say that I too used to be a perfectionist. I have struggled to a compromise, except when it comes to myself. It seems I have always held myself to such a high standard because there was no one else to do it. Coming here has been all about learning to love myself. I have never even tried to love myself. I have to learn how to be selfish, and take care of my needs, also something I have never done. It has always been drilled into my head that my job was to provide for my family. What i wanted along the way was not a consideration. It has been how to make the most money, be the best husband, dad, employee, brother. So when I came out of he closet, all the people that i tried to make happy, abandoned me. I always thought that it was my job to make everyone else happy, and that would make me happy. And in many ways it did. But never, until now have I said, "what does Elizabeth want?" Now it is that time. So I am going to learn to love myself. Then perhaps I can find someone to truely love me. Inperfections and all.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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CJ
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for you, as well. Thanks.
. Here, for you: 
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Hayley
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This entire topic of loving one's self has got the hook in me! And I can't help but bite (I'll be gentle. Honest!) 
To love one's self is ultimately to recognise one's self and be happy with what we find. However, by the same token we may still love ourselves and not be happy with a part of ourselves. It's called human nature! I love my kids ever so much, but they S**T me from time to time! Okay we've all been there done that with other's we know and love. Or am I wrong?
Imperfection, why would you want to be perfect? Perfection is a unacheiveable fallacy that is imposed upon us from outside our influence, by fickle minded self-absorbed self-righteous trend setters. By those who believe they know what is best for us and what society says is perfection. After all we are incapable of looking after ourselves right? (I really should put my claws away). That poses another question. Just what is "Society"? Nah let's NOT open up that Pandora's Box.
It is the forgivable imperfections, the ones that really don't warrant fixing, that make us unique and very much an individual. Yes we may have plenty of things in common with others, but we are still very much unique. If you want to expend your energy on perfecting yourself, then work on those that are acheiveable. A good one to start with is positive self belief. Write your self a list of what you think are your imperfections, make sure it goes beyond the surface though, and then tick those which you consider important, and cross out those that in reality are minor or petty imperfections. Ask anothers honest opinion if necessary, they may just humour you, but they may very well help. It may also help you realise you are placing too unrealistic an expectation on yourself. I know within myself that which I need to and know I can change, so I'm off to a good start. But by the Heavens it has taken me a lot of heart ache and soul searching to get there. Now to make the changes...as for the rest MEH!
And always remember Girls....
........You are unique!
Just like everybody else!
To love one's self is ultimately to recognise one's self and be happy with what we find. However, by the same token we may still love ourselves and not be happy with a part of ourselves. It's called human nature! I love my kids ever so much, but they S**T me from time to time! Okay we've all been there done that with other's we know and love. Or am I wrong?
Imperfection, why would you want to be perfect? Perfection is a unacheiveable fallacy that is imposed upon us from outside our influence, by fickle minded self-absorbed self-righteous trend setters. By those who believe they know what is best for us and what society says is perfection. After all we are incapable of looking after ourselves right? (I really should put my claws away). That poses another question. Just what is "Society"? Nah let's NOT open up that Pandora's Box.
It is the forgivable imperfections, the ones that really don't warrant fixing, that make us unique and very much an individual. Yes we may have plenty of things in common with others, but we are still very much unique. If you want to expend your energy on perfecting yourself, then work on those that are acheiveable. A good one to start with is positive self belief. Write your self a list of what you think are your imperfections, make sure it goes beyond the surface though, and then tick those which you consider important, and cross out those that in reality are minor or petty imperfections. Ask anothers honest opinion if necessary, they may just humour you, but they may very well help. It may also help you realise you are placing too unrealistic an expectation on yourself. I know within myself that which I need to and know I can change, so I'm off to a good start. But by the Heavens it has taken me a lot of heart ache and soul searching to get there. Now to make the changes...as for the rest MEH!
And always remember Girls....
........You are unique!
Just like everybody else!
Big Hugs, Juliann "Self acceptance is not the absence of fear... but the conquest of it!"
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
It occurs to me that maybe there's another reason also that makes it difficult for us, as crossdressers, to access our own ability to love ourselves--or just to love, generally-- and to not overly worry about perfection. And that's the fact that it seems as though many of us (although I can only speak from my own experience, here) have built a wall around our own heart. We've sought to protect ourselves from "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" and have thus erected a barrier between our souls and our hearts, between our bodies and our hearts, between the world and our hearts. Easier by far it may be to deal with an intellectualized (and eminently perfectible) version of who we are than with the roiling, churning sea that are our emotions.
It seems that it is madder never to abandon oneself, than often to be infatuated; better to be wounded, a captive, and a slave, than always to walk in armor. --Margaret Fuller
Although Ms. Fuller's thoughts concern our in/ability to love others, I think they also apply to love of self. I don't want that armor anymore; I want to look at myself naked. I want to know what I look like on the inside. I want to see what it is in me that needs to be loved, that I need to love. Our desire for perfection is, in a way, another plate in the armor, another way of hiding ourselves from ourselves (and, just as sadly, from those who would love us).
Just me, musing away here.
Love,
CJ
It occurs to me that maybe there's another reason also that makes it difficult for us, as crossdressers, to access our own ability to love ourselves--or just to love, generally-- and to not overly worry about perfection. And that's the fact that it seems as though many of us (although I can only speak from my own experience, here) have built a wall around our own heart. We've sought to protect ourselves from "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" and have thus erected a barrier between our souls and our hearts, between our bodies and our hearts, between the world and our hearts. Easier by far it may be to deal with an intellectualized (and eminently perfectible) version of who we are than with the roiling, churning sea that are our emotions.
It seems that it is madder never to abandon oneself, than often to be infatuated; better to be wounded, a captive, and a slave, than always to walk in armor. --Margaret Fuller
Although Ms. Fuller's thoughts concern our in/ability to love others, I think they also apply to love of self. I don't want that armor anymore; I want to look at myself naked. I want to know what I look like on the inside. I want to see what it is in me that needs to be loved, that I need to love. Our desire for perfection is, in a way, another plate in the armor, another way of hiding ourselves from ourselves (and, just as sadly, from those who would love us).
Just me, musing away here.
Love,
CJ
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Beauty
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Rebecca
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Hi girls,
I have spent years under the influence of my father, striving to be perfect for him, to achieve what he let pass by. Don't get me wrong, I love him and respect him, but Iv'e also carried a burdon for him.
My true self finally stopped fighting to be free some years ago. I felt sterile!! It's only recently that I'm looking at myself once more, searching for that spark that always seemed to hurt me, yet was still beautiful.
I find myself behind a wall (is there anybody out there
) and behind that wall I'm very confused, in fact the more I look, the more confused I get.
Still, I'm not turning back now, wherever it takes me
Love to all
Rebecca xxx
PS- a suit of armour is very heavy and clumsy, YIKES !!
I have spent years under the influence of my father, striving to be perfect for him, to achieve what he let pass by. Don't get me wrong, I love him and respect him, but Iv'e also carried a burdon for him.
My true self finally stopped fighting to be free some years ago. I felt sterile!! It's only recently that I'm looking at myself once more, searching for that spark that always seemed to hurt me, yet was still beautiful.
I find myself behind a wall (is there anybody out there
) and behind that wall I'm very confused, in fact the more I look, the more confused I get.Still, I'm not turning back now, wherever it takes me
Love to all
Rebecca xxx
PS- a suit of armour is very heavy and clumsy, YIKES !!
Be good, Be safe, Be happy.
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
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You cry CJ, I think that if the truth be know each of us have shed some tears for and abutwhat other lovely ladies here have written, I think I may have had more than my share, but that's another story.
As for perfection - who defines that? there is a saying, " the best mirror is in the eyes of a friend." that can get deep real quick! As I have asked before, when you dress and look into the mirror, who do you see?" If you see that pretty girl looking back, is she that friend who will be honest with you? Is it you SO? Who is your friend?
an example, Marlyn Monroe, to some the epitimy of beauty, or Liz Taylor, but are they perfection? Yul Brenner vs. Fabio (hair or no hair)? Perfection? It is not necessarily in the "eye of the beholder." It is within us and has been statedover and over, love our selves - love others!
I Love You!
Deborah
As for perfection - who defines that? there is a saying, " the best mirror is in the eyes of a friend." that can get deep real quick! As I have asked before, when you dress and look into the mirror, who do you see?" If you see that pretty girl looking back, is she that friend who will be honest with you? Is it you SO? Who is your friend?
an example, Marlyn Monroe, to some the epitimy of beauty, or Liz Taylor, but are they perfection? Yul Brenner vs. Fabio (hair or no hair)? Perfection? It is not necessarily in the "eye of the beholder." It is within us and has been statedover and over, love our selves - love others!
I Love You!
Deborah
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Tea Cake
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snake-skin
I wonder if one way to shed some armor might be to think of it as a place---a comfort zone---that we should remember to leave once in awhile--to test our notions of who we THINK we are.
And maybe admitting:
<<--we aren't always who we think we are-->> when something REAL is going on.
-----Just a thought on armor.
--Tea-cake 
And maybe admitting:
<<--we aren't always who we think we are-->> when something REAL is going on.
-----Just a thought on armor.
--Tea-cake