Last night, out of the clear blue, my daughter tells me (with my wife by her side) that this is just too much and she can't take it anymore. She then starts on a rant which throws me for a loop. She and my wife had several glasses of wine prior to this and this was the culmination of their discussion while imbibing.
I stood there until I could no longer take the abuse and went to bed. My daughter starts crying and my wife comforts her. I hear it and come back down. There's a lot of pent up things she's saying and listening to her talk it sounds like things my wife has said before. Now I'm getting it from both barrels, "Why do you like to dress up as a woman? There has to be something else." Etc, etc. All I can say is "I don't know and dressing up is the goal, not anything else."
Then I get home today and my wife has this look on her face. I ask her if there's soemthing she wants to talk about. "Yes, Steve put it all together and now he knows." Steve is my 18 year old macho man son. He hates gays and could never understand crossdressing unless it were properly presented and over a period of time.
When he came home last night my daughter was still upset. He asked her why and pried it out of her. Then today he comes into my wife's work and my wife tells him it's true but she'll have to talk to him later. When I get home she tells me he's taken all his beer and he's spending the night at a friends. So he's in the company of more 18 year olds, drinking beer. I'm sure when he gets a few under the belt he'll tell someone and they will let him know all they know about crossdressing, most of which they learned from watching Jerry Springer or Jenny Jones.
This has to be in the top ten for one of the worst 24 hour periods of my life.
All hell just broke loose
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Julie M.
- Miss Emerald Goddess
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Loretta Ann
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SharonRose
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Jennifer
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Thinking about you
Hi Julie,
Where to begin? I know how I felt when my daughter left home over it , it was hell for sure. You know there is a lot of support here, we are all thinking about you.
Jenn
Where to begin? I know how I felt when my daughter left home over it , it was hell for sure. You know there is a lot of support here, we are all thinking about you.
Jenn
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Angie
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 156
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- Location: North Carolina
Julie,
My heart goes out to you, girl!!! I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but all I can do is echo the words of your friends here. We always have kind ears.
Maybe it's best to let everyone cool down for tonight. At some point in the next day or so, I'd sit down and have a private heart-to-heart with your son and lay all the cards on the table. Better to quell any misconceptions he has as soon as possible. Once that's done, pull the whole family together and see what can be worked out. I sincerely hope it does not come down to a decision between being yourself or suppressing Julie for your family's sake.
Angie
My heart goes out to you, girl!!! I wish I could offer some words of wisdom, but all I can do is echo the words of your friends here. We always have kind ears.
Maybe it's best to let everyone cool down for tonight. At some point in the next day or so, I'd sit down and have a private heart-to-heart with your son and lay all the cards on the table. Better to quell any misconceptions he has as soon as possible. Once that's done, pull the whole family together and see what can be worked out. I sincerely hope it does not come down to a decision between being yourself or suppressing Julie for your family's sake.
Angie
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Julie M.
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 224
- Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2004 3:48 pm
This is why I love you guys so much!
Man!
I'm hurting and despondent and in an emotional crisis and I spill my guts out on a website forum. Within an hour I get 5 responses that all say "We support you and hang in there" There isn't another place on earth where this would happen. Talk about special!
Thank you all so much for taking the time not only to read but most importantly to respond. This means the world to me!
I left a voicemail with my son. It just said "remember I am the same person you have known all your life and I love you"
We'll see how it goes. It'll be tough but not as tough it would have been if I didn't have the support I do here.
Thank you everyone.
Julie
I'm hurting and despondent and in an emotional crisis and I spill my guts out on a website forum. Within an hour I get 5 responses that all say "We support you and hang in there" There isn't another place on earth where this would happen. Talk about special!
Thank you all so much for taking the time not only to read but most importantly to respond. This means the world to me!
I left a voicemail with my son. It just said "remember I am the same person you have known all your life and I love you"
We'll see how it goes. It'll be tough but not as tough it would have been if I didn't have the support I do here.
Thank you everyone.
Julie
from me to you.
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Tea Cake
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 129
- Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 11:20 pm
- Location: Ak
HI Julie,
Remember that the emotions you're feeling now WILL pass---
You are steering the best you can right now----may love and understanding light your way.
I can completely understand why you feel sad--- how something so personal---and unique, that is so hard to explain has been let out the way it has.
I'm so happy that you told your son you love him----when you can respond with love when you are feeling so vulnerable---and perhaps a bit betrayed---it gives me faith in you---I hope you have faith in yourself too!
I pray that your open heart will be protected.
I hope you can keep your love for your family at the front of this.
I wish for them to follow your example----and trust the goodness inside them too.
--------best of luck to you-------as this time in your life passes.
wishing for much love to surround you
--Tea-cake
Remember that the emotions you're feeling now WILL pass---
You are steering the best you can right now----may love and understanding light your way.
I can completely understand why you feel sad--- how something so personal---and unique, that is so hard to explain has been let out the way it has.
I'm so happy that you told your son you love him----when you can respond with love when you are feeling so vulnerable---and perhaps a bit betrayed---it gives me faith in you---I hope you have faith in yourself too!
I pray that your open heart will be protected.
I hope you can keep your love for your family at the front of this.
I wish for them to follow your example----and trust the goodness inside them too.
--------best of luck to you-------as this time in your life passes.
wishing for much love to surround you
--Tea-cake
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
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Merinda
- Miss Golden Goddess
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- Location: Melbourne Australia
Hi Julie ,
girl-o-girl what can I say , I can only echo the words of my sisters .
I think Angies sugestion would be the best , when things calm down try to sit down and have a full-on discussion with your family or individually.
Tell them what your limits are because they are probably frightened of how far you are going to go .
I wish you all the best sis
girl-o-girl what can I say , I can only echo the words of my sisters .
I think Angies sugestion would be the best , when things calm down try to sit down and have a full-on discussion with your family or individually.
Tell them what your limits are because they are probably frightened of how far you are going to go .
I wish you all the best sis
Merinda
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Beauty
- Retired Site Administrator
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- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:30 am
- Location: Northern VA
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Hi Julie,
Oh my.
That's very, very, very big. 
Are you ok this morning?
You're doing everything right. Just listen, listen, and listen. I think you handled it well when your wife and daughter sat and talked with you. You listened until you couldn't listen anymore. That's all you can do.
It looks like they are ready to finally blow their tops over this. This is good. They are grieving right now. They are grieving the loss of the father they thought you were in their minds. Your wife is grieving the same way about her husband. The difference between your wife and children though is blood relation. A wife can divorce herself from her husband, but a child can't change their DNA. So they can grieve, but in the end, they will know you're not dead. You're very much alive and as loving and supportive as you ever were. In fact way more than before because you are no longer living a lie.
Regarding your son. . . As a born male I imagine you are able to empathize with what your son is going through mentally. Hormones dominate his thoughts when angry or upset or protective. However your upbringing of him will rule his soul. You were his role model growing up. You're just beginning to scrape the surface of your own personal freedom. I think you're still an AWESOME role model for him. One day he will come to a point in his life too when he feels like the world just turned against him. The way you deal with this will be the way he deals with his own personal tragedy.
Your children are going to naturally want to protect their mom. They are going to see you hurting her in the short term. Because of that, I doubt they will be in your corner in the short term, but this too will pass.
I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now, but if there's anything you need please remember you are not alone. You can come to us here and you will get the support you need and deserve.
You aren't doing anything wrong. You are not this way out of self indulgence. You are a good husband, father and friend. You want to help them, but they aren't listening yet because they can't understand. This is a very tough thing to go through, but at least you're not living a lie. Inside they have to know you are a VERY good man. So, in the end (and before it get way out of hand) they will realize this.
Now you just need time. What I mean is you just need time for this to all sink in.
Again, we're all here for you. Use us, please.
No one can do this kind of thing alone.
Beauty
Oh my.
That's very, very, very big. Are you ok this morning?
You're doing everything right. Just listen, listen, and listen. I think you handled it well when your wife and daughter sat and talked with you. You listened until you couldn't listen anymore. That's all you can do.
It looks like they are ready to finally blow their tops over this. This is good. They are grieving right now. They are grieving the loss of the father they thought you were in their minds. Your wife is grieving the same way about her husband. The difference between your wife and children though is blood relation. A wife can divorce herself from her husband, but a child can't change their DNA. So they can grieve, but in the end, they will know you're not dead. You're very much alive and as loving and supportive as you ever were. In fact way more than before because you are no longer living a lie.
Regarding your son. . . As a born male I imagine you are able to empathize with what your son is going through mentally. Hormones dominate his thoughts when angry or upset or protective. However your upbringing of him will rule his soul. You were his role model growing up. You're just beginning to scrape the surface of your own personal freedom. I think you're still an AWESOME role model for him. One day he will come to a point in his life too when he feels like the world just turned against him. The way you deal with this will be the way he deals with his own personal tragedy.
Your children are going to naturally want to protect their mom. They are going to see you hurting her in the short term. Because of that, I doubt they will be in your corner in the short term, but this too will pass.
I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now, but if there's anything you need please remember you are not alone. You can come to us here and you will get the support you need and deserve.
You aren't doing anything wrong. You are not this way out of self indulgence. You are a good husband, father and friend. You want to help them, but they aren't listening yet because they can't understand. This is a very tough thing to go through, but at least you're not living a lie. Inside they have to know you are a VERY good man. So, in the end (and before it get way out of hand) they will realize this.
Now you just need time. What I mean is you just need time for this to all sink in.
Again, we're all here for you. Use us, please.
No one can do this kind of thing alone.Beauty
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Julie M.
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 224
- Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2004 3:48 pm
Beauty,
I saw my son breifly after work today. I had to meet some guys who went into business for themselves and needed my input on helping them bid and land a big job.
My son was as cold as I have ever seen him. He said he didn't want to talk about it but we got in a few things. I told him to try not to let his newfound knowledge change the way he thinks of me because I've been that way all my life. He really didn't want to talk and I was running late. I asked if I could expect this distanced reaction from him in the future and he said yes.
So here I am being rejected by my son but in the business world I am being sought out to help a company in a big way. They said there was no one else they wanted to go to in helping them out. They used to work for me at another company and trusted me explicitly.
Then I think of my own flesh and blood wanting nothing to do with me.
What a world we live in.
Thank you so much for your comments. It really helped and I am sorely in need now. This is tearing my heart out. My wife has known since we were dating but she's acting like she's as newly affected as my kids. I think she's just siding with them. She's always been insecure.
I know this will pass but there is so much more that could happen from this. I run a website for a high school wrestling and have been told on countless occasions they need me to keep the site going even though my son just graduated. People are willing to pay to help keep it going. At the peak of the season it had almost 7,000,000 hits. That's how fanatical the fans are. But my son shared his newfound knowledge with four of his close friends who are all wrestlers. If this gets out I won't be able to focus on giving the kids what they deserve and I'll probably have to shut the site down. If I could tell you how important the website is to the kids you'd understand why I am additionally distraught at this affecting more than my family. This was one of my biggest fears.
Time will tell. I know I can always come here to find true friends. I have said it before and I'll say it again, I just wish we could all get together, face to face. What a great experience that would be.
Thank you all for being so supportive. One wonderful thing about you all is how kind, caring and understanding you are when one of us in crisis.
My Heartfelt Thanks and Appreciation,
Julie
I saw my son breifly after work today. I had to meet some guys who went into business for themselves and needed my input on helping them bid and land a big job.
My son was as cold as I have ever seen him. He said he didn't want to talk about it but we got in a few things. I told him to try not to let his newfound knowledge change the way he thinks of me because I've been that way all my life. He really didn't want to talk and I was running late. I asked if I could expect this distanced reaction from him in the future and he said yes.
So here I am being rejected by my son but in the business world I am being sought out to help a company in a big way. They said there was no one else they wanted to go to in helping them out. They used to work for me at another company and trusted me explicitly.
Then I think of my own flesh and blood wanting nothing to do with me.
What a world we live in.
Thank you so much for your comments. It really helped and I am sorely in need now. This is tearing my heart out. My wife has known since we were dating but she's acting like she's as newly affected as my kids. I think she's just siding with them. She's always been insecure.
I know this will pass but there is so much more that could happen from this. I run a website for a high school wrestling and have been told on countless occasions they need me to keep the site going even though my son just graduated. People are willing to pay to help keep it going. At the peak of the season it had almost 7,000,000 hits. That's how fanatical the fans are. But my son shared his newfound knowledge with four of his close friends who are all wrestlers. If this gets out I won't be able to focus on giving the kids what they deserve and I'll probably have to shut the site down. If I could tell you how important the website is to the kids you'd understand why I am additionally distraught at this affecting more than my family. This was one of my biggest fears.
Time will tell. I know I can always come here to find true friends. I have said it before and I'll say it again, I just wish we could all get together, face to face. What a great experience that would be.
Thank you all for being so supportive. One wonderful thing about you all is how kind, caring and understanding you are when one of us in crisis.
My Heartfelt Thanks and Appreciation,
Julie
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Lorna
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2739
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:41 pm
- Location: NY
Hi Julie,
I just read this thread and my heart goes out to you. I have always found it interesting how family, the ones that you're ALWAYS there for, are always the LAST ones to accept certain aspects of you.
Please don't give up on your son. I'm sure he'll come around. He is smart enough to realize that there are millions of fathers out there who don't give a damn about their children, fathers who drink, fathers who beat their families, and whatnot. Meanwhile you have always been aloving caring father and a good provider who just happens to like to CD. He will have to eventually stop to think about that & count his blessings!
Just give him a little time to process this new information and I am sure that you & he will be okay. You raised him, so have faith. Hope everything works out for you.
I just read this thread and my heart goes out to you. I have always found it interesting how family, the ones that you're ALWAYS there for, are always the LAST ones to accept certain aspects of you.
Please don't give up on your son. I'm sure he'll come around. He is smart enough to realize that there are millions of fathers out there who don't give a damn about their children, fathers who drink, fathers who beat their families, and whatnot. Meanwhile you have always been aloving caring father and a good provider who just happens to like to CD. He will have to eventually stop to think about that & count his blessings!
Just give him a little time to process this new information and I am sure that you & he will be okay. You raised him, so have faith. Hope everything works out for you.
Live it. Love it. OWN IT.
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Angie
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 156
- Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 11:05 pm
- Location: North Carolina
Julie,
I was worried when you said that your son was partaking beer with friends after his "epiphany". I'm surprised that he let the cat out of the bag to his wrestling buddies. I would think his macho image would be tarnished in his eyes by such a revelation. What I'm getting at is this - Are you sure he actually told his friends? Maybe he said that just to be hurtful.
In any case, it will pass, as you said. Given the popularity of the web site, I would be willing to bet that even if Julie were to become more well known, the value of your talents would not be diminished one bit. Take it slow with your family. I second Lorna's comments. Your son will eventually realize your love for him is not predicated on how you choose to dress. Let us know how we can help.
Love,
Angie
I was worried when you said that your son was partaking beer with friends after his "epiphany". I'm surprised that he let the cat out of the bag to his wrestling buddies. I would think his macho image would be tarnished in his eyes by such a revelation. What I'm getting at is this - Are you sure he actually told his friends? Maybe he said that just to be hurtful.
In any case, it will pass, as you said. Given the popularity of the web site, I would be willing to bet that even if Julie were to become more well known, the value of your talents would not be diminished one bit. Take it slow with your family. I second Lorna's comments. Your son will eventually realize your love for him is not predicated on how you choose to dress. Let us know how we can help.
Love,
Angie