Do we need an area to discuss "Adult" related subj

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls.

I have noticed that there are people who come here, including me, who have to either dance around certain subject matters, or not mention them because they are not appropriate for all audiences, knowing this is a site for all the family.

There are subject matters between crossdressers and SO that needs to be discussed, but can not be in the forums current form.

I was wondering if we could have a group that you had to have permission to read or post to, kinda like the SO other group. This way no one could accidently view subject matter they may find offensive, regardless of if they are children or not.

I am not talking about changing the rules. It would still require appropriate launguage skills, and talk about setting up encounters for sex, or even talking about it in a filthy way would still not be permitted. But I know that I have had adult things happen that are relavent to this debate, and feel they need to be discussed to continue the healing process.

Now, I would like all of your opinions?

Love to all,
Elizabeth

[Anita]

Hi Elizabeth--
I have mixed feelings about this. I agree that it should be a section where you couldn't just wander in while browsing the rest of the forum. I do not know how easy that would be to set up, though. It would almost have to be like the photo gallery--completely separate, in fact.

I've put a lot of thought into this, before this post. As much I want CDs to have access to sexual information and sharing, I don't necessarily see this site as being the one to address that. Single and/or divorced and separated CDs have more need for sharing, because they may be dealing with new and unusual situations. But they are a minority on this forum, from what I can see.

I think if an SO really needs to know more info about this, she'll probably send an email to one of the other SOs. And the same goes for CDs--I get a lot of email information from web friend CDs, that will not show up on here. I'm usually all for sexual openness, and I don't like sounding like I'm patronizing the SOs. But the sexual aspects can be real hot-button topics, and I have to question whether the usefulness of the info outweighs the alarm it can cause. Sexual issues often overlap into transexual issues, which also can be difficult to deal with for SOs. If this is a CD forum, it should stick closer to CD issues.

Single CDs live in a different world from married CDs-Rikki once pointed this out, in a very well-written post. Many troublesome issues that come up for a single CD will never affect a marriage. But reading about it might affect the marriage!

We can say, "Well, you don't have to go to that forum if you don't want to," but curiousity would send many people there. For now, I'll have to vote 'no,' with quite a bit of reluctance.
Anita

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Elizabeth,

I do not believe that I have a need for such a thing. I do have a difficult time with some of the things others are into, and quite frankly I think I am glad this forum is the way it is.

There are always certain things about others that affect us; some positively, some negatively. And I suppose it will always be that way, The less that affects me negatively about other people the more I am able to support them when they are in need. And I would like to keep it that way.

Living alone I accept and am comfortable with the way my sexual needs are being met, as long as they do not hurt anyone. (and anyone includes me.) If others are not interested in aspiring to that same standard I really do not want to know about it.

[Jadeanne]

Hi all,

A similar subject has come up once before, when there were a lot fewer members.

At that time, the topic was setting aside a place for more agressive/abrasive/adult subject postings than generally accepted by our administrators. It was ultimately turned down and the website retained it's family safe rating.

Now that we have almost 600 members and I think the time may be right for an adult discussion area, so I voted in favor.

I know that our founders/administrators/moderators put in a lot of effort to create and keep this website my favorite place on the internet and are responsive to member input. They deserve recognition for a job well done.

I don't know the exact best way to handle it - depends on the capabilities of the forum software and preferences of the administrator doing the grunt work, but a separate area with a separate login, like the photo area would be my preference.

Jadeanne

[Loretta Ann]

Why are there 10 votes, with only 4 responses?

[CJ]

Hi all,

Hmmmm. This is a tough one. The board is G-rated. That automatically excludes certain discussion topics. Many of those topics do, in fact, need to be discussed. The question is: is this the place for that (even supposing they could set up a separate section)?

I think, as Anita pointed out, that the forum isn't rated "general" necessarily because of the possible presence of minors, but rather because it wants to provide a gentle introduction to the realities of crossdressing, both to the SOs as well as to the CDs themselves. Now I know that sexuality (and sex) is part of those realities, but, in the minds of many, it's too often difficult to distinguish between that and the rampant pornographic transsexuality found on the Internet. Opening up the forum to frank sexual discussions stands the chance of attracting those folks who are looking for the kind of stuff the net is infamous for. It's a touchy issue because, although the board wants to be as inclusive as possible, the main focus has to remain, it seems to me, the emotional and psychological and "experiential" support it offers to the wives, partners, and mates of crossdressers as well as to the CDs themselves. Many who come here for the first time--both GGs and CDs--are scared and anxious, especially if they've surfed around a bit and seen what's out there. The "gentleness" (there's no other word for it) of the forum is a godsend for these people. It's what makes this place truly unique. I vote we should keep it that way.

There are other forums out there where there's no restriction on the range of issues and matters discussed. You can talk about sex on these, but, because of that very fact, they often attract immature (in all senses of the word) members whose motivations are more, shall we say, prurient, than psychologically or emotionally helpful. For this reason, these forums are often difficult; it's a painful wade through much sewage in order to find the occasional gem. I, for one, am just not certain I want to see this happen here. Just my own opinion.

Love,
CJ

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I must say, you make a compelling argument for why that would ruin this forum. In fact so compelling that I have changed my mind about this, and now realize that something special will be lost if we do that.

I would never want to jeapardize the magic of this place. And I for certain beleive that would happen if we opened it to adult discussion. My apologies to anyone who was offended by my temporary laspse of reasoning.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Rebecca]

Don't worry Elizabeth,

We all have those lapses from time to time. I saw your'e point and then immediately thought it would be too hard to police such a venture, who could decide what was admissable or not and we'd end up just like the other sites.
It's interesting that the gentleness of this forum is voluntary, I think we all know how special it really is. A very rare quality these days.

Love
Rebecca xxx

[Virginia]

I do not, simply because having read the ability of my sisters here to express themselves, they are articulate enough to say or ask things in a manner that would not offend someone. At least that is my opinion. If someone is looking for a more risque site we all know there are plenty of those out there.
Love,
Deborah

[Kersten Lee]

Hi,
I appreciate everyone's responses. CJ and Anita spelled it out. I liked
Rebecca's comments very much. This is a very special and huge place.

We are able here to talk openly about meanings of life, marriage,
relationships, work, spiritual things, what's right and what's wrong and
yes I can talk about how much I love having my toe nails polished and
walking down the street showing them to the world. My color this month
is Opi No I'm not a Waitress Red. I love it!

My conclusion these days is that sex is a very small part of our life. If
any of us live only for the next sexual encounter or the next time we can
dress I will see a very sad and unhappy person, maybe angry and or
depressed. When has anyone encountered a person who says life is the
best it can be because I can do sex anyway I like, anytime I want and
with whom ever I wish. I don't say that because I believe anyone here is
like that. I only state the extreme to make a point.

Talking and working through all our issues, some of which I mentioned
above will help us to have satisfying sex beyond all expectations.

Many here have helped me understand things I couldn't grasp from my
therapist. Cd's and many SO's have helped me understand my wife's
feelings on so many varied issues. With my wife and I breaking down
29 years of barriers and finally seeing in each others souls, intimacy
has taken on the feeling of a transendant spiritual experience. (I know,
go ahead and laugh if you must).

Elizabeth, I'm not offended by your proposal. I did want to take this
opportunity to express some current feelings of mine. I don't surf that
much at all and have barely had time the last couple months to visit
friends here. Maybe someone here can pm you with a couple addresses
that could help fill the questions you have.

I am so glad that you are doing so much better!

Take Care,
Kersten

[Honey(SO)]

Well I see none of the SO's have responded to I will add my 2cents here.

In one of the womens only groups I belong to this subject comes up fromm time to time and we talk about it all, nothing is held back. It helps us to be able to express our feelings about how our intimate activities have changed, improved or what ever since the addition of CD into our relationships. Being able to talk about the subject openly with others in the same situations has helped me be able to accept this part of my husband. The only ones I can talk to are the people I meet online in groups and my husband of course.
When we have a post that contains intimate stuff we put a warning in the subject area we knew there are some that do not want to read this subject matter.

I think as adults we should be able to bring this up in a sensitve way and without turning it into an X rated board, there are plenty of those around already. I am sure there are many of us here that have questions and concerns in this area and who else can you talk to?? Maybe women to women and 'girls to girls' to start, but I think at some point the two need to blend to help everyone out. A very tough situation keeping everyone happy. Otherwise PM's will have to cover it.
Honey

[CJ]

Hi all,

Good point, Honey. As I said above, the inclusion of an adult subject area is touchy because we actually do need to discuss some of these things, but in a way that doesn't turn the board into just another salacious web site. Also, as Rebecca mentioned, moderating these kinds of topics will take nerves of steel.

Apparently, we're quite divided on the issue; I think that very fact reflects the wonderful diversity of opinion found on this forum. We'll have to see what comes up.

Love,
CJ

[Lorna]

Hi CJ, I do have a suggestion on this matter:

What about a seperate private folder giving access only to those who wish to discuss topics of a more sexual nature? I agree with Honey where she states that being able to discuss the sexual aspects of a relationship would give CDs and their SOs a better understanding on these matters.

Just something that perhaps you & the other mods can kick around the office for a bit...

[Beauty]

Hi,

I thought I'd bump this one up again to see what the climate is like these days.

I like the private area idea.

Beauty

[Daniel]

I think it would be useful. Sexual gratification is part of my crossdressing, so I think we need a place to talk about it. So what would you have to do to access it? Some kind of proof that you're at least 18?