Can this be? What happened to my best friend?

[VickiCD]

Hi Ladies.

Recently I came across an issue that has been on my mind for sometime, not too long ago a very good friend of mine (Steve) also a CD (Susie) announce to me his divorce with his wife of 14 years. I was absolutely shock by the news, simply because the impression they gave me and others that both of them had the perfect marriage. And they did (excuse me for my writing, I’m mentally fatigue due to the lack of sleep, been putting extra hours at work.) everyone knew how totally happy and compatible they both were. Then, came the explanation from Susie.

She told me that one day they both just looked at each other and starting talking about separation, both mutually felt the same way. They have two great kids both teenagers, and his wife has always supported his cross-dressing side, so that was not the issue or deciding factor of their break up. They both agreed that they have reached a point in their lives that they need to further expand their spiritual self, independently free from their commitment to each other. (I was still confused by the whole thing, trying to analyze the whole situation.)

What made the conversation with Susie even more confusing was her thoughts about having the possibility of another relationship, with another woman. She told me she has reached a point in her life that considering another partner is out of the question. That having Susie in her life, full fills his needs for another woman. Thus his/her soul is in perfect balance with each other and the woman that he always wanted to cherished and love is now part of him. Can this be? Steve is a very close friend of 20 years, he is a very intelligent and handsome guy, yet his explanation eludes me.

Thus my question is; “Can we truly find internal partnership with our feminine side to a point that we no longer need the company of a physical being?”.

Love

VickiCD

[Loretta Ann]

VickiCD,

I believe that to be true, I believe that is where I am at.

[Virginia]

Well in difference to what some others may feel or think, I think we as crossdressers are unique! Research evidently bears this out that we are of above average intelligence, we have initially the ability to transfer our emotions, feeling, empathy, from one gender to another and tend to be more accepting of things that do not necessarily fit "the norm."
Jung said that basically the anima will either eventually contol or be contolled, he did not address the co-independence factor. I don't think that we as humans have progessed to the ability to co-exist within ourselves as two different individuals at the same time. I feel that crossdressing in its truest since is actually a postive step forward for mankind in that it does show that we are capable of transistioning back and forth and controlling the two personna in question, but I personally have a problem with co-personna. One or the other will eventually take control and hopefully it will be determined by the crossdresser himself.
Needless to say, the beauty is that it really does not matter which eventually wins out in either scenerio the feminine personna is there either as the contolled or the controller and that is good! It would be wonderful if in fact "Steve" and my sis Darlene are the first to actually be able to produce this fabulous feat of co-personna and I am not saying it ain't so, it is just that I ain't never seen it and I don't think that anyone else has = to date. I am not skeptical that it can't be and I hope it is, but...... right now I have to be shown.
Love you gals,
Deborah

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Sis.

You will never be shown unless it happens to you! For me it is not the ability to co-exist within ourselves as two different individuals at the same time. I am just no different when dressed en-femme or in male clothing. I do everything the same way. One is not controlling the other, both sides contribute to the one person, call it what you want. I love myself independent of how I am dressed, but need to dress both ways in order to love myself.

I suppose the best way to put it is that one side nurtures the other, and therefore I am not in want of nurturing from others.

[Virginia]

OK, Sis, you will have to bear with me on this. I see, well I think I see where you are coming from. I am at a loss as to how to ask questions that hopefully make sense. I hope you are saying that you are comfortable with yourself regardless of whether you are Darlene or in male personna and that as far as you are concerned you can be either regardless of your physical state, ie. male or female, dressed or not. Is that 100% of the time? And if it is 100% of the time is that what you and/or Darlene strive for? Example: you are standing in a line and someone rudely just steps in front of you. Is your reaction going to be the same or does it depend on whether or not you are dresssed? I think that in the comfort of our own home we can assume either or both personna, but put us in public and cause us to interact with other people..... well the pressure is on!
I know in my situation as a powerlifter, if I am on the platform and getting ready to bench press 400+ pounds, Deborah may be in my mind cheering me on, but she better not be anywhere near that platform.
You know the saying, " perception is reality" and if your reality is what you feel then God Bless you and I for one believe you.
I sure hope I made some sense of this!
Love ya, Deborah

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Sis,

There is no set way that I will respond to situations, and I do not aspire to respond a certain way. I will not always be the kind of person I would like to be in all situations. What I will do is make a conscious choice how I will respond to each situation as it happens.

Some people have ended up very embarrassed because they expected me to respond a certain way to something they have done and rudely found out differently to late. (not that I was intentionally rude to them.)

I have fibromyalga, and when I am hurting I will respond different than when I am not, regardless of which way I am dressed. (usually I am shorter with my response when hurting) as all I want to do is get past the issue. It will still be a conscious choice, I just won't spend as much time on it.

You asked;
I hope you are saying that you are comfortable with yourself regardless of whether you are Darlene or in male persona and that as far as you are concerned you can be either regardless of your physical state

I guess the honest answer to that is tell you I am simply comfortable with myself the way I am. I am not comfortable exclusively as one or the other.

I hope that answers your question Hon?

[CJ]

Hmmmm.

Interesting question, Vicki. And great responses from my sisters, here, too.

For myself, I think there are things about myself (and people, generally) I can only learn when, and if, I'm partnered. Conversely, there are things, again, about myself and others, I can only learn when single.

I try, in my own life, to never underestimate the power and the desirability of another person's touch, for one thing, and the psychological and emotional benefits of being another person's complement, for another. I, for one, would wither away if all I had to give of myself--emotionally speaking--I could only give to myself. And I'm not talking, here, about filling some void at the heart of my being, but of sharing a path with someone who has a deficit where I have an excess and an excess where I have a deficit. I've yet to meet a human being so well balanced as to admit of neither excess nor deficit. If such people exist, I salute them, for they'll have reached that state of equilibrium where betterment of self no longer becomes necessary (even though it may still be wished for). Call me a hopeless romantic--or whatever you want to call me--but if it means I'll never need nor want to hold a woman's hand in mine again, I'd rather never reach that balance. I'm just not enough of an island for that.

Love,
CJ

[Loretta Ann]

CJ,

It is not about becoming an Island although I can see where it would look like that.

Two days ago a woman at a place where I spend some time asked me for a hug. I said sure I will hug you, and proceeded to give her a hug like I never could have before I reached this point.

I was able to give her that hug because my nurturing was satisfactory. She walked away with a light in her eyes and the greatest smile I have ever seen on her face.

Another woman at the same place often walks up to me and gives some of the biggest hugs I have ever received. She is married and there is nothing between us.

I now am able to experience another person's touch in abundance.

"The best and most beautiful things in the world
cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart."
~Helen Keller~

You Stated;
For myself, I think there are things about myself (and people, generally) I can only learn when, and if, I'm partnered. Conversely, there are things, again, about myself and others, I can only learn when single.

As I was typing my response to Deb. I became aware of the reality of that statement. and realized that she would unlikely be able to understand it completely.

[Virginia]

Cj, Lovely as always!!!!! Getting back to "Steve's" situation, evidently we are all on basically the same page, that unless Steve is the "new and improved" human being, (based on what my interpretation of ) of where he is coming from - ain't no way two personna can occupy the same space.
To me that is the beauty of crossdressing in its purist form. The ability to crossgender and as my sis, Darlene said, react based on the situation, buy calling upon which ever personna will react best to the given situation.
Don't we just love our plot in life?? I know I do and I Love You girls!
Deborah

[Beauty]

Hi Ladies.

Recently I came across an issue that has been on my mind for sometime, not too long ago a very good friend of mine (Steve) also a CD (Susie) announce to me his divorce with his wife of 14 years. I was absolutely shock by the news, simply because the impression they gave me and others that both of them had the perfect marriage. And they did (excuse me for my writing, I’m mentally fatigue due to the lack of sleep, been putting extra hours at work.) everyone knew how totally happy and compatible they both were. Then, came the explanation from Susie.

She told me that one day they both just looked at each other and starting talking about separation, both mutually felt the same way. They have two great kids both teenagers, and his wife has always supported his cross-dressing side, so that was not the issue or deciding factor of their break up. They both agreed that they have reached a point in their lives that they need to further expand their spiritual self, independently free from their commitment to each other. (I was still confused by the whole thing, trying to analyze the whole situation.)

What made the conversation with Susie even more confusing was her thoughts about having the possibility of another relationship, with another woman. She told me she has reached a point in her life that considering another partner is out of the question. That having Susie in her life, full fills his needs for another woman. Thus his/her soul is in perfect balance with each other and the woman that he always wanted to cherished and love is now part of him. Can this be? Steve is a very close friend of 20 years, he is a very intelligent and handsome guy, yet his explanation eludes me.

Thus my question is; “Can we truly find internal partnership with our feminine side to a point that we no longer need the company of a physical being?”.

Love

VickiCD

Hi Vicki,

Wow. I can understand why you're in deep thought about this one.

I think he believes he'll be ok with his other self, but he'll find out after years, months, weeks, or days after he's alone how empty CDing is without an SO there to share in it with you.

I hope I'm WAY wrong, but I don't think I am. The good news about their situation is what you said. That's not the only reason for the break up. Thank goodness. So even if he thinks he'll be content with himself, at least he'll know on those dark and lonely days that he made the right choice getting out of that relationship.

Thanks for posting that story Vicki!

Beauty

[VickiCD]

I truly appreciate all of your support and openness regarding this matter.

Yet, I still feel this un-easiness about his decision. If by chance it works out for him (I'll be very happy!), I'll be there to support him all the way. But, Steve being my long-term and special friend and knowing him all to well. I don't want to see him suffer or make a critical mistake or decision that will leave an emotional scare that he must live with, for the rest of his life.

Thanks again Ladies for your undying support.

Love

VickiCD

(P.S. Back to bed to acquire more zzzz'z.)

[Loretta Ann]

Beauty stated;
I think he believes he'll be OK with his other self, but he'll find out after years, months, weeks, or days after he's alone how empty CDing is without an SO there to share in it with you.

I do not understand? Could you please explain how CDing is empty without an SO there to share in it with you. My experience has been that CDing meets my needs, I have yet to hear an SO lay claim to the idea that it meets there needs.

I have been CDing non stop for the last 6 years and find it anything but empty.

Please enlighten?

[CJ]

Hi all,

Darlene,

I think Beauty may have been referring to the need to share our inmost selves in an intimate relationship with another in order to find fulfillment as an individual. Obviously, not everyone feels this need. Beauty? Am I even in the ballpark on this one?

Love,
CJ

[Elizabeth]

VickyCD,

I am at the end of a 18 year marriage and 20 year romance. I doubt these decisions have been made halfheartedly. While his wife may be supportive of his crossdressing, perhaps that is not all he needs. Perhaps her bounderies are closer than he'd like them to be. Perhaps like me and my wife, the distance has grown to a point not much beyond the point of a strangers, without them realizing it until recently. It is clear to me that my wife has been holding me back not only crossdressing, but growing as a person. I look forward to the time when I don't have to have her input at all. I don't hate her or even dislike her. I love her, but I am completely tired of being supressed because she is scared of life. Sometimes the subtile things can be more than the obvious things. He may just need to see where he stands in a world without her. I get it.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Hayley]

Vicky,
In answer to your immediate concerns for Steve.
He has obviously thought long, hard and deep within himself to be able to make such a decision. As someone who seperated and eventually divorced in similar circumstances I wish to impart my experience, and hopefully it may help you a little.

My ex-wife and I had been married for nine and a half years and both felt that we had grown apart. We have raised two children and still do, although we are apart... we both do our part. Eventually we sat down and discussed our inner most feelings about the relationship and after many a day conversing and offering insight to one anothers deepest feelings, we agreed the best thing we could do for our own personal growth was to go our seperate ways. The hardest thing I had to face was that my children were no longer with me every day and that we now only had visitation. However with time the feeling has become one of excitment every time I have my kids stay with me, and not one of loss as it had in the beginning.

My feelings of loneliness without my wife were there, deep within my heart but with time and the knowledge that we both knew what we did was mutually right and benefitial, those fellings faded to dust. I still love her for she is the blessing that provided us both with two wonderful kids, but we have no regrets regarding our decision.

I was able to cope on my own for quite some time, and this part of my life (read CDing) was of great comfort to me. I was now able to see more of life through the eyes of both sides of my gender. I had more opporunity to dress and go out to experience these feelings.

Now I have moved on with my life again and have met and married a wonderful woman, who accepts this side of me, and is trying her best to understand why (keep trying to explain that I don't even understand that one ). However, we still have our independance of one another to some degree, without which we would not feel happy together. She does her thing, I do mine and we do ours. My life is all the better for having time on my own, to be with "My other self" so to speak. I have a better love for myself and as such a better love and tolerance for others. But to acheive that I had to be on my own.

I hope this helps you understand where Steve may possibly be coming from.