Crossdressing for me began...

Lacey Hadley · Post by **Lacey Hadley** » Mon Oct 27, 2003 4:01 pm

Hi.

I can recall being infatuated with girls and girls clothes even at an age around 5-6. I would wonder what it would be like to wear the dresses and tights etc that girls my age would wear.

Around 11 or so I was now coming old enough to spend time at home alone for a short while. I recall going into my mother's dresser and slipping on her pantyhose, it felt so wonderful and I felt so femme. I would feel odd afterwards though. Soon I would put on her pantyhose and back then I could still fit into her shoes. My mom had the gorgeous pair of blue suede sandles with about a 3 1/2 in wedge heel ( it was the 1970s and they were in style ) I just loved slipping into her pantyhose and strapping on these sandals. Gawd it was sooo feminine. I was a always able to walk in high heels and was proud that I could strut my stuff. I would as time passed put on my mother's dresses and skirts too.

Of course in my teen years sexuality took hold and a lot of my cding was erotic for me. But it was also very troubling for me as I felt like I was a freak and no other guy did this. I wondered was I gay? but I was not attracted sexually to males. I LOVED GIRLS!!!! I was turned on by them as any teen boy was, but I just loved and daydreamed about them and the clothes I would see them wear at school etc. It was at times almost hypnotic for me. But I always felt terrible for my odd feelings. I contemplated suicide a few times ( thankfully I got over that )

In my 20's I really knew that crossdressing was going to remain with me. I did think being married could end it, but I found out after being married for about a year I needed to dress... It was awful as I felt less of a man to my then wife... It was one part of our eventual divorce. I so wanted to confide in her, but I could not as I hated much of myself back then) Today if that right lady comes along, she is going to know right away about this side of me, it is the fair thing to do.

But prior to my marraige I knew in the back of my mind cding was to remain with me. I began buying my own clothes. Oh it was just simple things like my own pantyhose, 2nd hand shoes ( that did not always fit well ) and it moved a bit onto lingerie. Those first steps were so exciting yet nerve wracking. Buying my first pantyhose is as vivid in my memory today as it was when I bought them all those many years ago. I was soooo nervous wondering what others would think let alone going to the cashier to pay for them. But I have moved on.

Today with the knowledge that a few close people to me know about Lacey and accept her has done alot to make me feel better about myself and myself asa cder. It can stil be astruggle at times but I love Lacey and I have come a laong way from my first timid steps to now havinga closet full of women's clothes, more womens heels and boots than guys shoes, makeup and perfume etc. and wigs. I dress at times in my fav. articles under male clothes and can dress fully enfemme where I am slowely breaking down the fears of coming out from being in the closet.

Well that is a quick snapshot of my beginnings.

Gaven McLaren · Post by **Gaven McLaren** » Tue Oct 28, 2003 2:38 am

You started the way a lot of us did by trying on something of our mothers or grandmothers. I am in my 20's and just now starting to feel more better about my cding. I would not know how I would be doing with out the internet though. How people learned to cope even 10 years ago before the net hit big is beyond me. Thanks for your tale.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Wed Oct 29, 2003 5:57 am

As Gaven said, thank you for your tale.

I'm always amazed, no matter how often it happens, with our similiarities. Each story unique with slight changes, but the overall story of knowing at a young age, dressing in mom's clothes and the feeling of bliss followed by a little guilt, seem to be a common theme for the "Elementary School CDs", like us.

You commented on a pair of your mom's shoes. I loved my mom's 70's boots.

I'd put on a leotard and tights, then a dress and put on the boots and I'd have a wonderful time!

Ok, enough about my memories.

What a wonderful story Lacey!! Thank you!!!

Beauty

Shannon · Post by **Shannon** » Fri Nov 07, 2003 9:47 pm

Damn....

This is the third great "beginnings" story I read in a row....

Thanks for sharing that Lacey.... It was a very interesting accounting of your beginnings... I love to hear how others realized this... I myself have a story to tell... but I am never sure how to tell it.... but I am learning from you all....

Thanks for sharing your history with us Lacey.

Shannon

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Sat Nov 08, 2003 10:45 am

Hi Shannon

, Like you I have a story of a beginning but just don't know where to start

One day I will try to write it in Corel and import it if that is possible. So many things, so many happening, I only told my wife after she busted me crossdressing ( a whole story in itself ). Carol Ann

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sat Nov 08, 2003 3:38 pm

Carol and Shannon,

You are both such teases.

Come on.. let's hear them.

$\:D/$

Beauty

CJ · Post by CJ » Wed Nov 19, 2003 11:25 pm

Yes, girls, let's! I want to hear!

By the way, Lacey, that was a great post! (As you can see I'm still getting around to reading all the posts.) I also vividly remember buying my first pair of pantyhose. I thought I was going to die.

It was at a drugstore (outside my own neighbourhood, thank you!), and I waited until the cashier's counter was free. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as I got there, two women got in line right behind me. I was mortified! The cashier couldn't put the damn pantyhose in the bag fast enough for me, I swear. However, no one even so much as blinked. All the way home I kept imagining what their reaction was once I left the store.

I didn't care, though; I had my very own pair of pantyhose. Yippiee!

As to your feeling like a freak growing up, I hear you. I think that was the hardest part for me, that feeling of being so utterly alone.

I'm curious, Lacey, do you go out en femme once in a while? I've always thought of Stanley Park (in Vancouver, girls) as a great place to eventually take Christina out on a midday stroll to feed the swans. *sigh* (I guess I miss the West Coast

).

Anyway, hope to hear more of, and read more about, you, Lacey.

Love,
CJ

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Thu Nov 20, 2003 6:42 am

My first purchasing hose experience was the same.

I went to a big supermarket 24 hour store. Waited for a cashier to open. It was a girl cashier YAY!!! I walked up and then 4 people showed up behind me. All in college, all drunk.

The store was practically empty, but then these people appear.

: It was incredible. :-s

One of the guys started to make fun of me because I was buying hose. All 4 of them started snickering. Then I was defended by one of the girlfriends who said, "Maybe he's buying them for his wife or girlfriend. Stop being mean." The cashier just blushed. I was mortified.

I tried to walk out of the store like it meant nothing, but it was scary. At the same time it felt great to finally have done it though. Despite the ridicule.

Beauty

Sara · Post by **Sara** » Thu Nov 20, 2003 9:00 am

Okay, Carol and Shannon, enough of being coy. Let's hear the stories!

Lacey, that was a nice post, and brought back some memories. It seems that many of us started our own wardrobes with a pantyhose purchase. I bought mine in a department store, and sprang for the sheerest and best hose they had. My rationaliazation: it was close to Christmas, and guys to buy intimates for their ladies at that time, so no one would suspect. (Of course, men actually buy nighties and that sort of thing, not hosiery, but I had to steel myself somehow.) Anyway, the cashier never blinked, and being in the women's hosiery deparment, the chance of being confronted by any men was nil. I was so excited, and when I slipped them on the next morning, I go lightheaded. And knew it was just the start of something good.
Now, knowing how little the clerks care, it's relatively easy--just last week, I went to Wal-Mart to buy a long denim skirt that was on sale, and picked up a long-sleeve tee at the same time. I was in a line with others, but no one paid any attention.

Love,

Chrissie · Post by **Chrissie** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 11:40 pm

Thanks Lacey, nicely told and so familiar. My first clear memory of dressing was when I was ten and asked my mom if I could be a girl for Halloween. I'm sure I tried on mom's things before then--I certainly remember doing that but I don't remember how old I was. (Mom said yes and made me a nice outfit from the thrift store. I felt very comfortable and natural.)

Just before puberty, a friend and I would raid his mom's things, and that was very exciting and fun, and my first truly erotic experience. As a teen, though, I don't remember dressing, not until trying on my gf's bathing suit in my senior year. Perhaps the urge to be normal was very strong, or perhaps I did but blocked it out. In college I began to dress again with my gf's or gg friend's clothes. Has anyone else had a pause in the teen years?

My first purchase was a bra...I had picked out what I wanted from a catalogue, and went to the store with it written down. I couldn't find it, and went to ask the sales lady. There were several ladies around the cashier, and they were all VERY helpful showing me where to find them. The list helped...I could pretend to be ignorant about lingerie, or that I was sent on an errand. It gave me the confidence to go there, and the women were so helpful, I felt very nice and happy as I left the store!