Beginning of the end

Marda · Post by **Marda** » Fri Jul 16, 2004 4:44 pm

Hi Elizabeth

My heart is with you - one of my areas of "study" in the University of Life, Funeral Department, was LOVE - amazing force that!

CJ is onto something here - almost a year ago my sanctuary was violated and 2 precious bass guitars were stolen -1 was an 8 month old special order done with a "not available" finish

Things come and go - LOVE LIVES - Music is one of the voices of the soul (my words)

Some people are without LOVE, for whatever reasons??? (I have my own personal theories) I have been robbed at gunpoint and seen the eyes in the "face of darkness".

Unfortuately, the medication your wife abandoned may well have been a crucial factor in helping her cope with some powerful chemical influences within her physical body - oh well; you have to take care for your family's overall wellbeing.

Sometimes it is with LOVE we have to let someone go, no matter how much anti-LOVE they appear to be sending our way.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

Love / Marda

SharonRose · Post by **SharonRose** » Fri Jul 16, 2004 11:32 pm

Elizabeth,

My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. Just remember you have many friends here.

I am glad you are taking the high road.

Keep your chin up dear.

Sharon Rose

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 1:28 am

Hi girls,

I had my wife served today. She was upset that I had her served at work, but the person who was serving her for me for free had plans and could not wait until she got off work to serve her at home.

Other than that, it is like the eye of the hurricane. Everything seems like when we were married. She is now being civil. I hope this continues. But I get the feeling the other side of the storm is on it's way. I am prepared to hold my ground, but that is all. I will not assume the offensive. From now on I am only acting in my own best interest, except as it applies to my kids.

The only thing I will not do, is go back to the closet. Other than that, I will compromise everything else, as far as material possessions, to protect my kids.from the fight over it.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 1:34 am

And if you can do that you will be better off for it in the long run.

*Hugs* To you Elisabeth.

Gelinda · Post by **Gelinda** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 9:49 pm

Elizabeth: I am glad to see you being able to cope with the wife as she is. I would not be able too. I will add you to my prayer list as you have always been there for me since I started here

I also understand about the LES PAUL I have had a fender strat that I love that much also. I can't play but have attempted to learn a few times. I have the Fender and a Peavey plus one Cort that all electric. My daughter has the Cort and Peavey right now. The Fender is in a very special glass case at my mothers.

As I stated I will pray for it to be ok.

Are you going to get the kids as you do not seem to have the temper problems and are under control, It would seem that you would. Gee

Bernice · Post by **Bernice** » Sat Jul 17, 2004 11:29 pm

Elizabeth - I am with you in spirit.

I was never any good at the guitar - but I certainly understand the sentimental attachment to your intruments. I still have my two trumpets, though I haven't played in decades.

I had a pretty rocky break-up - it is detailed here in "my Beginnings". That was a very long time ago. Domestic violence is never OK. I am sure it is hard to press charges, and I wasn't there, so I don't know what I would have done. I worry for your safety. Battered husbands do not get the respect they deserve. I sure hope your decision does not enable her to make good on her deadly threat.

Even without the social stigma attached to mental disease, the cost to society is staggering. And the cost to you must be enormous.

For what it is worth, I "got over" my first marriage. You will too; You are so strong and vibrant!

Hugs,

Bernice

Kersten Lee · Post by **Kersten Lee** » Sun Jul 18, 2004 4:29 pm

Elizabeth,

I can only say that I wish you the strength to carry on!

Kersten

Jassmine(SO) · Post by **Jassmine(SO)** » Mon Jul 19, 2004 12:29 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

CDKathy wrote:Hi Elizabeth,

As one who has been where you are, I did not look at it as "the beginning of the end" but, rather, a new beginning.

While there will be difficult times, divorces are rarely easy, it signals the beginning of a new freedom for you and your wife. You will both be free to enjoy your lives as you choose.

While it is regretable that a relationship should come to such a conclusion, there are times when that is simply the best solution for all involved.

I will not grieve the death of what you have described as a bad situation but will join you in celebration of what you have also described as the beginning of a new found freedom.

I too, have walked this very unpleasant path. CDKathy is right on the money. I honestly couldn't have said it better myself.

I am here if you need anything. Stay strong and know you are loved.

Blessed Be.

*HUGS*

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Mon Jul 19, 2004 4:56 pm

Thanks Everyone,

I feel like I am getting stronger everyday.

Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Mon Jul 19, 2004 6:34 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

This isn't the end. It's a new beginning! Just remember that we're all here for you. And feel free to PM or e mail me any time.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Mon Jul 19, 2004 7:46 pm

Lorna,

Thanks, your bikini looks great, I wish I could look that good in one. Perhaps in time? Anyway, love you.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Danielle La Belle · Post by **Danielle La Belle** » Wed Jul 21, 2004 9:56 am

Take ten colored die, each a different color, and toss them into the air. Write down the total each time and the number to each color and repeat the step 10 times. In 100, cycles you may never end up with the same number set, but it is possible to end up with the same total more than once.

That is the human expereince. It sounds as though your spouse is having a time of it. If her genetic history shows no signs that would point to mental health issues, it is still possible that she needs help at some level. A woman typically does not want to risk losing her children in a custody battle.

So you might want to ask yourself, what is her role and what is your role in this difference of opinion. If you need my support you have it! But, I am one that prefers not to take sides but rather examine the issues and consider that it takes 2 to tango. Thinking of the children!

Hugs

Danielle

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Wed Jul 21, 2004 12:52 pm

Elisabeth,

While it is true that this is a new beginning, Allow yourself the right to grieve your lose, and find closure. Take as long as need to do this, because there will not be the kind of new beginning that is good for you unless you can do that.

What was before first has to die.

VickiCD · Post by **VickiCD** » Wed Jul 21, 2004 1:03 pm

Elizabeth! (Special girlfriend.)

First of all I just want to say I'm sorry you have to go through this, especially when the kids are involved. When we lose a love we feel "grief"... which is a huge amount of sadness that comes in waves, followed by a lot of anger that also comes in waves. I am going to assume that you are still feeling the waves of sadness...

No matter which stage you're in, you may have negative feelings about yourself that you need to deal with. If you have never had the opportunity to test your own independence, you may fear having to assume total responsibility for yourself. It isn't easy stepping out from under the control of a spouse who takes care of all the day-to-day details. Sometimes it seems easier to stay in a bad relationship for the security it offers. At some point, even bad relationships reach an ending point and it becomes time to learn how to survive on your own.

Divorce can be a black hole... a place where there are no bright colors or happy times. It can swallow you and make you wish you had an easy out. You'll work your way through it and eventually emerge stronger and more confident than ever before. But it takes time. And sometimes you need a little inspiration, something to motivate you to keep going.

The most important words, the ones you must listen to and repeat until you have absolute confidence in your own abilities are these:

"I Will Survive!"

Just remember:, you WILL survive! I know you will.

Life is opportunity!
Every day, All seem it gray,
Can stimulate new thought.

Chance is not what rules the world
There's purpose everywhere,
It's just for us to recognize
The pearl that's waiting there.

The opportunity for us,
To learn and serve and grow.
The harder that the 'problem' seems
The higher we can go.

What is ours will come to us,
So fear becomes inept.
Just find the gift in everything
And we'll become adept.

My Love, heart, and prayers go out to you.
Take care of yourself.

Love

VickiCD

Danielle La Belle · Post by **Danielle La Belle** » Wed Jul 21, 2004 3:17 pm

I am trying not to shout!

Everyone treats this as a done deal! Filing for divorce seems easy enough ($99.00 uncontested/no children, in Florida). It is like the bullet and the gun. Pair them together and rid yourself of the problem.

If we are too be fair, it still takes "2 to tango." People responding in this thread have become weepy eyed and "bahing like social sheep."

We draw the divorce card like a six-gun and beginning shooting at anything that moves. Is it any wonder that we report a 50% divorce rate in the USA.

I for one say, without "really" knowing both parties, how can we just sit here and be so judgemental of someone that we have not met or heard from.

If this is the "social chicken" coop, then I am concerned that we are "clucking" too much for just one team. This is a family, not a sporting event with the two team theory. For or against. I am for what protects the children, provides support for both parties that feel wronged in someway, and have in the past expressed themselves with violence.

Married for 35 years, we have had our good days and out bad days. We never ended up throwing things at each other but, we did have a few bad periods that made us both rethink our relationship more than once.

I am trying not to be judgemental here, I just know it takes "2 to tango." I find it rather difficult to argue with myself, let alone throw something at myself.

So what about the other side here.

Hugs

Danielle Marie

Crossdressers-Haven.com

Beginning of the end

Turbulence

You Will Survive and become stronger.