Old friends and the deep stuff

[Rebecca]

Hi folks,

I'd like to share a small event from the weekend that meant a lot to me.

I was out for my fortnightly night on the town, in my drabbies with a group of lads. I met an old aquaintance from my bad days before I had met ~D~. I was so pleased to see him, I told him how much his support had helped me through such a hard time. The strange thing was, we had shook hands and I wouldn't leave go for ten minutes while I explained. ~D~ was in with her friends, so I introdued her to this old friend. I felt warm to this person who had only ever shown me friendship, so important. What must have looked really strange to anyone watching was when we said goodbye, he kissed me on the cheek. I knew and he knew where we were at though.

Next thing that happened was a friend of ~D~'s bought me a drink. When I asked why, she said it was because I had helped her through a bereavement. I asked ~D~ what was it I had said that was so special, she told me it was because I had shown caring.

Then later on, in the nightclub, something happened that nearly broke my heart. ~D~ was already in there when I got there, she dragged me all over until she found what she was looking for.
A friend from way back. When I was a teenager, I looked up to him, and as it turns out he was another friend who helped me through my bad patch.
Before I met ~D~ when I was suicidal, I was in a pub on my own (sounds like I'm never out of a pub, doesn't it, not true, honestly ) and I kept bursting into tears. This woman came up to me and said " my partner knows you and is wondering if your'e ok." There he was sat waving at me. I went over and was introduced to his new partner, she asked what was wrong, I got two sentences in and burst into tears. She hugged me 15 minutes while I sobbed my heart out. For weeks after this they looked after me loads, inviting me here, there, anywhere but my flat on my own.
Anyway, back to the present, this friend and his partner have split up and when I saw him on sat night, he loooked so lost, he seemed broken, small, a shadow of himself. I kept hugging him, telling him everything will be ok. After he went home, I went over to see ~D~. I finally broke down in tears and her friends told her to take me home.
The point of all this..? My emotions are breaking through once more
I am beginning to feel the deep stuff once again.

Thankyou to everyone here, you are all so special

Love to all
rebecca xxx

[Marda]

Hey_Rebecca

Ain't *Kryin'* Soooo *Kooollllll*

*Let* *It* *Out* *Girl*

*It Kleanses The Soul*

Love / Marda

[Pauline]

Rebecca... we are all here for each other...


Pauline

[CJ]

Hi all,

Rebecca,

I think it's awesome that you're in touch with yourself like that; pickaxe in hand, you're chipping away at the brick wall that seals your heart in. It's hard work--the sweat of your soul can mingle with your tears--but it's very rewarding to let the light in... as well as to let it out. And you shine, girl.

Love,
CJ

[Sally]

Hi Rebecca,

How wonderful it is to see you are able to let your emotions out as so many people supress them because we live in a culture which teaches us to ignore and suppress our emotions, especially the four primary ones, Fear, Anger, Joy and Sadness. Supressing our emotions causes negative thinking, stress and unhappiness which in turn may result in excessive mental activity, destructive behaviours and relationship difficulties, not to mention ill health and generally cause us to perform poorly.

The more we can feel into our emotions the stronger our heart feelings become and these heart feelings are aspects of our true nature, because they arise spontaneously. If we can focus on what is within our heart and allow our true feelings to emerge we find there are feelings much deeper than our primary emotions. We find there are feelings of peace, freedom and love. If we are able to stop supressing these feelings and let them surface then our real transformation begins, we look at life and the world around us in a different light.

Many of our problems are caused by old unresolved emotional feelings and issues. Over so many years I had a picture ingrained into my brain of a father holding and shaking a 9 year old lad and telling him in a loud stern voice that boys don't cry and if they do then they get punished. Thankfully we have come a long way since those days.

Too often in our life our emotions are shamed and ridiculed. Too often if we are sad we are told to cheer up, grow up, look on the bright side. Boys are told they are sooks, sissies or girls if they cry, girls are told it's unladylike or they're nasty if they show anger. How many times have we been told not to be so sensitive, don't be so emotional, don't take it personal or to take a broader view, to forgive or forget - anything but to acknowledge that we are having a natural real life experience, namely an emotion. Emotions just don't fade and go away if we ignore them. Instead they build inside us and effect our inner self which in turn effects the outer self which in turn effects those around us, which then makes for a less than happy existence. If we listen to and follow our heart then that can be the most valuable guidance to a fulfilling, happy life.

I wish you well and all the success and happiness you desire.

Kind Regards.

Sally

[Marda]

Hey_Sally

You sound like a "Symphony" playing Love Classics - what a joy listening to you *is*

btw ... I'm lookin' for a roommate ... Kan you cook?

*Play* on ...

Love / Marda

[Sally]

Hi Marda,

Actually, yes even if I say so myself, I am quite proficient in the kitchen as the onsite unpaid chef. Chinese is my specialty but I don't concentrate on any particular cuisine.

I also supply the after dinner music with song and guitar. I'm sorry, but I'm well spoken for here by a lady who is one of Gods gifts to humanity.

But thanks for the offer, it's the best one I've had this week.

Kind Regards.

Sally.

[Rebecca]

Hi girls,

Thankyou for your replies, I'm quite enjoying this emotion thing. I'd like to respond to you individually

Marda,

Thankyou, your'e right. In the nightclub when the tears finally came, I just went with it, rather than try to hide it ( quite a daring thing to do, this nightclub has quite a reputation for being rough and ready, but that's one of the reasons I like it, sleazy though it is, there's less pretentiousness ). ~D~'s friend said "are you allright" I could only smile and say yes, I'm fine.
For the record Marda, You are posting some pretty neat and sensitive stuff, sooo pleased you are with us

Pauline,

Thankyou, such a simple thing as a hug you send, yet it means so much. I know it's only a little picture from across the world.... nor, no way, it's a hug and I can feel it here inside Thankyou

CJ,

Thankyou, think of it as the seven dwarves meets pink floyd's wall. Your'e right, it is hard work, I feel the emotion every few days now as opposed to every few months. I will not stop, wherever this takes me. Only this time around, when I bare my soul to the world, I am older, wiser (well older at least ) than when in my teens, and will grow with it, not fight it. A million lines from songs spring to mind, so much to say

Sally,

I really appreciate what you have said, I have read it over and over. You are so right about suppresed emotions building up and crippling a person, that's me all over. The strange thing is that the last few years some people have said to me "it's good to see you growing up and acting normal, maybe now you'll do something with your life " It was as though they were scared of the real me, and when I began to conform they could place me in a little box where it was safe for them. As I never meant any harm in the first place, it feels more like, out of sight, out of mind.
Recently, the psycho-therapist I have been seeing asked me where did all the anger go from my troubled past. I couldn't really answer, but I told her that the only 3 times in my life I had lashed out, each time when being bullied, there was damage done. I am finally picking away at the thread of the seam of the straight-jacket. I know it annoys some people, because they can't control me anymore, but others just smile at me, and I can see warmth in their smile. Then I want to hug them all over again.
I reckon I still have such a long way to go, but every victory is a victory.
Thankyou Sally

To all of you, every person who may read this from the bottom of my heart, I wish you well To the future

Love
Rebecca xxx

[Marda]

Hi_Rebecca

Thank You for the kind thoughts

They mean a *Great* deal ... *Especially* from *You* ...

You're a *Real* Person & a *Real* SweetiePie

It's quite Amazing how this seemingly "Technical" and relatively "Dry" medium actually conveys the "Essence" of Sharing Soft Emotional Human Feelings

At a moment like this, not only do I feel a special bond with you and like *Hearted* Souls in our PowderRoom ...

It's quite a *Special* & *Powerful* Sensation to Kontemplate the OmniPresence of *My* Dear & Chosen Godmother Lynn Conway whose Soul, Mind & Hands Believed, Visualized, Mapped and Blazed these New & Ever-more Important Trails in the Universe

Peace

Love / Marda

[Rebecca]

Hi Marda,

I'm only speaking the truth

and thankYOU for the compliment

Love
Rebecca xxx

[Virginia]

Rebecca,
I am so happy for you! If this forum has helped you as it has helped me and other sisters it is a real God-Sent! I know that true firends can be counted, usually one one hand and if we are truly blessed to have just one in our life time it is a real accomplishment! I too feel blessed by this forum! The tears that I have shed both in sadness and joy for my sisters here have helped me gain more and more insight into "Deborah" and what she is teaching me.
GirlPower!!
Love,
Deborah

[Rebecca]

Deborah,

I couldn't agree more, when one of us shares something, laughs or cries, supports another or learns something, the beauty is that we might also be helping others in the world, simply by being open.

That is priceless, the honour to be able to do that, and is worth the admission fee alone.

Power to the open

Love
Rebecca xxx

[Kersten Lee]

Hi All,
You have all given me tears again, cleaning my soul of bad feelings today.
Rebecca's recollections and Sally's message also echo what I have been doing and feeling and suppressing for years. Then I had those occassional blow-outs.

I still can't trust any one person nor myself. I need a thought out opinion of several people and friends to begin to feel comfortable with some decisions or moral judjements. For so long I tried to fulfill everyone's wim around me. I talk so highly of my therapist but I have never taken and believed everything at face value. I always question. Finding who I am is still a work in progress, forming my own beliefs after trying so hard to please others is still very difficult, but much easier than it was.

What all of you have conveyed in such personal and intimate ways, makes me cry because it gives me feelings I have lacked but needed all my life. What all of you have said, does agree with the opinions of my therapist. She has been working to get me to accept these basic concepts of what every human needs to be happy and well rounded. Care and do the best each of us can and still take care of our own basic needs.

All of you are so important for me to see in caring people's souls. Something that has been lacking in my life. Through all of you I know God, the Great Spirit, Mother Nature or what ever term that suits you better. The love here is what truly binds people together.

Thanks for being here for me, when before there was no one,
Kersten

[Virginia]

Kersten, my sister! Honey, you are doing wonderful! I really enjoy reading your responses and yes it is tough finding ourselves, but you are getting a good strong grasp and like me, the girls here have been the biggest part of my "Magical Mystery Tour" I am sure like Deborah, Kersten has taught you things that have expanded your emotional basis and improved your well-being as well as your love and empathy for others. We rule darlin!!!!!
Girl Power,
Deborah

[Marda]

Dear Kersten
Never Quit

Love / Marda