Acute Stress Disorder

CJ · Post by CJ » Mon Aug 02, 2004 8:12 am

Hi all,

Elizabeth,

argumentum ad verecundiam

You are your own best authority when it comes to your own life. Welcome what wisdom and support others offer you, but the decision regarding whether or not they apply to you and, if they do, how best to profit from them, is yours alone--not a spouse's, not a friend's, not even a therapist's.

Any appeal to authority is doomed to fail, because those authorities have walked a different path than yours--however much they claim it to be so, they don't really know what it's like to walk a mile in your shoes. Moreover, being as human as you are, they are also fallible.

Nothing I say here invalidates what anyone suggests (not even what I, myself, am suggesting to you); this is merely a plea for you to take what others offer you (the result of their own hard-won experience) and to test it and, yes, re-test it, against both your own experience as well as against your own interpretation of the meaning of your experience.

You have a lot to offer, Elizabeth (we all have a lot to offer each other--and I, myself, have already gained much by your willingness to share with us your ups and downs). On several occasions, I've also been considered by friends to be a floormat, because of my expansive limits, my equanimity, my slowness to anger, and my continued desire to help even in the face of severe rebuttals. Someone who lashes out in anger and incomprehension is suffering; their behaviour is a veiled call for help. I will never find pleasure in the fact that those who've used me as a floormat in the past can lay no greater claim to happiness today than I can. I will (and do) find tremendous pleasure in the fact that there are some who will eventually recognize that your patience, your forebearance, and your forgiveness have helped them grow. This may take years (and, in many cases, it may never happen), but to be able to do so, I think, allows us to reach the very core of our own humanity as we build a bridge to the very core of another person's humanity.

Darlene,

I have to respectfully disagree with your assessment that there are only two kinds of people in the world. Whatever categories we choose--givers and takers, normal and abnormal, gay and straight, black and white--this kind of outlook is precisely why people have so much difficulty embracing individuality and difference. This kind of summary division is the seed of intolerance. Though I consider myself a giver (what some call a "floormat"), I've long ago acknowledged that there is enough of the "taker" in me for me not to allow whatever prejudice I hold regarding their seflish and aggressive ways to eclipse what they most have in common with me--their humanity.

This may sound sanctimonious and self-righteous, but it isn't, really. I'm just looking for ways to live in a world where harmony and peace won't always be considered utopian pipe dreams. I know that it starts with me and my immediate environment; my own way consists in not fretting too much if people consider me a floormat (hell! more than that: in not fretting too much if people consider me anything at all).

Peace,
CJ

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 9:02 am

CJ,

I simply state what I think will be helpful and let it stand at that. and do not wish to get into defending my thoughts.

Thank you.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 10:14 am

Elisabeth,

One of the things that interested me the most is that you are an intelligent person. I was not like that when I was where you are, although I sure thought I was.

Blessings to you Girl.

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 12:13 pm

HI Elizabeth,

I've been out for the past couple of days. I'm real sorry to hear about this recent news you discovered, but I am relieved to hear that you're doing better. And I can totally agree with Marda's assesment - You're a wonderful person who's been dealt a series of bad blows over a short period of time. But we're all here or you.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 12:55 pm

CJ,

I have always seen things more like you. I do dream of a utopian world. I think progress is made a little at a time. If everyone beleived that progress could not be made, no one would be able to go out dressed right now.

Having said that, I must also realize that my utopian views are not the current reality. So I am content to keep my views, while still reccognizing that the world is not the place I thought it was. It is finding this balance that I seek.

I do want to help people, but I also don't want to be used by those who would take advantage of someone like me. If I have to be used to keep helping, I will. Not because I desire to be a floormat, but because it makes me feel good. It helps my expand my knowledge of my world.

I have helped a few people through rehab. I think of this support much like AA. We all talk about our experiences, and it makes all of us feel like we are not so different, and we can change and have a better life, if we choose to, but we must choose to. One of the things I learned from AA meetings is to take and use what I could, and leave the rest. That is what I do here.

Many times I find that something I left, would in fact be valuable for me or something I thought I could use, does not apply to me. But you have to keep coming back. That is what I do. The different points of view are what make it interesting, learning all the different coping skills, and see what is more useful for me.

In short, I just can't say how thankful I am that all of you are here and willing to share your experiences, thoughts, beleifs, and feelings with me, so I can try to figure out what is going to work with me.

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart for finally making me feel like there is a way. There was a long time I did not beleive there was.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Rebecca · Post by **Rebecca** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 2:55 pm

Elizabeth,

Keep on learning, girl. You are rich

Love to you
Rebecca xxx

CJ · Post by CJ » Mon Aug 02, 2004 6:49 pm

1000%!

By the way, Rebecca: cool avatar! I love it! Even though you're small... ( ::CJ tries to make out Rebecca's features::

)

Love,
CJ

Kristen · Post by **Kristen** » Mon Aug 02, 2004 9:05 pm

Elizabeth, i have been away and it's hard to believe that so much could happen to one person in such a short time. Seems like when your down the world kicks you. It's not how much is dealt you but how you deal with it that's important. Bless you and i hope you find peace that surrounds you gives you a great big hug. Take care of yourself, you are so strong. I know you will get through all of this, a stronger, better person. Love, Kristen

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Tue Aug 03, 2004 2:13 am

To all my sisters,

I love you all and feel your love. It strengthens me. Thanks for caring about me.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Aug 03, 2004 7:39 am

Elizabeth,
As you know we are all proud of you and as I have said and will say you are the forum's "Oak Tree!" If anyone can get through the trama's and problems you have had and still smile and contribute - you are "One hell of a woman!!!!"
CJ: making light of your comment yes! there are only two types of people:"Those who categorize people and those who don't!" Actually that's kinda deep the more I think about it.
Love ya,
Deborah

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Tue Aug 03, 2004 7:51 am

Deborah for days I thought finally Darlene is spelling Elizabeth's name right. Darn you two twins!!!!

Beauty

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Tue Aug 03, 2004 3:08 pm

Hi Beauty,

I figured either the "z" key was broken or she wanted to have a special spelling. Now I don't know. Not that it matters, but I thought perhaps I was the only one who noticed. Laff.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Tue Aug 03, 2004 3:38 pm

Hi you all,

Due to the fact that so many names here do not pass my spell checker, I usually copy and paste the name. Guess I need to keep on doing that.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Wed Aug 04, 2004 6:05 am

Beauty