How close were/are you to your mother?

[CJ]

Hi all,

Inspired by the turn taken by another thread, I began to realize that, perhaps, I wasn't the only one here who was inordinately close to his mother during childhood.

I'd watch her dress and get ready for work. She was a very beautiful woman, very feminine, and very aware of her charms. She always felt close to me when I was younger--I was often her confidante, even, when things weren't going right for her.

We're still close today, but not as much (we're also separated by roughly 2,500 miles). She's known of Christina's existence for a long time, and has always been curious and fascinated. She approves of anything I do that may increase my happiness.

I was just wondering how many others here also felt (and/or still feel) close to their mothers.

Please, I don't want this to become a parent-bashing fest. I know many of you have had an incredibly rough time (to say the least) at the hands of your parents. I mean this thread to be one where we can examine, in the most compassionate light possible, how our relationship with our mother influenced who we are.

In this spirit, I'm looking forward to all your contributions.

Love,
CJ

[Virginia]

CJ, Deborah can not respond as there we no category for my situation and that's good! I just want to let you know I have read and will follow the results.
Love,
Deborah

[Jadeanne]

Hi all,

I voted the second option, because I was an only child in a relatively rural area and my father worked at night and slept during the day.

Until I started school, there were only a few older relatives that I saw on a regular basis. I had 2 close by GG cousins, but the youngest was about 5 years older than me.

My mother was also my first Sunday School teacher, and did a lot of reading to me. When I started school, I knew my alphabet, numbers, colors, and started reading with no problems.

While I was in jr. high and high school, she worked at a children's clothing factory so I wouldn't have to take out loans and only quit after I graduated.

I lived at home until a year after I graduated and moved 6 hours away.

I was glad to be close to her the last few years of her life when she moved to a close by senior residence and sold her house.

Jadeanne

[Kristen]

Cj , You hit a very soft part of my heart, my Mother was an angel, she passed away in 1996 from alzhiemers, at 72. Hadn't said a word for 4 years. We tried so hard to get a picture of her and my daughter together. When we kept asking little Marie , go see grandma Marie , my mother said " come little Marie and see Grandma Marie ", my two sisters and I cried because my mother hadn't spoken for 6 months, A gift we believe. To sum up how I feel ( I can not be articulate) I am going write the rememberance that my Neice ( 1st grandchild) wrote at her funeral. This is just her opening paragraph: " My Grandma worked her magic in kind, soft-spoken and patient ways. She was the gentle light of my youth. She was the one that loved us all very much" . Her closing paragraph: " She's there in the peonies and roses I plant in my garden, when I water the plants, or make a pie. She present when I hear the piano being played and when I put my jewerly on. When I drink tea , I long to talk to her. I feel her aproval when I wear red. When I buy clothes, I check the seams .
And for some reason I get a great joy out rearranging my living room. She remains a part of all the loving details of my everyday life. I never feel alone because I carry so much of her with me. The gentle light of my youth shines on. " While I am typing i can't see the screen , (tears) Ithink of her everyday, I hear and see her in my daughter and all my neices, she lives on in all of us. Yes I was very close to her. How could you not be close to such a woman, that makes such an impression on her granddaughter. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.. ...Kristen

[SophieLawson]

I was closer to my Mum then anyone else and I would say now I have a special relationship with my Mum but am also very close to my Sister. I've gotten closer to my Sister over the years.

My Mum however I have always had some kind of special relationship with, can't explain it. As for my Mum, she was and is very very fem, always doing her nails, always wearig makeup, always wearing heels, always having long hair and always wearing sexy clothes. Even when she is just going down the shop she some how looks sexy, just in jeans and like flowing tops.

Awww... Funny thing is, my Sister is not like that at all. She never wears skirts or dresses, she only puts lil bit of lipstick on and she has her hair like shortish... She's more of a tom boy really

Sophie xx

[Lorna]

Well, I don't mind saying that I love my mother even though she was, and still is today, a royal pain in the butt. She and I fought A LOT as I was growing up. The older I became, the more intense our battles.

To say the least, she HATES the fact that I CD and has called me a FREAK to my face many times. She wanted me to follow the standard commercial generric lifestyle: be a doctor, married by 25, house & kids by 30, blah blah blah...

A few months ago when I ran into trouble, she came to my apartment, the landlady let her in, and I thought that Mom had thrown away all of my femme clothes!!

Fortunately she did return them to me a few weeks later...

But the bottom line is that stubbornness does run in my family, along with the belief that one is ALWAYS right, along with the complete LACK of ability to apologize when one is wrong...

Okay, let me stop. My mother isn't perfect. Never was. But that's okay and also is a right that we as human beings tend to fail to grant to our own mothers - the ability to be what they are - HUMAN. All too often we like to put Moms on the same pedestal with God, not allowing our mothers the right to be less than "saintly" or "perfect".

My mother is not a perfect woman. She is very stubborn, self-righteous, meddlesome, neurotic and overbearing. She is a BATTLEAXE. But I love her and I wouldn't change how she is. She is just doing her job.

[Loretta Ann]

What was the question again? What kind of a relationship are you talking about? I don't know any thing about that sort of thing, well maybe in my Dreams?

[CJ]

Hi all,

Thanks for the responses. Lorna, I think you touched on how I feel, too. It took me a very long time to see my parents as anything other than parents, that is, to see them as human beings in their own right, with their own strengths and frailties, their own flaws and qualities. My mother's no saint either, I swear (sometimes, I literally swear!) but I love her more than she realizes, I think.

Kristen,

That was a very touching post. Thanks for sharing. To me, it emphasizes the importance of setting ourselves right with our parents, of saying to them the things we really feel--both good and bad--while they're still alive, insofar as we're able to do so.

I feel more mother talk coming on!

Love,
CJ

[Rebecca]

Hi all,

Me,me,me, ...my turn....erm....me mam, right.

I can remember when I was young playing on the floor with lego and my mam leaving the washing, sitting on the floor next to me and we'd fight for the best bits of lego. She must have only been 21-22 at the time.
We were quite close really, but as I'm the oldest of four, when the others came along, I must have had my nose pushed out of joint (not that word again ). I can't remember that happening, but it does feel correct. I'm not saying my mam was a saint, times were hard, and I took my fair share of whacks. I often get told I was a hard child to raise (sorry, I didn't mean to be, sorry, really, sorry ).

I often wondered if this change in my mams role as a mother was the cause of my CDing, I now know it's not so, it might have contributed, don't know.

With my dad being such a dominant character, me and my mam drifted apart over the years, and she took a back seat, but recently we have begun to feel closer once more.

To describe her, she is a straight forward person sometimes girl-like, very likeable and I love her dearly.

Kristen,

What a moving piece, that will go into the world as a beacon, it is beautiful.

CJ

Thankyou for your comments regarding the avatar, I have a great fear of someone not of the forum recognising me and making life hell for us where we live. I have also just replied to the transgenderist topic again and I'm still fighting with myself unfortunately. I believe I let down everyone who posts a close-up avatar and says here I am, you are right, I am still hiding my face. I will get there eventually.

Excellent topic, how about one for dads, and then siblings,

Love to all
Rebecca xxx

[Jessie]

My mom and my childhood is kind of odd. As my parenmts divorced early in my life abouth the age of 6 or 7 I did not see my mom that often even though she lived only a few blocks away. Maybe I did see her more I for some reason can only remeber some of the bad times. Like when she useed a wodden paddle in the shape of a hand about an inch thick. After that the time she used it on me I just felt like I did not want to be around her. My father was not any better but this is about mothers. Later in life she had my 1st brother I was ten by then. (oh yea we are 10days 10 years) anyway after that I sometimes felt like I was kind of put on the back burner of attention. Though I do have some great memories of sort. She worked as designer in a company that designed a new type of birthing bed and they had a little bunny that eventaly became mine. I loved cahsing that little thing around the building. It was not until later in life that I grew to understand her (somewhat) for some resone I never felt close to her. That is until I guess last year or so ago when I told her that I am CDer. Now she wants me to get out and meet other CDers and that drives me nuts because I am a pretty private shy person.

Jessie

PS but all in all I love my mom and allways shall.

[Jaye]

I love my Mom, but we're not as close as we could be. We were very close when I was a child, but grew apart as I grew up. I'm fairly certain that my CDing was a big part of the initial wedge between us. Up to the time she found out about that, I could talk to her about anything. Afterwards, we could only talk about that if I was going to stop, so we didn't talk much at all.

Things are different now. Now that I've separated from my wife, I can open up to Mom about things I would've suppressed in front of my wife, but I don't talk about CDing. If Mom knew now, I'm sure she'd say it was a waste of my meager resources. "How can you buy those extra clothes when you can barely pay all your bills?" I'd love to tell her that it keeps me sane, but I'm afraid of cutting myself off.

[Celia]

I was generally quite close to my mom--I could always pretty much tell her what was on my mind. Dad was difficult--like a walk among eggshells that turned out to be landmines.

-Celia

[Kristen]

Rebecca , CJ, Thanks for reading the remeberance of Mom, she was a lot of things to alot of people. I do the same thing when I buy skirts, jeans and dresses, always check the seams. I feel bad for some of you, as time goes on i realize not everyone had a Mom like mine, Sorry to read some of these posts. ( Lorna, Jaye ) I talked with her about everything including cd'ing although she did not think it wise. She tolerated it. NO approval though. .....Kristen

[Carolynn]

Hi CJ and all!!!!

Interesting thread. I voted as being pretty close, but maybe not overly so. I felt a lot closer to her until the big T extended itself into my awareness as a thing, particularly since I was an only child and more than a bit spoiled by she and my grandfather, and an Uncle and Aunt who had no children of their own. We lived with them in a small town while my dad had to risk his life and our future at the pleasure of Uncle Sam. I was indulged rather well during those years! I finally learned what was causing me to feel so strange at times when I was 10, and as I related in the My Beginnings thread, trying to talk to her did not go well, and I learned that I really couldn't say some things after all. She was pregnant with my sis at the time, with morning sickness that often lasted into the afternoon, and my timing probably stank, but I never tried to appoach her again. After that, there was always a secret between us, a barrier that has never been breached and likely will not. She is in her mid-80s, experiencing the "joy" of senile dementia, and would not understand, or she would be very bothered even if I tried to tell her now. Nevertheless, I have always loved her, as I did my Dad, and have regretted that they could never know me, even though they thought they did. The fact that I have never married caused them some consternation, and I think they thought I was gay, though to my mind the opposite is more true. My dad made his displeasure known in oblique ways that I did not produce a grandson for him to spoil, though she has never said anything about it. I have kept my word to my Aunt, and I have taken care of her and my Dad, and now my mom, like any dutiful child might. It's just that there has been this small distance we can't cross, ya know?