Wow! Great post, Rebecca.
I'm in the same boat you are, really; I'm feeling my way through this situation more than anything else. You know, I'm not even sure there is a situation, to begin with. I haven't seen seen Lady X for quite a while now, so I'm not in a position to confirm, deny, or even verify once more my feelings on this matter.Although Darlene may have a point, in that this attraction (if such is what it is) is bound up in a an illusion, part of me wants to believe that all attraction (whether straight or "bent") is, to some extent, bound up in an illusion. We are inevitably attracted to an image first, whether it's an image of someone's looks or someone's personality (or, probably, a combination of both). It's during this "probation period" that seduction and attraction come into play. Signals are usually strong. Pheromones lace the air. Illusion rules; we try to put our best face forward, and seem to only see the other's best face. It's a magical time in a relationship. But the true bond develops only when we really get to know the object of our attraction. I, for one, have a strong desire for others to know me as I am (or, as I know myself, at least). Hence, as I've mentioned elsewhere, the importance I attach to being upfront about my CDing. This is also the reason why, for example, I've posted boy mode pix on the gallery; I want you all to know that I am a boy, not a girl (and to know that I know this as well, regardless of the fun and fulfillment I may get from dressing up). Again, illusion.
Ultimately, I usually regard myself in a neutral manner--I don't think of myself primarily as a "sexed" soul. I'm just me. And this is what has me going about Lady X. For some strange reason, it seems as though I don't regard her primarily as a "sexed" soul either. At least, that's how it feels inside. This is puzzling, baffling, and intriguing to me. I want to know more. But, as you said, Rebecca, I'm very aware that this is something that will very likely become a problem if Lady X and I ever come to a point where we'll be crossing the threshhold of that bedroom door. When the chips are down, when the masks are removed, when the clothing lay discarded on the floor, the illusion will vanish and reality will "protrude" (however much I wish it didn't!
).Still, I'm not really troubled by any of this. As I said earlier, I'm trying to rid myself of some of my old ways and patterns of thinking and doing. I just want to let "what is" unfold according to its own momentum and see where it takes me. The moment I encounter inner resistance (I mean, like all of us, I do have some standards and limits
), I'll pull back, cool down, stare the facts of the matter straight in the eye. Until then, I think I'll just give myself the freedom to enjoy this particular situation, odd as it may be to me.Thanks, all of you, by the way, for your awesome contributions to this thread. You people are fine, fine souls (yes, Kersten, I mean you too, here!
).Love,
CJ
P.S.
Deborah, you posted while I had my back turned. Cool post. I think you'll do just fine at the SBS. I've never met any online sisters yet, either, and I know that I'd be much more comfortable doing it in drab the very first time, too. Good luck, girl!
lol
I have found myself sexually attrtacted to other women. Why? I admire beauty in all forms and for me beauty is quite the turn on. Would I act on that attraction, nope. That's just not my thing. But, with the right woman.....Who knows.... I have also had quite a few "straight" women sexually attracted to me. *Shrug* don't know why. But this leads me to believe that attraction is something that one really has no control over. Myself, I have always been attracted to men more for who they are than what they look like. Yes, there is a physical attraction, but I think for myself, it is seconary, not primary. 
