Please pardon my delayed response, but I just want to congratulate you on taking these steps to better yourself and your life. This is most definitely wonderful news, and I truly feel happy for you.
I too willl admit that I don't believe in God in the traditional sense, but I have to admit that I do believe that there is a higher power that is responsible for the existence and souls of every one of us on this earth. Truth be told, it would be very arrogant of me to assume that there is not.
Congratulations to you and please keep us posted on your personal journey!
Thanks for that post. I have actually worried about the fact that maybe I just invented this awakening because I needed it. But so far it seems to be gaining in strength, not diminishing.
I will however now be armed should I have a let down period. You sound as though you speak from experience.
As for the loved ones helping to define who Elizabeth is, I had not really considered that because so far I seem to interact with everyone exactly the same as always. It seems to me that it only takes minutes for them to forget I am dressed, including my wife.
However, I can not hold back Elizabeth's growth as a person, and this is what you may be talking about. They are certain to influence that.
Hi Elizabeth-
Yes, I do speak from experience when it comes to new ways of looking at things. I have always gone overboard, whether it's a new philosophy or a new romantic interest. I had to learn how to ride through the backlash that comes from any extreme direction.
Since I'm a fairly practical person, I came to see that it seems to be universal that we end up doing this. The "new" person or thing in our life is very compelling, and we see everything through that lens for awhile. I don't know anyone who hasn't experienced this, no matter how practical and logical they are normally. It seems that we're wired to get totally caught up in new insights for awhile, whether it's CDing, romantic interests, or a new way of looking at life (spiritual or self-help).
The most recent example in my life IS my crossdressing--that was a radical change, for a 49 year old, to suddenly be taking on a femme identity. It really dominated my thoughts and feelings for about a year, and my friends and family were no doubt sick of hearing about "her."
After that initial year, it settled down, and I could begin to integrate Anita's traits into normal life. But there was no way around that initial period of discovery and even obsession. This is the period that friends and SOs do NOT like, and I don't blame them.
The thing is, we can't choose to hold back on the insights that flood in from new discoveries. New insight requires action from us! You can't just sit there and say, "Oh, that's interesting, but I won't do anything about it."
I agree that people tend to forget about the fact that I'm dressed differently, within a few minutes. My middle sister just met Anita for the first time, over the weekend. However...I didn't use my femme voice very much, and I downplayed the mannerisms that go with Anita's persona. It helped ease the introduction.
I also made sure that male-me visited her the night before, to re-establish contact in a familiar way. She came to watch a performance we did in Reno, and I knew that in the hustle and bustle of doing a gig, there'd be no time for reassuring her if she DIDN'T like my girlself. But she seemed OK with it all. It helped that she got to meet other band members, and watch them interact with me, too.
You're a brave soul, Elizabeth. It's not easy to maintain a femme self around people who know you. It can't be exactly that same as your guy self; if it were, there'd be no need to dress differently, and go through all this hassle and upset. Over time, I think the differences in guy and gal mode will come out, and that's how it should be; gradual.
Love,
Anita
I am sure some of you have noticed me talking about my wife being gone. It did not take long to notice she just wanted to get better divorce terms and had no intention of staying.
I promised my kids it would not go back to the anger that we had before, but it was happening. She did not get therapy, she was not loving to me, in fact would not even kiss me. And she certainly was not accepting of my crossdressing, as soon as my divorce suit was dismissed. So I asked her to leave.
She left with my 21 year old daughter, but she stole my laptop computer. I tried to get her to return it, but she won't, so I finally called the police, and now she is going to be arrested for Grand Theft. She thought they could find or plant bad things on my computer, and use it to win the divorce suit, and get custody. She don't know that you can't steal it because once the chain of custody is broken, as all of you know, she can put whatever she wants on there.
Anyway, my daughter the accomplice in this got her friends to hack into it so they could read all my personal logs. I don't think she knows that she can go to jail too. They are totally codependent.
Anyway, the cops said they would give it to the detectives on Tuesday, since I don't know where she actually lives. They will try to find out so they can recover the laptop, although it don't matter because she was seen taking it.
So now she is a liar, an adulterer, a cheat, and a thief. She is not taking this serious. She thinks she is going to talk her way out by saying it is community property. But California law is really clear on this. Property bought for the exclusive use of a person, is personal property. Which is why the cops filed the case.
The computer has all my divorce software, and legal documents on it, so if she tries to give it to a lawyer, he will have violated my legal rights by being in possesion of stolen confidential legal documents. She don't know the law, so she keeps doing stupid things.
She has really lost the respect of her children. My youngest son had no problem telling the police she stole my computer. He knows it is wrong.
Anyways, she uses a mailbox for her address which means she will end up getting arrested at work. She will be fired, and after getting a conviction for grand theft, which is a class 1 felony, she will never work retail again..
She won't take my calls, so I had my son tell her to bring back the computer, and I will drop the charges, but she said "if dad wants me to go to jail, I will". She don't realize that she is going to be in Los Angeles county jail. This is not a nice place, in fact it is a very bad place, with lots of really bad people.
She will only be there until she is arraigned and her boyfriend bails her out. Being a first offense I serously doubt she will get jail time. But she will be a convicted felon.
So I predict she will destroy the computer thinking that if they don't find it, that she will be off scott free, but everyone seen her take it, so it won't keep her from getting convicted. I think she will do it for no reason other than to prevent me from getting it back. I mean, it don't change her punishment whether she gives it back or not.
It will however insure that even when she does see her kids, it will be supervised visits. She is giving up everything for her boyfriend, and to hurt me. All so she can say that she did not put up with crossdressing.
I just want all of you to know, I am OK. I am not crying and upset. I knew it was a longshot when she came back, and I was willing to take the chance, and I really don't regret it. I am looking forward to this legal stuff to all be over, so I can really move forward with my life, and help my children heal.
Sounds like this relationship wasn't meant to grow anymore. Her not going to therapy was the biggest offense to me. In my marriage I drew that line in the sand because our marriage was going to hell in a hand basket. So if I didn't draw the line our marriage was going to end just as sure as if I hadn't drawn the line. I applaud you on taking your stand. It shows you're learning to love yourself.
If she thought you were trying to get her in to therapy just for you then she missed a chance to become a stronger person. For all you knew she could have identified that she could never accept this, but at least she would have gotten help for herself. Oh well?
You're not being to harsh by pressing charges. It stinks there's not a lesser charge, but you've tried to contact her, you've sent your son to say, "I'm not kidding and you could end up in jail and you will have a felony record if you don't give it back." Her answer is disappointing. I stand by your decision, though I REALLY DO HOPE she gives it back. I'd hate to see your children's mom have a record.
Did I miss something about your daughter? I thought your daughter had been completely helping you and was very accepting? Did something change her mind?
Please take what Anita said to heart too Elizabeth (about the first year of CD'ing being really rather selfish). Your feelings about what is right and what you should do about your rights to express yourself will not be a strong this time next year. They will be more tempered. So don't act on your CD'ing freedom act on what your healthier mind and loving heart tell you to do.
Beauty
p.s. The last paragraph I debated about putting it in because I'm not sure it expresses the fact that I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt (that you are doing this already)
Elizabeth: Hang in there. You have what it takes to weather this storm. Hopefully, one day, all of you (your wife included) will look back on this as a time when the need for growth made itself most felt. And that this need was acted upon. I wish you well.
You did everything you could from your end to make things work. You've given her so many chances, but she chose to throw them out the window time and time again.
I was hoping for things to fall into place but given this latest news about her actions, you are definitely much better off with her out of your life altogether. Just know that we're all here for you...
