POLL: Do You Consider CDing a Gift or a Curse?

[Jennifer]

Well I'd have to say I feel this is a gift. I have never felt that it was a curse but I did feel that there was something socially wrong with it. However after finding this Forum and reading the experiences of others and some of the comments from the SO's I realize there isn't anything wrong with it, it is more that everything feels right about it.

[Hayley]

Hi Girls,

Okay I voted other and here are my reasons why. As there is not a both choice.

Curse: Finding someone who willing to at least try to understand and not hate Hayley (first and second SO's) before looking a bit further into CDing and how it affects SO's etc. I have some idea as to why, mainly because the now SO won't even try looking further into any avenue of education about CDing although I have offered high quality sites, research material and contact with other SO's who have "Been there, Suffered through that". I have offered her this site in particular and said she can read anything I post as I don't wish to hide the truth from her at all. Her main problem is she thinks I want everything to be happy and sweet in the instant, just as a lot of the life stories reflect (maybe if she read the Coping For CD's folder things might enlighten her in that not all is a bed of roses instantly and that we suffer a lot more than is said). Something I am very well aware of! It is a very long arduous journey for all involved, especially SO's. She has admitted her jealousy of those for whom it has been delightful. But she feels that no-one has taken the time to explain how difficult it was at the start and how they got to the CD/GG marital bliss stage. Not indepth anyway. My SO is one who wishes to read from beginning to end of the whole spectrum of acceptance before she will pass judgement in the positive.

Gift: Because I can be me, in both boy and girl mode. I have a deeper understanding of myself, which allows me to open my eyes to the outside world and see the rainbow and not just the darkness in myself and others. This has also been thanks to my SO. She does show support in a lot of aspects, such as helping choose and purchase garments, make-up, shoes, etc. To which I am ever grateful. But helping me to see outside the box I put myself in is her greatest gift thus far in our short marriage. BTW she knew about Hayley well before we moved in together, she had just never seen Hayley in the flesh per se.

Confused? Well so is my SO. I only wish to help her understand, as best as she and I can. If she has no inclination to support my CDing then that is completely her decision and not something I am interested in fighting over. If she tolerates but does not accept, then why make life difficult by forcing or hinting otherwise. If she wishes to discuss aspects of my CDing with me, then I am more than willing to listen, and educate her when she asks for it.

Long winded answer, I know, but it reflects how I came to my answer to the question polled.

[Eloise Goth]

its the gift that keeps on giving...

[Beauty]

I agree Eloise.

Hayley,

Your post came across el-perfecto.

It totally made sense. It seems your wife is a lot more accepting that you're giving her credit for. It seems she's accepting things in her way and progressing with an understanding that is comfy for her.

Some who read here would absolutely die for what you have with your spouse. I think the thing that they'd love to have the most would be the honesty about CD'ing you have with your wife. If she's helping you (even if it's rare) pick out things or buy things I'd count my lucky stars.

She'll get better. She's already doing better. The glass is more half full than it is half empty.

Again, great post!

Beauty

[ConnieLynn]

I consider myself "blessed" to be able to be both male and
female! I am able to understand alot better how women feel, and
this truly helps in my marriage. ANd also in my relationship with
my 14 yr old grandaughter. (who by the way, took the very first pics
of me!!) She likes talking to Aunt Connie, alot more than Grampy.

But sometimes I also feel "cursed" because there are times that
Connie Lynn is kind of 'overpowering' and its gets very hard to resist
dressing. And yes I am dressing more and more. Shoot I even dress
on the road while driving this dang truck! But I am careful.

Thanks for the question. This was fun!!

Connie

[Ginny]

a curse : compromises my relationship with my SO, and potentially with any other woman, and possibly with my children.

a blessing : allows me to totally relax, without all the strains that come with the 24/7 'duty of office' of being a father, a husband, a macho stereotype male.

[Mellissa]

At first it was a curse discovering my femme side all that confusion it gave me like am i gay or what will my parents say will i ever get married etc etc
and the struggle i had learning to accept myself didnt make it easy or fun to crossdress at first
but later when i accepted my other me and gave into it i started to feel better (had a lot of problems before becouse of it)
then when i bought my first femme clothing i realy got into it and found out i'm a better person then before
more caring then before
so now no its not a curse anymore but a gift

[SophieLawson]

At first it was a curse discovering my femme side all that confusion it gave me like am i gay or what will my parents say will i ever get married etc etc

That sounds almost identical to me Mellisa

Glad it is all good now, the joy now makes makes those early years seem worth it

Sophie xx

[Aislin]

I too chose other, here's why.

CURSE: Not all so's were as understanding. Some decide they should wear the pants and I should do the skirt all the time. Not bad for a fantasy, as reality I was not ready to make the choice. As a single man with a closet of womens things, I got a lot of questions that could not be answered due to the risk. An EX from about 10 years ago, I thought I could trust her, I thought we would be married with me as bride for friends and groom for parents. We had picked out the clothes for both ceremonies but had not purchased them. She stopped her medication, and tried to out me. More ramblings from my life. She even accused me of beating her, and was threatnening to call the cops when I left. Turns out one of her "Toy's" was beating her and she was paying for it. Complete and ultimate purge of my mind and all the clothes including anything that could be misconstrude as Femme.

BLESSING: Finding this forum. Allowing me to unload my packages and be free. Finally finding a lady,(My current SO) who understands a little more than I could have alone. When we first met I told her I crossed dressed. She accepted it as a part of me, with no questions. I though that might be a little wierd untill my first christmas present. Heels, Hose, Panties, short jumper and blouse from Fredricks. Yes it was erotic at first and now, but that was the beginning that allowed me full opportunity to walk a mile in her heels. I now share both genders frustration at the world and work within my own life to show how we can all get along. Live your religon.

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I thoght I answered this thead, but don't see my answer now. Anyway. I have flipflopped on this issue so many times I am just not sure anymore. I mean, I consider something a gift like my love of music and my ear for it that allows me to play and write songs. However, with that gift comes a lot of hard work to bring it to fruition.

So while I am grateful for the ability to feel this wonderful feeling of my feminine side, it would appear it is also going to require a lot of hard work. The difference being, playing music generally is accepted better than crossdressing, although playing loud rock music as I do/did may not be as acceptable as I may have myself believe.

I have asked myself many times, if I someone could wave a magic wand and make me not a crossdresser any more, and never have had those wonderful/terrible/frightening feelings would I want that? I think not. Once you know, you know.

But let me ask all of you this? If it is truely a gift? Would you want you son to have it? and if you don't have children, imagine you did, and ask if you would want them to go through what you did to have this gift? I would not want any of my sons to go through what I have gone through.

So I don't know how to answer. I selected gift, because I do feel gifted, but it is a precocious gift and not for everyone.

Love always,
Elizwbeth

[Ginny]

Elizabeth

Your question brought me up short.

No of course I wouldn't want my son to do it. I guess we all want our son to be the stereotype male, and any deviation would be a disappointment or even very hurtful. I would never want him to find out about me either.

I'll stay in the closet, and hope reality never descends on me and him.

take care

[Mellissa]

Elizabeth

Your question brought me up short.

No of course I wouldn't want my son to do it. I guess we all want our son to be the stereotype male, and any deviation would be a disappointment or even very hurtful. I would never want him to find out about me either.

I'll stay in the closet, and hope reality never descends on me and him.

take care

Just wanted to say the closet can be a very lonley place
I just came out of it and i think its the best i ever did
now my wife knows i dont have to hide it and i can talk about it
that realy releaved me to be able to express my most inner feelings to her
ok were going trough a hard time now, but i have confidence well be ok in the end

Hugs Mellissa

[Ginny]

Mellissa

If only it was so simple.

The wife knows. Difficult to hide. To say that she doesn't accept is an understatement. It's not negotiable.

I'm sure the same goes for mnay of the married (or divorced!!) CDs on this forum.

You're the lucky one. My closet door is locked from the outside and I'm inside.

take care