Hi girls,
My sister was visiting me here a week or so ago and she suggested that my crossdressing was nothing more than an addiction. And like most addictions it is destructive. This is not the first time this has come up. My brother brought this up also.
The idea is that crossdressing like drugs gives us a rush of instant pleasure. It causes our brains to produce dopamine and seritonin, neurotranmitters of our pleasure centers, just like narcotic drugs and makes us feel great. It causes the production of adreneline which lifts us up and makes us feel invincable. It is progresssive in the sense the you have to progress to keep getting the same feeling. And like drugs you hear some crossdressers say that they don't even get a thrill from dressing anymore.
And like drug addicts we see crossdressing harm our relationships and promise to stop. We purge just like the drug addict flushing his dope down the toilet, truely believing we will stop. Only to give in to our insatiable desire to get that feeling back. And just like the drug addict hides his dope, we hide our clothes. And is asked, like the drug addict we lie about what we are doing.
Like the drug addict we say we can not stop. We have no desire to stop. We are not hurting anyone, it is our life. If we want to feel good, who is anyone to say that we should not? And without our crossdressing, like the drug addict without his dope, we are unable to feel good.
The correlations are many, and it is not hard to see why some people may beleive that crossdressing is no differnt than any addition. I do not subscibe the the theory that everything we like to do that brings us pleasure is an addiction. After all, we are a pleasure/pain creature. Our survival depends on seeking pleasure and avoiding pain.
I know that some of you are involved in the mental health field, and others may be involved in the treatment of addictions. Others have experienced addictions. I was hoping to hear how our membership feels about this.
It would be particularly nice to hear some of the SO's on this issue, as I have heard discussion about how our behavior is perceived.
Thanks in advance.
Love always,
Elizabeth
Crossdressing Addiction?
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
-
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
-
Alexandra
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1149
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 8:27 pm
- Location: In Monolith We Trust
Hi Elizabeth,
I know you're just curious to get input and debate the issue, but IMO we are better off not caring or knowing how "they" (not your sister and brother personally!) percieve us. Nip it in the bud I say. The only thing that matters is how YOU perceive yourself. Why complicate things?
This is just my opinion, but if somebody tells me I have an "addiction" I'd be right back in their face pointing out their own "addiction" of telling other people how they ought to live their lives. Besides, why should we always have to argue from the position of weakness (defense)?
I know you're just curious to get input and debate the issue, but IMO we are better off not caring or knowing how "they" (not your sister and brother personally!) percieve us. Nip it in the bud I say. The only thing that matters is how YOU perceive yourself. Why complicate things?
This is just my opinion, but if somebody tells me I have an "addiction" I'd be right back in their face pointing out their own "addiction" of telling other people how they ought to live their lives. Besides, why should we always have to argue from the position of weakness (defense)?
Alexandra
-
Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi Elizabeth--
I have subscribed to the addiction theory of crossdressing, and I think it does work that way for some of us. It felt like that when it first started, for me, and made me angry that it seemed so compulsive. Gradually, it became less so.
As for needing to progress--yeah, I subscribe to that, too. I see that some CDs seem to be able to stick to one level for years on end, but that doesn't seem to be me. I've been at the same place for at least a year, though. Subtle changes happen; I'm not wild about breast forms, though I still wear them. I found tonight that I don't like wearing a wig any more, since my own hair has been doing the job for months now. (I tried going back to a wig tonight.)
Unlike other addictions, this is one that can become a way of life without harmful side effects. It would mean enormous change if you did that, though.
A
I have subscribed to the addiction theory of crossdressing, and I think it does work that way for some of us. It felt like that when it first started, for me, and made me angry that it seemed so compulsive. Gradually, it became less so.
As for needing to progress--yeah, I subscribe to that, too. I see that some CDs seem to be able to stick to one level for years on end, but that doesn't seem to be me. I've been at the same place for at least a year, though. Subtle changes happen; I'm not wild about breast forms, though I still wear them. I found tonight that I don't like wearing a wig any more, since my own hair has been doing the job for months now. (I tried going back to a wig tonight.)
Unlike other addictions, this is one that can become a way of life without harmful side effects. It would mean enormous change if you did that, though.
A
-
Ginny
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2004 6:30 am
How do you judge what is an addiction? 
There are many things that we do every day, as part of our normal lives, because we like it, or because it is a habit taught to us by our parents or our friends, that nobody would say are addictions.
If we do something that is actually harmful to our health or to the well-being of others (apart from their subjective reaction to our behaviour), then I don't mind if it's called an addiction. Otherwise it is about 'their' perception and judgment, and 'they' can all go to hell in a rust bucket for all I care.
There are many things that we do every day, as part of our normal lives, because we like it, or because it is a habit taught to us by our parents or our friends, that nobody would say are addictions.
If we do something that is actually harmful to our health or to the well-being of others (apart from their subjective reaction to our behaviour), then I don't mind if it's called an addiction. Otherwise it is about 'their' perception and judgment, and 'they' can all go to hell in a rust bucket for all I care.
Ginny
fantasy in a leotard
fantasy in a leotard
-
SophieLawson
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 803
- Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2004 6:44 pm
- Location: England
I agree a little bit that is it an addiction, but in my eyes it is not hurting anyone. I don't think it is destructive, and in a way toy could say that anything is an addiction, music people listen too for pleasure, food people eat for pleasure, sleep people sleep for pleasure... most things are done for pleasure other than work and I would say work is more destructive then anything 
Sophie xx
Sophie xx
-
Ginny
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 58
- Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2004 6:30 am
-
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Hi girls,
I personally don't buy into the whole addiction theory. The very nature of how we start crossdressing makes it clear we are crossdressers before we dawn our first article of girls clothing. When I am not in girls chothes, or makeup I still think about being a girl. Not just wearing the chothes, but actually being a girl.
Now I know that every crossdresser don't feel that way, and dont say that is the only reason we are not crossdresser addicts. I sit here, it is late into the morning, I have on my pink cotton nightie and pink fuzzy slippers. There is no thrill, there is no adreniline, there is nothing but me wearing what makes me feel like me. There is no one to see me, and I don't think i need to escalate to satan to feel better.
I don't know the medical end of this. I know that there are 30,000 men each year who transition just in the US. And literally millions more who crossdress in complete secrecy, not for a rush, but to calm down. Perhaps some of our sisters who have knowledge of the mental health aspects of this can chime in here and help us out.
I could be wrong, I mean perhaps I am addicted to air too. Because to me, crossdressing fills the same need, and without either, I die.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I personally don't buy into the whole addiction theory. The very nature of how we start crossdressing makes it clear we are crossdressers before we dawn our first article of girls clothing. When I am not in girls chothes, or makeup I still think about being a girl. Not just wearing the chothes, but actually being a girl.
Now I know that every crossdresser don't feel that way, and dont say that is the only reason we are not crossdresser addicts. I sit here, it is late into the morning, I have on my pink cotton nightie and pink fuzzy slippers. There is no thrill, there is no adreniline, there is nothing but me wearing what makes me feel like me. There is no one to see me, and I don't think i need to escalate to satan to feel better.
I don't know the medical end of this. I know that there are 30,000 men each year who transition just in the US. And literally millions more who crossdress in complete secrecy, not for a rush, but to calm down. Perhaps some of our sisters who have knowledge of the mental health aspects of this can chime in here and help us out.
I could be wrong, I mean perhaps I am addicted to air too. Because to me, crossdressing fills the same need, and without either, I die.
Love always,
Elizabeth
-
Sandi
Hi Elizabeth
I am a recovering alcoholic. In my eyes crossdressing is in no way an addiction. CDing is bringing balance into my life. I spent 34 yrs drinking,i thought i had to have a drink just to be able to function. It was leading me to death cause i could not live with it or without it . For the grace of God i don't drink anymore. I know if I ever take a drink i will be just as bad off as when i stopped, and i will die. Not so with cding. It has helped me see alot of wrong that i did to women,and now i am growing in understanding to the way women feel.For the people who think this is an addiction just shows me how self centered they are.
Keep dressing and keep the faith.
Love &Hugs
Sandi
I am a recovering alcoholic. In my eyes crossdressing is in no way an addiction. CDing is bringing balance into my life. I spent 34 yrs drinking,i thought i had to have a drink just to be able to function. It was leading me to death cause i could not live with it or without it . For the grace of God i don't drink anymore. I know if I ever take a drink i will be just as bad off as when i stopped, and i will die. Not so with cding. It has helped me see alot of wrong that i did to women,and now i am growing in understanding to the way women feel.For the people who think this is an addiction just shows me how self centered they are.
Keep dressing and keep the faith.
Love &Hugs
Sandi
-
Lydia
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
- Posts: 859
- Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 11:43 am
- Location: Sarasota, Florida
Hi Elizabeth,
I agree that crossdressing is NOT an addiction. It may be classified (if you insist) as a compulsion, and in some cases can become an obsession.
I have one basic piece of evidence that it is not an addiction. Most of us have been or are closet CDs. Also many of us can control this compulsion to stay within the boundaries of comfort for our SOs. Many of us have gone through purges, and periods of abstinence. All this is evidence that crossdressing, although a powerful motivating force, is under some degree of voluntary control.
I was happily married for many years, and my wife barely tolerated my crossdressing. My love and respect for her kept my compulsions at bay and restrained. Yet I was not miserable and unhappy - far from it.
I do not see crossdressing as being destructive in and of itself. However, like watching too much football, it can be made destructive. But that is your choice. There are some clear instances (I have seen them recorded on this forum!) where the crossdressing husband deliberately pushes his dressing beyond the tolerance of his wife or SO, almost using it as a tool to crash the relationship.
Again - a compulsion maybe; an obsession if you let it ; but an addiction - No. Besides, it is great fun and should not hurt anyone.
Love,
Willy
I agree that crossdressing is NOT an addiction. It may be classified (if you insist) as a compulsion, and in some cases can become an obsession.
I have one basic piece of evidence that it is not an addiction. Most of us have been or are closet CDs. Also many of us can control this compulsion to stay within the boundaries of comfort for our SOs. Many of us have gone through purges, and periods of abstinence. All this is evidence that crossdressing, although a powerful motivating force, is under some degree of voluntary control.
I was happily married for many years, and my wife barely tolerated my crossdressing. My love and respect for her kept my compulsions at bay and restrained. Yet I was not miserable and unhappy - far from it.
I do not see crossdressing as being destructive in and of itself. However, like watching too much football, it can be made destructive. But that is your choice. There are some clear instances (I have seen them recorded on this forum!) where the crossdressing husband deliberately pushes his dressing beyond the tolerance of his wife or SO, almost using it as a tool to crash the relationship.
Again - a compulsion maybe; an obsession if you let it ; but an addiction - No. Besides, it is great fun and should not hurt anyone.
Love,
Willy
"There comes a time ... when you must grasp the bull by the tail and face the situation."
-
Calina_Leigh
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 180
- Joined: Mon Aug 30, 2004 12:20 am
-
Loretta Ann
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 2199
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
Elizabeth,
Cross-dressing is an addiction for some, it was for me for many years. You are addicted to something if it has control over you. Many people here have recorded that they have stopped when visiting family etc. For periods of up to two weeks and sometimes longer. Dose not seem to me that these folks are being controlled by it. I myself quit for eight years at one time. A drug addict or an alcoholic is simply unable to do that.
As far as doing things that make us feel good goes, we all participate in that. Just look at the amount of money that is spent on things like hockey and football. Look at the salaries these people make. The force that drives that is that those who support that kind of activity do so because it provides an escape from the realities of life. And for the mature cross-dresser it is no different. TV soap operas provides the same thing.
Take bull fighting, rodeos, boxing etc. living creatures are harmed so that we can feel good about ourselves. Go figure. One can go on and on. The mature thing to do for the cross-dresser is to find a way to do it where it dose not harm others.
And that is this girls opinion.
Cross-dressing is an addiction for some, it was for me for many years. You are addicted to something if it has control over you. Many people here have recorded that they have stopped when visiting family etc. For periods of up to two weeks and sometimes longer. Dose not seem to me that these folks are being controlled by it. I myself quit for eight years at one time. A drug addict or an alcoholic is simply unable to do that.
As far as doing things that make us feel good goes, we all participate in that. Just look at the amount of money that is spent on things like hockey and football. Look at the salaries these people make. The force that drives that is that those who support that kind of activity do so because it provides an escape from the realities of life. And for the mature cross-dresser it is no different. TV soap operas provides the same thing.
Take bull fighting, rodeos, boxing etc. living creatures are harmed so that we can feel good about ourselves. Go figure. One can go on and on. The mature thing to do for the cross-dresser is to find a way to do it where it dose not harm others.
And that is this girls opinion.
-
Lydia
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
- Posts: 859
- Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 11:43 am
- Location: Sarasota, Florida
Inevitably, we get into definitions of words and semantics. However, here goes my contribution:
Addiction is usually defined as an "abnormal craving" or a "dependence." most often on a foreign substance, a drug, alcohol, etc. A characteristic of addiction is the appearance of severe withdrawal symptoms. You are not addicted to breathing, eating, etc., since these are normal activities of living.
Compulsion, in this context, is an irrational impulse, a powerful desire, beyond the normal range of behavior.
Obsession is an excessive preoccupation with an object or person.
The connotations of these words are, of course, different. "Addiction" is usually pejorative, and implies an uncontrollable dependence. "Compulsion" is often used by psychologists to signify abnormal urges. "Obsession" can be a temporary preoccupation.
This may serve to bring the logophiles out of their dictionaries.
Love to all,
Willy
Addiction is usually defined as an "abnormal craving" or a "dependence." most often on a foreign substance, a drug, alcohol, etc. A characteristic of addiction is the appearance of severe withdrawal symptoms. You are not addicted to breathing, eating, etc., since these are normal activities of living.
Compulsion, in this context, is an irrational impulse, a powerful desire, beyond the normal range of behavior.
Obsession is an excessive preoccupation with an object or person.
The connotations of these words are, of course, different. "Addiction" is usually pejorative, and implies an uncontrollable dependence. "Compulsion" is often used by psychologists to signify abnormal urges. "Obsession" can be a temporary preoccupation.
This may serve to bring the logophiles out of their dictionaries.
Love to all,
Willy
"There comes a time ... when you must grasp the bull by the tail and face the situation."
-
Merinda
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 959
- Joined: Fri May 28, 2004 11:07 pm
- Location: Melbourne Australia
](./images/smilies/eusa_wall.gif "Brick wall"){kind=small}
-
Sally
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
- Posts: 630
- Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2004 1:33 am
- Location: N.S.W. Australia
Crossdressing addiction?
Hi Elizabeth,
I think crossdressing or indeed any gender related issues mean different things to different people and it's my belief whether it be seen as an addiction or something else is not the major issue.
I believe what is important is for people to try and identify what direction they want or need to go with it and what part in their life it plays. Crossdressing means different things to different people, so many people are unsure in their minds as to where it should fit into their life and what it actually means. The complexity of it can get mixed up with sexuality, biologic sex, sexual orientation, gender identity and sex roles etc etc and it all becomes so complex to many that they become unsure of who or what they are and what they want.
Unfortunately some peoples problems can be compounded by those around them who see it all as, for want of a better word, a 'stigma'. That part of society who call themselves ' normals ', don't stop to think that all people carry some 'stigma', it's just that those who set themselves up as 'the normals' keep their 'stigmas' hidden, whereas those of us who choose to reveal our so called 'stigmas' become that part of society who are set apart. The so called 'normal' section of society set us apart and stigmatise us to keep their own 'stigmas' hidden. We are the scapegoats so to speak, who help the 'normals' feel better and soothe their fears of their own 'stigmas' being discivered. They derive their strength and comfort from banding together in their own world of 'normality'.
My answer to those who ever try to belittle me is always to ask them if they really think I would choose to be one of a minority suppressed group if the choice were within my conscious ability.
The one thing which is constant with what people have told me over the years is that their greatest desire is to be able to integrate their crossdressing into their life with the minimum amount of fuss or upheavel. This problem for many is compounded because it's a secret, and being a secret the issue causes stress and anxiety associated with emotions such as guilt on one hand and anger on the other at not being able to fulfill the need when it arises, which in turn can cause the issue to become more than it actually is.
I believe that crossdressing to many is quite different to other 'addictions' (for want of a better word). For many it is an expression of who they are, it's not a choice, it has a function in their life just as necessary as eating, sleeping breathing etc. It's part of the whole self for many people, there are issues which the female side need fulfilled just as the needs of the male side need to be fulfilled and denying either side has it's own ramifications.
Of course all this cannot be comprehended by people who are not like us. It's impossible for them to ever know or understand the needs and feelings of people like us and it's a natural trait for people to fear anything they can't understand, that's reason enough for them to brand us as abnormal, weird etc or just plain addicted.
Until the time comes when society will accept the need to educate their children from the earliest age that diversity exists naturally in all animal and plant life and diversity is not to be feared then we will be set aside by that so called 'normal' section of society. Major changes in society usually take a generation or two at least to come about, but at least there has been a gradual change for the better for us over the years. It's only 40/50 years ago that an accepted therapy for boys who liked to dress in girls clothes was to be dressed in a dress, put in front of a mirror and then given electric shocks, so that they were made to associate crossdressing with extreme pain and punishment. At least we have progressed from such heathen practices.
I always sympathise deeply with crossdressers who have issues and problems with integrating it into their life, because for them it's an ongoing issue, they have to balance both gender identities and for so many it's a secret also, and this compounds the issues. A secret on the scale of enormity such as this not only effects the person it also effects relationships and life in general, as the constant fear of being found out and rejected can play havoc with some peoples mind and emotions. I think people like me who have virtually completed the gender shift and don't have an ongoing issue makes it easier to live a more comfortable life and it's easier to deal with those people who from time to time try to denegrate us.
I think one of the most important things I've seen written in this thread is what Darlene said, whether it be an addiction or an expression of who one is, if it's important in a persons life it's paramount to find a way to fulfill the need without harming others.
Kind Regards.
Sally.
I think crossdressing or indeed any gender related issues mean different things to different people and it's my belief whether it be seen as an addiction or something else is not the major issue.
I believe what is important is for people to try and identify what direction they want or need to go with it and what part in their life it plays. Crossdressing means different things to different people, so many people are unsure in their minds as to where it should fit into their life and what it actually means. The complexity of it can get mixed up with sexuality, biologic sex, sexual orientation, gender identity and sex roles etc etc and it all becomes so complex to many that they become unsure of who or what they are and what they want.
Unfortunately some peoples problems can be compounded by those around them who see it all as, for want of a better word, a 'stigma'. That part of society who call themselves ' normals ', don't stop to think that all people carry some 'stigma', it's just that those who set themselves up as 'the normals' keep their 'stigmas' hidden, whereas those of us who choose to reveal our so called 'stigmas' become that part of society who are set apart. The so called 'normal' section of society set us apart and stigmatise us to keep their own 'stigmas' hidden. We are the scapegoats so to speak, who help the 'normals' feel better and soothe their fears of their own 'stigmas' being discivered. They derive their strength and comfort from banding together in their own world of 'normality'.
My answer to those who ever try to belittle me is always to ask them if they really think I would choose to be one of a minority suppressed group if the choice were within my conscious ability.
The one thing which is constant with what people have told me over the years is that their greatest desire is to be able to integrate their crossdressing into their life with the minimum amount of fuss or upheavel. This problem for many is compounded because it's a secret, and being a secret the issue causes stress and anxiety associated with emotions such as guilt on one hand and anger on the other at not being able to fulfill the need when it arises, which in turn can cause the issue to become more than it actually is.
I believe that crossdressing to many is quite different to other 'addictions' (for want of a better word). For many it is an expression of who they are, it's not a choice, it has a function in their life just as necessary as eating, sleeping breathing etc. It's part of the whole self for many people, there are issues which the female side need fulfilled just as the needs of the male side need to be fulfilled and denying either side has it's own ramifications.
Of course all this cannot be comprehended by people who are not like us. It's impossible for them to ever know or understand the needs and feelings of people like us and it's a natural trait for people to fear anything they can't understand, that's reason enough for them to brand us as abnormal, weird etc or just plain addicted.
Until the time comes when society will accept the need to educate their children from the earliest age that diversity exists naturally in all animal and plant life and diversity is not to be feared then we will be set aside by that so called 'normal' section of society. Major changes in society usually take a generation or two at least to come about, but at least there has been a gradual change for the better for us over the years. It's only 40/50 years ago that an accepted therapy for boys who liked to dress in girls clothes was to be dressed in a dress, put in front of a mirror and then given electric shocks, so that they were made to associate crossdressing with extreme pain and punishment. At least we have progressed from such heathen practices.
I always sympathise deeply with crossdressers who have issues and problems with integrating it into their life, because for them it's an ongoing issue, they have to balance both gender identities and for so many it's a secret also, and this compounds the issues. A secret on the scale of enormity such as this not only effects the person it also effects relationships and life in general, as the constant fear of being found out and rejected can play havoc with some peoples mind and emotions. I think people like me who have virtually completed the gender shift and don't have an ongoing issue makes it easier to live a more comfortable life and it's easier to deal with those people who from time to time try to denegrate us.
I think one of the most important things I've seen written in this thread is what Darlene said, whether it be an addiction or an expression of who one is, if it's important in a persons life it's paramount to find a way to fulfill the need without harming others.
Kind Regards.
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
-
SophieLawson
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 803
- Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2004 6:44 pm
- Location: England
Awww wish I could be doing something like thatGinny wrote:hey Sophie, I enjoy my work as well. It's a real macho job in rough country and I love it. And yes, sometimes we have to be very destructive. Even use explosives when the rock is unyielding. And I do it partly for pleasure !!
take care
I enjoy the people I work with but not the job, so your really lucky
Sophie xx