A letter I wrote to family etc.
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ConnieLynn
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A letter I wrote to family etc.
I made the personal choice to delete this. Its a personal choice and has nothing to do with what any one said to me, Connie
Last edited by ConnieLynn on Sun Sep 26, 2004 11:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hugs, Connie Lynn
* * Email address not current as of 10-08-2008! Please contact SilverLady(SO) immediately! See http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/v ... php?t=9237 for further information. Thank You!! * *
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Phylis Anne
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re being a crossdresser
my dearest connie lynn i think that we are both in the same boat.i have been dressing my whole adult life.the only difference between us is that i am jewish and i have three daughters along with my one son ,my daughters think that i am also strange and even though they know about me thet hate me for doing it,i go out every wed night to cdi in new york city and i have a great time being the woman i al;ways wanted to be.at this point they have been in a accepting attitude but every time i start to shave my arms they get all upset,you see we are all living in the same house so for me its like being houdini sometimes to go out.like you said we have been doing this a long time and it never goes away ,but i never want to stop any way.i love dressing and its so much a part of me that i am thinking as a woman and i wear lingerie every day all my love your sister phylis anne 
My name is Phylis Anne and I am enjoying my life as a crossdresser and being a woman who loves life
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Jassmine(SO)
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Loretta Ann
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Connie,
There is a lot of good stuff in your note, But due to the personal attack you make on their actions, it may serve to push them away from you. That may or may not be good thing, and may need to be what eventually happens. Do you think there would be any wisdom in saying what you have said without attacking there character? Just a thought.
There is a lot of good stuff in your note, But due to the personal attack you make on their actions, it may serve to push them away from you. That may or may not be good thing, and may need to be what eventually happens. Do you think there would be any wisdom in saying what you have said without attacking there character? Just a thought.
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Carolynn
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Hi Connie!! 
Well, that is what is called an "in your face" sort of communication, and it is the kind of ultimatum that can cut off all communication. Not knowing all the circumstances that led up to your frustration (but well able to read between the lines) you might want to put a little more reason and less emotion into the letter. I am making the assumption that they have not known about your cding too long, and perhaps reacted badly in an attempt to rein you in to meet their own expectations? Letting them know that all the time you were the acceptable daddy and brother you had these needs but hid them until you couldn't anymore might help them understand. Though their perception of you might have changed, you are still the same person they have always known, and presumably loved. They are just seeing all of you, and that's not bad.
(Hmmm, maybe I should consider taking a page from my own message?)
Of course, it they are part of an evangelical, conservative religion, relatively new and strident and very judgemental while they nudge their place in the religious landscape, then moderating the letter any won't change any minds. Does sound like you need to make your postion known though. Just my opinion, for what it may be worth. I do wish you luck and love.
Well, that is what is called an "in your face" sort of communication, and it is the kind of ultimatum that can cut off all communication. Not knowing all the circumstances that led up to your frustration (but well able to read between the lines) you might want to put a little more reason and less emotion into the letter. I am making the assumption that they have not known about your cding too long, and perhaps reacted badly in an attempt to rein you in to meet their own expectations? Letting them know that all the time you were the acceptable daddy and brother you had these needs but hid them until you couldn't anymore might help them understand. Though their perception of you might have changed, you are still the same person they have always known, and presumably loved. They are just seeing all of you, and that's not bad.
(Hmmm, maybe I should consider taking a page from my own message?)
Of course, it they are part of an evangelical, conservative religion, relatively new and strident and very judgemental while they nudge their place in the religious landscape, then moderating the letter any won't change any minds. Does sound like you need to make your postion known though. Just my opinion, for what it may be worth. I do wish you luck and love.
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
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Connie,
I have tried to make an effort to not say "you" in any correspondence I make. Rather "I" . If you change your letter so everytime there is a "you" and replace it with "I" and change the rest of the verbiage so it makes sense. It will get your point across without talking about anyone but yourself, and your beleifs.
That would be my only advice.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I have tried to make an effort to not say "you" in any correspondence I make. Rather "I" . If you change your letter so everytime there is a "you" and replace it with "I" and change the rest of the verbiage so it makes sense. It will get your point across without talking about anyone but yourself, and your beleifs.
That would be my only advice.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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ConnieLynn
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Thank you everyone for responding to my little note.
You all had some very great things to say. But I suppose I should clarify a couple things
First of all, my sisters hve known I am a CD since I was 2yrs old! They started this. When I was little, up to the age of 5 I was alway's in "girl clothes". Mostly because dear daddy was a lot nicer to me when I was a girl. When I was dressed as a boy I he was quite abusive. But was never abusive to me as Connie.
And my own sisters named me Connie!
As an adult, my sisters have known I am a CD for several years. Out of my 5 sisters, I have one who will tell you that our home life was alway's
peaceful and sweet and that "daddy" was always so very gentle, unless one of us did sometin wrong and then He was still "gentl". Out of 8 kids, she is the ONLY one who is like this. She has this "I am perfect" attitude
and acts as though she is better that most everyone. I dont understand her at all. The rest of my sisters and one brother simply ignore it.
My other Brother, asks, questions, tries to learn and is accepting. Although he isnt ready to meet Connie. he has seen pics. And say's I look like my favorite sister, Clara! Which truly lifts my spirts!!
My daughter, who I adopted when she was 34, rite after my 2nd wife , her momma, passed. Is a whole differnt thing. She quotes the Bible, sends emails with messages of "comdemnation" to me. She goes on about how good a Christian she is, But yet she has not been in a church at all in over a year! She sends ther kids every sunday on the bus, But does not go.
All the things I mention in this note, I have seen both my sister, snd daughtere do. I spent a good deal of time rewriting this. It did not happen all at one "emotionfilled" time.
And to be honest, if it does push them away, so be it.
I have not decided to send it or not. But Thier attitudes and actions over the next few weeks will tell.
And Sometimes I write just to get clear of crap that is buggin me.
Hope ya'all understand this. Again, thanks fot you input. I do appreciate every word.
You all had some very great things to say. But I suppose I should clarify a couple things
First of all, my sisters hve known I am a CD since I was 2yrs old! They started this. When I was little, up to the age of 5 I was alway's in "girl clothes". Mostly because dear daddy was a lot nicer to me when I was a girl. When I was dressed as a boy I he was quite abusive. But was never abusive to me as Connie.
And my own sisters named me Connie!
As an adult, my sisters have known I am a CD for several years. Out of my 5 sisters, I have one who will tell you that our home life was alway's
peaceful and sweet and that "daddy" was always so very gentle, unless one of us did sometin wrong and then He was still "gentl". Out of 8 kids, she is the ONLY one who is like this. She has this "I am perfect" attitude
and acts as though she is better that most everyone. I dont understand her at all. The rest of my sisters and one brother simply ignore it.
My other Brother, asks, questions, tries to learn and is accepting. Although he isnt ready to meet Connie. he has seen pics. And say's I look like my favorite sister, Clara! Which truly lifts my spirts!!
My daughter, who I adopted when she was 34, rite after my 2nd wife , her momma, passed. Is a whole differnt thing. She quotes the Bible, sends emails with messages of "comdemnation" to me. She goes on about how good a Christian she is, But yet she has not been in a church at all in over a year! She sends ther kids every sunday on the bus, But does not go.
All the things I mention in this note, I have seen both my sister, snd daughtere do. I spent a good deal of time rewriting this. It did not happen all at one "emotionfilled" time.
And to be honest, if it does push them away, so be it.
I have not decided to send it or not. But Thier attitudes and actions over the next few weeks will tell.
And Sometimes I write just to get clear of crap that is buggin me.
Hope ya'all understand this. Again, thanks fot you input. I do appreciate every word.
Hugs, Connie Lynn
* * Email address not current as of 10-08-2008! Please contact SilverLady(SO) immediately! See http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/v ... php?t=9237 for further information. Thank You!! * *
* * Email address not current as of 10-08-2008! Please contact SilverLady(SO) immediately! See http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/v ... php?t=9237 for further information. Thank You!! * *
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Carolynn
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Virginia
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Connie,
AS you have eluded to a lot of folks use religion as a manner of convenience, they interpret what suits them at the time and ignore other aspects, so as you have said , you are you and as you have discovered, not only is CD'ing a part of you - you, like most of us - LOVE IT!! I would like one of my sister's said negate the personal attacks and you may want to copy Carl Jung's Anima Theory and give it to them, it is really a great starting point for Novices in understanding us and for us to understand ourselves, Good luck , honey and let us know how it goes, Love,
Virginia
PS: the website is:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
AS you have eluded to a lot of folks use religion as a manner of convenience, they interpret what suits them at the time and ignore other aspects, so as you have said , you are you and as you have discovered, not only is CD'ing a part of you - you, like most of us - LOVE IT!! I would like one of my sister's said negate the personal attacks and you may want to copy Carl Jung's Anima Theory and give it to them, it is really a great starting point for Novices in understanding us and for us to understand ourselves, Good luck , honey and let us know how it goes, Love,
Virginia
PS: the website is:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Calina_Leigh
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I can understand how you feel and am sorry that you have been brought to this point that a letter like that needs to be written. I am also a believer of the philosophy of "kill them with kindness". I know that there are some people that just cannot understand what we go through but I alwayus try to explain to them that although I am this way, I am the same person that they have always known. I have come to the realization that my friends and family must learn to accept me for who I am and fortunetly for the most part they have. Once again I am sorry that you have gotten to the point of needing to write this letter I hope that no matter what route you take, you will find the peace that you deserve.
Although I do not practice any established religion at this time, I believe that the bible states, judge not lest ye be judged and he without sin cast the first stone. I do also believe that the New Testement teaches forgiveness for our tresspasses. I don't know what religion that you practice and will not ask because it is not something I should unless you wish to share but you might want to say it is only God that can judge us and no one else knows his will for if he did not want us to be the way we are, he would not have created us as such.
Although I do not practice any established religion at this time, I believe that the bible states, judge not lest ye be judged and he without sin cast the first stone. I do also believe that the New Testement teaches forgiveness for our tresspasses. I don't know what religion that you practice and will not ask because it is not something I should unless you wish to share but you might want to say it is only God that can judge us and no one else knows his will for if he did not want us to be the way we are, he would not have created us as such.
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Calina_Leigh
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CJ
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Hi all,
Connie,
I can hear the anger and the frustration in your words. While they're not out of place (far from it!), I tend to agree with Darlene and Elizabeth; I'd try to focus more on your own side of things rather than on your family's behaviour. What is it, exactly, that you've been made to feel because of their behaviour? Unloved? Worthless? Rejected? Insignificant? How do their ceaseless condemnations affect you, as a human being? As a human being, you're equally deserving of love and care as they are--whether from a member of their family or from some Heavenly Father.
Really, when you come down to it, your making your displeasure regarding their behaviour known to them is pretty much the same approach used by your family. Like Carolynn said, it's a tactic that tends to divide and separate rather than to bring together. In anger, we tend to shove back and push away. Beyond that anger, though, and once we cool down, these folks will still be there (fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how things go, I guess
).
I would also leave religion out of it. Focus instead on the human aspect of both your struggle to become and their struggle to accept. Still, as an aside, one of my most influential religious studies teachers in school was a rabbi who had this to say about being human, and about life in general: one of the most profound--and most often overlooked--passages in the Tanakh (the Old Testament) was the fact that God saw that His creation was good! From what moral ground can we say otherwise? That little thought has kept me wondering about this for years now. Anyway, venturing onto a religious battlefield with your family won't do much good because religious beliefs, and faith itself, aren't very amenable to civil arguments and discussions because these closely held values don't belong to the realm of reason.
Maybe you can bring in the argument from psychology? For example, Jung's Anima theory, as applied to crossdressing, is (as Virginia, our tireless Jungian spokesperson, points out) not without merit. Myself, I favor the "human potential movement": Maslow's hierarchy of needs fits the bill, here. Once our basic needs are met (food, lodging, security, etc.), we all tend, in striving for our greatest happiness, to focus on issues of self-actualization, meaning, on those aspects of our lives and of ourselves whose development will further enhance our sense of psychological well-being. For example, the freedom to explore who we feel ourselves to be, deep down inside, without fear of condemnation and retribution. Anyway, it's just a thought.
Regardless, I hope that, whatever you choose to do, you'll find a way to not shut the door completely on your family. They might never admit this, but they need your love and understanding as much as you need theirs. Well, you know me, I'm a fetish queen--and my fetish is healthy communication. It might not be yours or anyone else's, here. So, in the end, just go with what your gut tells you, Connie. The only thing I'd really recommend is: feel your anger, but speak not in anger.
I hope this helps.
Love,
CJ
Connie,
I can hear the anger and the frustration in your words. While they're not out of place (far from it!), I tend to agree with Darlene and Elizabeth; I'd try to focus more on your own side of things rather than on your family's behaviour. What is it, exactly, that you've been made to feel because of their behaviour? Unloved? Worthless? Rejected? Insignificant? How do their ceaseless condemnations affect you, as a human being? As a human being, you're equally deserving of love and care as they are--whether from a member of their family or from some Heavenly Father.
Really, when you come down to it, your making your displeasure regarding their behaviour known to them is pretty much the same approach used by your family. Like Carolynn said, it's a tactic that tends to divide and separate rather than to bring together. In anger, we tend to shove back and push away. Beyond that anger, though, and once we cool down, these folks will still be there (fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how things go, I guess
).I would also leave religion out of it. Focus instead on the human aspect of both your struggle to become and their struggle to accept. Still, as an aside, one of my most influential religious studies teachers in school was a rabbi who had this to say about being human, and about life in general: one of the most profound--and most often overlooked--passages in the Tanakh (the Old Testament) was the fact that God saw that His creation was good! From what moral ground can we say otherwise? That little thought has kept me wondering about this for years now. Anyway, venturing onto a religious battlefield with your family won't do much good because religious beliefs, and faith itself, aren't very amenable to civil arguments and discussions because these closely held values don't belong to the realm of reason.
Maybe you can bring in the argument from psychology? For example, Jung's Anima theory, as applied to crossdressing, is (as Virginia, our tireless Jungian spokesperson, points out) not without merit. Myself, I favor the "human potential movement": Maslow's hierarchy of needs fits the bill, here. Once our basic needs are met (food, lodging, security, etc.), we all tend, in striving for our greatest happiness, to focus on issues of self-actualization, meaning, on those aspects of our lives and of ourselves whose development will further enhance our sense of psychological well-being. For example, the freedom to explore who we feel ourselves to be, deep down inside, without fear of condemnation and retribution. Anyway, it's just a thought.
Regardless, I hope that, whatever you choose to do, you'll find a way to not shut the door completely on your family. They might never admit this, but they need your love and understanding as much as you need theirs. Well, you know me, I'm a fetish queen--and my fetish is healthy communication. It might not be yours or anyone else's, here. So, in the end, just go with what your gut tells you, Connie. The only thing I'd really recommend is: feel your anger, but speak not in anger.
I hope this helps.
Love,
CJ
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Beauty
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Hi CJ,
If I said I couldn't agree with you more (about your entire post), including Maslow's hierarchy, it would be an understatement. I'm so totally blown away. If that was just a thought you've got some serious mind power issues.
Sheesh.. I'm fanning myself.
Connie Lynn, I can't really say anything that hasn't been said (which happens quite a bit when I'm late getting to a post on this board). There's so much excellent advice here. I hope you follow what you identify within what everyone says that is to your liking.
The brainpower in this site is simply mesmerizing. You are ALL so awesome! I'm super humbled.
Beauty
If I said I couldn't agree with you more (about your entire post), including Maslow's hierarchy, it would be an understatement. I'm so totally blown away. If that was just a thought you've got some serious mind power issues.
Sheesh.. I'm fanning myself. Connie Lynn, I can't really say anything that hasn't been said (which happens quite a bit when I'm late getting to a post on this board). There's so much excellent advice here. I hope you follow what you identify within what everyone says that is to your liking.
The brainpower in this site is simply mesmerizing. You are ALL so awesome!
I'm super humbled.Beauty