Desires vs. Opinions

[Loretta Ann]

Hi all,

What one chooses to do for a living is none of my business, I was referring to things some folks do that lead to destruction.

Also in situations where this happens the relationship has already reached a point of trust and respect, I do not need to wait for a verbal invitation.

And I have never found a reason to repeat myself, they hear me loud and clear the first time.

[Sally]

If a friend tells me they are going to do something then obviously they have made their mind up and it's not my place to try and talk them out of it, as what suits them may not necessarily suit me. I may however ask them questions which sometimes may or may not make them aware of something they may not have thought about regarding their decision, but unless they ask I will never give my full opinion, if they do ask, then they get the unabridged version.

I believe in complete honesty at all levels, especially with my family and friends, if I can't be honest with all of them and they can't accept an asked for opinion and I stress, an asked for opinion, in the light it was meant, then there is something lacking between myself and them. But as I say, I never volunteer my full opinion unless it's asked for, I don't think it's my place to, but I'm always there if things go wrong. It's the way we get our lifes' experiences by making our own decisions, whether they turn out right or wrong.

I am a great believer in that if we make a decision and at the time we make it we believe in our own mind that it's the right decision, but it turns out wrong, then bad luck, just learn from it and put it down to experience, BUT if we make a decision and at the time we make it we think it may not be quite the right thing to do, but we still go ahead, then if it turns out wrong we have to accept the full responsibility and whatever pain it brings, but I still wouldn't try to talk someone out of anything unless they asked me for my opinion, even if I thought they were making the wrong decision.

Kind Regards.

Sally.

[Lorna]

Great answers!

Now let's put another spin on this question: if there was a non CDing friend of yours who wanted to CD for the first time, being aware of the problems that all CDs might face (SO/Family issues, risk of public ridicule or attack) would you encourage or discouage them?

[Carolynn]

Hi Lorna!!!

Hmmm , I think under this question the person would be going ahead because he has to, no matter what you say, so you may as well grease the skids and hope to help navigate the rough waters ahead. Odds seem good that there is already a closeted CD there anyway.

[Sally]

Encourage or discourage them? I don't think so.

But having said that I'd give them all the help and support they needed if they asked. This what I do in support group work but I never encourage or discourage people, they have to make up their own mind after I tell them how it is and answer their countless questions. Then it's a case of being there when and if needed each step along the way.

I never want someone coming back to me at a later date saying, it's your fault, you encouraged me to do this or that, or vice versa, you can lay it all out in front of someone if they ask, then it's up to them to make their own decisions. That's just how I operate.

Kind Regards.

Sally.

[Lorna]

I never want someone coming back to me at a later date saying, it's your fault, you encouraged me to do this or that, or vice versa, you can lay it all out in front of someone if they ask, then it's up to them to make their own decisions. That's just how I operate.

Exactly! As much as I would encourage people to do whatever it is they wanted to do, I would most certinly hope they'd have more sense than to come back and "blame" me if their plans failed, especially since they were the ones who initially expressed an interest.

I actually had an ex g/f who used to do that to me all the time. Needless to say I ultimately had to kick her to the curb.

The bottom line is this: Adults need to take ownership of their own lives, which is the flip side to having the right to call their own shots in life. But this is a responsibility I will graciously accept.

[DonnaT]

Option 2

If they ask, I'll give them my opinion, but also give them my support. Been there done that.

Sometimes my opinion might be wrong.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Lorna,

My first response would probably be. What are you Crazy? LOL.
Then if they indicated they were sincere I would do what I could to support them.

[SophieLawson]

if there was a non CDing friend of yours who wanted to CD for the first time, being aware of the problems that all CDs might face would you encourage or discouage them?

I'd encourage them cos then we could go shopping together lol I dunno, again it depends, if they were really unhappy at not being able to dress then I'd encourage them. Just do what makes you happy!

Sophie xx

[DonnaT]

Now let's put another spin on this question: if there was a non CDing friend of yours who wanted to CD for the first time, being aware of the problems that all CDs might face (SO/Family issues, risk of public ridicule or attack) would you encourage or discouage them?

Question is, how would they know that they wanted to CD? My first time was impulsive and just did it.

If they've had this "urge" but not acted on it, I'd explain the problems, especially if there is an SO involved, but support their decision.

Probably suggest a time like Halloween for their first time if there is an SO.