The daughter that your parents never met

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Wed Sep 29, 2004 1:29 am

I wish that my mother could have had the option of meeting Anita. I don't know how she would have taken it, but I can't help but feel she would have been interested in watching her fourth "daughter" talk and move--some of what I do naturally came from her.

My Mother named my oldest sister "Anita," but my sis never used the name. What I had forgotten was that Anita was my mother's middle name!
I cried when I realized that. Actually, the letter that I wrote to ask my sister's permission to use her "name" was one of the hardest letters I've ever had to write.

My Dad has seen pictures, and asks about my other life sometimes. He's 93, and he's basically said that he's not here to judge anyone else at this point in his life. I really struggle with whether or not he'll ever meet my femmeself. He would agree to do that, if I ever brought it up.

I go back to Ohio twice a year, and last Christmas I thought might be the time. But it never felt like there was a natural opening for it, and I don't want to force it. Anita is a different enough person that it sets up some shock waves in people, at first.

Hayley · Post by **Hayley** » Thu Sep 30, 2004 10:39 pm

Merinda,

No longer do I feel guilty about keeping my true inner self from being seen by my parents. They now have a nice framed portrait of Hayley. To which I also e-mailed a copy to my Mum for her to print off for her purse.

We, Mum and I, chat regularly on the phone and she asks about my CDing. She even has a laugh with me about my Bisexuality, which I think is a great sign of her acceptance of me.

Dad on the other hand, is so relaxed about it all that it's hardly worthy of a news flash to him. He did say I need to do something about getting my eyebrows thinned though.

(I will get my chance to get my own back on the cheeky old beggar)

I just love them both ever so much

. If only other parents are/were as open minded and as accepting as mine, then society would be all the better for it.

Eloise Goth · Post by **Eloise Goth** » Fri Oct 01, 2004 3:16 pm

I have little contact with my parents-for reasons I wont go into-so they dont know they have a 'daughter'.

Post by **DonnaT** » Fri Oct 01, 2004 3:53 pm

Mom never had a gg daughter, 5 boys, so I'd like to discuss it with her, but not really sure how to bring it up.

Back in the early 70's I know she found my stash under the matress, and caught me once in one of her bras. I definitely wasn't ready to talk about it then, and she never forced the issue.

Maybe that'd be the place to start: "You know, back in the 70's you once asked me . . ."

Wouldn't want to give her a heart attack though.

SophieLawson · Post by **SophieLawson** » Fri Oct 01, 2004 4:08 pm

Most of us seem to have told or really want to tell our Mums but only a couple have told or want to tell their Dads. Wonder why, I know for me my Dad is very unpredictable so it's hard to see what he would say, plus I can't see me ever being comfortable with my Dad knowing. He's prolly the only person I don't want to know, anyone else I'm not bothered about.

Sophie xx

Post by **DonnaT** » Fri Oct 01, 2004 4:20 pm

My dad probably knows now, since he passed away a couple of years ago.

But I reckon not talking to my mother about it when she first caught me was because I didn't want him to think less of me.

When we were going through his things after he passed, I found some things I would not have believed he'd have (no one else saw them or knows). So you never know, maybe he would have been understanding.

SophieLawson · Post by **SophieLawson** » Fri Oct 01, 2004 4:27 pm

DonnaT wrote:My dad probably knows now, since he passed away a couple of years ago. .

You know this reminds me of a conversation I had with Mum last week, I am sure my Nan is watching over us and I said this to Mum and both Mum and Sister have this feeling to.

Anyways, I was saying to Mum if that was true then it kinda freaked me out a little cos I said to Mum that means Nan knows I dress. Isn't that a strange thought? That all you family and friends who have past away know of your dressing, that kinda made me feel like we should just be ourselves now because when we do go everyone will just find anyway.

Sophie xx

Josey · Post by **Josey** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 9:57 pm

Merinda,

You might find that most parents don't want to know about their daughters. My father knew for years and never once addressed the topic in conversation. His attitude towards me was as negative as you can get until about a week before he died. I think he knew it was coming and wanted to make up for what he had missed.
My mother has known for about 55 years and still denies it. She used to catch me dressing in her clothes as a kid and I would lock my self in the bath and change. Then, I decided one day to just stay in the clothes and face her. This felt good to me but just about put mom in the nut house.

After that, if she came home and I was not readily visible, she never came looking for me. Their were some days that she came home at noon and I was still dressed at five. It wasn't a bad arrangement.

Of course, I would change before dad came home because he took out his bad moods on her as well as me and I didn't want to be responsible for that.

I guess this all boils down to the fact that some parents are happier not knowing their daughter. I would loved to have been my daddy's little girl but that was not to be.

Looking at your pictures, I would say any parent should be proud to have a daughter like you but, maybe things are better off the way the are.

Merinda · Post by **Merinda** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 3:21 pm

Hi Josey ,

sometimes its best to leave things as they stand