the nature of an obsessive nature

[Loretta Ann]

Hi all,

Does it take a certain amount of obsession to cross over beyond what your childhood community is telling you is correct? Does one need to be driven to investigate what is only a feeling about something which is not what we were being taught? Especially, when you begin to realize the responsibility of becoming more diverse.

Do you think, from the new muscles developed by the exercise of researching cross dressing, that we all develop a potential to be stronger in many areas relative to those who live off only what they are taught, without risking the ramifications of volatile adventuring?

[CJ]

Hi all,

I'm not sure I'd consider myself obssessive. Maybe. I am flexible, to some extent, in both opinion and behaviour. On the other hand, I do think I'm a bit compulsive; for example, I love to organize things... my library, my music and DVD collections, my wardrobe. Still, I can let all that go a little if I don't feel like being tidy. I like it when my own life has a "lived in" feel, you know?

Darlene's right; an obssession is a strong preoccupation with irrational ideas. A compulsion, on the other hand, is an irrational behaviour that allegedly brings relief from an obssession. The classic textbook example is the man who really, truly believes--who is obssessed with the idea--that his hands are full of germs and dirt and grease; he thus feels compelled to repeatedly wash his hands (sometimes even scrubbing them raw and bloody). One of my clients suffers from this (OCD, Obssessive-Compulsive Disorder).

There are parallels to crossdressing; the obssession would be that we are (or feel like) women, and the compulsion, as we all know, would be our need to "dress the part." I'm not sure how much water that holds. The fact that there's a social element to gender dysphoria, that it's not merely psychological, makes me think there's something else at work here. What that may be, I've yet to figure out. Has anyone, really?

It's important to remember that being compulsive or obssessive (or having those traits in our personality) isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it certainly doesn't mean we have a disorder. According to some of the latest studies, up to 90% of adults exhibit some form of obssessive-compulsive traits (again, I say "traits," not disorders). The man who keeps his workshop thoroughly organized and spotless; the woman who measures her ingredients to the millilitre when preparing a meal; the last worker to leave the plant who doubles back to check that every door is properly locked and all the machinery truly shut down; the cybernaut who organizes his Favorites folder according to some logical plan in the same way his bedsheets must be tucked just so; all these are harmless personality traits, not disorders. They become disorders when they cause those who exhibit such behaviours psychological distress. When Jack Nicholson, in As Good As It Gets, checks and double-checks and triple-checks all his door locks, he's none too happy about feeling compelled to do so. That he feels helpless to prevent himself from doing so leads to his being terribly anxious. That is a disorder; a personality trait, it ain't. So don't you all go beating yourselves over the head just because your literature shelf is alphabetically arranged by author, eh!

Love,
CJ

[Elizabeth]

CJ,

Thanks for you post, that really helped clear this up in mind to a large degree, but let me make sure I am getting this right. My obsession is that I feel like I am a girl, at least mentally and emotionally, and the compulsion is to dress like a female to express these feelings?

I agree that I am not so sure I can accept that. First, I have an obsessive/compulsive behavior about checking my front door lock. It is like I can never be certain I have checked it. It is like, "did I check it, or was I just thinking about checking?" I have checked the lock so many times in my life, I can never be certain. So every night before I go to bed, I end up checking the front door lock at least 2-3 times, even when I am certain I did, I still can not be certain, and even at times have to get out of bed and check again. Once I get the feeling that I am not certain that I verified it was locked, I am compelled to check it or I will not sleep and it will occupy my thoughts until I do.

Now, I admit that I do love dressing like a girl, but I don't have to. I just prefer it. I feel bad if I don't, but I can be distracted from it for short periods of time, which can get me through a day. It is more of a preference, than a compulsion. Example, I love tea, it is my primary beverage, but I can drink koolaid if there is no cold tea or cold water. It is not my preference, but I can drink it. And yes the whole time I am drinking it, I know I would prefer tea, but I can still drink it.

I know I don't have to dress. At least not all the time. Yes, there have been times I have felt a compulsion to dress, but not an overwhelming compulsion. I was able to wait until moments of opportunity, for instance. And of course there is the whole issue of Gender Dysphoria, which I certainly have. My compulsion to wear girls clothing is not irriational, because it is my beleif that my brain is in fact a girls brain. That at critical times of developement, my mother did not produce enough testosterone to cause my brain to develope completely into a male brain. At the time my mother was pregnant with me, she was 23. She already had five children ages 7, 5, 3, 1, and under 1 years of age. My dad worked out of town, was rarely around and my mother had to everything. She only had a 9th grade education, and failed the driving test 11 times because she got too nervous. I would say she was definitely under duress, and I also was born a full month premature.

So? do I have an irrational beleif that I am a girl in a boys body? or am I a girl in a boys body? How am I to know? This is the fundemental argument. All I know is that it feels right. It feels normal. I feel like I am supposed to be in girls clothes.

CJ? What do you make of all of this? How are we to know?

If any of my other sisters have any ideas or thoughts on this, or any of the SO's, it would be great to hear from you too.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Beauty]

Hi,

I think compulsion fits better. I think people who first come out are both because of the repression for all those years of being in the closet.

Beauty

[CJ]

Hi all,

Beauty,

You have a good point. Freedom to taste of our own self often sends us into overdrive (sometimes, to the great chagrin of those around us).

Elizabeth,

You also have a good point. In fact, what you bring up is crucial. I should amend what I say above to include the possibility that there may be physiological, as well as social and psychological, reasons for our wanting to be and to dress like women. If that turns out to be the case, we can no longer speak strictly of mental illness or psychiatric disturbance (a heading under which you'll find both Obssessive-Compulsive Disorder as well as Gender Dysphoria) because the very first thing a psychiatrist will do (or should do, at any rate) when diagnosing is to rule out any physiological reason for a behaviour. Usually, they'll look for brain lesions (say, the result of head injuries or tumors) or abnormal brain development; that endocrinological and genetic issues may also apply in the ruling out of mental illness is still a matter of some controversy (after all, there's a likelihood a strong genetic component exists for, say, schizophrenia, which is nevertheless still considered a mental illness).

For the record, my own approach to mental health is what they call "systemic" or "systems-based": I take as many of the possible reasons for a person's behaviour into account... her upbringing, her physical condition, her social relations, her economic status, her genetic and endocrinological heritage, her life orientations (beliefs, attitudes, etc.), her cognitive abilities (how she interprets what her senses tell her about the world), and her current situational difficulties (divorce, death of a loved one, etc). All these matter. Still, personally, I don't focus as much on the reasons for a person's behaviour as I do on the possible outcomes of that behaviour. That's a better base, I think, from which to hunt for some measure of peace with, and in, the world.

This is why I'm not sure what the connection is, if any, between OCD and Gender Dysphoria. I'm not entirely sure Gender Dysphoria is a valid medical diagnosis: the social element is too strong for me to think of it as purely a matter of personal psychological health. Of course, as a heterosexual transvestite (what the shrinks would call me), I would say that, n'est-ce pas?... I'm a little biased that way. I posted the following excerpt elsewhere on the forum, but I don't remember where now. It's one of the DSM's editor's view of Gender Idendity Disorder(remember, this is from a psychiatrist):

...[O]ne must keep in mind that masculine and feminine stereotypes, and the distress about not conforming to them, are culturally influenced and vary according to the developmental stage. [...] The cogent argument has been made that Gender Identity Disorder is not so much a problem in the individual but rather a manifestation of cultural intolerance toward differences in gender self-expression. --Am I Okay?: A Layman's Guide To The Psychiatrist's Bible. Frances, A. and First, M.B. Touchstone:1998 [pp. 184-185]

Anyway, all this is far from Tea Cake's original point, which was, er... what was TC's original point? Oh! Yeah. Is our sometimes obssessive nature a boon or a hindrance? Does it help us focus or not? Well, in my case, I think it does, indeed, help me focus... as long as that focus doesn't become too... well, too obssessive, I guess.

Love,
CJ