Well I just got back from my first meeting. This has been quite a wekend. I went from drab to femme each day on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and am femme now and too damn tired to change back even if I wanted to (I don't). The changing back and forth is exhausting (And no, being up til 5:30 AM and waking up 3 hours later has nothing to do with it!)
The meeting started with a guest speaker who is going to teach us how to be better listeners! What? I thought this was a support group for those wanting help with TS issues, not a corporate PC seminar!
Turns out they do this kind of thing twice a year and I just happened to hit one of those times for my first meeting. They touched on TS stuff but it really didn't answer the questions I wanted answered. Afterwards seven of us went to a local restaurant to eat and socialize. There were four full time post op TS (I think), one in male mode, one who was on HRT for the last 10 months and me.
This was a real eye opener. Only one of the four could easily pass, two for sure couldn't. I asked myself if I would want this life and the answer was "NO". It wasn't just an inability to pass it was more the lives they were leading. It just didn't appeal to me.
I have all kinds of fun getting dressed and going out. I meet a lot of great people and make new friends all the time. I have integrated myself pretty firmly into the GLBT community and I'm perfectly comfortable with that. I don't want to wake up an old lady one day. I want to enjoy life and I'm doing that now.
Maybe this feeling will die or I'll get tired of it and find their lives better that living on the fence, I don't know. What I do know is right now I'm staying just like this.
Julie
Transition Support Group Meeting #1
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
-
Julie M.
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 224
- Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2004 3:48 pm
-
Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi Julie--
I had the same experience. By going to the support group meetings, I saw how the different TG lives were playing out. I could listen to people talk, and weigh where I was on the scales.
It became clear to me that I wasn't TS at that time, and that I did need to go out in public as soon as I bought the clothes. It would have taken months to figure all that out without feedback. I was going crazy, though, and wanted to get a sense of direction.
I went to two or three meetings as a guy. I felt a little out of place, but I was determined to get the info I needed. After the third meeting, I decided I wasn't coming back until something changed. That's when it hit me (right as I crossed the street), "If I ever come back here, I'll be dressed as a woman." That was a shocking thought at that time--sure, I'd considered I was headed that way, but I hadn't really allowed myself to "see" that picture.
I'm glad you're getting into this. Especially the "socials" afterward. I learn a lot doing that. Of course we get read all over the place, but it's fun in a group.
A
I had the same experience. By going to the support group meetings, I saw how the different TG lives were playing out. I could listen to people talk, and weigh where I was on the scales.
It became clear to me that I wasn't TS at that time, and that I did need to go out in public as soon as I bought the clothes. It would have taken months to figure all that out without feedback. I was going crazy, though, and wanted to get a sense of direction.
I went to two or three meetings as a guy. I felt a little out of place, but I was determined to get the info I needed. After the third meeting, I decided I wasn't coming back until something changed. That's when it hit me (right as I crossed the street), "If I ever come back here, I'll be dressed as a woman." That was a shocking thought at that time--sure, I'd considered I was headed that way, but I hadn't really allowed myself to "see" that picture.
I'm glad you're getting into this. Especially the "socials" afterward. I learn a lot doing that. Of course we get read all over the place, but it's fun in a group.
A
-
Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Well its late and I have been trying to drown this flu bug with probably too many white russians, but you both, Anita and Julie just confirm what I believe, that we as crossdressers, just do not quite fit into the TS society. Oh its nice to talk with others and share stories and listen to what they have experienced and PLEASE DON'T GET ME WRONG, I support your atteneidng these meetings. Who knows, you can develop some lifelong friendships, BUT assuming the "standard" vanilla pure crossdresser he is just not going to fit. We are unique and unless those of us who are going to the SRS route or some aspect of it, even horomone thearpy, I think we "need to be among our own kind." GOD BLESS THIS FORUM - May SHE continue to afford is the love, empathy and friendship that we share here.
Just one slightly inebrated (not tooo easy) lady's opinion.
Love ya all!
Virginia
Just one slightly inebrated (not tooo easy) lady's opinion.
Love ya all!
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
-
Julie M.
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 224
- Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2004 3:48 pm
The more I think about this (and I probably think too much) the more I see my life in a state of flux. It's always changing and I like change. I get bored with the same old thing. This past week I have spent mostly dressed. Maybe I'm getting it out of my system (no sign of that yet) maybe I'm moving someplace else. It really doesn't matter.
I get questions put to me like, "Where is this going?"
I don't know. I've never been here before. I have no expereince in experiencing living the way it makes me happy. I have never felt this level of happiness before. It's all new to me. So I can't say where it's going. I want to follow my path for now and not the path everyone else wants me to follow. I tried that and it was leading to self-destruction.
So now I'm trying to live the life I want. Others around me may not like it but what they do like doesn't fit me. I know I need to develop the courage to truly follow my heart and live life one day at a time. I'm a hybrid. I live in the grey area between male and female, that area society thinks doesn't exist.
My wife asked, "What if you were blind? Would you still want to dress?"
But let's turn the table and ask her, "What if you were blind? Would you still feel the same way you do now?" Somehow I doubt it.
I'm following my path right now. I have never done this before in my life. It's filled with joy and sadness, excitement and disappointment, anticipation and frustration but at least it's a path I chose for myself and that's a first in my life.
I get questions put to me like, "Where is this going?"
I don't know. I've never been here before. I have no expereince in experiencing living the way it makes me happy. I have never felt this level of happiness before. It's all new to me. So I can't say where it's going. I want to follow my path for now and not the path everyone else wants me to follow. I tried that and it was leading to self-destruction.
So now I'm trying to live the life I want. Others around me may not like it but what they do like doesn't fit me. I know I need to develop the courage to truly follow my heart and live life one day at a time. I'm a hybrid. I live in the grey area between male and female, that area society thinks doesn't exist.
My wife asked, "What if you were blind? Would you still want to dress?"
But let's turn the table and ask her, "What if you were blind? Would you still feel the same way you do now?" Somehow I doubt it.
I'm following my path right now. I have never done this before in my life. It's filled with joy and sadness, excitement and disappointment, anticipation and frustration but at least it's a path I chose for myself and that's a first in my life.
-
DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
- Posts: 8222
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:04 am
- Location: No. Virginia
Not a good way to raise the question, but I think she was trying to ask, that is, she would like to know if it is the visual image you see of yourself when dressed, and does that make you want to do it more. Or do the way the clothes feel make you want to dress. It doesn't appear that she quite grasps that CDs, TVs, TGs, TSs have no real clue why we do what we do, and that there is a need to dress which I say we are born with.My wife asked, "What if you were blind? Would you still want to dress?"
Anyone not being blind would really be unable aswer her question. But I do remember reading about blind TGs such as at:
http://www.gender.org.uk/gendys/1999/08hrton.htm
Do a Ctrl F search for blind
Last edited by DonnaT on Mon Oct 25, 2004 12:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
DonnaT
-
Loretta Ann
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 2199
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
-
Patty M
- Miss Crystal Goddess
- Posts: 16
- Joined: Tue Aug 31, 2004 10:46 am
- Location: Ohio
Who knows?
Hi Julie,
Reading your post about life being in flux got me thinking. Who ever knows where life is taking them? If we knew, it would be really dull. The hardest part is learning to embrace the journey. I am still trying. I am presently considering attending a TG, TS meeting in my area but do not really think that I am TS. I do feel that I have to figure it out though. Hang in there.
Patty
Reading your post about life being in flux got me thinking. Who ever knows where life is taking them? If we knew, it would be really dull. The hardest part is learning to embrace the journey. I am still trying. I am presently considering attending a TG, TS meeting in my area but do not really think that I am TS. I do feel that I have to figure it out though. Hang in there.
Patty