"Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 8:50 pm

Just a quick question and if I get no responses that's fine too.
Lets say you are dressed, where, when, really not important, I guess. You get the question, "Are you a guy?" Could come from anyone, postman, restaurant manager, store employee, stranger. What do you say??
Example: "yes, but I am practicing for a TV appearance."
"yes, I am in an upcoming play and have to practice."
I guess my question is if we lie, are we not betraying not only ourself, but our sisters as well and our "movement?" I don't really have an answer, I think I would answer depending on were I was, who asked the question, what mood I was in. If you respond, just keep in mind this is simply a question if you were placed in a non-threating situation and were asked the question what would your "civil" response be.
You could choose to say, "I am a crossdresser, do you have a problem with that?" or just leave off the last phrase and state, " I am a crossdresser."
Just one girl's delimia
Virginia

Kathy · Post by **Kathy** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 9:12 pm

Hi Virginia,

My own feeling in regard to your question "... if we lie, are we not betraying not only ourself, but our sisters as well and our "movement?"; my answer to that is yes, I think a lie would be a disservice not only to myself but also to us all.

So, my answer to the query "Are you a guy?" would have to be yes. Where the conversation goes from there depends on the response I get back.

That is assuming a non-threatening situation.

Post by **DonnaT** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 10:38 pm

I think my answer would be "Most of the time."

Q: Well what are you the rest of the time?

A: Transgendered

Then the real discussion might begin.

CJ · Post by CJ » Wed Oct 27, 2004 11:19 pm

Hi all,

Virginia,

I have been asked this very question on several occasions and I always answer truthfully. "Yes, I'm a guy." People are never really upset when their suspicions are confirmed. What truly fazes them, though, is when I immediately ask a question in return: "Why do you ask?" You wouldn't believe some of the incredible conversations these four simple words can lead to.

Love,
CJ

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 2:15 am

Hi Virginia--
First off, the question would bother me. No one's ever asked me that. This is not because I pass so well--it's probably more because anyone can tell, if they look closely.

Since the question seems so rude to me, I'd probably snap off a smart-backside answer that wouldn't really answer it. But to answer YOUR question, no, I wouldn't lie about it.

Alexandra · Post by **Alexandra** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 3:12 am

"and you need to know because?"

"are those real"?

"for me to know and for you to never find out"?

Jaye · Post by **Jaye** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 6:49 am

I was only ever rudely outed the one time, December 31, 1993. I think I've posted this here before, but it's one of my favorite stories. I'd been out clubbing with my girlfriend and two gay friends, we got a little drunk, and went up the street to Denny's to eat some, to sober up a bit. No one said a negative word to me the whole time we were there, even when I got up mid-meal to make a bathroom run. On the way out, a black man across the restaurant shouts, "Hey! That's a man!" Remember, I'm a little drunk. I walked over to his table and said, in a loud voice, "Honey, I'm more of a man than you'll ever be, and more woman than you'll ever get!"

In those days, I spent most of my dressed time in places where no one cared how anyone was dressed. That'll all change in a couple of days. It'll be my first outing dressed in about ten years.

Kersten Lee · Post by **Kersten Lee** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 12:46 pm

Virginia,

You already know I am one that over annalizes questions. Your forthrightness is always refreshing. You help balance the forum with girls like me.

I used to worry a lot and then this last winter it finally happened in a mall. I failed myself and all of us. A group of high school girls were sitting watching the mall traffic. One girl said loudly, I think that is a guy. I looked back and they started laughing. I thought I was able to cope in such a situation and instead I turned and walked on briskly and returned to my car.

Now I know I would not do that again. I would walk over and say, yea, I am a guy, do I look funny? I would say it in good humor. Now I believe they probably would have been interested in talking to me and I could have taken care of myself well and who knows maybe opened there minds a bit to the possibilities. If they became mean then I would walk away.

I am still a little subserviant. If an individual asked in a good tone I would answer yes and comment that I hope I don't offend you. I do like expressing myself wearing women's clothes. See wear it goes from there.
If asked in a mean way I don't know what I would do.

If someone has an answer for me, not being an in your face kind of girl, I would like to hear it. I'm still slightly shy and still have a retreating type of personallity. I may worry to much and the places I go may never present someone who would intentionally wish to embarrass me. I don't know because I do not know how to respond. If we can come up with a non confrontational way to handle such a question, I would enjoy my outings much more with less worry of the unknown.

Thanks Virginia.
Kersten

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 2:53 pm

Hi Kersten--
Maybe no one's ever said "Hey, are you a guy?" directly, but they've certainly said it indirectly. A Frat guy and his friend were waiting in line behind at the grocery, and he was coming on like a politician: "And what's YOUR name?" We exchanged some pleasantries, and then he said, "Well, Anita, those are nice legs, but you need to shave above the knee, too."

What I thought ( too late) to say was, "You act like a gentleman, but you sure don't speak like one." And I would have said it with a breezy air and a little smile. That's one of the perks about being out dressed--gentle rebukes seem to carry more weight. What I did say was something like, "My, aren't YOU observant." which didn't have quite the snap I wanted.

I think you probably would have been able to get into a good discussion with those girls. It does help to have a certain amount of banter to trade, right at the beginning. After all, it's not every day someone sees one of us, and humor is often the first reaction to anything that's unusual.

Jaye--You GO (out there) Girl! Ten years is a long, long time. I take it that you were in a different locale, then? Is this a halloween outing, or a daily business kind of outing? Yay!
Anita

SophieLawson · Post by **SophieLawson** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 4:21 pm

Obviously I would say in a real deep voice, yes

I'd prolly say ... yeah why?

Sophie xx

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 4:26 pm

Hi Sis,

I would like to be able to respond by saying;

Well, seeing as you do not have a problem with being so bold, would you mind telling me what your interest is in asking me such a question?

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 8:07 pm

Hi Virginia,

I have never been asked this. Probably because I am not passable. It is obvious I am a guy. But I think what they really want to ask is "why are you dressed up as a girl?" And while I have never been asked this directly either, I have been asked by the look in thier eyes.

And when I see that look, I just look down at myself, in an expression of approval, and say. "this is who I am, it makes me feel like a whole person". No one has ever responded back.

I hope that answers your question.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Kersten Lee · Post by **Kersten Lee** » Thu Oct 28, 2004 9:26 pm

Thanks for the suggestions girls!

Elizabeth, your face looks very feminine to me as do so many others. I on the otherhand, well? I am happy when I look at myself but don't see myself as passible. Maybe I only need to build a little more confidence. I need to let go of the idea that I am only a man when dressed.

So many fine girls here taught me that it is all about confidence in ones self. Confidence definitely built more confidence last winter when I interacted with many nice people. I was treated as good back as was my confidence in myself. I've never desired to be a woman full time, but I do hope all of you that do, do find true happiness in some way.

With this discussion I feel I need to find more strength and belief in myself that I can pass. And the strength to respond strong and confident if I happen to be questioned. I will think of all of you when I finally go out again.

All of you are the best friends!

Hugs,
Kersten

Candice · Post by **Candice** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 2:35 am

i remember on halloween one year, i went out, and a stranger asked "why didn't you dress up young lady"

and i answered in a deep voice "guess i didn't feel like it" and they were really abashed, and said wow, good one! haha...

Barbara · Post by **Barbara** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 6:22 am

I've been asked "are you a man" -- my usual reply, which you would understand if you ever saw me, is "Du-u-uh!"

And on the few occasions when some lout has asked me "are those real?" I've generally responded "NO, you're imagining them."

But my fave situation has been when a curious GG asks "May I touch those?" My stock reply is "May I touch yours?" Sometimes I get lucky!