Hi katie,
I am not an so but a cd. Please read my last post (http://crossdressers-forum.com/forums/v ... 7&start=15) and maybe that will help you to see how a cd that really loves his wife feels.
Love,
Barbra carolyn
Katie's advice to Barbra
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Barbra
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 40
- Joined: Sun May 16, 2004 7:15 am
- Location: Central Alabama
- Contact:
Katie's advice to Barbra
My name is Barbra Carolyn and I would love to hear from others who have problems like me.
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Katie H (SO)
- New Member
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Mon Nov 01, 2004 10:13 am
Hi Barbra!
Thank you for noticing my writing. And sorry for answering so late. I don’t work every day and we don’t have an internet at home. I’m not sure can I help you. I suppose that you have already accepted yourself? If you have, here are few things which came to my mind that might help you to go on. I sympathize with both of you. Have you talk to her how you feel? We always say that it’s important to us (So’s) to tell him how we feel but as important it’s to you (CD’s) too. I’m so glad to hear that that you both are able to talk about it more. Keep talking! It may help.
She seems to accept it but are you perhaps afraid of that she doesn’t mean it? That she is just trying to please you? Are you afraid of that there will be the day when she says that she can’t take it anymore after all? If you feel this way you should tell her. Let her know that she doesn’t have to be alone with these things and that you are supporting her and ready to talk about anything she might ask from you. Let her know that you are ready to get professional help sometimes together if needed.
Are you unsure of yourself how you look when you are dressed and how she will react? If you aren’t sure what kind of clothes suits you best would it be possible to you to asked help from your wife? Would she be willing to help you? I think it’s better to start step by step without make-up than be fully dressed right away especially if you can’t be sure or can’t believe yet that she really can accept it. And ofcourse it would be good to make sure that you dressing anytime you feel is really okey for her. It might be better to yourself too. Is it maybe you who needs time to adjust yourself to this new situation because of your fears?
Some SO’s have said that seeing their husband or a boyfriend fully dressed too soon was too much for them to handle. Going step by step, when you have courage enough, could be better alternative. I realized myself things considering crossdressing little by little. Does she realize that crossdressing is always going to be part of your life? One important thing if you are sure already you don’t wan’t to change your gender etc. is to make clear that you are not going to change. That you are the same man as before. You just have this feminine side inside of you that you need to express sometimes. She needs your masculine side and it’s always good to hear and know that it won’t disappear. Have you told her how it helps you to survive “in men’s world” and control your stress? My boyfriend is always more relaxed after dressing and that suits me fine. He has always done his share of household chores. He handled those things already because we both lived a long time alone before we met each other. It’s quite important to wives and girlfriends too.
I don’t know how much she knows about crossdressing or does she want to know, but I think it’s better to offer information in small pieces so that she doesn’t feel “knocked out”.
One very important thing for a crossdresser to remember is that their SO’s may need a lot more attention and love than wives or girlfriends in ordinary relationship especially before and after dressing. For us it’s only hugs and kisses. It doesn’t have to be more than that. Maybe you should talk about this too with your wife when you (hopely) start to use more women’s clothes and later perhaps make-up.
We are just human beings and nobodys is perfect. But , being a crossdresser is nobodys fault. It’s just one of your qualities, not a fault. I really hope you have courage to solve your problems and I wish every luck to your marriage.
Looking forward to hear from you again!
Katie H (SO)
Thank you for noticing my writing. And sorry for answering so late. I don’t work every day and we don’t have an internet at home. I’m not sure can I help you. I suppose that you have already accepted yourself? If you have, here are few things which came to my mind that might help you to go on. I sympathize with both of you. Have you talk to her how you feel? We always say that it’s important to us (So’s) to tell him how we feel but as important it’s to you (CD’s) too. I’m so glad to hear that that you both are able to talk about it more. Keep talking! It may help.
She seems to accept it but are you perhaps afraid of that she doesn’t mean it? That she is just trying to please you? Are you afraid of that there will be the day when she says that she can’t take it anymore after all? If you feel this way you should tell her. Let her know that she doesn’t have to be alone with these things and that you are supporting her and ready to talk about anything she might ask from you. Let her know that you are ready to get professional help sometimes together if needed.
Are you unsure of yourself how you look when you are dressed and how she will react? If you aren’t sure what kind of clothes suits you best would it be possible to you to asked help from your wife? Would she be willing to help you? I think it’s better to start step by step without make-up than be fully dressed right away especially if you can’t be sure or can’t believe yet that she really can accept it. And ofcourse it would be good to make sure that you dressing anytime you feel is really okey for her. It might be better to yourself too. Is it maybe you who needs time to adjust yourself to this new situation because of your fears?
Some SO’s have said that seeing their husband or a boyfriend fully dressed too soon was too much for them to handle. Going step by step, when you have courage enough, could be better alternative. I realized myself things considering crossdressing little by little. Does she realize that crossdressing is always going to be part of your life? One important thing if you are sure already you don’t wan’t to change your gender etc. is to make clear that you are not going to change. That you are the same man as before. You just have this feminine side inside of you that you need to express sometimes. She needs your masculine side and it’s always good to hear and know that it won’t disappear. Have you told her how it helps you to survive “in men’s world” and control your stress? My boyfriend is always more relaxed after dressing and that suits me fine. He has always done his share of household chores. He handled those things already because we both lived a long time alone before we met each other. It’s quite important to wives and girlfriends too.
I don’t know how much she knows about crossdressing or does she want to know, but I think it’s better to offer information in small pieces so that she doesn’t feel “knocked out”.
One very important thing for a crossdresser to remember is that their SO’s may need a lot more attention and love than wives or girlfriends in ordinary relationship especially before and after dressing. For us it’s only hugs and kisses. It doesn’t have to be more than that. Maybe you should talk about this too with your wife when you (hopely) start to use more women’s clothes and later perhaps make-up.
We are just human beings and nobodys is perfect. But , being a crossdresser is nobodys fault. It’s just one of your qualities, not a fault. I really hope you have courage to solve your problems and I wish every luck to your marriage.
Looking forward to hear from you again!
Katie H (SO)