Hi all,
First, a proviso: I don't want this thread to be graphic. What I'm hoping for is an honest, open discussion about the subject that doesn't necessarily wallow in prurient details.
What I'm wondering is this. I've been asked about the frequency of my dressing and I can't help but feel there's a necesary link (for me) between my sexuality and my crossdressing. The frequency of my dressing will depend on just how healthy my libido really is.
I've been single for a while, now, and I have therefore become somewhat less of a "sexual" person, lately (especially in the past couple of years). This has had an impact on my dressing; I just don't dress that often. What I'm trying to figure out is, do I dress less because I don't really have a sex life worthy of the name? or do I seldom dress just because it's a need that may not be as pressing for me as it seems to be for others here?
In all the relationships I've had (a couple of them quite long-term), my SO's were fairly okay with the crossdressing. Still, in two or three instances, my crossdressing didn't really come into play (so to speak) in my relationhip with my SO's. Maybe I just didn't feel at ease enough to open up to them more fully about this side of me? (I'll admit that this was the case in my shorter-term relationships... say, six months or less.)
Is it even possible for me to understand what role sex plays in my crossdressing habits if I'm not in a sexual relationship with anyone? Heh. I sometimes feel like a marooned castaway trying to understand how newly-implemented traffic laws in a city 6,000 miles away will affect his driving habits.
Anyway, what do you all think? And, again, please, spare us the details. Generalities will do.
Love,
CJ
Dressing and sexuality
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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Loretta Ann
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Hi CJ.
The only contribution I feel I can make here is to tell you that as my libido has decreased. the more room there has been for me to enjoy (what I like to refer to as) the finer aspects of cross-dressing.
That is to say that I am now able to enjoy feeling right in my own skin. while cross-dressed more than I was able to before. It is almost as if my libido used to get in the way.
I don't think that is what you are looking for here, but that is all I can up with.
Love Darlene.
The only contribution I feel I can make here is to tell you that as my libido has decreased. the more room there has been for me to enjoy (what I like to refer to as) the finer aspects of cross-dressing.
That is to say that I am now able to enjoy feeling right in my own skin. while cross-dressed more than I was able to before. It is almost as if my libido used to get in the way.
I don't think that is what you are looking for here, but that is all I can up with.
Love Darlene.
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Violet
- Miss Platinum Goddess
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It has to do with my sexuality in that I feel like a sexier and more attractive person as Violet. Not just appearance wise, I'm sure there's really not much 'wrong' with my appearance as a male; it feels internally better because I'm more comfortable in my skin.
I have a very clear memory of the first time I shaved my body, looking in the mirror and for the first time ever that I can remember looking at my body and thinking, 'wow, I'm hot!' I'm a more sexual person enfemme, I'm more likely to flirt or to hot dance with someone and especially more likely to make the first move.
I have a very clear memory of the first time I shaved my body, looking in the mirror and for the first time ever that I can remember looking at my body and thinking, 'wow, I'm hot!' I'm a more sexual person enfemme, I'm more likely to flirt or to hot dance with someone and especially more likely to make the first move.
"There's something wrong with him. He should be mine, but he's not. His madness... his madness keeps him sane..."
Delirium, 'the Sandman', Niel Gaiman
INSANE GOTHIK DIVA SYNDROME
Delirium, 'the Sandman', Niel Gaiman
INSANE GOTHIK DIVA SYNDROME
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TamaraSegunda
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Dear CJ:
This is a really interesting question, but I'm not sure there's an easy, universal answer. It must be pretty subjective, don't you think?
As for myself, my libido tends to fluctuate (more so with age), but my Cross-gender dress and behavior impulses seem fairly constant. On the other hand, when my libido is in a positive swing, the idea of crossdressing (for example, if I read a piece of erotic fiction with a strong CD theme) can still raise my blood pressure a few points. It's a cliche, but I still believe it's true: the most powerful sex organ is the brain. Best wishes,
.......Tamara Segunda
This is a really interesting question, but I'm not sure there's an easy, universal answer. It must be pretty subjective, don't you think?
As for myself, my libido tends to fluctuate (more so with age), but my Cross-gender dress and behavior impulses seem fairly constant. On the other hand, when my libido is in a positive swing, the idea of crossdressing (for example, if I read a piece of erotic fiction with a strong CD theme) can still raise my blood pressure a few points. It's a cliche, but I still believe it's true: the most powerful sex organ is the brain. Best wishes,
.......Tamara Segunda
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Eloise Goth
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My dressing doesnt affect my libido at all,or vise versa.It has,however, changed my views on relationships.After several rejections from GG's because of the dressing, I have come to the decision that,in the main, relationships arent a major part of life today and I really cant understand it when some go on about really needing to be with someone.
I've been single for 5 years now, and rarely feel the desire to be with someone.
Maybe I'll just get a cat.
I've been single for 5 years now, and rarely feel the desire to be with someone.
Maybe I'll just get a cat.
And you thought I was dead.
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CJ
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Five years, Eloïse? Hmmmm... get two cats. 
Seriously, I understand where you're coming from. It's just that, for me, I've found that there are things about myself and others I could only learn by being partnered with someone (just as there are things I could only learn by being on my own). Anyway, this is a bit off-topic.
I want to thank you folks for your input. I'm still trying to sort out the nature and the frequency of my own desire to dress. I know that I've dressed (fully) more in the past year than I have in the previous six or seven. Which is strange to me. For one, those dressing sessions took on a decidedly "social" cast... pictures for the forum, for the calendar, for Halloween. Plus, I do find it a bit of a chore (even though I really enjoy the end result). I attribute this to the influence of the forum. On the one hand, I've never been so steeped in issues of crossdressing as I have in the past year, and, on the other, my sexual desire to crossdress has lessened considerably. It just feels strange, is all.
Anyway, again, thanks all.
Love,
CJ
Seriously, I understand where you're coming from. It's just that, for me, I've found that there are things about myself and others I could only learn by being partnered with someone (just as there are things I could only learn by being on my own). Anyway, this is a bit off-topic.
I want to thank you folks for your input. I'm still trying to sort out the nature and the frequency of my own desire to dress. I know that I've dressed (fully) more in the past year than I have in the previous six or seven. Which is strange to me. For one, those dressing sessions took on a decidedly "social" cast... pictures for the forum, for the calendar, for Halloween. Plus, I do find it a bit of a chore (even though I really enjoy the end result). I attribute this to the influence of the forum. On the one hand, I've never been so steeped in issues of crossdressing as I have in the past year, and, on the other, my sexual desire to crossdress has lessened considerably. It just feels strange, is all.
Anyway, again, thanks all.
Love,
CJ
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Cathy L. Anderson
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Re: Dressing and sexuality
Hi CJ,
You ask an important and neglected question. I ofdten wonder about the link between sex hormones (androgens, etrogens, etc.) and crossdressing.
This is not a theory, just speculation. But here are some observations:
1. Many people report cyclical phases of crossdressing.
.
2. Some physicians give low doses of estrogen to CD patients-- not to satisfy their female urges, but because the estrogen apparently reduces libido, at which point some CDs lose interest in CDing.
.
3. During times when my male hormones appear low (as evidenced by low beard growth) my crossdressing appears to diminish.
.
4. Interestingly, when I work out too much, I sometimes experience
more interest in CDing. In this case I wonder if it is because my male hormones increase libido, or because the male hormones cause
a feedback reaction which releases female hormones or something like that. (Subjectively, it feels more like the latter--like my
body is trying to restore balance by initiating a 'feminizing' response).
.
It would be very interesting to to a study which tries to monitor CDs--measuring their serum hormone levels daily and correlating this with their CD behavior.
Cheers,
Cathy
You ask an important and neglected question. I ofdten wonder about the link between sex hormones (androgens, etrogens, etc.) and crossdressing.
This is not a theory, just speculation. But here are some observations:
1. Many people report cyclical phases of crossdressing.
.
2. Some physicians give low doses of estrogen to CD patients-- not to satisfy their female urges, but because the estrogen apparently reduces libido, at which point some CDs lose interest in CDing.
.
3. During times when my male hormones appear low (as evidenced by low beard growth) my crossdressing appears to diminish.
.
4. Interestingly, when I work out too much, I sometimes experience
more interest in CDing. In this case I wonder if it is because my male hormones increase libido, or because the male hormones cause
a feedback reaction which releases female hormones or something like that. (Subjectively, it feels more like the latter--like my
body is trying to restore balance by initiating a 'feminizing' response).
.
It would be very interesting to to a study which tries to monitor CDs--measuring their serum hormone levels daily and correlating this with their CD behavior.
Cheers,
Cathy
"male ego. female ego. is either real?"CJ wrote:tat tvam asi
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Terri(SO)
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CJ
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Hi all,
Tamara,
You're right; it is pretty subjective. But "subjective" doesn't necessarily mean "unique." I guess another reason I posted this is to see if anyone else was trying to figure this out about themselves. See, many of you are partnered, in a relationship, so, in a way, you have a "mirror" to your own sexuality. Your sex life includes another person. Not so when you're single. For me, that makes it a tad harder to gauge the import of my own crossdressing, in relation to my sex drive. I might just have to get back to you on that one only once I've found the person I'll be sharing myself with. We'll see. Thanks for your input, Tamara!
Cathy,
Concerning your observations, yes, I've felt some of that, too. Although my own crossdressing can be episodic as well, those ups and downs seem related more to my moods than to my sexuality. Could it be that it's because my libido is "episodic," too? Maybe. Again, hard to say, when you're alone. By the way, the fact that my crossdressing is sometimes more present in my life and sometimes less so is the reason I never get rid of my stuff anymore; I know the "urge" always comes back. I haven't purged in years. I might soon have to rent a second apartment just to store my clothes, shoes, and accessories.
Hmmm... I never thought of my "cycles" in terms of hormonal effects. Of course, there's a lot truth to that. I don't necessarily want my desires to lessen, though--my libido isn't that strong to begin with--so taking estrogen (whether for its "positive" effects or for its "negative" ones) isn't really an option for me. Maybe this is where a subtle line is drawn between the needs and wishes of a crossdresser and those of a transgenderist or transsexual; the former (such as myself) don't have a need to express their femininity at the expense of a large part of their ability to enjoy sex as a man whereas the latter experience so powerful a psychological drive to present as female that they're willing to sacrifice a goodly chunk of their libido by taking hormones or T-blockers. Anyway, this is all conjecture; there can be a thousand and one reasons people do the things they do and feel the things they feel.
You're right, Cathy, it would be interesting to examine the correlation between hormone levels and crossdressing. You know, I'm not so sure that hasn't been done already. MedLine is full of just such research papers. Anyway, thanks, also, for your input. It's fun getting some feedback on this.
Love,
CJ
P.S.
Good one, Terri! How true!
Tamara,
You're right; it is pretty subjective. But "subjective" doesn't necessarily mean "unique." I guess another reason I posted this is to see if anyone else was trying to figure this out about themselves. See, many of you are partnered, in a relationship, so, in a way, you have a "mirror" to your own sexuality. Your sex life includes another person. Not so when you're single. For me, that makes it a tad harder to gauge the import of my own crossdressing, in relation to my sex drive. I might just have to get back to you on that one only once I've found the person I'll be sharing myself with. We'll see. Thanks for your input, Tamara!
Cathy,
Concerning your observations, yes, I've felt some of that, too. Although my own crossdressing can be episodic as well, those ups and downs seem related more to my moods than to my sexuality. Could it be that it's because my libido is "episodic," too? Maybe. Again, hard to say, when you're alone. By the way, the fact that my crossdressing is sometimes more present in my life and sometimes less so is the reason I never get rid of my stuff anymore; I know the "urge" always comes back. I haven't purged in years. I might soon have to rent a second apartment just to store my clothes, shoes, and accessories.
Hmmm... I never thought of my "cycles" in terms of hormonal effects. Of course, there's a lot truth to that. I don't necessarily want my desires to lessen, though--my libido isn't that strong to begin with--so taking estrogen (whether for its "positive" effects or for its "negative" ones) isn't really an option for me. Maybe this is where a subtle line is drawn between the needs and wishes of a crossdresser and those of a transgenderist or transsexual; the former (such as myself) don't have a need to express their femininity at the expense of a large part of their ability to enjoy sex as a man whereas the latter experience so powerful a psychological drive to present as female that they're willing to sacrifice a goodly chunk of their libido by taking hormones or T-blockers. Anyway, this is all conjecture; there can be a thousand and one reasons people do the things they do and feel the things they feel.
You're right, Cathy, it would be interesting to examine the correlation between hormone levels and crossdressing. You know, I'm not so sure that hasn't been done already. MedLine is full of just such research papers. Anyway, thanks, also, for your input. It's fun getting some feedback on this.
Love,
CJ
P.S.
Good one, Terri! How true!
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Virginia
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WEll I am sure that Virginia is not unique in this, but as "we" have traveled on this "Magical Mystery Tour" it has been interesting to say the least. Dressing has become somewhat secondary to the feminine mystique that Virginia has presented, oft times when I am "en drab." This personna has really revealed its strength since my wife's illness. As Tamara said the brain being the strongest sex organ, and from whince comes Virginia, when she wants to dress she wants to look nice, not that jeans and a sweat shirt can not be "sexy" she just does not see it that way. I as a male think she is very pretty and I, as a male, do what I can to see that she is happy with her appearance. When she is dressed and I see her in the mirror does she turn me on - God I hope so!! I ain't dead yet and I love beautiful women. How often? it varies and my situation seems to be in constant flux. But at this time Virginia seems quite content.
Don't know if this hekped, but she gave it a shot!
Love,
Virginia
Don't know if this hekped, but she gave it a shot!
Love,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Elizabeth
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Hi girls,
CJ, yes good topic. I too have wondered very much about these issues myself. While there is no direct correlation between my sex drive and desire to dress, it would seem that my ability to dress does in fact affect my sex drive.
I am not sure I am the best example to use, because before coming out of the closet, I was what one might call a "hypersexual", in that I had an extremely high libido, and need to "relieve myself" many times a day, even if my spouse was unwilling to participate, which for the last year of our marriage, was almost all the time.
However, after coming out of the closet, that need has completely subsided. I am not only not hypersexual anymore, but I at times I have no interest in sex at all. This is a new experience for me, and I must admit, kind of a releif. My sex drive used to consume a great deal of my life, and my thoughts, and I am sure this was a major contributor to the end of my marriage.
However, these changes in my sex drive have no effect whatsoever on my desires to be dressed in female clothes, or my attarction to female artifacts, just as linens, stuffed animals, etc.
Because I was not allowed to dress for the previous 14 years of my marriage, and I kept my promise not to, I really don't know if there was a link between my desires to dress, and my sex drive. Both seemed persistant.
I have never looked in the mirror in boy mode and thought I was attractive. Not once. However I think I am quite attractive when I have makeup on and have on women's clothes. I have always assumed that this was because I don't find men attractive, and i do find women attractive. And the same reason that I think makeup can make a woman more attractive, I feel it makes me more attractive, since to me, I always still look like a man with makeup on.
So? This probably did not really answer anything for you, but I wanted to add my feelings since I am now single, and free to dress or not dress as I please. Hope that helps.
Love always,
Elizabeth
CJ, yes good topic. I too have wondered very much about these issues myself. While there is no direct correlation between my sex drive and desire to dress, it would seem that my ability to dress does in fact affect my sex drive.
I am not sure I am the best example to use, because before coming out of the closet, I was what one might call a "hypersexual", in that I had an extremely high libido, and need to "relieve myself" many times a day, even if my spouse was unwilling to participate, which for the last year of our marriage, was almost all the time.
However, after coming out of the closet, that need has completely subsided. I am not only not hypersexual anymore, but I at times I have no interest in sex at all. This is a new experience for me, and I must admit, kind of a releif. My sex drive used to consume a great deal of my life, and my thoughts, and I am sure this was a major contributor to the end of my marriage.
However, these changes in my sex drive have no effect whatsoever on my desires to be dressed in female clothes, or my attarction to female artifacts, just as linens, stuffed animals, etc.
Because I was not allowed to dress for the previous 14 years of my marriage, and I kept my promise not to, I really don't know if there was a link between my desires to dress, and my sex drive. Both seemed persistant.
I have never looked in the mirror in boy mode and thought I was attractive. Not once. However I think I am quite attractive when I have makeup on and have on women's clothes. I have always assumed that this was because I don't find men attractive, and i do find women attractive. And the same reason that I think makeup can make a woman more attractive, I feel it makes me more attractive, since to me, I always still look like a man with makeup on.
So? This probably did not really answer anything for you, but I wanted to add my feelings since I am now single, and free to dress or not dress as I please. Hope that helps.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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Eloise Goth
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Kathy
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Hi All,
CJ, interesting thread, as usual!
I mentioned, in previous posts that, from my late teens through early thirtys, my dressing was closely linked with my sexuality. When I dressed it was almost invariably as a release of tension in that area. What I also found during that period was, when I entered into a relationship my dressing came to a full stop for the duration. After the relationship ended, it was usually not long before the "need" to dress returned.
As I got older and my libido slowed a bit, it was for me much as Darlene described. I enjoyed the dressing more for the sake of dressing than for any sexual release.
Now, it has been over 23 years since I have been involved in anything more than a platonic relationship. In that time, I have gone through a number of starts and stops of various durations. I honestly don't believe I could link how much I did or did not dress to any one factor. But, if I had to pick out one that seemed to play more of a role than others, it was how I felt about myself. Even going back to my earlier years, when I was in a relationship I was usually feeling good about things so that may have contributed as much to not dressing as having a steady partner. Between relationships, loneliness and insecurity tended to creep in. I also tended to dress more. Is there a pattern there? Perhaps. But then there is the last 23 years. Maybe I just got comfortable being alone as well as dwelling less on sexuality. There have been times when things were going my way and I was feeling really good but still I was dressing as much as I could get away with. There have been times when I was feeling down that I didn't dress at all.
Then I lost my job, my parents fell ill and I wore women's clothing 24/7 for nearly 2 years with only short intervals of down time. Can I explain any of this??? Not a chance!
A very few short months ago I made a personal breakthrough. I accepted this part of me as just that... a part of me. I decided I wasn't going to worry about it any more. If I felt like dressing I would do so. If not then...
And I haven't put on a single item of women's clothing since that day.
Yes, there is a link between crossdressing and sexuality and that link varies from person to person. But it also runs much deeper than that. It is a part of who we are. Enjoy it when it happens and don't worry about it when it doesn't.
Oh, and yes Eloise, two cats are much more fun than one!
CJ, interesting thread, as usual!
I mentioned, in previous posts that, from my late teens through early thirtys, my dressing was closely linked with my sexuality. When I dressed it was almost invariably as a release of tension in that area. What I also found during that period was, when I entered into a relationship my dressing came to a full stop for the duration. After the relationship ended, it was usually not long before the "need" to dress returned.
As I got older and my libido slowed a bit, it was for me much as Darlene described. I enjoyed the dressing more for the sake of dressing than for any sexual release.
Now, it has been over 23 years since I have been involved in anything more than a platonic relationship. In that time, I have gone through a number of starts and stops of various durations. I honestly don't believe I could link how much I did or did not dress to any one factor. But, if I had to pick out one that seemed to play more of a role than others, it was how I felt about myself. Even going back to my earlier years, when I was in a relationship I was usually feeling good about things so that may have contributed as much to not dressing as having a steady partner. Between relationships, loneliness and insecurity tended to creep in. I also tended to dress more. Is there a pattern there? Perhaps. But then there is the last 23 years. Maybe I just got comfortable being alone as well as dwelling less on sexuality. There have been times when things were going my way and I was feeling really good but still I was dressing as much as I could get away with. There have been times when I was feeling down that I didn't dress at all.
Then I lost my job, my parents fell ill and I wore women's clothing 24/7 for nearly 2 years with only short intervals of down time. Can I explain any of this??? Not a chance!
A very few short months ago I made a personal breakthrough. I accepted this part of me as just that... a part of me. I decided I wasn't going to worry about it any more. If I felt like dressing I would do so. If not then...
And I haven't put on a single item of women's clothing since that day.
Yes, there is a link between crossdressing and sexuality and that link varies from person to person. But it also runs much deeper than that. It is a part of who we are. Enjoy it when it happens and don't worry about it when it doesn't.
Oh, and yes Eloise, two cats are much more fun than one!
Whatever you accomplish in life is a manifestation not so much of what you do, as of what you believe deeply within yourself that you deserve. - Les Brown
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Nick
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Captain Kirk: Fascinating. Analysis, Mister Spock?
Spock: I cannot give an analysis at this time, the mating rituals on my home planet of Vulcan are much different than those of humans...
Captain Kirk: You are right. Maybe it's something in the water...
Spock: Perhaps. Earth does seem to have quite a large amount of the said substance, which mine mean that the mating rituals of humans could be better contained if we take away their supply of water.
Captain Kirk: Mister Spock, you're a genius! We should have thought of that nearly 500 years ago, back when George W. Bush was in office!
Anywho... weird Star Trek joke aside...
I can't say that my CDing has a lot to do with my sexuality. I mean, I would love to be able to make love to a woman while en femme, because I would feel more like myself, but I don't think that my dressing is directly connected to my sexual desires. I tend to dress more when I'm feeling down. I more of an emotional person than a sexual person I guess one could say. My last ex will tell you that (we're still good friends, so it's cool).
Spock: I cannot give an analysis at this time, the mating rituals on my home planet of Vulcan are much different than those of humans...
Captain Kirk: You are right. Maybe it's something in the water...
Spock: Perhaps. Earth does seem to have quite a large amount of the said substance, which mine mean that the mating rituals of humans could be better contained if we take away their supply of water.
Captain Kirk: Mister Spock, you're a genius! We should have thought of that nearly 500 years ago, back when George W. Bush was in office!
Anywho... weird Star Trek joke aside...
I can't say that my CDing has a lot to do with my sexuality. I mean, I would love to be able to make love to a woman while en femme, because I would feel more like myself, but I don't think that my dressing is directly connected to my sexual desires. I tend to dress more when I'm feeling down. I more of an emotional person than a sexual person I guess one could say. My last ex will tell you that (we're still good friends, so it's cool).