Our view of ourselves
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Maggie
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2004 2:44 pm
- Location: USA
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Beauty
- Retired Site Administrator
- Posts: 3662
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:30 am
- Location: Northern VA
- Contact:
I voted for the first one. -
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Hi girls,
Once again this poll reflects just how diversified we are as crossdressers and just how different we all experience it. It is interesting for me to see that so many have such a positive image of themselves in boy mode. I presume because of how I feel about myself.
I had assumed that crossdressing was more closely linked to a poor image of oneself in boy mode, but it turns out that is only true for some people. And as many times as I have heard someone here say that they like thier maleness, it should have clicked by now.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for participating, I just love learning about everyone, buit mostly it helps me understand myself better.
Love always,
Elizabeth
Once again this poll reflects just how diversified we are as crossdressers and just how different we all experience it. It is interesting for me to see that so many have such a positive image of themselves in boy mode. I presume because of how I feel about myself.
I had assumed that crossdressing was more closely linked to a poor image of oneself in boy mode, but it turns out that is only true for some people. And as many times as I have heard someone here say that they like thier maleness, it should have clicked by now.
Anyway, thanks to everyone for participating, I just love learning about everyone, buit mostly it helps me understand myself better.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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Loretta Ann
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 2199
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
Elisabeth,
Until I was able to acknowledge the reality of Darlene being in my life. Then allowing her to be there, I was unable to have such a positive image of my self in boy mode.
That may the reason you assumed that crossdressing was more closely linked to a poor image of oneself in boy mode.
Love Darlene.
Until I was able to acknowledge the reality of Darlene being in my life. Then allowing her to be there, I was unable to have such a positive image of my self in boy mode.
That may the reason you assumed that crossdressing was more closely linked to a poor image of oneself in boy mode.
Love Darlene.
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Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Darlene,
Could you please expand on that? Because I have accepted Elizabeth as not only being in my life, but really being who I am. Also, strangely I look at pictures of me when I was a young man and I can see I was an attractive man, but I clearly remember not thinking that at the time. And still today, even when women tell me I am attractive, I don't beleive it. I don't look attractive as a male, to me.
What I thought was that I did not look how I wanted to look. I wanted to look like a girl. This caused me not to care a whole lot about how I looked. But also I figured that because I was attracted to women, that I only knew how to look for feminine beauty. I figured it was normal not to think I was attractive, because I just did not find men attractive.
Love always,
Elizabeth
Could you please expand on that? Because I have accepted Elizabeth as not only being in my life, but really being who I am. Also, strangely I look at pictures of me when I was a young man and I can see I was an attractive man, but I clearly remember not thinking that at the time. And still today, even when women tell me I am attractive, I don't beleive it. I don't look attractive as a male, to me.
What I thought was that I did not look how I wanted to look. I wanted to look like a girl. This caused me not to care a whole lot about how I looked. But also I figured that because I was attracted to women, that I only knew how to look for feminine beauty. I figured it was normal not to think I was attractive, because I just did not find men attractive.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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Loretta Ann
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 2199
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
Ok Elisabeth I will try but not sure it will help much.
The day I finally realized that I had accepted Darlene as a part of me, I began to realize some major changes taking place inside of me. Mind you I had been working on myself for about 11 years prior to that and had experienced a great deal of success up to that point. you might say I sort of came at it backwards to what you have experienced.
Any how those changes that happened inside of me made me a much stronger person. All of a sudden many things that bothered me about other people no longer affected me. I was no longer controlled by things that others did that were not right, and was able to focus on positive things instead of becoming disturbed inside and having to deal with things like anger resentment being anxious etc. I discovered that the times when I used to become upset over what someone did or said were in fact golden opportunities for success, that I had been missing out on. So I began to really like who I was period no matter how I was dressed.
Also after having experienced the power that gave me, I began to search for ways to to be free of other things that bothered me, and found solutions to that as well. And that is where my signature comes from.
Now I know some of you are going to read this and say ya right who does she think she is fooling. And to those of who have that opinion, That is what Christ has done for me. (not organized religion) And that is why I have no need to push Christianity, and in fact prefer to stay clear of it. You can take this or leave it, it matters not a tinkers hoot to me. I have no desire (and see no need) to carny this part of the conversation any farther. But have only submitted it as an explanation. And desire to leave it at that.
Don't know if this is of any help Elizabeth but that has been my experience.
Love Darlene.
The day I finally realized that I had accepted Darlene as a part of me, I began to realize some major changes taking place inside of me. Mind you I had been working on myself for about 11 years prior to that and had experienced a great deal of success up to that point. you might say I sort of came at it backwards to what you have experienced.
Any how those changes that happened inside of me made me a much stronger person. All of a sudden many things that bothered me about other people no longer affected me. I was no longer controlled by things that others did that were not right, and was able to focus on positive things instead of becoming disturbed inside and having to deal with things like anger resentment being anxious etc. I discovered that the times when I used to become upset over what someone did or said were in fact golden opportunities for success, that I had been missing out on. So I began to really like who I was period no matter how I was dressed.
Also after having experienced the power that gave me, I began to search for ways to to be free of other things that bothered me, and found solutions to that as well. And that is where my signature comes from.
Now I know some of you are going to read this and say ya right who does she think she is fooling. And to those of who have that opinion, That is what Christ has done for me. (not organized religion) And that is why I have no need to push Christianity, and in fact prefer to stay clear of it. You can take this or leave it, it matters not a tinkers hoot to me. I have no desire (and see no need) to carny this part of the conversation any farther. But have only submitted it as an explanation. And desire to leave it at that.
Don't know if this is of any help Elizabeth but that has been my experience.
Love Darlene.
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi Darlene--
I like that post a lot. I get a clear picture of the process you're describing.
It saves much time in this life to be able to resolve conflict inside myself, rather than having to project it outside onto some other person or thing.
Crossdressing is one of the best examples of this. I am not going to argue about whether I feel like a woman, or whether I really know how a woman feels. All I can say for certain is that living out this part of me (a person who displays feminine qualities) is a doorway to solving problems that used to get in the way.
Maybe in an ideal world gender should not limit our thinking, but it did limit mine. My three sisters all think that I should have been able to solve these problems without going to such an extreme. "Couldn't you just continue being a sensitive man?" was basically the way they put it.
No, I couldn't. I ran up against the limits of thinking like a man, and behaving like a man is supposed to behave. I can understand why it angers them to see me crossing the line into "their" territory, and at the same time, that is what works for me now.
I like that post a lot. I get a clear picture of the process you're describing.
It saves much time in this life to be able to resolve conflict inside myself, rather than having to project it outside onto some other person or thing.
Crossdressing is one of the best examples of this. I am not going to argue about whether I feel like a woman, or whether I really know how a woman feels. All I can say for certain is that living out this part of me (a person who displays feminine qualities) is a doorway to solving problems that used to get in the way.
Maybe in an ideal world gender should not limit our thinking, but it did limit mine. My three sisters all think that I should have been able to solve these problems without going to such an extreme. "Couldn't you just continue being a sensitive man?" was basically the way they put it.
No, I couldn't. I ran up against the limits of thinking like a man, and behaving like a man is supposed to behave. I can understand why it angers them to see me crossing the line into "their" territory, and at the same time, that is what works for me now.
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Merinda
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 959
- Joined: Fri May 28, 2004 11:07 pm
- Location: Melbourne Australia
Elizabeth wrote: I don't look attractive as a male, to me.
What I thought was that I did not look how I wanted to look. I wanted to look like a girl. This caused me not to care a whole lot about how I looked. But also I figured that because I was attracted to women, that I only knew how to look for feminine beauty. I figured it was normal not to think I was attractive, because I just did not find men attractive.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I'm with you Elizabeth ,
I just cant see male attractivness in any way , I can only see female beauty.
Most woman found/find me unattractive so that only proves I am right about myself .
Merinda
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Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Hi girls,
Darlene,
It sounds like what you are saying is that once you accept yourself from within, you will be happy with who you are on the outside. I totally agree with this tp a point. But there are aspects of body image that are not tied to self image.
Anita,
I love who I am now, regardless of how I am dressed. It is more of an anecdote that I don't find myself attractive as a man. Perhaps I just don't want to be attractive as a man. Like I said, I can look at pictures of me when I was a young man, and I can see that I was handsome. But I have been looking at these pictures for over 20 years. It is only in the last few years that I realized I was handsome back then. 10 years ago when I looked at those pictures I did not look handsome to me.
Perhaps time itself seperates that person from me, and allows me to see my former self as handsome, because I can no longer look like that? Because as a man, I still do not look handsome to me. But when I am made up, I feel pretty. Perhaps it is this distinction itself? Perhaps I just don't want to be handsome, because it is so "unpretty"?
Girls,
I know that there are lots of things that go on in the mind with body image. I am not talking about self image which is how we feel about ourselve, but instead, only how we feel about our bodies. I know that there is some connection between self image and body image, but they really are two different things. You can have a great self image and a poor body image, and you can have a great body image and a poor self image.
I am curious why I have never been able to see myself as being an attactive male, even when I was told I was attractive, except in hindsight? For a long time I have just accepted it. But that has a lot to do with my desire to be Elizabeth all the time. I feel attractive when dressed, and I don't feel attractive dressed as a man. So? It makes me happier to be dressed in girl mode all the time. so I do.
Love always,
Elizabeth
Darlene,
It sounds like what you are saying is that once you accept yourself from within, you will be happy with who you are on the outside. I totally agree with this tp a point. But there are aspects of body image that are not tied to self image.
Anita,
I love who I am now, regardless of how I am dressed. It is more of an anecdote that I don't find myself attractive as a man. Perhaps I just don't want to be attractive as a man. Like I said, I can look at pictures of me when I was a young man, and I can see that I was handsome. But I have been looking at these pictures for over 20 years. It is only in the last few years that I realized I was handsome back then. 10 years ago when I looked at those pictures I did not look handsome to me.
Perhaps time itself seperates that person from me, and allows me to see my former self as handsome, because I can no longer look like that? Because as a man, I still do not look handsome to me. But when I am made up, I feel pretty. Perhaps it is this distinction itself? Perhaps I just don't want to be handsome, because it is so "unpretty"?
Girls,
I know that there are lots of things that go on in the mind with body image. I am not talking about self image which is how we feel about ourselve, but instead, only how we feel about our bodies. I know that there is some connection between self image and body image, but they really are two different things. You can have a great self image and a poor body image, and you can have a great body image and a poor self image.
I am curious why I have never been able to see myself as being an attactive male, even when I was told I was attractive, except in hindsight? For a long time I have just accepted it. But that has a lot to do with my desire to be Elizabeth all the time. I feel attractive when dressed, and I don't feel attractive dressed as a man. So? It makes me happier to be dressed in girl mode all the time. so I do.
Love always,
Elizabeth
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Loretta Ann
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 2199
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
Hi All,
Anita,
I also like your post a lot. Thank you for that contribution.
Elizabeth,
Why is it so important for you to look pretty? What need is that attempting to meet? Why is it so important to be something or someone you are not in order in feel good about your yourself? I know you think you are not a male on the inside, but you are on the outside. In my opinion no matter what extent we go to, to change the outside appearance of which SRS is only a further extension of the clothes, make up etc. There will always be apart of us that is male. The very fact that we will never be able to bear children is proof of that. So no matter what we do there will always be something there that we don't like about ourselves.
Are we saying we need to get rid of the things that we can not accept about ourselves? And if we are where does that end? Should we then attempt to get rid of everything else in this world that we can not justify, in order to feel good about ourselves? Where does it stop? I guess the question I ask myself is does presenting myself occasionally in male mode hurt who I am? And for me the answer is definitely not.
I guess what I am saying is there are many pieces to the finished picture, accepting the fact that we have softer delicate side to us is just one of them, and it will depend on how many of those pieces we are able to incorporate within, that will determine our view of ourselves.
And I have found that there are pieces of the picture that until they are found will prevent us from progressing, Not having them Blocks us. Like Beauty has said it is a journey that took her decades. It is not something one can achieve in a hurry, although we all including yours truly would like to. The best one can do is to enjoy the journey.
I like the way Leslie said it. I think there might be some wisdom in realizing the reality, that this is an unjust world, always will be. Although it may not be easy just as it was difficult at one time to accept the reality that there is no Santa. We at some time would benefit from facing that and concentrate on learning how to best live with that reality.
One of the pieces of the larger picture obviously is to realize that we as cross-dressers are not perfect. I don't think it is possible to attempt to live as one without realizing that. Yet the picture I get from many of us here is that we would like to make this a perfect world. I would personally like to see more text here with information of how one has succeeded to live victoriously in this imperfect world as opposed to attempting to change this imperfect world. Although positively changing the world is healthy it is not the whole picture.
Acceptance of, and love for, the essential mystery of our own existence enables us to cast off our troubled views of that existence. Thank you for that CJ.
There may be more here than applies directly to you Elizabeth. I have included it as I feel it is part and parcel of what needed to be said here.
Love Darlene.
Anita,
I also like your post a lot. Thank you for that contribution.
Elizabeth,
Why is it so important for you to look pretty? What need is that attempting to meet? Why is it so important to be something or someone you are not in order in feel good about your yourself? I know you think you are not a male on the inside, but you are on the outside. In my opinion no matter what extent we go to, to change the outside appearance of which SRS is only a further extension of the clothes, make up etc. There will always be apart of us that is male. The very fact that we will never be able to bear children is proof of that. So no matter what we do there will always be something there that we don't like about ourselves.
Are we saying we need to get rid of the things that we can not accept about ourselves? And if we are where does that end? Should we then attempt to get rid of everything else in this world that we can not justify, in order to feel good about ourselves? Where does it stop? I guess the question I ask myself is does presenting myself occasionally in male mode hurt who I am? And for me the answer is definitely not.
I guess what I am saying is there are many pieces to the finished picture, accepting the fact that we have softer delicate side to us is just one of them, and it will depend on how many of those pieces we are able to incorporate within, that will determine our view of ourselves.
And I have found that there are pieces of the picture that until they are found will prevent us from progressing, Not having them Blocks us. Like Beauty has said it is a journey that took her decades. It is not something one can achieve in a hurry, although we all including yours truly would like to. The best one can do is to enjoy the journey.
I like the way Leslie said it. I think there might be some wisdom in realizing the reality, that this is an unjust world, always will be. Although it may not be easy just as it was difficult at one time to accept the reality that there is no Santa. We at some time would benefit from facing that and concentrate on learning how to best live with that reality.
One of the pieces of the larger picture obviously is to realize that we as cross-dressers are not perfect. I don't think it is possible to attempt to live as one without realizing that. Yet the picture I get from many of us here is that we would like to make this a perfect world. I would personally like to see more text here with information of how one has succeeded to live victoriously in this imperfect world as opposed to attempting to change this imperfect world. Although positively changing the world is healthy it is not the whole picture.
Acceptance of, and love for, the essential mystery of our own existence enables us to cast off our troubled views of that existence. Thank you for that CJ.
There may be more here than applies directly to you Elizabeth. I have included it as I feel it is part and parcel of what needed to be said here.
Love Darlene.