Research on the inner self

Gelinda · Post by **Gelinda** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 1:22 pm

I have read a lot about the inner self on this forum, from so many people. I am glad to see that so many are happy with their inner self. But how did you get their.

This CD part of use seems so wrong to me for a man to be. I was happy with myself and the CD side of myself. but of late when I look at my grand-daughter, it feels so wrong. my problem is I do not know why.

My wife is thinking of moving in this house with me instead of staying in the house in Texas which I can't wait for. But that opens a can of worms also. She knows of my CD side but has never had to deal with it. I only do it when I am here in Kentucky. So I am wondering what will really happen when she does. She seems ok with it and laughs about it and makes jokes. But she has not had to wonder about it or deal with it because it is always over a thousand miles away.

When i am at home in texas I am a father to my over age kids and grand daughter. I am the ex-special forces and man of the house plus protector of the home.

I am wondering what to do and how to deal with the inner self????????????????????????????

Gelinda.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 1:45 pm

Hi Gelinda,

It just took time sweetie. I wish I could tell you the exact formula or recipe, but whatever it was it had a large portion of time.

When I was in my teens I turned my life over to God. So that took like a decade to work out.

Then from there I realized I had to work on my mind and try to be a person who had self respect. That was almost another 10 years.

Then I had to cope with the realization that I was a Transgender person and that's still a work in progress. I can tell you that honesty with my wife helped. It was not easy at all, but it surely helped pave the way to how I am today.

I've been out of the house this year dressed more than I have in the past 5 years together. I've been to photoshoots, I'm helping with the forum, I have a website. I think all of those things are tiny bits of acceptance of myself which led to the acceptance of my inner self. I know my inner self is not more beautiful than anyone else and that helps keep me grounded. I'm no one special, but I am me. That helps me stay grounded. Staying grounded helps so my inner-self does not feel any weight on it. It's no big deal. It's just me.

There's a lot of life to live. I don't know if I'll get hit by a train when I go out later or if I'll live to be very old. I just mean there's life to live and so I do my best to live to be happy as much as I can. It's a task, but with beautiful people like you it's easy to be inspired.

You'll do great. You're doing great. You'll find that inner self you know is there. Just give it some time.

Beauty

Gelinda · Post by **Gelinda** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 2:09 pm

THANKS Beauty, I do not know myself anymore let alone what I am. Some times I wish I was still in NAM at least then I had an enemy I could deal with one on one and know I was winning at least for a bigger picture. The little me inside is lost right now. Gee.

Jassmine(SO) · Post by **Jassmine(SO)** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 3:09 pm

Hi Gelinda

I agree with Beauty, it does take time. It also takes patience and courage. I think that you are on the right track by noticing that you are not as connected to your inner self as you would wish to be

That truly is the first step on the life long journey of getting to know one's self.

The next step is getting re-connected to your inner self. As Beauty stated there is no exact formula or recipe for doing so. I can tell you what I do when I start feeling disconnected to my inner self, though. I have always found just going to a quiet, beautiful, outdoor location and just sitting and enjoying the serenity and beauty very helpful. By doing this I am able to quiet my mind and just feel who I am. I hope that makes sense

I also find that doing something I really enjoy, like dancing or singing, works wonders for me. These suggestions, should you chose to try them, may work for you or they may not. If they don't, you need to experiment with different ways to quiet your mind and figure out what works best for you

Here is a link to a site, I have found most helpful:
http://www.care2.com/channels/lifestyle/bms#87

I wish you the brightest blessings and the best of luck on your journey

*Hugs & Love*

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 3:42 pm

Hi Gelinda--
Becoming older helped me get better at dealing with inner selves. At 21, I enlisted in the army to be a paratrooper. (It turned out I had a wool allergy, and that ended my short military career.)

That self was about 80% of me then, and the girl inside was maybe 10%, and easily stuffed down. After thirty-some years, it's not a surprise that the paratrooper part of me is about 5%, and Anita is more like 50 or 60%. I just don't identify as much with a younger, more physical guy.
So it's not like I have to force myself to listen to Anita--it's more like her needs match mine more as an older person. The qualities I associate with her "voice" work better for who I am now, even when I'm not dressed.

On thinking about it, Gelinda, it seems like listening to inner selves takes practice, and repetition. So, again, it's about time, as Beauty said, and passing time means getting more experience with age.

I had a lot of suppressed selves in my life, I guess, so out of necessity I got better and better at listening to them. I was a good trumpet player, but my inner voice as a rock performer told me to stop that, quit college, and move 2500 miles away. I had a secure union-wage job, and gave it up to start my own business. I had become a good bass player, but started all over again as a guitarist. These were all big changes, and they started with an inner self that demanded to be heard, and acted upon.

So by the time Anita came along, at 49, I already knew how persistent inner selves can be! She was the most extreme of them all, but I didn't fight her as much as I had fought change in the past. And no matter how extreme she seemed at first, I knew the drill.

I had to keep listening to her, and make whatever changes I could to accomodate her without disrupting my life too much all at once. I knew that inner selves don't "go away," and that some compromise had to be made.

It helped me to remember that no matter how frightening some of these changes seemed at first, my life got better because of them. So it gave me courage to allow Anita to come forward, because my inner selves had not steered me wrong in the past.

Your situation is different from mine, because you have others in your life. I'm not saying that you ever have to come out to others besides your wife, either--that may not be necessary. I think it might be useful to set aside some uninterrupted time to listen to other voices inside you, instead of hearing them all the time underneath a busy life. Like children, if you give them some undivided focus, it satisfies their need for attention.

I'm in your corner, G!

Violet · Post by **Violet** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 4:29 pm

Honesty and Acceptance. That's all I can say that might really help. Despite my strongly introverse sense of interiority, I have a lot of trouble describing my inner self to others; I guess I'm just a freak of personality who is unusual within the world. My inner life is a topplecade, it balances precariously until forced to fall into a different configuration in which it is also perfectly precariously balanced. This is difficult to put into words! Anyroad, the twin keys for me were honesty and acceptance. Be honest about who you are and what you are, and accept to yourself who you are and what you are. I know maybe I make it sound too easy. It's not. It takes a lot of hard and painful work. But as Gelinda said, the first step to solving your problems is knowing that you have a problem, and the second step is defining the nature of the problem. The third step, continuing on this train, is devising a solution to the problem, and the fourth step is applying your chosen solution, and finally evaluating the results to see if the problem has been solved.

I hope my fragmentary ramblings have assisted you in some way, instead of just wasting your precious time on earth.

Post by **DonnaT** » Sun Dec 12, 2004 12:21 pm

For me, it was understanding that no matter how hard I tried, I could not change. I could stop, but only for a little while. So I was not only fooling myself, but my wife too.

I believe that is also how someone that is, for example, blind learns to accept themeselves, realizing that this is the life they were dealt and they can't change it.

We can be at war with our inner self, which isn't healthy, or accept it.