Thanks for your kind words. (And thanks also to Anne, by the way.) I actually hesitated for a while before clicking on that "submit" button, thinking "This is too open, this is too much info." But then I figured that, if there's even just one sentence in there that can be of some use to Curly (or anyone else, for that matter), I have to put it out there. After all, this is a main raison d'être of this forum, no? to promote understanding through communication? I had no choice (especially having written the darn thing already!
). I just hope Curly gets around to reading these posts (Dixie brings up some interesting points also).To answer your question, Carolynn, I was in my mid-20s, almost twenty years ago now, when my world came crashing down on me. I'd always struggled with depression and suicidal tendencies. I was about eight or nine years old when I first started toying with the idea of taking my own life. I kid you not. At the age of 26, after a string of insanely depressing months (dotted with increasingly frequent psychotic fugue states, or "blackouts") I acted out and tried to kill myself. The only thing I now remember of that particular event was that there was some bleeding and some wandering in the snow going on--as though I weren't even there. A friend found me and brought me to the hospital.
In the weeks that followed, I started taking a sledgehammer to the walls around me. I no longer wanted to be entombed in my own skull. I went back to university. Devoured any and all material relating to matters of the human mind. Reached out to people. And, most importantly, started noticing all the awe-inspiring beauty around me. And found my heart had become like a feather. I've never looked back. I don't think I could if I wanted to.
Love,
CJ
Lefty
