How Can a T-Girl Cope as a Guy?

[Carolynn]

Hi again Maggie. I am glad you are already talking to someone, even though that one may not be a gender therapist, and it is great you went in as Maggie. When you did so, did you go as Maggie, or were you simply dressed as Maggie? In other words, did your therapist remark on any differences in your demeanor or behavior? Did you feel any different?

The last sentence in your last paragraph of your return post to me:

"For some reason I feel a desperate need to have women love and accept me as a woman."

seems very insightful and strikes me as being a great jumping off point for a future session, if you haven't talked it out with your therapist already. Exploring that need could be really beneficial to your understanding.

Best of luck Maggie, and I hope you have wonderful holidays!!

Carolynn

[Maggie]

I am glad you are already talking to someone, even though that one may not be a gender therapist, and it is great you went in as Maggie. When you did so, did you go as Maggie, or were you simply dressed as Maggie? In other words, did your therapist remark on any differences in your demeanor or behavior? Did you feel any different?

I am never "simply dressed as Maggie." Whenever I am dressed as Maggie, I am always completely in character - appearance, voice, mannerisms, and demeanor. I consider myself to be a woman and feel very happy, relaxed, self-confident, and natural about my feminine role. I have stayed completely in character throughout all my rehearsals when in costume. Conversely, I haven't felt comfortable acting as Maggie when I am not in costume.

So, when I went to the therapist, I was completely Maggie the entire time. And yes, the therapist did remark on the differences. She said that everything about me - my looks, voice, attitude, demeanor - was completely different. She said that I would have easily blended in with a group of middle-aged, suburban women with whom she had recently attended a meeting.

Here is a photograph of what I was wearing (in case you haven't already seen it).

[Virginia]

Hi Maggie,
Isn't it amazing that all of us travel somewhat the same path?? I have not seen Ahzz post lately, but she said something once that has me thinking that perhaps she is more right than I can even accept right now,
That the "anima" in us who are blessed with this gift from birth is actually "in charge!" It only lets the male "think" it has the upper hand.
I paraphrase, but you know, it could be true! I have noticed that it is becoming even more difficult for my competitive nature to manifest its self in the past few months. Don't get me wrong, GG's can be very, very competitve. Take my training partner, she is competitve as she holds several women's World Powerlifting Records. One of our sisters stated above that there is a vast difference between aggression, assertiveness, and I throw in competitveness (girls can be very competitve with out being aggressive (given the situation she is in) and in general are not assertive!) Does the term "feminine wiles?" strike a cord??
I love your post and I love reading those that my sisters have posted. I know you will make the right decision for you and Maggie - Girl Power!
Love,
Virginia

[Carolynn]

Hi Maggie!! Your photo is awesome! I can see why she said you would fit right in. I still find the changes in attitude and sense of self to be so interesting between being dressed, and not, almost like having suits of clothes with built in attitudes. I find myself to be much the same internally, except I feel more natural, and I think that is the source of the attitude changes people remark on. I often feel a sense of disappointment, and a kind of adjustment in my expectations for the day (ie. I often get grumpy and have to overcome it to become the expected joker) when I hafta put my work clothes on in the morning, and it can be such a relief to come home and get rid of them. Sorta like putting your "game face" on, or a taking a role if you will.

You were so nicely dressed for your visit with your therapist. With our recent weather, I have worn jeans or pants, walking shoes, flats, or low heeled boots, and a long sleeve T or top with a sweater or with a sweatshirt under a coat, depending of the degrees outside and how casual I feel. In general, I realize that I usually dress like most of my coworkers in the office and lab. I wear little makeup, not that I wouldn't if I had more confidence in my ability with it. It has been wetter than normal in our area, and I was beginning to think there was a conspiracy afoot, as it seemed every support meeting was traveled to in the rain. Finally, two weeks in a row, no rain, just cold.

The most change in my internal feelings come with wearing a skirt or dress, and then it is a heightened sense of vulnerability as much as anything else. I have not been to my therapist nor support group in anything but a pants outfit. With better weather down the road...maybe I will surprise her/them one of these days?

Again, have a great holiday season Maggie.

Love, Carolynn

[Marda]

Hi Maggie,

That is so scary.

Beauty

~


/M

[Rainsong]

Maggie,

I am relatively new to the forum here, but this string caught mye eye. I have read several of your postings and I am convinced that you are an intelligent and caring person. First of all, I must say that being honest with yourself is the most important thing of all. If you aren't honest with yourself then you are doing more damage than good. I for one believe that gender is an individual issue. We are all born with both masculine and feminine traits. The struggle is finding the right balance that is "right" for the individual. I also have a career that often demands agressive and "masculine" interaction. It was something I struggled with, as, my nature has always been more empathetic, sensitive, and caring than what is seen in my industry (on a side note, most GG's in the industry are very masculine, aggressive and often quite scary). I find that I get more respect by incorporating the whole (masculine and feminine) person. I treat my employees, contractors, subs with a combination of firm, strong, sometimes aggressiveness along with understanding, compassion, personal care, and sensitivity. I don't know what your' career is, but I think that you can incorporate your' "whole" self without having to 'look the part'. For me, dressing is just one way to express my feminine side, and where I am, if I dressed I would not be taken seriously, therefore I would be ineffective. I know who I am, what I am, and with that said it does not matter to me if anyone other than those close to me know. I know it helps to have a supportive SO, but again, I have been in relationships where they were not. You need to come to terms with yourself as to who and what you are. Once that is complete then you can address your SO, children. If they aren't supportive or understanding at all, then I recomend you put the subject on the backburner until they decide to address it. If you are more comfortable with yourself en femme, then be comfortable, and it will force those individuals to come to terms with it one way or the other instead of looking the other way or hoping it is a phase that might pass. Living as a person uncomfortable with oneself is a very painful thing to do indeed. Be who you are, true to yourself, live your life with integrity. To live a life conforming to other peoples expectation is sooo damaging and hurtful to yourself, and those around you. You want people to know/love who YOU are, not who you are acting as, or pretending to be (or whom others wish you to be). If you have invested as much time in your marriage as I seem to percieve, your SO will have to come to terms (one way or the other). You are still the same person whom she married, and probably several of the feminine traits which you strongly wish to exhibit more are personality traits that attracted her to you in the first place. I wish you luck in finding a balance, and a way to maintain your own needs and still meet the needs of those close to you. I will be following this thread and your progress. Good luck girl, be true to yourself.


wishing you lots of luck
w/ understanding-Jamie