Pressure to Go Further?

RikkiOfLA · Post by **RikkiOfLA** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 6:50 am

Hi girls,

I was browsing Gaby's website recently and noticed that she mentioned something that attracted my attention. (Besides her knockout pictures, of course).

At the point in her dressing career where she had her look figured out, and had gotten comfortable being out in public, she mentioned she started getting leading questions from friends--"When are you going full time? Are you starting hormones? Have you thought about SRS?"

I get those too. Do you? (See poll).

Some of them come from TS friends. It feels like they're trying to recruit me! Yikes!

But some of them come from CDs and even GGs.

I have very good reasons why I'm not going further. The most important is that I love my wife. She doesn't want me going any further. I think she has done a terrific job of accepting me going this far. Her love means more to me than anything else on the earth. I wouldn't want to violate her trust by going behind her back. I also, frankly, enjoy sex with her. Our foreplay and duringplay is very transgendered, but the main activity (which we both enjoy a lot) is good ol' vaginal intercourse. And I wouldn't want to take anything that would diminish my enjoyment or ability to do that.

And there's a more fundamental reason. I have a lot of friends who are TS. We compare notes. Some of the aspects of transitioning further I'm curious about; some of them sound like fun. (Let's face it--who wouldn't want to look more beautiful, more passable, etc.) But they're fun. They're not something I feel I need. My TS friends HAVE TO transition. They're driven; I'm just intrigued.

When we talk it through, we agree on the best philosophy for everyone: Don't go any further than you feel you have to.

CJ · Post by CJ » Thu Dec 23, 2004 8:02 am

Hi all,

Interesting topic, Rikki. Thanks!

I've never felt this kind of pressure. And I would never submit to it if I ever did.

Love,
CJ

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 8:18 am

Morning Rikki,

Yes some of my TS friends have asked that question, but I think it was just more out of curiosity. The people who pressured me most were GGs.

I thought it was odd until you said it happened to you.

One of the biggest people in my life who asked over and over was my wife.

I'd say no and she'd say yes I was. I think she was saying it though because she thought I did want to transition.

When I read the post from CJ about transgenderists I was FINALLY able to put her questions to rest. I was able to explain where I fell under the TG'd umbrella.

I realize I'm going to get really, really close to that line of TS land, but I'm not going over it. I'm confident because I know who I am and what I want. Thank you God!

I don't want to be a woman and fully transition for various reasons. I believe what Rikki said to be true. Those who transition are driven to change their sex. I've done enough searching within to know if I did transition it would be because I thought I had to or because it was the right thing to do because I'm not comfy just wearing clothing of another gender. I will be making other physical changes and so that means I have to transition.

Thank God again I know that's not true. I can be me and that isn't a TS and it's not a CDr. It's just me.

This is a really great thread lovely one.

Beauty

Jamie Ann · Post by **Jamie Ann** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 11:02 am

This is a topic that sometimes comes up at the Eureka Springs En Femme Getaway and similar events. I have never experienced it as pressure. In fact, perhaps because the great majority at such events are heterosexual CDs, the predominant opinion seems to be against going further. I think any subtle pressure would be in the other direction, the most common reason mentioned being that female hormones will predictably have consequences for a genetic males sexual functioning.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 5:52 pm

I know that Virginia will never see SRS!! She is content with dressing and going out. The feeling of the nylons, the tight skirts, the rustle of silk, the click oh high heels, the perfume!! These are the adequate physical manisfestations she seeks and at this point is quite content. The one negative that I have begun to notice is that the competitive nature that (I) used to have seems to have deminished lately and that ain't good when you are a world record holder. I am currently attributing it to my shoulder injury which does not seem to want to heal, but we shall see! As for pressure, I do not know that many TG's and I don't think anyone could pressure me anyway!
Love,
Virginia

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 6:31 pm

Rikki,

Great subject. I dress full time now and I also have no desire to transition. I have stated before that could someone wave a magic wand and make me a real girl, I would do it, but I have not desire to try to become one. Mainly because I fear being disappointed.

Also I am pretty much a solo act. Even though there is a large TG, TS, CD scene in the greater Los Angeles area, I am really not interested in getting involved in it. And to be honest, a lot of it is because a fear of not fitting in, and being pressured to transition.

It does seem, from what I have heard others say, that there is almost a presumption among transexuals that transition is the goal. I consider myself a non-operative transexual. I have no desire to dress, or possess my former male traits. While I do admit I love heterosexual intercourse, I am not so sure that a large part of that is just the intimacy involved. I feel that if I had a woman to be intimate with, the intercourse itself would not be that important to me.

So, I guess I feel pressure to transition, yet have never really had any one grill me about it, except my ex.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 9:26 pm

Have you gotten any pressure (even gentle suggestions from well-meaning friends) that you transition further?

Yes I have Rikki, From you: Re your first response to my first post on a cross-dressers forum LOL.

Good post though nice to see some positive stuff that we can benefit from.

Merry Christmas,
Love Darlene.

Jadeanne · Post by **Jadeanne** » Thu Dec 23, 2004 10:40 pm

Hi all,

I usually only dress for a few hours at a time and always stay in the house. My wife is the only one who knows, and for me, just clothing, wig, and occasional makeup is plenty.

I admit that I do like to read of other people's experiences in taking it further, but I have no desire to do that myself.

Jadeanne

Sally · Post by **Sally** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 12:21 am

Yes, I get pressure from not only TS friends but from within the medical fraternity. The medics cannot understand why I would stop at the final point of SRS but continue a life of hormone therapy, but it's just another example of what I'm continually saying, and that is, we alone are the final best judges of our own personal situation, nobody can crawl inside the brain of another person and know exactly how they feel or what makes them tick.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

Merinda · Post by **Merinda** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 1:08 am

I cant say that anyone has pressured me into giong further other than to say I had workmates tell me I would make a good job of transitioning into a girl

( they didn't know the real story )

RikkiOfLA · Post by **RikkiOfLA** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 2:51 am

Darlene writes...

Yes I have Rikki, From you: Re your first response to my first post on a cross-dressers forum LOL.

Oh Darlene, I'm so very sorry. )))))) I have to admit to having asked people questions like that in the past, and never really realized that it could be interpreted as pressure to transition. Probably a lot of the people who ask questions like that are guilty of the same thing?

Thank you Darlene. Your post is one of those great experiences that shows us exactly how the other person feels.

RikkiOfLA · Post by **RikkiOfLA** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 3:18 am

Thank you all who have responded so far!

I'm truly gratified at the responses and sensitivity shown in your posts. I had no idea this was such an important question, or that the variety of responses would be so great. Please keep posting!

I do need to add one clarification, or at least reassurance, to my original post. I have never felt pressured to transition further by the people who've asked me about it. I'm sure that pressuring me was the furthest thing from their minds. Perhaps they mistakenly thought that everyone needs a little encouragement (in what direction!?)? Or maybe they were just curious?

The transgender question is one where people are coming to their own personal conclusions. Those conclusions are not based so much on principles or beliefs, as on personal need. And it makes us all aware that we need to respect deeply those whose conclusions are different from our own.

I remember one frightful afternoon. I was on the board of a support group for couples--crossdressers and their wives or girlfriends. It was stated in the bylaws that members could come to board meetings either dressed or not, as they saw fit. I had come to the previous board meeting dressed, and some of the members took exception to that, since it was in a town where some of the people who lived there might have known some of the board members of this group. Had they warned me ahead of time, I could have been more sensitive to their needs. But they didn't, and I wasn't. But there was a larger issue. From the get-go, I should have been more aware that I really didn't fit in. I was the only one in the group who was full time. I should have been more aware that there would be some serious opposition to my decision. Heck, I was the only one in the group who tried to do a femme voice. I was only one of two who went out in public dressed. In fact, there were some very nervous, very closeted people in the group. Anyway, the board meeting turned into a session of personal attacks on me! There was some name-calling, even. I tried very hard not to get defensive, to answer everyone's questions, and to reassure them. But by the time it was over, it was clear that they really didn't want me in their group, and I definitely didn't want to be in it. The upshot was that they amended the bylaws to prohibit coming to board meetings dressed. A lot of newer members quit over that decision and the group disintegrated soon after.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Fri Dec 24, 2004 5:33 am

Merry Christmas Rikki,(--)

No need to apologize, I was not offended, there is nothing wrong with attempting to stretch someone.
It is something I try to do all the time. It is only as I allow myself to get out of my comfort zone that I have been able to grow.

I just thought it was worth a bit of a laugh.

Love Darlene.

Post by **Celia** » Sat Dec 25, 2004 10:36 pm

I've encountered a little, I think, in a TG support group I've sometimes attended. Most of the group participants are TS's in various stages of transitioning. I don't think that it's necessarily deliberate--just a presumption, I guess. Direction and destination are not one and the same.

-Celia

Estefania · Post by **Estefania** » Mon Dec 27, 2004 10:45 am

And hello everybody! I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed Christmas!

I'm glad that at least some people can relate to the feeling of being pushed to go further than what they ever wanted. It can really confuse you, if you don't have your heels well planted on the ground.

A few years ago, when I had just started taking photographs and visiting chat rooms, I would be asked a lot about how long I had been living FT as a woman, or what kind of hormones was I taking, etc, etc. Some people wouldn't believe that I wasn't, and this was confusing as hell. True, many were just trying to appeal to my ego, but some others were really convinced that even though I said that I was "only" a CD, I would end up accepting that I was a TS.

Later on, on events like SCC and such, the same story... but even worse because it is not the same when it happens over the internet, than when it is in person. I have to accept that at a certain point I had to really question myself if maybe they all were right, and I was just living in denial about being indeed a TS and not a CD. But I was very lucky to be able to find the answers within myself. It wasn't because others thought that I could "pull it off if I wanted". It wasn't because I was able to be more or less passable... the answer was within my self. I'm happy being who I am. And that is not a woman trapped in a men's body... just a guy with a keen sense of fashion *s* (Who can from time to time "transform" his look into a more or less nice looking woman.

The best thing I got from all of that was that I got to learn many things about myself. Who I am, and what I want and don't want in life. It helped me to realize that you can get lost if you keep yourself floating in that "pink fog" of full acceptance that the internet can be... that it is better to be realistic, and that it doesn't matter if you can do something... it is more important to see if you should do it or not.

Anyway, thank you for posting this subject, Rikki. (And nice to see you all!)

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