Sound familiar?

[CJ]

Hi all,

Any of this strike a chord with you?

http://www.ren.org/rbp02.html

Love,
CJ

[Loretta Ann]

Thank you CJ.

That is one of the best articles I have ever read on the subject.

I am a combination of two or more of the above.

Love Darlene.

[Jadeanne]

CJ,

This is a great poll.

I have the page you provided the link for in another Firefox tab.

There is only one item that you listed that I would exclude as a reason, and that is masquerading to fool the world.

I would rate my primary reason most of the time is relief from tension.

I am a little torn between which is the stronger of the expression of hidden personality characteristics or expression of an alternate personality.

When I was in my late teen through mid 20's I played occasionally as a solo acoustic guitarist coffe house performer - mostly Dylan and sometimes as a member of a group playing electric guitar and bass. As the first note was played, I did feel a different personality taking over - the electric guitarist felt like a stronger change than the acoustic guitarist. I did give names to the acoustic and electric rocker personalities.

I no longer play due to arthritis, so maybe a little of that has rubbed off on Jadeanne.

I think we would all be interested in the responses to this part from some of the musicians (Elizabeth, Anita).

Jadeanne

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

CJ,

I answered before I realized that there was an accompaning article fearing being prejudiced by reading your thoughts. Because of this I answered number three, hidden personality characteristics, which most closely matched how I felt.

However, even before I read the article, I did not find my most motivating factor in the possible answers. That reason is, when I am dressed in womens clothes, I am relieved of the responsibility of being a man. When I am dressed, no one expects that I will behave as a man, even though I am far from being passable, it is clear that I do not want to be thought of as male.

After reading the article, I am a combination of the choices. I would say stress relief would describe my desire to be relieved of the responsibiilty of being male. Hidden personality characteristics, in that I love feeling pretty. I love being able to cry, and get excited over the smallest of things. I do love being able to express that part of me, because that is mostly what I am. Then the androgyne hypothesis, in that I truely do gender dysphoria, and love living my life as a woman. And finally, envy of women. I am envious of women and continually wish I were one. It is upsetting when I see women who don't seem to appreciate the fact that they are a woman, something I would love to be. So that is a pretty distorted view.

I have been living my life totally as a female for 5 months now, and I am completely happy about it. It is like living a dream, except it is real. Sometimes I look down and see I am wearing a dress, and heels, and it just makes me smile. Finally, I get to be me. I don't know if I will always be in a position to live my life dressed 24/7, but as long as I am unable to work, there really is nothing to prevent it. So? unless Social Security sometime in the future deems me able to work, which is doubtful since there is no cure for my illness, I will be able to continue to live my life in total bliss.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Beauty]

Hi there,

I voted for androgyne. I will say, for me, I think the androgyne part kind of bleeds into the masquerade. What I mean is since I have taken steps to change things about me to make me less identifiable with the male gender only I don't think I'd ever want to just sit in the house. Part of the residue is a presto chango kind of thing is that I do want to go out as me and let me sometimes be noticed as a male and other times to be noticed as a female. So I don't want to masquerade or I'm not in the phase of development anymore. Yes at one time fooling people was my excuse because it was kind of a high, but now I realize it's more than fooling someone. It's more about when I go home I can still be that person and not take off a mask or costume.

I hope that makes sense. Great thread CJ!!!!

Beauty

[DonnaT]

I don't know that any of them really fit, but the closest was probably 3a, Expression of androgyny.

I enjoy the fulfillment that dressing, even if it is only panties, or only painting my nails, brings me. Sometimes I need more, and dress further. Why? 10 million dollar question. I just do.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Great responses! Thanks.

In my own case, it's a bit weird. In the poll options listed (which I based on the linked article), I find that some are reasons while others are effects or consequences. For example, I tend to dress in order to both express another side of who I am as well as to "embody" androgyny but, in doing so, I discover that it does, indeed, relax me (tension relief) and that it does--occasionally, at least--lead to erotic arousal.

The thing is, these things (our reasons for dressing) can, and do, change over time and depending on the circumstances. So, this poll can be considered a basic snapshot of our motives, now, at this time in our lives.

I'm glad you enjoy it.

Love,
CJ

[Beauty]

Hi CJ,

You're welcome!

Also, yes!!! I love this thread!

I thought about the relaxation thingy you mentioned, but dressing doesn't relax me anymore than when I'm dressed en drabbe and comfy. For a while it did, but that's when I was repressing my dressing. It would be a HUGE relief to finally be dressed again. Now that I dress more often I don't get the relaxation feeling as much as I get the "ahhhh.. comfy clothing"

I feel the same way about when I'm turned on. The dressing doesn't turn me on, but it allows me to be me when dressed. When I'm not dressed I can be me too, but I feel the complete me is more femme than male. So when not en femme and enaged in an erotic encounter I don't feel as free to express my feminine side as openly. When dressed en femme I don't really have the same problem expressing my masculinity. Please don't get me wrong. If I have on something sexy or dress with the idea of seducing my wife then yes it is erotic.

Again thanks for the great thread. It's neat to learn more about our uniqueness and at the same time see how we are all so much alike.

Beauty

[Grace]

I'd have to vote for "all of the above," if it were a choice. At one time of my life or another, each of these fit(s). By the way, I hate the word transvestite-- sounds so clinical-- probably dreamed up by someone who didn't want anyone to know he cross-dressed, so he took up behavioral psychology to distance himself from his own reality, and coined that sterile term.

Grace

[Catrina]

Hi CJ.

This has to be the best topical poll so far.
A poll that actually means something....wow

I voted for Androgyny. The body having 2 EQUAL gender traits, not 1 with some "residue" left over.

[Gelinda]

CJ I did not know how to answer, as I do not know why I do. I really do not want too but can't seem to stop myself so which does that fit. Gelinda.

[CJ]

Hi all,

It's great to hear from some of the new members as well. Thanks for responding!

I agree with Beauty; it's amazing to see the "diversity in unity" of our "sisterhood." In the end, I imagine that, although there may only be a few "causes" of gender variance, the reasons for dressing are as varied and complex as are CD's themselves. To be honest, I wanted to add two more options to the poll--"all of the above" and "none of the above"--but the software wouldn't let me; I'd reached the "add options" limit. Oh well!

Grace,

I agree; the word "transvestite" is a clinical term. Its use inevitably stirs up gentle controversy in our community. Still, it means exactly the same thing as "crossdresser" ("transvestite," from the Latin trans, meaning "through" or "across," and vestire, meaning "to clothe," or "to dress"). The reason the term doesn't seem as neutral as, say, "crossdresser," is that, precisely, it's constantly used in a clinical context. Keep in mind, though, that no label will ever have the power to define who you are, as a person, unless you allow it to.

Gee,

I understand what you're saying. Like a writer who answers "because I have to," when asked why she writes, crossdressing (for me, at least) has never been a deliberate and conscious decision on my part; ultimately, I don't really know why I dress (or, rather, why I feel compelled to do so). I think the poll options are more a reflection of what kind of meaning each of us is willing to ascribe to what we do rather than a bare-bones explanation of it.

Earlier this week, I got sucked in to watching the first episode of American Idol (it was the first time ever, I swear! ). One of the contestants started bawling her eyes out when she was asked why she was there. In a hitching and tremulous voice, she said, "if I can't find a way to express myself through music, I'm going to die." And I could tell she was dead serious. My heart went out to her. I feel the same way about being able to express my "Christinaness." Without a doubt, I--Daniel--cannot live without me--Christina. I've tried. It doesn't work. "CJ" is buried too deeply within me, has been with me for too long, and is too much who I am, for me to be able to survive without "her." The only viable option (again, for me) was to open up my arms to myself and to welcome the totality of who I am... warts (and bad makeup) and all.

Regardless of what "Dorothy Michaels" (of Tootsie fame) might say, "being a woman" hasn't made me a better man, no; but being a person who's come to self-acceptance (and who's had to struggle to do so--as we all must) has made me a richer, more loving person. It's made me feel "whole." And this, in turn, has freed me to laugh at my own foibles and to take pleasure in my own weirdness without too much thought to what others may think (after all, others aren't living in my skin, but I am!).

Don't be discouraged, Gee. It may not feel like it, but it's inevitable; you're on the way to your own heart... regardless of the spin you care to put on the reasons behind your CD'ing.

Love,
CJ

[Cathy L. Anderson]

The article is a a good start. It hits the important point--that there are a diversity of causes for crossdressing. I would add a few more:

• Bi/homosexuality. Crossdressing can be an expression of urge to experience female sexuality and attraction to men.

• Feminized brain. Intrauterine environment affected by hormonal irregularity, medication, or toxin.

• Hormonal imbalance. Imbalance of male/female sex hormones in male.

• Psychological conflict. Example: Castration anxiety--fear of expressing male personality.

• Accumulation of 'female' genetic traits. Physical: small stature, delicate frame, feminine features. Brain: Empathic, righ-brain dominance, sensitive, gentle disposition.

• Socialization: Oppression by dominant males. Cast in subordinate, passive role in social milieu.

• Imitation/Influence/Practice: Boys who are dressed as female by mother, sisters.

As for the poll, I like the idea, but from a methodological viewpoint it's a limitation if 80% of respondents answer "A combination of two or more" reasons--which doesn't convey as much information as one would like. This gets into technical aspects of survey design which we probably need not pursue here. But an expedient alternative might be to ask "Which of the following reasons is the strongest for you?" Or (and this does get into technical stuff), "Last time you dressed, which of the following was the main reason?"

Cathy

[Gelinda]

CJ You are such a great person, and such a great person with knowing when to say what the other person needs to hear. I have been attempting to destroy Gee again but the harder I try the more Gee comes into mind. So I have lost the battle for good I hope, not it is to figuring out how to live with Gee and use it for my betterment rather than a pain in my butt and fighting myself about it.


Thanks for being here and Love and that is a word I have a hard time using. Gelinda.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Gee,

Thanks. And you're very welcome. Sometimes, we lose sight of the whole person we are (and are becoming). "Gelinda" is a part--big or small--of who you are, true, but not the whole of who you are. When we look through the lens of a microscope (as we're doing, here, in relation to our gender variance), we can, of course, see things in more detail, but we also tend to narrow our field of vision. Pulling back and seeing things from a broader perspective sometimes helps. Your life and your self, Gelinda, are far, far richer things than you may be giving yourself credit for. Chin up, girl.

Cathy,

I agree; your technical suggestions for a better poll are good. I guess I was banking on the fact that the good members here aren't afraid to extrapolate, explain, expound, exclaim, exhort, expand, exult, explore, expostulate, expose, and express themselves. I wasn't disappointed.

Love,
CJ