Hi,
I don't really want to sound critical of Tri-Ess, because they do help a lot of girls and I'm not a member.
The reason I'm not a member is that I'm bisexual. And though I live a heterosexual life style (I'm happily and faithfully married), I still feel it would be hypocritical of me to join a heterosexual organization. I've promised to be faithful to my wife until death. But after death, I've made no promises.
But knowing I was bi, and before I came to my final decision about Tri-Ess, folks from Tri-Ess assured me that I could still be a member and so I went to a couple of meetings to check it out.
I found that the particular people I met at Tri-Ess were very geared toward helping newbies. Too much so. They treated me as a newbie, even though I had been dressing for a couple of years, was out of the closet, and had already decided my goal was to crossdress full time. So I was getting people talking about how to sit, how to get up, and so on. Someone from Tri-Ess came to another group I was the Vice President of, and lectured me about "age appropriate clothes" because I wore a skirt above my knees! In other words, I got the impression that these particular Tri-Ess people were "method crossdressers" and unless you went through their method school, from start to finish, and then followed their methods, you were going to be lectured until you did!
I have my own method, thank you very much. It comes from watching GGs, not other crossdressers. I also have a built-in coach called my wife. And I take what she has to say a lot more seriously than I do a group of fellow crossdressers. I have to live with her, after all, not them.
And I realize these individuals were probably not typical of Tri-Ess. So I'm not criticizing Tri-Ess, just those individuals. And I hope that present leadership of Tri-Ess is aware that not everyone who is new to Tri-Ess is new to crossdressing; some are just looking for friends.
Tri-Ess... What do you think of it?
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Gelinda
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 441
- Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 8:31 pm
Shannon, Beauty, and all the other ladies in the group:
I have not read this forum because I have had a bad time with the group in Houston.
One weekend After contacting the group in Houston about joining them. You will have to understand that I was in the Closet at that time with my Wife and everyone else. I was told that I would have to be interviewed which was not to my liking as I do not believe in that. Reminds me of Soroity times from College days which I did not make the grade with either.
Well, I did not go dressed enfemme as I was not doing that then and still do not now. No self confidence plus I am 6' 2" and wiegh 210. wjere a 52 Long coat so it have always believed that I am to big and hairy to pass, let alone that I am too hairy for it.
Well back to the point, in this meeting I was told I would have to dress to come to meetings which I explained that I was not ready for that. But the thing that really got my goat is that::::::
I was asked about my past, I explained about being a Green Beret and a Sniper with 12 kills in Nam. Was asked about these killings an then I explained that I had signed military papers that I can not talk about those killings. I explained that I could go to prison if I did. Well they pushed to know more, which I would not do. I was told that I was not the type of person they wanted in there group. I asked why and was told that I had killed and had not dressed for the meeting with them at the steak house that we were in. An then I got stuck with the bill because they just got up and walked out. I all most told the manager of the steak house to call the law and tell them that they had walked out without paying there bill. But did not.
So I will never have anything to say good about Tri-ESS and if I am lucky enough to ever see those two people again, well I will not be responsible for my actions. Gelinda.
I have not read this forum because I have had a bad time with the group in Houston.
One weekend After contacting the group in Houston about joining them. You will have to understand that I was in the Closet at that time with my Wife and everyone else. I was told that I would have to be interviewed which was not to my liking as I do not believe in that. Reminds me of Soroity times from College days which I did not make the grade with either.
Well, I did not go dressed enfemme as I was not doing that then and still do not now. No self confidence plus I am 6' 2" and wiegh 210. wjere a 52 Long coat so it have always believed that I am to big and hairy to pass, let alone that I am too hairy for it.
Well back to the point, in this meeting I was told I would have to dress to come to meetings which I explained that I was not ready for that. But the thing that really got my goat is that::::::
I was asked about my past, I explained about being a Green Beret and a Sniper with 12 kills in Nam. Was asked about these killings an then I explained that I had signed military papers that I can not talk about those killings. I explained that I could go to prison if I did. Well they pushed to know more, which I would not do. I was told that I was not the type of person they wanted in there group. I asked why and was told that I had killed and had not dressed for the meeting with them at the steak house that we were in. An then I got stuck with the bill because they just got up and walked out. I all most told the manager of the steak house to call the law and tell them that they had walked out without paying there bill. But did not.
So I will never have anything to say good about Tri-ESS and if I am lucky enough to ever see those two people again, well I will not be responsible for my actions. Gelinda.
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Kristen
- E-mail address not valid - Contact Admin
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- Joined: Sun May 23, 2004 6:20 pm
- Location: Greeley, Colorado
Gelinda, I can't believe you went through all that and then had to pay the bill. I'm so sorry for your frustration and insult. What a predijuce group. It makes me sick when people try to control you. kristen
Do want you want to do, be who you want to be.
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Nancy
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 145
- Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2003 10:56 am
- Location: Chicago Area
I can understand how ANY organization is not for everyone and even that within organizations and groups there are those that over step their bounds but to put down a whole organization just because of those few is a bit much.So I will never have anything to say good about Tri-ESS and if I am lucky enough to ever see those two people again, well I will not be responsible for my actions. Gelinda.
When I was in the Nam I was buddies with a bunch of Green Beret. On more than one occasion I heard them tell stories of some of their "Kills" and even of how some wanted to be hired killers after they got out. Now, do I go around saying that I will never have anything to say good about the Green Beret? No!
Tri-ess has been around for over 40 years and thousands have joined. There is nothing that I know of that states Tri-ess is all things for all the different factions of our community. It is a Society for the second self for heterosexual crossdressers and their partners. Also, I am not aware of any bi laws of the national organization or any of the chapters that states members must come dressed.
I am deeply sorry that your experiences with the Tri-ess members you meant with turned out the way it did and I agree such behavior and nerve as leaving you stuck with the check for the meal was totally uncalled for! I have been a member for over 6 years now and have attended numerous meetings in drab as have other members. In fact one member who is a life time member and was even on several TV programs and talk shows hardly ever comes to a meeting when he is not dressed in drab. There are also other Tri-ess activities that are non dressing events such as chapters couples meetings, the S.P.I.C.E. convention and various other outings such as family picnics.
My intent here is not to get anyone fired up. Heck, I get my feathers fired up too when it come to talking about Democrats and Republicans. Not an honest one in the bunch.
But to hold a whole organization accountable that I just have a hard time understanding.Nancy Elizabeth Lee
Life is what happens when we have made other plans.
Life is what happens when we have made other plans.
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Beauty
- Retired Site Administrator
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- Location: Northern VA
- Contact:
Hi Nancy and Gelinda,
As I stated earlier, I'm much like Erica. I joined, am thankful they let me know I was not alone, I gained some appreciation for who I was, and Tri-Ess forever turned me towards a road of acceptance.
I can see how someone can get a view of a group, as their first experience and then judge anyone associated with that group a certain way. It happens if I go to a store and have a bad experience. If I dissect the notion that all stores are like that I realize it's too broad of a brush, but I can understand it how Gelinda could do that very easily. It's even easier to understand if it's something where things are that close to you (like CD'ing).
Those people who did that were the lowest of the low and if the karma wheel hasn't kicked them in the rear yet, you can bet the boot is coming.
I do like the interviewing process. I went through one with my group, the TGEA. It's weeds out admirers and they can be dangerous to a group like ours. I have heard some Tri-Ess groups who allow members to not dress and those who require it. Personally I like the idea of having to dress for a meeting. It is "one way" that forces you to accept yourself, in my opinion. If I did ever start a chapter (which I'm not) I could see me coming up with the same rule (but I'd give them the chance to dress and undress at the meeting place). I can also tell you that other groups (non-Tri-Ess and non-heterosexual only) also have the same rule. So at least it's not only a Tri-Ess thing.
I am still so sorry you had that encounter Gelinda. I can tell you with absolute certainty that group of meanies was not the norm for Tri-Ess.
Beauty
As I stated earlier, I'm much like Erica. I joined, am thankful they let me know I was not alone, I gained some appreciation for who I was, and Tri-Ess forever turned me towards a road of acceptance.
I can see how someone can get a view of a group, as their first experience and then judge anyone associated with that group a certain way. It happens if I go to a store and have a bad experience. If I dissect the notion that all stores are like that I realize it's too broad of a brush, but I can understand it how Gelinda could do that very easily. It's even easier to understand if it's something where things are that close to you (like CD'ing).
Those people who did that were the lowest of the low and if the karma wheel hasn't kicked them in the rear yet, you can bet the boot is coming.
I do like the interviewing process. I went through one with my group, the TGEA. It's weeds out admirers and they can be dangerous to a group like ours. I have heard some Tri-Ess groups who allow members to not dress and those who require it. Personally I like the idea of having to dress for a meeting. It is "one way" that forces you to accept yourself, in my opinion. If I did ever start a chapter (which I'm not) I could see me coming up with the same rule (but I'd give them the chance to dress and undress at the meeting place). I can also tell you that other groups (non-Tri-Ess and non-heterosexual only) also have the same rule. So at least it's not only a Tri-Ess thing.
I am still so sorry you had that encounter Gelinda. I can tell you with absolute certainty that group of meanies was not the norm for Tri-Ess.
Beauty
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Gelinda
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 441
- Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 8:31 pm
Nancy:
I am not saying Tri-ess is a bad group but for me it has no lower form that what I went thru. It was the first attempt of actually telling some one about my CD side. So for awhile it made me even deeper in the closet but I found this forum and I found out bhat the real world of CD ing is about. An there are some good and great people to know in it and that you can learn from others and can trust some others. But what I was attempting to point out is that one bad time with a group on your first attempt at help and understanding can lead up to not being able to labeling all groups that way. I can not and will not be a part of Tri-ess ever because of that one time but I am part of this group I hope and am getting a lot of the help and understanding I truly need and wanted from that group.
Beauty:
I think it is wrong to make it a interview to get into a group as with my start a couple of people can get too big a head an have too much power, I would bet that the story told at the next meeting was how bad a person I am. When all I did was tell the truth as I was asked. I believe that a time period of probation is better. For one person can be the best person in the world an have a bad day and mis judged. But if you have the probation period and a group of 5 or more to say that someone should or should not be added to the rolls of the group. Or maybe have a probation period an have a general election to add people to the rolls would be a more honest way to handle it. There is no way for a person to get a big head that way.
Gelinda.
I am not saying Tri-ess is a bad group but for me it has no lower form that what I went thru. It was the first attempt of actually telling some one about my CD side. So for awhile it made me even deeper in the closet but I found this forum and I found out bhat the real world of CD ing is about. An there are some good and great people to know in it and that you can learn from others and can trust some others. But what I was attempting to point out is that one bad time with a group on your first attempt at help and understanding can lead up to not being able to labeling all groups that way. I can not and will not be a part of Tri-ess ever because of that one time but I am part of this group I hope and am getting a lot of the help and understanding I truly need and wanted from that group.
Beauty:
I think it is wrong to make it a interview to get into a group as with my start a couple of people can get too big a head an have too much power, I would bet that the story told at the next meeting was how bad a person I am. When all I did was tell the truth as I was asked. I believe that a time period of probation is better. For one person can be the best person in the world an have a bad day and mis judged. But if you have the probation period and a group of 5 or more to say that someone should or should not be added to the rolls of the group. Or maybe have a probation period an have a general election to add people to the rolls would be a more honest way to handle it. There is no way for a person to get a big head that way.
Gelinda.
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Amelie-Laveau
- Permanently Banned
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I believe that Tri-Ess should be a support group for straight Cds, this is a good thing for straight Cds.
It's just that my encounter with a few members was not so nice. When people(CDs) venture out into the public(clubs), they must relize that not everyone is the same as them. These Tri-Ess members wanted to talk to me, and all was fine until I told them I was gay and they didn't want to have anything to do with me. I didn't want to join Tri-Ess, I was just hanging out with a mix of all kinds of Cds, and thought I could at least talk to these Cds(Tri-Ess).
If I was in a group that was soley for the support of gay Cds, I still wouldn't turn my back on straight Cds if they wanted to talk to me. Even if srtraight Cds weren't allowed to join the gay group, I would still hang out and talk to straight CDs, I would exclude no one from being a friend, unless they were nasty people.
It's just that my encounter with a few members was not so nice. When people(CDs) venture out into the public(clubs), they must relize that not everyone is the same as them. These Tri-Ess members wanted to talk to me, and all was fine until I told them I was gay and they didn't want to have anything to do with me. I didn't want to join Tri-Ess, I was just hanging out with a mix of all kinds of Cds, and thought I could at least talk to these Cds(Tri-Ess).
If I was in a group that was soley for the support of gay Cds, I still wouldn't turn my back on straight Cds if they wanted to talk to me. Even if srtraight Cds weren't allowed to join the gay group, I would still hang out and talk to straight CDs, I would exclude no one from being a friend, unless they were nasty people.
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Phylis Anne
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 170
- Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 3:31 pm
- Location: Brooklyn, NYC
re tri-ess
dear shannon yes i am a member of tri-ess and the group i used to go to is cdm,i found that all we ever did at their meetings was sit around and talk and sometimes have a raffel for cosmetics.since i have been a member of cdi i am enjoying myself more and having a better time with the girls of this group.and yes they were helpfull to me at my beginnings but i am a big girl now all my love phylis anne 
My name is Phylis Anne and I am enjoying my life as a crossdresser and being a woman who loves life
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DeeDee
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 591
- Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2004 4:45 pm
- Location: South Florida
- Contact:
Hi all
First, I am a member of Triess now. Before I joined, I read as much as I could about them and other groups as I was strictly a closeted CD who thought it was time to "spread my wings". We all have different social and moral obligations that can limit our exposure...but at age 55, I had to act on this.
Second, poor Gelinda.....you definately tied up with the "group from hell". I'm also a VN combat vet (did some work with snipers). That was a non-issue at my interview, and many members have been there. I was in a VFW chapter years ago that I had to leave because of negative vibes from the leadership. Point is......each group is different...whether CD or other.
Third....I agree with the interview process....many, as I was, are nervous about joining and we appreciate the security that an interview provides for members. My interview was in drab.....and it wasn't suggested that it should be otherwise.
Perhaps my group is an aberration, but there is no pressure to arrive enfemme or go out in public dressed. I did attend a party in public with the group, but that was my choice....many didn't because of their personal constraints...and thats not a problem.
Good or bad.....if I was asked to leave Triess tomorrow...I would still have a warm place in my heart for this group for helping me expand myself.
DeeDee
First, I am a member of Triess now. Before I joined, I read as much as I could about them and other groups as I was strictly a closeted CD who thought it was time to "spread my wings". We all have different social and moral obligations that can limit our exposure...but at age 55, I had to act on this.
Second, poor Gelinda.....you definately tied up with the "group from hell". I'm also a VN combat vet (did some work with snipers). That was a non-issue at my interview, and many members have been there. I was in a VFW chapter years ago that I had to leave because of negative vibes from the leadership. Point is......each group is different...whether CD or other.
Third....I agree with the interview process....many, as I was, are nervous about joining and we appreciate the security that an interview provides for members. My interview was in drab.....and it wasn't suggested that it should be otherwise.
Perhaps my group is an aberration, but there is no pressure to arrive enfemme or go out in public dressed. I did attend a party in public with the group, but that was my choice....many didn't because of their personal constraints...and thats not a problem.
Good or bad.....if I was asked to leave Triess tomorrow...I would still have a warm place in my heart for this group for helping me expand myself.
DeeDee
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Cathy L. Anderson
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 121
- Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2004 6:08 am
- Location: Europe
- Contact:
I agree with those who emphasize that individual chapters differ a lot. When I first came out I had a good experience with the Chicago chapter. They were very nice. Despite "official" Tri Ess policy, the members included pre/post-op TS and I think several members were bi or gay.
I did not like the secrecy, but fortunately I knew someone who could vouch for me. So I just had a phone screening and then a nominal in-person interview at my first meeting.
As a whole, though, I find Tri Ess too homophobic. I don't really buy into the "heterosexual crossdresser" idea. I think it's basically normal to have bisexual tendencies. (That doesn't mean I think everyone should act them out.) But the philosophy of Tri Ess seems to promote denial, and that doesn't seem good.
It seems ironic for a bunch of men wearing dresses to be saying, "Hey, I'm a 'manly' kind of man. Keep that gay stuff away from me!"
Said a different way, I think that, for many, crossdressing and (repressed) bisexual issues are related. A support group shouldn't be a place where members 'hit on' each other--there I agree with Tri Ess. But it should allow people to at least admit their issues to themselves and others.
Cathy
I did not like the secrecy, but fortunately I knew someone who could vouch for me. So I just had a phone screening and then a nominal in-person interview at my first meeting.
As a whole, though, I find Tri Ess too homophobic. I don't really buy into the "heterosexual crossdresser" idea. I think it's basically normal to have bisexual tendencies. (That doesn't mean I think everyone should act them out.) But the philosophy of Tri Ess seems to promote denial, and that doesn't seem good.
It seems ironic for a bunch of men wearing dresses to be saying, "Hey, I'm a 'manly' kind of man. Keep that gay stuff away from me!"
Said a different way, I think that, for many, crossdressing and (repressed) bisexual issues are related. A support group shouldn't be a place where members 'hit on' each other--there I agree with Tri Ess. But it should allow people to at least admit their issues to themselves and others.
Cathy