My Best friend Says Its All In Our Heads

[Tammy Lynn]

My best friend said today that its all in our heads. What he is saying is that we can all stop doing it when we want to. What do you think cds? I think different I think he is wrong because I was reading Jessica's story about how she got started and the thing she said was that she had put pantyhose on and she liked it and she got to liking it more. I did the the same thing but with shoes and clothing. But cds I dont believe what he says because I know what us cds do an how we started. So what do you think let Janis know or voice your opinion.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Janis,

Of course, it's all in our heads! Seriously, I mean this. Any behaviour is a thing that springs from the mind. Then again, that doesn't mean that we choose to do some of the things we do or that we can stop doing them as though it were like turning a light switch on or off.

Gender identity and sexual orientation are often compared, in this regard. Here's a suggestion: ask your friend if he can choose to be sexually attracted to men instead of to women. Somehow, I doubt it. Crossdressing is a little bit like that, too. There are enough testimonials around to let us conclude that the urge to dress (or pass) as a woman is so deep-rooted that this need has become an integral part of who we are as individuals. There's no eradicating it. Strictly in that sense, then I'd answer no, it's not "just in our heads." It's in our entire being.

By the way, Janis, your post was moved from its original location. "Ask Us" is an area where members can post questions they have regarding the "mechanics," the structure, and the functioning of the forum itself. I hope you understand. Oh, by the way, there's no need to capitalize your entire text (unless you want to emphasize certain words or parts of it); doing so is a little bit like screaming at people.

Love,
CJ

P.S.
I enjoyed our all-too brief chat a couple of nights ago. I hope to catch you down in the Lounge again, some time soon.

[Virginia]

Hey Janis,
Yes it is in our heads and for most of us it was, is and will be for the rest of our lives! Some of us repress it some suppress it and some take it to their grave with out ever having expereienced the satisfaction and joy that this gift gives us. You can tell your friend that yes it is our heads and for those of us who accept it certainly appreciate what it does for us. There is just too much scientific evidence available now to disprove the facts that some of us have this gift and since it exists we must learn to use it and share its wonder with everyone. Tell your frined if he is really concerned about you that he needs to start studying all the research that has been done and proves WE ARE FOR REAL! Some say that we are actually the next phase in human evolution - think about it? The ability to feel, act on, understand and serve as the opposite sex - what a gift!!!!!!!
If your friend does not accept you for who you are even without understanding what you feel - Honey, you may need a new friend. Fortunatley you have lots of your sisters here willing to share with you!
Love,
Virginia

[Loretta Ann]

Hey Janis,

Is it in our heads? I sure hope it is. I would not be wanting to be caught doing something that wasn't.

As for being able to stop when we want to, you might want to ask him if he is able to stop being attracted to what ever it is that he is attracted to.

Love Darlene.

[DonnaT]

Janis, tell your friend it is in our head because we were born with a different brain structure than non-CDs.

It cannot be turned on and off like a switch. Does your friend switch which hand he wants to write with. He is probably right handed and was born that way. Others are born left handed.

[Gelinda]

I wonder if it is in our heads, as I have been reading the website someone posted from (transGender Care). Where it talks about it being our make up of genes. That it is just what it is, the only part in our heads to me is the confusion of being male but loving being part female which from what I read is coming from our genes. Gee

[DonnaT]

Think of it this way Gelinda, would it be the genes that make our fingers that cause us to be transgendered or is it the genes that make our brain.

Brain of course.

[Beauty]

Hi Janis,

Yes, it's in our heads and for those of us who have faith we know it's in our souls.

Your friend could be right about turning it off, but no one has ever conclusively (from my standpoint) proven stopping can happen or if anyone stops forever. Personally I don't think you can turn it off. I would have turned it off at 6 or 7 if that was the case. I'm really happy I didn't have the ability to turn it off.

Beauty

[Merinda]

Janis ,

lets use Donna's example of writing left or right handed

( lets assume your friend is right handed )

tell your friend that she is writing with the wrong hand
tell your friend that 93% of people are right handed only because they're conditioned to believe that righthandedness is the correct hand to use
Tell your friend that he/she could be a supressed lefthander and not know it


( lets assume your friend is hetrosexual )

Tell your friend that he/she could be unconciously homosexual
tell your friend that his/her declared hetrosexuality is just a phase that he/she is going through and the truth will surface in time because he/she has been conditioned by society to believe he/she is hetrosexual .


that should stir up the pot Janis

mind games Merinda

[Violet]

'All in your head'. One of the stupidest phrases I have ever heard, to describe *anything*. Everything we are as people, every part of our personality, every habit, every like and dislike, every memory, every belief and ideology, is 'all in our head'.

Sunshine people make the constant mistake of assuming that just because something is mentally rather than physically based, means you can alter with an act of free choice. That anything which happens in your head, you can control. Despite the fact that Freud proving the opposite was the basis for the entire science of psychology. We can't choose what we are, and we can't change what we do. This applies to everyone equally, not just CDs.

Ask your friend: exactly what does zie believe would qualify as an affliction that is not 'just in your head'? Is Tourette's Syndrome 'all in the head'? What about Bipolar disorder? Autism? Sadism or Masochism? All things which, like CDing, have been treated as moral failings, then as diseases to be cured (all of which I think of less as an 'affliction' and more as a different set of abilities and gifts from those considered 'normal') - and all of which, like CDing, people have a strange tendency to assume are, I don't know, just some sort of pretend-game that we can stop playing whenever we choose?

There are dozens if not hundreds of stories on this forum of people who have tried to 'quit' CDing and ended up in a worse mental space than before, even being driven to the brink of suicide. Sure, it's all in our head. That makes it no less real.

[DeeDee]

I agree with Violet.....everything is all "in our heads" good, bad,love,hate whatever. Our particular "in the head thing" is not something that goes away with an aspirin, like a headache. live with it..enjoy it...deal with it....it ain't going away. Treasure forums like this where you meet so many others like us. I envy the younger girls.....I'm sure they will be so much more accepted in the years to come. In the meantime..enjoy your "gift" even with all the intolerence you hear or have to put up with

[Sally]

Hi Janis,

I'm presuming that when your friend says it's all in our heads, he's saying that it's something we consciously choose to do, the same as turning a tap on or off, and we can just as easily choose not do it as we choose to do it. I take it he means it's not something which stems from the brain in the meaning that the brain controls our every function. It's just a freedom of choice thing is what he means?

Unless he has been born as most of us were then he has no hope of understanding how the need takes possession of our very being, and what an integral part of our being it is, so we can't hold any animosity against him for his opinion. It's just the same as most of the wives of crossdressers and people with a gender conflict, the wives and SO's cannot possibly hope to understand the why's. I myself don't know completely why I have the needs to do what I do, I just know it's always been this way for as far back as my conscious memory goes. If it was something which I could turn on and off like a tap then I guess it could have reasonably been expected that in my youth I would never have had my self destructive near death experiences due to the state I found myself in because I couldn't control ' her ' and what it meant to my very existence.

I believe that far too many people have the idea that everything is black and white within each individual and there are no grey areas in between. They believe that everything is one way or the other, and that they are never somewhere in between and they wish to see things as they want them to be, rather than seeing things as they really are.

I know that we all have choices in the context of our daily life situations and we can choose some traits which we wish to identify with to develop our personalities, but there are some things which we can't choose to abandon, even if we believe in doing so it would enhance our lives and the lives of those around us who love and need us. I know that I never consciously chose to be a member of a supressed, stigmatised minority group, but I've had to learn to live with it the best possible ways I could find because, yes, it's all in my head and most likely was stamped in there 8 months before I was born, and nothing known to medical science can 'cut it out'.

Sometimes with patience our friends can grow to learn that although we may be a bit more 'complicated' that they originally thought, knowing us and accepting us as the people we truly are, then they can learn we are not to be feared, we present no threat to any man, woman or child, we just wish to have the freedom to be as it was meant to be, and we can be very nice people to get to really know.

If people could learn to laugh a lot more, relax and cultivate a sense of awe and wonder about how life really is and was meant to be, and be a bit more open, less pretentious and cast aside their masks, they could then create more opportunities for personal growth and quality interpersonal relationships which under some current circumstances will never exist. To live in a narrow world that everything is either black or white deprives people of the opportunity of fulfillment and sustainable happiness, and I'm not just talking about us either.

Kind Regards.

Sally.

[Tammy Lynn]

thank you cds for that information i will do some of the things yall ask me to ask him but i will ask him in way that he understand. we have been bestfriends for 16 plus years. i think he is listening to other people but i will ask himm about the right had thing but i think he is trying to change because of what people say to him but i try to understand my life. sometimes he plays around with me like kids with me. we have fun with it not having sex but kidding around. thank you sally and everybody.

[Cathy L. Anderson]

Janis,

Why not tell your friend that his identifying as a heterosexual, non-feminine male is all in his head?

Cathy

[RikkiOfLA]

A couple of years ago, I received the dubious satisfaction of discovering that my particular transgenderedness is NOT just in my head.

When my mother was pregnant with me (I was her first-born, in 1949, at the age of 40, after 2 previous misccarriages), she was given a new drug called diethylsilbestrol (DES), a synthetic female hormone. It was supposed to prevent morning sickness and reduce the risk of miscarriage. It did those things.

They discovered later, it also resulted in occasional ghastly complications for the child. For boys, side effects included undescended testicles (I don't have), deformities of the tube leading from the testicles to the prostate that mean that climaxing is very painful (I do have), and sometimes transgenderism (well, I'm here, aren't I?). Rarely, the complications were more severe. For the mother, side effects included increased risk of breast cancer (Mom got it much later). For girls, the side effects were even worse.

When the side effects began to be discovered in the mid-50s, the FDA pulled the drug off the market in the USA. But the manufacturer continued to make and sell the drug overseas, especiallyin third world countries, until the early 70s!

This is pretty bizarre stuff, isn't it? A lot of it, particularly the effects in boys, has never been established in court and is still disputed by the drug manufacturer. There is still work to be done! But the medical findings are out there, and the emerging community of "DES sons" is providing the documentation.

Anyway, I know why I'm transgendered. And my experience leads me to believe that chemical causes may someday be discovered that explain more of the GLBT community too. We shall see.

Feel free to share this with your friend. I'll bet it will be an eye opener!