Why the need to be seen, ie. pictures, websites, etc

[Dixie Darling]

Kay,

I think that in the case of crossdressers there's a need to know just what others think about the way they look when they're dressed and made up. Think about it - as a GG when you go to a lot of trouble to dress, get your hair just right, and do what you consider to be a superior job on your makeup, you FEEL pretty. It's nice to have someone see what you've done and especially to be complimented about it. That FEELING pretty contributes a lot to your self confidence and it's also reflected back into the way you look.

Crossdressers are no different. They want someone to see what they've done and this is particularly true if they've done it all on their own. Consider the fact that a CD has more to contend with to project a feminine image than a GG does to do the same as a male. Beard shadow to conceal, and hair in all the wrong places are major obstacles to be overcome to begin with. Then there's mannerisms, movements, sitting, standing, getting in and out of a vehicle, etc. I'll be the first one to admit that what we see in our own pictures or in that person we see looking back at us from the mirror isn't necessarily what is reality. The mind has a way of "adjusting" that true image to one that the crossdresser WANTS to see rather than what's really there and for those who are aware of this, there's often a sense of insecurity. By showing pictures of what they think and hope is a good look, the CD is sommetimes "fishing for a compliment" as reassurance that he has done well in his dressing. At other times he's sincerely seeking ways by which he can improve on that image. As stated above, when he is complimented that he does look nice, pretty, classy, etc. it adds a lot to the actual image he projects just from the FEELING that he looks good - just as it does for a GG.

This make any sense?

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Beauty]

Hello, this is my first post here...or on any CD site, for that matter.

I thought I'd answer this question first because this weekend I've been almost constantly dressed up while my wife and daughter were out of town.
I felt the urge to be seen so many times this weekend.
Our living room windows face a busy street, but I kept the curtains closed while I moved about the house.
I really wanted to just throw them open and allow myself to join "the world".
I've done some daring sprints past windows, out into the backyard (not so daring as the front though!)
BTW, tomorrow I will be discussing my CDing for the first time with my wife (although we talked long-ago about how I "used to " dress up).

To me, exposure while dressed would be the last secret exposed. It's a chance to say to everyone out there, "Here's a beautiful side of me that you have never seen, emotionally as well as physically. A part of me that used to have the word shame attached to it."

Although I don't have any pictures of myself dressed up, I can only guess that for some it's a chance to "come out" but in a way that can still feel like testing-the-water, so to speak.
Then again, there are plenty of people who do like to "show-off" something they are excited about even if they don't know how to find out first if their target is even interested.

Hi Allena,

Welcome to the board.

Congrats on finally deciding to confide in your wife about your CDing. It is definitely taking the next step towards total acceptance of self!!!

When did you decide that now was the time? What made you decide?

Have you thought about how are you going to do it?

Please remember to be very careful because she won't see this coming. You've known for years but she'll only know for moments after you tell her.

I don't want to be a downer because I think telling your wife is one of the best things you could ever do for you and your relationship with her. I saying this only because lots of us have gone before you, so we may be able to offer you some advice.

My wife knows, but it wasn't super easy and her reactions . . . well, I could have anticipated if I'd known about some things other learned from telling their wives.

Thanks again for joining us!! You sound like you had a fun weekend.

Beauty

[CJ]

Hi all,

First, I'd also like to offer a welcoming smile to Allena. Welcome aboard! I also hope things turn out as well as can be for you both when you let your wife inside your true self tomorrow. Like Beauty said, we're all here for the both of you, if need be.

Now, concerning Kay's original question (Hi Kay! pleased to make your acquaintance. ) about the need to be seen, I have a few nebulous thoughts of my own. I've read my sisters' replies, but haven't seen quite this take on the matter. I don't really know how to put this; hmmm, I'm mostly thinking out loud here, but, what if having photos of ourselves were simply a better way we, as crossdressers, could give an essentially invisible, subjective part of our being a concrete, objective reality? In other words, for example, when a woman is visible to the world (or even to herself in front a mirror), she's aware that there's a match between what she feels she is and what those who look at her actually see when they look at her. There's a correspondence between her internal, subjective state of being and the objective reality of her existence in the gaze of others (it could even be an abstract gaze, such as from a government body--social security card, driver's permit, etc.). Of course, the same applies to "vanilla" men. Transgendered people, however, are in a difficult position, a strange twilight zone of the soul, because there's no clear correspondence between who and what we are inside (or who and what we feel we are) and how the world normally sees us. For us, presenting as female is an evanescent thing, wispy and insubstantial. Having "hard copies" (such as photos) of our femme selves is, I think, a psychological trick we use to give that aspect of ourselves substance, concrete and undeniable evidence that we are, that we do, in fact, exist in the world out there as well as "in here." In essence, "I am [insert self-image here]: hear me roar!"

Anyway, I still have to work out some kinks in this way of looking at the matter. I know it's a bit "cerebral": people are actually much more complex than that (thank God!). Deep emotional or affective truths, though, can often only be pulled into the light kicking and screaming. So, it's quite a job to undertake--but, in the end, it's a necessary one. And I think most people here are up to the challenge, being who we are. *bats eyelashes*

Love,
CJ

[Kay(SO)]

CJ,
What you wrote makes total sense to me. That's the best explanation I've seen yet. Especially the having a "hard copy" part. Thanks loads for the input.
Dixie,
What you wrote was also sensible and helpful in understanding with one exception.
As a GG I can honestly say your perception of what's going on with us regarding getting ourselves fixed up and needing or wanting to hear how beautiful we look is a little off the mark, at least for me. Number one; I don't spend hours making myself look good. Hell, I put on my make up while driving in the car to work (Sorry ladies if this is dangerous. I usually have to sit in still traffic for about twenty minutes). I know that I look good and I do it for myself, not so someone else will tell me how lovely I look. I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks about how I look and I don't need it confirmed. I understand from the concept of CD'rs needing that validation. I just don't think the same holds true for alot of GG. If we get a compliment then that's cool but we don't need it to feel okay or to convince us that we look good. My original question pertained to a total stranger handing me a pile of polaroids, wanting me to look at the variety of outfits she had on. It made me uncomfortable and I didn't "get it". I now have a better understanding of it all and thank you all for the input.
Kay(SO)

[CJ]

Hi Kay,

Glad to be of help. (Leave it up to an utter geekwad such as myself to come up with a "hard copy" explanation! )

I think that, concerning our wanting to make ourselves pretty, we, like most GGs, do it for ourselves, really. The big difference being that, unlike most GGs, without the makeup we're obviously male, no matter how femininely we dress. Maybe that's why we consider it such a fundamental accessory. To beat an analogy to death, here, cosmetics are necessary stage props, without which our transvestism becomes rather a travesty of our "passing" intentions and expectations. I'm sure not a single one of the girls in those Polaroids you mention, Kay, was "without" her face.

Plus, makeup has that sensuous, creamy texture and smells really nice. And, oooohh, the pretty colours!

Love,
CJ

[Kay(SO)]

CJ,
Funny you should mention the scent of makeup. My husband lives with three females and it drives him bonkers smelling all of our girly and makeup smells. And unless it's the two of us alone shopping he can't stand to go with all three of us because it makes him crazy to stand by while we shop and try on all the girl clothes. I know he likes when the bathroom smells like my cover girl powder.
Kay(SO)

[CJ]

Hi Kay,

Your post sent me into a fit of the giggles. Thanks. I needed it.

To tell you the truth, I can sympathize with your husband: too much of anything, including the scent of makeup, can't be good. When I go to department stores for non-crossdressing-related reasons, I give the cosmetics aisles a very wide berth. Otherwise, my eyes start to water and I'm inevitably saddled with a massive sneezing episode. What you say is so true, Kay, and so well described I can fully picture the scene--your poor husband!

Still laughing,

Love,
CJ

[Beauty]

CJ,
Funny you should mention the scent of makeup. My husband lives with three females and it drives him bonkers smelling all of our girly and makeup smells. And unless it's the two of us alone shopping he can't stand to go with all three of us because it makes him crazy to stand by while we shop and try on all the girl clothes. I know he likes when the bathroom smells like my cover girl powder.
Kay(SO)

lol!

I thought it was only me who loved that smell.

I don't know if you were saying it drives him bonkers because he likes it or because he can't stand it, but I LOVE the smell of makeup powder and makeup in general.

Beauty

[Charlene]

I generally don't offer my pictures. I would here though, because it would make it easier for recognition other than just a faceless name.

[Beauty]

Hi Charlene,

That's great to hear.

We'll look for your picture soon!

Beauty

[Charlene]

As soon as I figure out how to post one I will put one or two up.

[Alexandra]

many of us here will be happy to help if you have questions . . .

[CJ]

Hi all,

I just thought I'd revive this thread; I find it fascinating. I've been showing my "Christina" pix to some people lately and the question of why this need for photos has cropped up. Again.

I think of Bishop George Berkeley (1685-1753), an Irish idealist, whose motto, at one point, was esse est percipio, Latin for "to be is to be perceived." Remember the old saw about whether or not a falling tree makes a sound if no one is in the forest to hear it? An update: is there truly a woman living within us if no one ever sees her? Berkeley would have said: well, show me a 3.2 megapixel digital photograph, at least!

Love,
CJ

[Yvonne]

Hi

Well, isn't it a little like asking the old question "If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Isn't the biggest problem facing the crossdressing and transgender communities the fact that it is basically invisible in the world?

I am all for people coming out, taking baby steps at first, but little by little making their way out, further each time. I'd like people to be much more out and public than they are.

I guess at this stage of the game, my pet peeve is all the semi-clad photos that are on so many TG personal pages. It's not that I don't like erotica and pornography, or think it is immoral. I just feel that the transgender community has to create a positive image in the minds of the general public. Since most people straight people learn about transgenderism and crossdressing on-line, I think we should be building a positive image there, much the way this forum does.

Regards
Yvonne

[Yvonne]

Hi all,

Remember the old saw about whether or not a falling tree makes a sound if no one is in the forest to hear it? An update: is there truly a woman living within us if no one ever sees her? Berkeley would have said: well, show me a 3.2 megapixel digital photograph, at least!

Love,
CJ

Sorry CJ

Please excuse my redundency redundency