Well, I went to a counselor for the first time today. Mainly about some person problems I am dealing with not my CD side. But I did tell her about the CD side of me.
Will get to that side of me next week, I did not decide to tell her until the last minute. I had decided that I was not going to tell about my deep secret (CD) until much later but for some reason I had to tell her about it.
Wondering what I should and should not tell her about this side of me, I do not know myself enough to ask about this side of me, I just know I am having a hard time understanding it and the true me.
GEE.
PS I did tell her about this website, an how it had helped me. How that was ok with the staff.
Tell her all she wants to know. She'll ask the questions and lead you through. My wife and I have been going to a couselor for a year and a half and it is the best thing we have done to improve our relationship.
I will say however that our counselor is skilled in crossdressing issues and understands that this is part of me and it isn't going to change. She (and others) even believe there is some heredity involved in it.
All I really want to be sure and say to you is be sure your counselor understands those that crossdress. If he/she doesn't then find a new counselor that does.
If you give it your all, it will be the best investment in your health, sanity and well being. Good luck and I hope for the best for you.
Hey, Gee,
You need to ask her if she feels qualified in what ever area(s) that you want to work on. Being a crossdresser is an avenue that a lot of "counselors" are not well versed in. The PC term now I believe is "gender varient." If you are not comfortable with her, its like shopping or going to a restaurant. If you don't like the menu or the service or the prices, - its your money -- leave! Find someone that you are comfortable talking with sharing your inner most feelings - because that is what you will be doing if you honestly want help. A good counselor understands that they will not "bond" with everyone that comes to them. If you are comfortable with her , great, if not tell her up front and ask for referals to other counselors.
Good luckl and let us know how it goes for you. I think it is a good step for you.
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
Hi Gelinda,
Counseling is a wonderful tool to help in a variety of situations. My experince is that you get out of it what you put into it. I wouldn't hide things from my counselor. Like Virginia said, you should be comfortable talking with him/her. If you don't feel that way, find a different one. And don't be afraid to ask questions. Remember this is a professional who will keep all you say in confidence. I found it easy to talk to my counselor and told him of my CDing during our first session. He assured me he had experience in this area.
Good luck, and relax. Your counselor is there for your benefit.
Hugs,
Kyra
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. - Leonardo DaVinci
I am amazed with the results yesterday, I on planning on going, I am a perfectionist and plan everything, I was not going to tell her about my CD side and my Sniper days until the third or fourth time as I wanted to make sure that I trusted this person before my deep secrets and problems came out.
But I was in there for a hour and half, and was very comfortable and told all. I will have to ask about her background in the CD area as we did not talk too much about that as I waited until the very last to mention it.
My one question to all of you is: If she does not have any experience with the CD issues but I am very comfortable with her in all the other things that are wrong with me should I give her a chance or not with the CD part. As every one has to start somewhere.
I do know that she grew up almost just like I did with being a military brat and many many schools and etc. So I do not know, I will see her again on Thursday.
Hi Gelinda--
I did a lot of phone shopping the last time I was looking for a therapist. In my area, we have free slick-paper quarterly magazines (Commom Ground, Open Exchange) where therapists have large ads with their pictures, and descriptions of what they offer. Just like on this forum, I can get a good impression of a person by reading what they have to say.
Then I would leave a message, and when they called back, I would briefly describe what I was trying to work on. Just in that time, I could get a sense whether they were comfortable with me and what I was saying. When I was younger, I needed to work on extreme violence, and with that issue, I could tell who could handle it and who couldn't after about 45 seconds. But even with more subtle things, I get a strong impression about whether they are really "there" when they're talking to me.
[Ah, the forum is not letting me go back to the thread. Keeps telling me I have to log in again. ]
OK, someone above said, "You're paying for it, so be sure you're getting what you need." If you ever tried to find an alternator for an older car, you know that you get REALLY specific over the phone, because you don't want to drive 15 miles on a wild goose chase. "It's the one with the three small bolts and the one long bolt that runs all the way through--and the slot is mounted on the right, at 4 o'clock."
It's really the same here. I'm pleasant about it, but I get right into the heart of what I need to work on. They're professionals, but you are the expert on you, and you have some idea of what it's going to take to help you out. So grill them--it'll save both you and them much time.
It's not a slap at them if you can't work together. It's just part of business. Sometimes I have to tell my customers, "I don't think I'm the guy for your job," after I've listened to them over the phone. It's nothing personal at that point, and it saves time.
Even if crossdressing is not your major issue, I'd still get some idea of how they feel about it.
I am so happy that you decided to see someone! I second everyone's advice.
My therapist, a woman also (I could not have been open about myself with a man), had helped gays. She said much later, after I asked, if she had worked with a person who crossdresses. She said no. The thing was that her methods were working with me to gradually feel better. In all the terrible confessions from my childhood and graphic descriptions of my horrible treatment of my wife and myself, she never once made me feel smaller or less. She knew I wanted to be the gentle person that I felt I was. I knew and felt her compasson and professional optomism in her belief that I could learn to put my bad behavors behind me. I knew I would die or get better. She, over and over has retrained me to understand that death is such an irrational conclusion. There is always hope in life.
The same support from her, I was getting reinforced by the wonderful soon to be friends here. She gave me a moral guide-line that I now believe. If things help me to be happy what's the harm? I should not harm myself mentally or physically or others in my persuits. Life is fluid like sand on the ocean beach. Black and white are not always knowable. These lines are not in concrete.
These statements seem contradictory, but oh well. I have come to believe that when one is so invested in a belief to the exclusion of others experiences or beliefs, that person is well on his or her way to fanatism. I can now see that I was a fanatic in so many of my beliefs.
Gelinda, we all have seen you through your writing. Trust yourself! You should leave her office feeling better about life. You will know very shortly if she is there for your best interest. If she sells that is bad. Asking you and then suggesting possible solutions is good. If you start to find the suggestions she gives aren't right for you, you must consider a different counselor.
I hope and pray that you find the peace that my therapist, friend has helped me to find.
Gee, I must take issue with one of the thngs you said, honey! Self-diagnosis can be detrimental, when you say "all the things that are wrong with you" I don't want you to list what you thing are those things, but I think you may not have as much wrong with you as you may think, you may just need confirmation that you are OK - I think you are OK and I think that your counselor is going to direct you to that area too - You are all right. hang in there for us and please keep us posted as you progress through this experience.
Love,
Virginia
PS: Thanks for what you said to CJ, you have great insight and she needed to hear that she has our support and love!!
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
I am a very analyitical person. I was a Radiology service engr for 18 years so I analyize everything and always have an answer before I ask most or do most things. As to what Virginia was refering to, I have also lost function of my thyroid which I am finding out controls a lot in our bodies including the way we think and act. I have always been a gun ho type and leave no prisoners but have the last 9 months I have having all kind of weird thoughts which I have found out is most likely partly due to the thyroid problem. So that is the reason for a lot of my problems with CDing and everything else. So you know a little more than I thought I should put on here as I do not what anyone thinking I am a bad person. I am just a screwed up one because they are attempting to find the right amount of medicine to take to correct the problem with the thyroid. Let alone my high blood pressure and Paxel I take for temper control.
Side note the thyroid also controls your weight which I have added 40 pounds over the same time. I have had a gastric bypass in 89 and went from 320 to 165 pounds in one month. I have been weighing 192 pounds for about 14 years until late.
Virginia, That was so insightful! You remind me. It is true what you said. It applies to me. I did have some bad behavior modes but my therapist and all of you helped me to see that I am ok and good just being me. It is like a cold splash of water, being free to be happy being me!
Hi Gelinda, I can only ditto others. You willl get out what you put into it, both in and out of the sessions. My wife and I have been going to counsoling for about 8 months now. We started out together, but focus switch to just her and i switched to another counsolor. Which worked out good, because my wife could relate to him and i could not. He had his views of cding, christian, and i felt just under attack.
My new and current counsoler has been great. Although she is also christian based, she has been very open and has learned alot really quickly. Our issues have not been just my cding, even though that is what has brought these other issues to the surface. I asked her if she had ever had another cder and she said no, but she was willing to work on me with all of the issues. Her being open minded i think has allowed her to see my issues that we have been working on. And she had also asked me a couple of times it I thought the sessions were going ok. I can tell that she has done alot of research since the first couple of sessions by her questions and relatability. But every once in a while i can tell that I catch her off guard by something i say, like she was not expecting it that way.
We have also just started with a third counsolor to work on joint issues. She seem surpised when she was reading a summary that we wrote for her. She read the first page and we talked some. Then she turned the page and "oh", i thing as if the first page of issues was not enought, and now add cding and more issues.. We then explained that the cding was enhanced by many of the other issues we were having. We will see how it goes as that was just the first meeting. She seemed ok with it.
Both my counsolor and our new joint counsolor seem impressed at the amount of work outside of sessions that is done. My wife and I talk and discuss the sessions afterwards. And we both try to journal our thoughts which helps also with our sessions and our discussions.
KimberlyS - CD
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
