Been trying for a week now to word this.... (Strong Topic)

[Missy]

Hello everyone,

It's me again with a few more thoughts, after having read the day's postings in all the forums.

CJ - You and I have common goals here. We both want to make it better and I agree that the way it used to be was better. We just have different ways of trying to accomplish that. When I first came here, I don't remember any negativity. This forum will not get back to what it used to be until the negativity is turned around. I don't believe that reinforcing negative posts is productive. I believe that any person airing a negative feeling would be best served by accompanying it with a request for help in improving their situation. If this doesn’t take place, then another member must try to find out what type of help that person needs. It is important that the positive suggestions not be rejected. To do so would indicate that the person may be beyond help. I believe Jassmine(SO) has said some of these things better than I could, and I agree with her. What a great post Jassmine!!

You seem to be having a problem lately, which I would like to address. I don't recall anyone making personal attacks above; however, it may well be that some feel like they are attacked because, as the old expression goes, "If the shoe fits... ." I agree with you about trying to be judicious in weighing our words. There's no one here better than you at stating things in a nice way. We all appreciate that. I, on the other hand, am accustomed to writing business language. I get to the point, define a problem, create a solution. There's not much touchy-feely in that, and I'm not very good at that type of language. I am very good at it in person, but the cyber curtain prevents that. When you put almost 1,000 people in the same room, not everyone there will be equal to the best in all regards. I will never be as good as you in that department. Also, with those 1,000 people, it will never be all sweetness and light. This is a highly charged subject with emotions from all over the spectrum. Also, anything said without the benefit of hearing voice inflection and tone will be misinterpreted by someone. I have seen it happen many times before in this forum. We can’t always anticipate everyone’s interpretation of our written words.

In your recent post on another thread, (I'm not sure why you put it there because it's obviously a result of this thread), you said that you feel isolated in the vacuum of the last two days. No replies to your e-mails, pm's or IM's. That was part of my initial complaint above. My wife was offended, as I'm sure you've read, by one of your own, you being a moderator, and none of her three pm's were responded to, even while the people those pm's were addressed to, were happily posting to other people. Why have we not heard from you about this?

If you have not received a reply in two days, it is probably that others are busy. You can’t possibly believe that you would be ignored in the long run. You are one of the mainstays here and very well thought of by all.

I have heard you say before as you said today, that you feel isolated, when the discussion doesn't meet your expectations. I don't know how you could say that, when so many people express glowing admiration for the way you have helped them. Hopefully, you know that. I appreciate the fact that you have helped so many people. If you need some kind of help, I will be right there for you but you may not like my approach to therapy. (You being a professional at it I believe) Again, as I said above, we both want the same thing here. We just have different ideas on how to get there.

Gelinda, I don't believe we're starting fights here. We're just airing differences. I hope you can get your wife to join us.

Well, I’m going to go find something in my secondary wardrobe to wear!

Best regards to all,

Missy

[Gelinda]

Whatever Missy;

You see one thing I see another when a husband and a wife are having a hard time talking and avoiding a subject then that is a fight in my part of the world.

Gelinda.

[Missy]

Gelinda:

Yes, you are probably right about that aspect of it.

Missy

[Kay(SO)]

This is one of the times when I'm too tired to continue going on when I feel misunderstood or like we're going round in circles so I'll let this all drop. The point I was making has obviously disappeared amonst the rubble somewhere. It was that I have the opinion that anyone, not just myself ought to be able to just be where they are and post the feelings they are experiencing good or bad. That's how some of us get through, process and grow to come out on the other side. There are times when I post that I don't necessarily want help. I just want to express myself and feel like I'm being heard. That's where the validation comes in. Right now there are much bigger things going on in my own life than whether or not my husband is wearing a dress and heels. At the moment, I could really care less what he's wearing. I will continue to post all of my feelings in the SO or co-ed area and those who choose not to respond or feel the need to try to "fix" me or my problem so be it. I'll appreciate the efforts on both parts as it tells me that someone gives a damn about me and how I feel or my plight. For now, I'll end my part in this thread by saying that I'm sorry Shannon that you and Sharon are in the same boat as my husband and I are in. Our biggest issue is communication and we are seeking outside help for it to see if we can somehow get the tools to move forward in better understanding one another. I hope that you can find a way to work through this issue as well. Curly, I've missed you and thanks for the support. Missy, I'm not upset by anything that you've written, I just can't banter right now. And we will be friends I'm sure. I'll admit that it is fun when someone provokes passion and thought in me, which you have done. For that I thank you. I'll be here reading and posting as much as I can with all that's going on here. And none of it has to do with CDing. Thanks to all, and hugs and love.

Kay(SO)

[Jadeanne]

Hi all,

I feel that I have to give my personal view of SO postings that are not always positive.

My wife once in a while does say negative things to me, not so much my CDing but just needs to express a little frustration at things in general and the target just happens to be whatever the last straw was. We just keep it between ourselves.

I read the SO section and I have learned a great deal from it. For a lot of you, the only place you have to express some feelings is on this forum. I interpret the posting of negative feelings as a healty release of frustration/anger of the moment in the life of the person posting. To me, that's just a part of life.

Jadeanne

[Kay(SO)]

Two thoughts today...

It's all a matter of perspective.


There's a difference between encouraging someone to be positive and nagating their feelings.

Kay(SO)

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I just would like to say one more time that I feel that everyone should be able to post about what they are feeling. If one was to do a search on my posts and start reading, one would find a lot of negative posts, a lot of whining, and a lot of unhappy events.

Not once did anyone ever suggest to me that I should not do that. That I was wrong to have negative emotions or that I should be posting more uplifting posts because I was bringing everyone down. No one said "you are lying, that is not true". No one tried to pick apart what I was saying.

Instead what happened was that I received unconditional support. I was told that I was understood. I was told that it was ok to feel how I was feeling. I was told that better days were ahead. I was lifted up when I could not lift myself.

So when Shannon comes on and posts negative things she is feeling let's extend our hand of friendship. Let's not judge whether or not her points are valid. We are not here to find the truth in her words, that it up to her. We are here to say "better days are ahead".

And this is true of the SO's also. It's not about whether or not they have all thier facts 100% correct. And it is not important. It's to lift someone up when they are feeling down, isolated, and alone. Unconditional support. We don't have to agree with what she says to tell her that we don't want her to feel bad for one more second. We are not here to bring others to our truth, but to help each person find thier own truth. And this can only be done with acceptance, love, and security.

Every person crossdresser, SO, or family member has to feel secure that they can post what they are feeling free from persecution. They must be able to post without fear of rejection, that they will continue to be accepted. And each person needs to feel the love of this wonderful place.

I ask all of you to stop trying to "be right". To stop trying to convince someone of "your point". To stop demanding that others see things your way, to feel loved, accepted, and secure. To realize that each person must find thier own truth. I only ask that each person be given what I was given. It is only by elevating each other, that the magic of this place will continue.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Gelinda]

I am in the same boat as Liz about the negative and uplifting this forum does for me. The only difference is that Shannon is the owner of this board and his SO is here also. I do not know what I will do when my wife if she ever does gets on this forum. She at one time had a name on this board but is not the active type of person when it comes to forums. Plus I think she is afraid of this and what she might learn about me.

So what I am attempting to say is that we are seeing a couple work out there problems on an open forum which I would most likely would act a lot like Shannon did at the start of this. I have too much temper to handle somethings in person especially when I am personally hurting. So I think this thread has grown way to far out of its bounds to me.

If it was anyother couple I think it would have been handled totally different. But that is my opinion and my opinion only. Gelinda.