Have you ever gone out enfemme?

[Jamie Ann]

     I have gone out—many times! As for trying to pass, my goal is to be accepted and treated respectfully by others. Most of us would not pass 100% of the time. In a restaurant, we often would, especially if we were appropriatedly dressed and behaving ourselves appropriately. But the goal is acceptance, not passing—at least, for me.

     Going out with small groups of friends is the most enjoyable (and safest) choice.

[Ms Jane]

I have never gone out totally en femme. I can't say that I would not consider doing so although it wouldn't be easy where I live. The closest I have gone, has been out driving at night in full female dress with no make up. That is very brave for me especially, as on the last occasion, I didn't have any male clothes with me.
Jane.

[DianeCD]

I've been out 3 or 4 times completely dressed and made up. Each time was pretty much at night whilst driving. And of course. any time I go to my TriEss group meeting, I dress fully and am in public view in the hallways and elevators. So far, I think I passed OK, as nobody called me on it that I had been read.

One time I stopped at the interstate rest area to stretch my legs. I walked within several feet of several people and no one paid any attention. I know for a fact that my good firm girdle helped me to walk in a ladylike fashion -- no doubt about it!! I was wearing 3 inch heels at the time too. I guess all the practice being dressed at home got me used to walking in heels normally and not like a total klutz.

Every time I've been out, I felt so wonderful and free. It was frand!! Just wish I had more opportunity to get out!! I'm 60 now, so I always dress conservatively and "like my age", so that I can blend in better.

[Kristen]

Gabby, You are so articulate, thanks for saying how I feel and not knowing it. You are so right, this forum does not pressure anyone to go out. but if you do we want to know the details. Thanks for your input , it needed to be said. Kristen

[Linda S]

     I have gone out—many times! As for trying to pass, my goal is to be accepted and treated respectfully by others. Most of us would not pass 100% of the time. In a restaurant, we often would, especially if we were appropriatedly dressed and behaving ourselves appropriately. But the goal is acceptance, not passing—at least, for me.

     Going out with small groups of friends is the most enjoyable (and safest) choice.

I disagree about going out with a group, for a couple of reasons. First of all, I think it greatly increases your chances of being "read". If it doesn't matter to you, that's OK, but for someone trying to pass it's a big disadvantage.

One reason is that men generally are taller and bigger than women, and CDs are often not perfect in their makeup, dress, mannerisms, etc. A person seeing *one* unusually big or tall woman will probably assume he's seeing, well, an unusually big or tall woman. After all, women do come in all shapes and sizes, and most people are not naturally on the lookout for CDs. In other words, we get the benefit of the doubt in many cases. But if someone sees two or more women together who look unusual in some way, you can be sure that they're going to get some close scrutiny.

Also, I feel that I have to be completely immersed in my temporary role in order to pass, and to enjoy my outing. I couldn't do that if I was surrounded by reminders that, after all, I'm just a man pretending to be a woman.

[Estefania]

Kristen,

Thanks! I'm glad that you agree on what I wrote. I'm also glad of how it is true that in this forum people is not pushing anybody to do things that they may not be ready to do. (With some minor exceptions, and I'll bite my tongue on that )

Linda,

Even though I totally agree on what you said about how going out in a group of cd/tg folks is pretty much a dead giveaway (regarding on how much more easily you all will be read), perhaps Jamie Ann's message was about going out with female friends? If that is the case, believe me, it is both really nice, and also will increase your passability, at least in my personal experience.

Gaby

[Sallee]

I have gone out many times en femme and I love it. I will say though that after a while the thrill is gone. I think I pass 90% of the time but there are those times whenI think I am being read by a blind man on a dark night. It is strang how sometimes it is no problem. On the way out the door I am thinking I look great. I guess mostly it is all in your head...Sallee

[PaulaK]

Aside from the nighttime "walk around the block" in NYC as a teen, I only went out once en femme. This was some years ago (AHEM) but I got a bad scare and did not attempt it again.

It started out as an extended "walk around the block" on a frigid Winter night. I was totally "dressed down", low heeled boots, jeans, knit cap, a long coat and my purse. That was pretty much what many NYC women would wear. I took one subway line into Manhattan, planned to walk over to another and do some late night window shopping on the way. As I went into the subway station for the trip back I was unpleasantly surprised to see a group of latino teenage boys hanging out there. I immediately got some admiring comments as I passed through the turnstyle.

Worse, I also picked up an "admirer" from them.

He followed me downstairs, trying to "chat me up". He was very nice and polite, but it was immediately obvious he had NO idea who he was dealing with. OH OH. I was NOT prepared to "do the voice". All I could do was look politely uninterested, which did not discourage him at all. BIG OH OH.
He waited with me for my train, got on with me and sat down next to me. It was a VERY uncomfortable ride. He kept trying to talk to me, nicely, but I knew his machismo would have unpleasant consequences if he found out I wasn't what he thought.

Finally, one stop before my own, I waited till the car doors were closing and suddenly jumped out. He jumped up to follow me, even banged on the doors, but, happily, the Conductor did not open them. It was a small deserted station too. I'd have been in real trouble there. I figured he might get out at the next station and come back. I ran out and took a long circuitious route home. And thus ended my adventurings.

[Wendy]

I have thought about it, but I am waiting til I purchase a wig before even attempting trying to pass en fem.

I've only sort of done it twice, one time was dressed in full woman's clothing (pants, sweater, nails, lipstick, ...) and just sweeping our front walk of snow when it was dark and in the evening.

The other time I was the only one home, so I decided to dress up in lingerie and bbqed my food on the deck in half lingerie and half drab clothing.

[Billy Pruitt]

I know I don't pass fully and like Jamie Ann said it's not passing it is being acceptedof who You are rathaer than what you are. I go out every chance I get I have gone to get loans,grocery shopping ,paying my bills and even re financed my home while dressed enfemme. So let me tell you it is all on how you feel as being yourself and don't worry about what others think.

[DeeDee]

I would like to start by saying that I'm sorry I don't post more...my typing skills are so bad that my mind is off on another thing before my typing catches up. I really liked Gaby's comments on this topic......I couldn't have put it better. I went for your occasional drive and walk years ago (80s and 90s)..but it wasn't till last year that I finally met others and actually WENT out. So, yes..this poll might be a bit skewed in that a lot of us here have teken "extra steps". But, the advice others give is invaluable to those who are wondering. And there is nothing at all wrong with never venturing out the door. A friend says I get PMS before a meeting.....pre-meeting-stress...and shes right. But afterwards I'm on a natural high for days. Darn..the brain is starting dinner...gotta go.

[Jennifer]

My first outing was actually not planned as such. Before the internet days I had been corresponding by snail mail with a CD social support group and had been asked to join. A meeting was arranged and my wife and I booked a motel room to meet and be interviewed. It was baptism by fire because less than an hour later I was downtown enfemme and heading into a restaurant. I was nervous and scared but soon realized no one seemed to care. A good point has been made here though, being read is one thing, being recognized is quite another. For those of us who have ventured out with their SO's, we are in disguise so to speak but they have nowhere to hide if you come across someone you know. It has never happened to us but it makes me appreciate just how much she has accepted this side of me.

[Teilani]

The only times that I've gone out enfemme have been times where everyone knew I was male and nothing was thought of it. Mostly during my College's end of year Spring Fling events. One of the events was a reverse beauty pageant featuring guys in drag. I entered and participated three years in a row, but I never won. And the last time was on Halloween 03 where I went to work in full enfemme mode.

[Jaye]

I went out the very first time for Halloween 1990. I looked like a guy in a dress. The next time was Halloween 1993, and it was like a religious experience. I started going out on a recreational basis in November of 1993. Sometime after that some gay friends of mine talked me into trying drag shows, and I performed in those for about nine months. My last time out en femme was 1997 or so, right around the time my wife put down her foot and said, "No more!". I've always said that I'm going back out there as soon as I get myself together, and I've been amassing a wardrobe and practicing my skills in preparation for about a year now. I think a few of my friends are waiting for my debut. Since I opened up about myself, they're waiting for proof. We'll just have to see.

[Erin]

I went out fully dressed for the first time last night.
It was just a late evening drive around town, but what a rush!
I can't wait until I have the chance to actually go somewhere!
If I had someone to go with I'd do it in a New York minute!