Phraseology

[Paige]

I have noticed on this forum more than one person referring to their marriage partner as "the wife".

I am wondering if anyone else feels as though this is not a very nice way to refer to the woman you love? Maybe I am being supersensitive but if it fits then I would say "my wife" or what I usually say is "my bride".

I'm just wondering, not, I repeat, not criticizing. How do you all feel?

Love, Paige

[Jamie Ann]

I have noticed on this forum more than one person referring to their marriage partner as "the wife". I am wondering if anyone else feels as though this is not a very nice way to refer to the woman you love? Maybe I am being supersensitive but if it fits then I would say "my wife" or what I usually say is "my bride". I'm just wondering…. How do you all feel?

     “My bride” sounds a bit sugary to me. But these things are very personal and the appropriate choice depends greatly on the preferences of one’s spouse. My own preference was to introduce (or refer to) my wife as “Carolyn,” and to add “my wife” if that was not obvious from the context. Those who refer to “the wife” are using a figure of speech that is common in some communities, which is nothing to applaud or condemn. There are different idioms in different geographic areas.

[DonnaT]

I try to use "my wife" instead of the wife or my SO. I know my wife doesn't like either "the wife" or "SO".

[Beauty]

Hi Paige,

I say "the wife" all the time.

I say when I'm gaming, "Well, the wife is saying I've played long enough.", "The wife needs me to go pick up dinner.", "The wife says no I can't go." So I guess I use it when I'm in trouble or doing something that is kind of a chore.

My wife says she doesn't get upset if I say it. :whew:

Sorry if it offends others. I'd like to say I don't like the phrase and I can think of times I've heard it not used in nice ways or as a derogatory comment. I don't use it that way, but I do use it and wanted to be honest. I do it playfully and not ever to say anything negative. Then I'll just say that my wife is upsetting me.

Nice poll.

Beauty

[Curly(SO)]

I was going to say I don't like the term 'the wife' but it depends on how it's used. I think Ed uses it affectionately, in the same way Beauty does, I don't have a problem with that Mostly he refers to me as 'the good lady bread knife', which always makes me smile

Love,
Curly(GLBK)

[Loretta Ann]

Hi all,

Being as I don’t have or want another wife, this does not directly apply to me. So I did not vote. I have often heard my friends refer to their wife as their better half. And I think I prefer that, and often use the term “your better half” when referring to another’s spouse.

Love Darlene.

[Jadeanne]

Hi all,

I'm one of the 2 who so far have voted for not really caring either way.

I don't use it and refer to "my wife". This is my own personal form of expression and people are allowed to their own personal ways of expessing themselves - whatever works for you.

Jadeanne

[Yasky(SO)]

As Paige's "bride" I must jump in here as well. After 30 years of marriage (the best marriage we've come across, might I add!) he still and always refers to me as "his bride". It never ceases to please me - that after all these years, after all we've been through, he still thinks of me as his "bride". What an awesome compliment! I might also add that our friends and family are always touched by this reference as well. He's never, ever done it, but if he ever referred to me as "the wife" I think it would be insulting. (like the term "ball and chain" - g*d, if one feels THAT way, why be married in the first place? hmmm)

In any case, this is, of course, just MY opinion - and, might I add, it's never felt "too sugary" - perhaps that's because it's sincere and that sincerity comes across.

I'm a VERY lucky BRIDE!

Best to you all.

[Lorna]

I'm not married, but I think that "my wife" just sounds better. ("She's MY wife! Yes, she's mine & I'm proud of that! I have this wonderful person all to myself")

"The wife" seems to imply that there's some emotional distance... "my wife" just sounds better. And I would probably say "my bride" on my wedding day, and the first couple of weeks thereafter.

[DarleneM]

A man with four cars, one of which is a Ford, might refer to his Ford as "my car". A man with one car might say that he is going to drive to a grocery store and take "the car". A man in Saudi Arabia with four wives might refer to one of them as "my wife." A man with only one, or one that he was deeply committed to, could say "the wife" -- there is only one.

My wife knows that it is my intensions, not my words, that matter most.

[Estefania]

Me, I think that "my wife" sounds a lot better than "the wife".

"The wife" implies that such woman is married, yes, but doesn't exactly tells you to whom she is married to.

"My wife" is not an implication of property, but of relationship. And even so... she is mine, and I'm her's anyway, so that wouldn't be a problem.

Gaby

[TamaraSegunda]

I chose the "don't care" option.

I don't use the phrase, but there are so many really horrible terms that one hears, I'm certainly not offended by "the wife." How about "the old ball and chain" or "my old lady" or "the warden" or any of a number of really vulgar terms. Years ago, a male friend used to introduce his wife as, "This is Penny, my first wife." Penny always responded with a sick smile. She's now someone else's wife.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T is what it's all about.
.......Tamara Segunda.

[Vanessa]

I like to use the term My Betterhalf, which she is. She puts up with me and I love her all the more. I refer to her in this way as she is my better half, we became one and there are two sides to the one we made, and she IS the Betterhalf. Besides how else can I refer to her, The Wife is soooo Generic and it seperates her from me and its not very complimentary to the union we made. Maybe everyone else has way to refer to their betterhalves but I prefer this as it is a compliment to her.

Van

[CJ]

Hi all,

Never married, here, but I've had relationships with mates, partners, girlfriends (whatever the appropriate designation is in your hometown). Personally, I don't much care for the expression "the wife." It sounds too impersonal, as if it were just another item in the collection of everything a man owns (or believes he does ).

On the other hand, I realize that those who do use the term do so affectionately, without intending to disrespect their spouse. Maybe they use it out of some desire to inject a bit of jocular familiarity (and out of the tacit recognition that this "wife" will never be something than can, in fact, be "owned," like a house or a car).

What does intrigue me, however, is that we rarely give a second thought to the fact that we very often refer to our children as "the kids" without any apparent discomfort whatsoever. Could it be that, because they're children, we don't yet ascribe to them as full a "personhood" as we do to an adult? And could this be related to our reasons for calling our wife "the wife" (where the husband--presumably an adult--looks with fondness upon his "girl-bride")? Just wondering.

Love,
CJ

[Kyra]

Hey Girls,
I will admit to using the phrase from time to time, but "my wife" sounds a bit more personal and I try to use that one instead. More times than not, I just refer to her by name (after all, she's a member here and known by many) Plus I really love her name.

For those who don't know, Amber (SO) is my lovely bride of 16 yrs.

Hugs,
Kyra