THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 ** LOCKED **

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Fri Apr 15, 2005 10:10 pm

And it's only getting worse...

Q. Why are pirates so popular?
A. They just arrrr.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sat Apr 16, 2005 1:49 am

It's 2:50 in the morning.. That's no fair!!!

That's not supposed to be funny! Does it still count as a laugh?

Beauty

Laura Ashcroft · Post by **Laura Ashcroft** » Sat Apr 16, 2005 1:51 am

LOL, I am one who can appreciate a really bad joke, and I appreciate the hell outta that one. But Lorna, I saw you were going back into standup. Some advice......don't use that one.

. I wish you the best of luck on your comedy career. Knock 'em dead. I had someone tell me today, that I should be a comedian. Strange how when you just tell the base truth about things, people crack up.

Curly(SO) · Post by **Curly(SO)** » Sat Apr 16, 2005 4:34 am

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'your round'. The other one says 'so are you, you fat bast**d!

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 10:46 am

Curly!!!

Q. Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
A. They're making headlines!

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:24 pm

A SWISS ARMY KNIFE is like a man, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:46 pm

Why Men Do Not Make Good Secretaries

Husband's note on the refrigerator to his wife:

"Doctor's office called: Said Pabst beer is normal"

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:27 pm

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends ...

... when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare, and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.

The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address.

She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully said.... "Clean my house."

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:29 pm

What do men and pantyhose have in common?

They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:20 pm

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do," she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that, too," she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

Curly(SO) · Post by **Curly(SO)** » Sun Apr 24, 2005 5:17 am

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Mon Apr 25, 2005 10:44 am

Ok then.

What did the large pile of leaves say to the gardener?

Go ahead, rake my day!!!

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:29 pm

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting Flies", was the answer.

"Oh. Killing any?"

Yep, three males and two females!"

"OK," she said, "I've just gotta know how you can tell the difference"?

"Easy", says he with a smile. "Three were on the beer can, two were on the phone!"

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:31 pm

The Zen Master goes up to the hot dog cart and says," Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.

And the vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Wed Apr 27, 2005 3:03 am

Tidy Housekeeper
================

The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper.

It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband
called from the hall, somewhat dismayed:

"Honey, what happened to the dust on this table?
I had a phone number written on it."

Crossdressers-Haven.com

THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 LOCKED