Was it Worth It? I Say NO!!!!!! :(

[Lorna]

I work in friggin Retail. I have a college degree, years of experience in banking and computers, yet I could not find a better job than RETAIL, earning minimum wage no less... yep a college degree REALLY pays off nowadays...

Now, where do you draw the line? Especially if said job doesn't even pay all the bills? Having to stall & juggle the landlord, the phone company, the electric company, the cable company, the student loan people , just to name a few... Every week, another bill eats up the entire check & then some. Frankly, I might as well be unemployed again.

On top of THAT, picture said job eating up all of your weekends, never allowing you the time (you work EVERY Saturday & EVERY Sunday) or the money (I know for a fact I can make more bartending 1 or 2 nights than I can in 6 or 7 FULL days at this crappy job.) Why am I working so damn much, yet I can still barely afford to eat, let alone keep the damn electricity on? I have a college degree yet this is my situation.

Not to mention I have NOT resumed my comedy as I originally promised myself. Why? Because I'm WORKING EVERY DAMN SUNDAY!!!

Plus, a very dear friend of mine passed away yesterday, but I wasn't even aware she was even sick! Why??? Because I've been OUT OF THE LOOP FOR TOO LONG, WORKING ALL THE TIME!! And for damn PEANUTS!!! Was it worth it?!? Dammit!!!

Is it worth it???

Is a damn minimum wage job worth cutting off all contact with the outside world, not to mention tossing aside my chance at shooting for something that makes me feel alive for a change? NO!

Let’s see now: I have given up any chance of ever having any sort of a social life, let alone meeting a nice young lady, I have not gone out in several weeks, and I have NOT spoken to many of my friends in a very long time. They call me & leave messages but I’m always at work. I have missed countless birthdays, special events and get-togethers, all because of a STUPID minimum wage job that frankly, isn’t really paying the bills anyway.

My so-called “time for me” is on a Monday night. Where am I going to go? What am I going to do? I’m sick & tired of doing the “movie rental” thing already.

This is why I have been feeling so depressed lately, this is why I’ve been feeling as if I will never meet someone, but in all honesty I know for a fact that if I were allowed a social life, then I would have no problem meeting a sweet young open minded GG. I live in New York. This is 2005.

Anyone who knows me at this point knows that I am NOT the type of person who likes to be “chained down” in any sort of way. I never was & never will be.

Even though I have my freelancing on the side, I will play it smart. I am NOT leaving until I find something else.

I turn 33 next week, I have a 4 year degree, and I guess I’m just tired of bouncing from one crappy job to the next. I just want to be somewhat settled again. I’m tired of making huge sacrifices & getting next to nothing in return. I cannot & WILL NOT do it anymore.

Even if this means that I quit TOMORROW, I DO NOT CARE. I have had my fill of giving up my sanity all for NOTHING.

There's much better out there for me.

Now I'm not going to quit, but if I catch any crap at work tomorrow, then I AM walking OUT. I don't give two rats behinds about a job that is robbing me of not only my time for me, but also my ability to keep a clear head, and frankly is not worth all that I have given up.

[Lorna]

109 views. No responses. I'm batting 1000 here.

[TamaraSegunda]

Sorry Lorna. I read your post and processed it as the sort of rant that so many of us are sometimes forced to do, just to retain our sanity. I'm sorry for your pain, and sympathize with your work situation. Hope you'll consider this a cyber-hug.
.......Tamara Segunda (another involuntary workaholic)

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Lorna,

I also saw your post as a rant, and wondered if you had forgotten that not all that long ago you were concerned about the possibility of becoming homeless?

I am not intending to be critical here. And while I support the need to attempt to improve ones life, Some times there may be some wisdom in not loosing sight of the past.

That is a place I need to be reminded of every now and then, in order to stay focused on my reality.

Love Darlene.

[Aeryn]

109 views. No responses. I'm batting 1000 here.

I sent you a private message, did you not get it?

aeryn

[Beauty]

Shoot.

Sorry Lorna. I thought I gave a hug.

I'm sorry this is happening. You always make the best of things.

Beayty

[Jamie Ann]

Hi Lorna,

We all have our ups and downs. Obviously, you are qualified for many different interesting careers. It is mostly a matter of keeping your eyes open and taking advantage of opportunities when they arise. Working in a less-than-optimal job is a stepping stone.

[Lorna]

Thanks, girls.

Darlene - Okay so last year I almost became homeless. What is the point of bringing that up? What exactly are we supposed to do with that in this thread?

If it is a perspective sort of a thing, then no I am not going to count my blessings. I still struggle now as I did then. And if not "appreciating what little I have" makes me spoiled somehow then so be it. I used to live better. And I worked damn hard for it.

What good is "surviving" if you're never allowed to LIVE?

[Loretta Ann]

Lorna,

The point of bringing it up in this thread is to remind you of the progress you have made. You will not get to where you want to be in one step. You need success behind you in order to find continued success.

It is so easy for one to loose sight of that during the journey, and give up.

Darlene.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Lorna,

I hear you. I understand. I've been (and sometimes still am) there. You ask if it's all worth it. I know you intend this to be a rhetorical question but I'll answer anyway.

Yes, I think it is worth it. If you think about it for a moment, you might see that your job isn't as hopelessly cruddy as you imagine it is. I'm not about to force anyone to count their blessings here (Lord knows I have enough trouble finding my own these days) but maybe it is a matter of looking at things differently.

For instance, instead of focusing on what your job takes away from you, why not try to see what it brings you? Okay, so the money isn't great but, as Jamie Ann suggested, this job is just a stepping stone on the way to something more suited to your temperament and interests and education level. One thing you can get from this job is the opportunity to beef up your people skills (which, by your own admission, need work). Trust me, Lorna, I know how unpleasant it can be to have to kowtow to the "unwashed masses" (whether they shop at Macy's or at the Salvation Army) and do so for a pittance. But isn't this contact with a wide variety of people a golden opportunity to, in some sense, discover others? People are more than willing to let us smell the flowers in their secret gardens if we only show them that we're genuinely interested in them. That woman, over there, looking over that shoe, and that man with his back to us as he riffles through the tie racks, they have a history that is just as interesting as (or even possibly more so than) yours or mine or anyone else's. And that person's self is no further away from us than is a mere response to a genuine smile. Even in retail (or maybe especially in retail), contact is there for the asking. Sullen sales clerks are a dime a dozen; genuine, warm-hearted ones are a treasure cherished by both employers and customers alike. They're also the ones likely to get promoted.

Lorna, there's no shame in working in the service industry. Yes, there's exploitation (wages, working conditions, etc.) but, the truth is, there's exploitation in almost any field of work. That's how the system is set up and, short of trashing the system, there's not much to be done except to use it to our advantage. Whatever you set your hand to, do so with all your might and integrity. It will be noticed.

Here's another tip. I used to hate having to work on the weekends (when I was in retail). All my friends were out painting the town pastel pink while I drudged away (I even went through the hell of rotation shifts for a couple of years... two days, one day off, two evenings, one day off, two graveyard shifts, one day off... it very nearly killed me). But then I had an epiphany of sorts. It dawned on me that Saturday and Sunday were not necessarily, and by definition, days off. My days off were just that... those days where I was off from work. I learned to use my time on, say, a Wednesday or a Thursday as people who were brainwashed by the TGIF mentality did on a Friday or a Saturday. For example, in your case, Lorna, is there no way for you to do standup during weeknights? Or to go hang out with friends in the middle of the week? It came to a point for me where it made little difference what day of the week it was; I found just as much opportunity to enjoy myself (if not more so than on the weekends, given that I'm not as gregarious as you are).

Anyway, Lorna, I hope you take all this in the spirit it's given. I most certainly don't judge you (or anyone else, for that matter). I just wanted to point out that there is more than one way of looking at things. And sometimes, if we look with the right mindset, we find blessings where there were previously only curses to be seen.

Financial stress is a major obstacle to health, mental or otherwise. I can only hope that you will hang tough, Lorna, and persevere while yet continuing to search for a better life for yourself. You've proven tough in the past; your resilience will serve you well in the end. It's unfortunate that this has to be so but, often, adversity is as wise a teacher as are love and support. Regardless, you have my love and support, Lorna.

I want you to know, also, how sorry I am for the death of your friend Vicki. May you cherish her memory always.

CJ

http://members.tripod.com/~TechBabe/adversity.html

[Lorna]

Lorna,

The point of bringing it up in this thread is to remind you of the progress you have made. You will not get to where you want to be in one step. You need success behind you in order to find continued success.

It is so easy for one to loose sight of that during the journey, and give up.

Darlene.

You're right, hon... and thank you. It IS a journey.

[Lorna]

Hi CJ, honey, you're absolutely right!

Hey girls, last week was just an extremely bad week, but this week things have indeed turned around. There's actually sun on the horizon.

I guess it took one positive incident to clear one's head. More details here:
http://www.crossdressers-haven.com/foru ... 4152#54152

Love you gals so much...

[Lorna]

I SWEAR THAT I AM ONE MORE BAD DAY AWAY FROM QUITTING THIS CRAP JOB AND TELLING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY COWORKERS TO KISS MY ***.

Today I was insulted on 6 occasions, and it just makes me sick that I spent all the time, blood, sweat & tears going to college, and today I work a damn minimum wage job.

This is bullshit. Plain and simple. I know I deserve better than this. And DO NOT tell me to "appreciate what I have" when I have spent my life WORKING tfir a better life than the one I am living. There are drug addicts out there with less cares in the world than I.

Enough is enough already. Today I almost jumped over the counter at work & almost beat the crap out of this one pot hole who just happened to be the "last straw". I had already been taking crap & insults ALL DAY, but this situation pushed me over the damn edge.

Every day at this P.O.S. job I swallow my pride, sacrificing my dignity & self-worth all for the sake of "being respectful".

Well F THAT. I TIRE OF BEING FORCED TO "SHOW RESPECT" FOR PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO GRANT ME LIKEWISE IN RETURN. And I will no longer do it.

I'm not 19 years old anymore. (I wish I was, hey we all do) But the fact remains that we all accept getting older. I accepted getting older as a fact of life. But then I was also looking forward to the benefits of getting older. Such as being RESPECTED.

I honestly feel that as someone well into their thirties deserves at least some respect & acknowledgement as someone who has lived, learned, and became wiser as the years progressed. Maybe not to the same degree as anyone who may be over 50 or 60, but again: I'm not 19 anymore. And I am PAST the point of being treated like "some dumb kid" who doesn't know up from down. I'm growing older; we all are. So show me the respect that as an adult I know I am ENTITLED.

But I leanr to acceot what is, and learn to live with the fact that I will never get threspect i feel i deserve. However, there is ONE person from whom it counts the most: MYSELF.

I know for a FACT that I will respect myself more if I STICK UP for myself. Think about it, girls. It's NOT that different from all of us fighting for our right to CD. Why "give in" as far as ANY aspect of life is concerned?

I know that I will get numerous replies from folks who will disagree, but many of you who know me well enough will know that "giving in & just taking it" is NOT who I am. If it was then Lorna would NOT exist, believe you me.

[Beauty]

[Lorna]

Thanks for the pat, hon. I do feel better. I guess I just need to do a verbal rant once in a while yanno... to blow off some steam.

Fortunately today at work (although it was a busy & hetic day - hey Sundays at a mall - its to be expected) there were no verbal altercations, no smartalecks, and no timewasters.

I will admit though that the mall itself has been on a steady decline in the last couple of years in terms of the people who go there. More & more high school & college kids will wander around the malls at night, drive around the parking lots, blast their music & rev their engines or sit around & smoke marijuana ( I smell it every weekend) I have even spotted a few crazy people wandering around the mall as well mumbling to themselves, loitering around stores. More & more people who come into the store will dump their garbage (food, empty cups & such) all over the display counters.

Fights break out in various stores & areas throughout the mall (not just kids fighting other kids, but crazy older people as well - crazy people who just want to start fights with mall staff. One woman had to be physically dragged out of Macy's the other day, kicking, screaming, cursing and spitting at Security & the police) and yes, needless to say police presence at the mall has been considerably on the rise. I see the dregs of society passing thru the mall every day.

Roosevelt Field Mall is a ZOO. If I didn't have to work there i would NOT go there for any reason. I can't wait to get another job so I can get out of there.