Operation 'Self-Cleansing 05'

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Tue May 24, 2005 1:05 am

I turned 33 last week.

I had a long conversation with my mother a couple of days ago & then another long chat with my father tonight.

Despite the fact that my father stated that he did not want to "intrude" in my life by any means, he did express that he & my mother were worried about me.

The thing is I have a long history of telling my parents to F off whenever they have tried to tell me certain things, even though it was for my own good. And it wasn't ina "parent to child" sort of way. But moreso in a "concerned person" sort of way. I used to become over defensive, ripping into them, telling them to leave the the F alone, to just let me live my life. Well, I now know that I have been going about certain things all wrong. Many of you here have noticed that as well too when you have tried to give me good advice but I refused to listen...

I have always prided myself on having a “rebellious” attitude, thinking that I needed nobody, but in the meantime I was lading myself down a bad path. (Not thru any fault of my own, but yes I was misguided; hey we’re all human & get misguided every so often) I was mistaking genuine help for self-righteous attitudes. And I was wrong. And if I have ever ripped into any of you here for being Miss Defensive then I apologize.

I don't know what has taken place in my brain this year, but all I can say is that I feel like for the first time in years there is actual hope for me & my future!! All is NOT lost for me!! I have a future!! I will NOT be in the hole for the rest of my life.

- First & foremost, I HAVE to quit smoking if I want to LIVE long enough. My dad (a retired psychiatrist) has agreed to give me a prescription for the nicotine gum. I plan to quit smoking by any means necessary.

- Second, my plan is to take things in baby steps in terms of my life. In other words, taking the NYC Police Exam is Step One. Going to the Academy will be step 2. Finishing & getting hired will be step 3.

Baby steps... baby steps... One step at a time. No more pressure to be "great" as everyone has always expected... thank goodness!!

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Tue May 24, 2005 8:29 am

*Lorna*

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Tue May 24, 2005 11:23 am

Thanks girls!

I just told myself that this year I was tired of being stuck in the same rut ever since I was laid off from a good job I previously had. Financial troubles then leaked out into other areas of life creating a whirlwind of chaos. So it's time to take my life back.

Paige · Post by **Paige** » Tue May 24, 2005 5:14 pm

From a more mature woman:

Ah, the stages of life.... I am so proud of you!!

I wish you the best dear Lorna...

Let me (us) know when we can help

Paige

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Wed May 25, 2005 6:03 am

Lorna · Post by **Lorna** » Tue May 31, 2005 11:55 pm

Thank you, thank you, girls!!!

Sandi · Post by **Sandi** » Wed Jun 01, 2005 6:26 am

I wish you the best Lorna

Allena · Post by **Allena** » Thu Jun 02, 2005 11:46 am

I'm also gald to hear good news from you!

I hope the healthy turn in your relationship with your parents conitnues.

It's so nice to have you share these very personal things with us.
I'm glad you are here!

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu Jun 02, 2005 9:27 pm

Lorna I have mostly enjoyed your posts. But I am glad that you are feeling more optimistic and happier with your family

Andrea