He was charged with Battery!!!
THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 ** LOCKED **
Moderator: KimberlyS
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Lorna
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Yikes! I know that was a bad one when there have been no new posts in a week! I did it again... 
These next ones could potentially kill this thread for at least a month... hehe sorry in advance...
Q. Did you hear about the flasher that was thinking about retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year.
Q. What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
A. Quatro sinko.
Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
These next ones could potentially kill this thread for at least a month... hehe sorry in advance...
Q. Did you hear about the flasher that was thinking about retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year.
Q. What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
A. Quatro sinko.
Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
Live it. Love it. OWN IT.
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Beauty
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Connie
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The Singing Fish
The Singing Fish
Jimmy: 'Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was
really something special.'
Mike: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who
sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'
Jimmy: 'What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because
you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'
Mike: 'Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.'
Jimmy: 'Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to
sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.'
Mike: 'That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing.
The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you
know how hard it is to tuna fish?'
Jimmy: 'Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was
really something special.'
Mike: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who
sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'
Jimmy: 'What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because
you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'
Mike: 'Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.'
Jimmy: 'Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to
sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.'
Mike: 'That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing.
The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you
know how hard it is to tuna fish?'
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Beauty
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Carolynn
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Two from my 5-years old nephew: 
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens hadn't evolved yet!!!!
Why do bees hum?
They forgot the words to the song!
I hope my rotten jokes haven't warped him!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Chickens hadn't evolved yet!!!!
Why do bees hum?
They forgot the words to the song!
I hope my rotten jokes haven't warped him!
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Carolynn
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"You look worse than the last time you were here!!" stated the Doc. "Don't you remember I told you to drink a warm glass of water an hour before each meal for your digestion"?
"Aww Doc, I've tried." insisted the patient, "But I can only keep it up for about 15 minutes and then....."
"Aww Doc, I've tried." insisted the patient, "But I can only keep it up for about 15 minutes and then....."
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Carolynn
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Herman James
Twenty-eight years ago Herman James, a Tennessee Mountain Man, joined the Navy.
The first day the Navy issued him a toothbrush. That afternoon a Navy dentist pulled six of his teeth.
The second day the Navy issued him a comb. That afternoon a Navy barber sheared all the hair off his head.
The third day the Navy issued him a jock strap.
The Navy is still looking for Herman James.........
The first day the Navy issued him a toothbrush. That afternoon a Navy dentist pulled six of his teeth.
The second day the Navy issued him a comb. That afternoon a Navy barber sheared all the hair off his head.
The third day the Navy issued him a jock strap.
The Navy is still looking for Herman James.........
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Sally
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
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bad jokes thread
A chicken farmer went into a local bar and took a seat
next
to a woman patron and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass
of
champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence."
Continuing, he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" said the
woman.
"What a coincidence," said the man.
They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my
gynecologist
told me I'm pregnant!
"What a coincidence." said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years
all my
hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said
next
to a woman patron and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass
of
champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence."
Continuing, he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" said the
woman.
"What a coincidence," said the man.
They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my
gynecologist
told me I'm pregnant!
"What a coincidence." said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years
all my
hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
"What a coincidence," she said
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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Carolynn
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OHHHHHHHH Sally!!!!!!! 
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me that would defeat it's purpose!!!!!!
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me that would defeat it's purpose!!!!!!
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Carolynn
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This one is sooooooooooo bad, I just couldn't resist it. 
Animal activist Bo Derek was horrified to learn that the Queen of England wears antique sable coats. She decided to confront the Queen over the issue, and arranged to get herself invited to an event which the Queen was also due to attend.
So a couple of months later, there they were at a very high class tea party. Rich people everywhere. Bo started looking around for the Queen. Sure enough, there she was. It was time for the confrontation!
She marched up to the Queen, and demanded an answer.
Elizabeth responded haughtily: "Some wear old fur to reign, Bo."
(For the pun challenged, think Judy Garland and the Wizard of OZ)
Animal activist Bo Derek was horrified to learn that the Queen of England wears antique sable coats. She decided to confront the Queen over the issue, and arranged to get herself invited to an event which the Queen was also due to attend.
So a couple of months later, there they were at a very high class tea party. Rich people everywhere. Bo started looking around for the Queen. Sure enough, there she was. It was time for the confrontation!
She marched up to the Queen, and demanded an answer.
Elizabeth responded haughtily: "Some wear old fur to reign, Bo."
(For the pun challenged, think Judy Garland and the Wizard of OZ)
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Carolynn
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