Hi Kay,
I think we crossdress to please ourselves, not either to honor women or to insult them. Speaking for myself, I certainly try not to irritate women. I have no illusions about women being flattered. If I want to flatter or please the women in my life, I go for flowers and candy, not for putting on my wig!
Admiration and Flattery
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Hi Kay--
I don't see dressing as a compliment to women, myself. I'm expressing something, and I need women's clothes and mannerisms to do that. They are the tools that I use. Women might even agree that I use the tools well, but that's as much as they will acknowledge.
The fact that women can relate to me better when I'm doing this doesn't mean that they feel complimented by it. It's two different things. My three sisters can see that CDing has been a good thing for me. They might have been able to talk to me easier since this happened. But they do not care for the manner in which this has come about, and will say so.
I go to an all-woman spiritual group in a nearby city sometimes. I know that they genuinely like the "me" that they see there, which is a version of a woman. But they like me in spite of my presentation, and not necessarily because of it. They do compliment me on my outfits, because--once again, I do a good job of presenting my female side.
But they know there has to be an agenda, and it's one they don't understand at all. And it's true that in my personal case, I did find that this became my own source of female nurturing.
One of my sisters understood this well. She's been married for many years, but she had disastrous dating years before that. In desperation, she begin to find other ways to meet the needs that the men in her life were not meeting. "At some point,' she said, " I could mentally say to them, 'I don't NEED you anymore.'
"That felt pretty good."
I did the same thing. Coupled life is hard work, and I reached a point where I couldn't pay that price in time and energy. So I became a version of a woman, and got female qualities in my life by giving them out to others. It has worked for me well, at my age.
Unlike my sister, I did have good relationships over the years. They worked for me. There just came a point where I saw that I would never be able to maintain a relationship at the level where it needed to be--it would have taken all my emotional energy. That's just me--I couldn't find a way around that any more.
It's still an agenda, though. That others benefit from it also is great, but I'm doing it for myself first. Women can sense this. I'm in competition with them, even if it's friendly competition. The fact that most men would never think to do this is beside the point. It's still competition.
I'm taking some of their power, and using it for myself. Even if they can't explain crossdressing in general, they sense that much.
I only speak for myself, here, and make no pretense of expressing a majority view. I will say that I did not plan all of this ahead of time. I had to make the committment to becoming Anita first. Only then did I begin to find the reasons why, and the rewards that were there.
I don't see dressing as a compliment to women, myself. I'm expressing something, and I need women's clothes and mannerisms to do that. They are the tools that I use. Women might even agree that I use the tools well, but that's as much as they will acknowledge.
The fact that women can relate to me better when I'm doing this doesn't mean that they feel complimented by it. It's two different things. My three sisters can see that CDing has been a good thing for me. They might have been able to talk to me easier since this happened. But they do not care for the manner in which this has come about, and will say so.
I go to an all-woman spiritual group in a nearby city sometimes. I know that they genuinely like the "me" that they see there, which is a version of a woman. But they like me in spite of my presentation, and not necessarily because of it. They do compliment me on my outfits, because--once again, I do a good job of presenting my female side.
But they know there has to be an agenda, and it's one they don't understand at all. And it's true that in my personal case, I did find that this became my own source of female nurturing.
One of my sisters understood this well. She's been married for many years, but she had disastrous dating years before that. In desperation, she begin to find other ways to meet the needs that the men in her life were not meeting. "At some point,' she said, " I could mentally say to them, 'I don't NEED you anymore.'
"That felt pretty good."
I did the same thing. Coupled life is hard work, and I reached a point where I couldn't pay that price in time and energy. So I became a version of a woman, and got female qualities in my life by giving them out to others. It has worked for me well, at my age.
Unlike my sister, I did have good relationships over the years. They worked for me. There just came a point where I saw that I would never be able to maintain a relationship at the level where it needed to be--it would have taken all my emotional energy. That's just me--I couldn't find a way around that any more.
It's still an agenda, though. That others benefit from it also is great, but I'm doing it for myself first. Women can sense this. I'm in competition with them, even if it's friendly competition. The fact that most men would never think to do this is beside the point. It's still competition.
I'm taking some of their power, and using it for myself. Even if they can't explain crossdressing in general, they sense that much.
I only speak for myself, here, and make no pretense of expressing a majority view. I will say that I did not plan all of this ahead of time. I had to make the committment to becoming Anita first. Only then did I begin to find the reasons why, and the rewards that were there.
Last edited by Anita on Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Kay(SO)
- E-mail address not valid - Contact Admin
- Posts: 294
- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:03 am
- Location: North Carolina
Hi there Anita,
I forgot that I had even posted this top so long ago that I had to go back and read through it again.
But, after reading what you wrote, I have to tell you what an excellent post! It was really thought out and explained many things about you personally and for that I thank you. You let me in and getting to know you better helps me understand things from a new and different perspective, which for me is always a good thing.
The most paramount thing I notice when you speak is how comfortable you sound with yourself and in your own skin. You sound content, at peace and like you really know who you are and that you like who you are. Not many can say they have reached that platform in their lives. Especially when you add in complexities such as CDing. You are to be admired and I'm sure that other's strive to have the confidence that you express. Thanks again for a quality response to my question.
Hugs,
Kay(SO)
I forgot that I had even posted this top so long ago that I had to go back and read through it again.
But, after reading what you wrote, I have to tell you what an excellent post! It was really thought out and explained many things about you personally and for that I thank you. You let me in and getting to know you better helps me understand things from a new and different perspective, which for me is always a good thing.
The most paramount thing I notice when you speak is how comfortable you sound with yourself and in your own skin. You sound content, at peace and like you really know who you are and that you like who you are. Not many can say they have reached that platform in their lives. Especially when you add in complexities such as CDing. You are to be admired and I'm sure that other's strive to have the confidence that you express. Thanks again for a quality response to my question.
Hugs,
Kay(SO)
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 2:55 pm
- Location: Burlingame, CA (San Francisco Bay area)
Thanks, Kay, I really appreciate that. I'm glad those feelings come through, because I really am happy with how things are. I do have to think about how far I'm going with this, and sometimes that shakes me up. It's part of the deal, for some CDs--again, not a majority.
I did go back and edit the reply above, just to say that unlike most "male"agendas, I realized that I didn't plan this one out. I had to make the committment to doing CDing first, and only then did the benefits to me start to become clear.
I did go back and edit the reply above, just to say that unlike most "male"agendas, I realized that I didn't plan this one out. I had to make the committment to doing CDing first, and only then did the benefits to me start to become clear.
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
Kay is so right, Anita is one lady here who is comfortable with herself and it shows -rock on ,girl!
I did want to interject this, I may have posted it before, but after reading all the above, it kind of takes on a bit of a different meaning. I attended a Christmas party last December, a little of everone was there, CD, pre-ops; post-ops; SO's etc. My (spelling) avitar is from that party. As I was leaving the two SO's there said they had been discussing me and had arrived at a conclusion that I looked "elegant." Then one of them added, "it is girls like you that make "us" have to try harder." I took it and still take it as quite a compliment, but it was not my intention to compete with anyone CD or GG at that party. Virginia simply chose what she wanted to wear to a Christmas party at a nice home on the lake, given by a friend. She had no idea who would be there or how many only that it was at a nice home on the lake at Christmas. Should I analyze this furthur?? Don't want to! Just glad that I was accepted, had a good time and did not get in trouble!!!
Love,
Virginia
I did want to interject this, I may have posted it before, but after reading all the above, it kind of takes on a bit of a different meaning. I attended a Christmas party last December, a little of everone was there, CD, pre-ops; post-ops; SO's etc. My (spelling) avitar is from that party. As I was leaving the two SO's there said they had been discussing me and had arrived at a conclusion that I looked "elegant." Then one of them added, "it is girls like you that make "us" have to try harder." I took it and still take it as quite a compliment, but it was not my intention to compete with anyone CD or GG at that party. Virginia simply chose what she wanted to wear to a Christmas party at a nice home on the lake, given by a friend. She had no idea who would be there or how many only that it was at a nice home on the lake at Christmas. Should I analyze this furthur?? Don't want to! Just glad that I was accepted, had a good time and did not get in trouble!!!
Love,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!