online activities (everyone)

[Kaye(SO)]

I am completely new at being part of an online group. I finally joined as part of the ongoing compromising that both my husband (Kimberly S) and I are doing, trying to save our marriage. We both get frustrated at times, but we got frustrated with each other and at circumstances even before crossdressing became a major issue in our lives.

I took a long time to join an online group, because I have some strong concerns; I am curious as to whether my concerns are warrented.

On average, how much time do you spend online reading posts per week?

On average, how much time do you spend online in chat rooms per week?

Of the hours spent online reading posts or in chat rooms, how many are spent at sites dealing with crossdressing?

Of the hours spent online reading posts or in chat rooms, how many are at your place of employment, during your designated work hours?

Does your 'spouse' get jealous of the time you spend online?

Do you consider the time you spend in chat rooms as building friendships?

Do you consider your time online as being productive (personal growth, learning to be more tolerant/accepting of others, learning to be more accepting of yourself, ...)?

How has the amount of time you spend online affected your 'flesh and blood' relationships?

How many hours online per week do you think is 'too much'?

Many of you may think I have a lot of questions, but I am actually leaving many questions out (for now). I appreciate any and all responses.

kaye(so)

[Loretta Ann]

Hi kaye(so),

I will not answer your questions due to the appearance that you may attempt to use the information to control your husband’s activities.

I will tell you that at certain times a CDer will spend more time on line than others. This depends where one is at a particular time in his life.

I will also say that there are different reasons for different Cders to spend time on line.

And I will also say that if you feel he is spending to much time on line it is probably due to other needs not being met with in the marriage.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the time spent on line (if it is too much) is a symptom of a problem as opposed to the rout of the problem.

Any how welcome here and I hope your marriage can be saved.

Love Darlene.

[Celia]

I notice you're not a member of Hot Topics, Kaye. You might want to ask Beauty, Sharon, or Shannon if you can join.

Yours,
Celia

[Virginia]

Kaye,
First welcome to our little corner of the world. I and a lot of my sisters here do understadn where you are coming from, but I have to agree with my Sis, Darlene. We are in the midst of probably the best thread we have constructed right now. It is under "Coping for CD's" and it is the tread about "self-esteem and bounderies......" You may want to take the time to read it extensive as it is. It sure puts a lot of things in perspective.
Good luck and again welcome and hope you can stay around and contribute.
Virginia

[DonnaT]

Kaye,

I spend time on this forum as well as four other forums. Although it adds up to a good bit of time online, it does not interfere with the time I spend with my wife, which is most important.

However, it appears that she does get jealous of my time helping others, which is why I try to limit that time to when we are not together, like in the mornings after she's gone to work, or evenings when she's involved with one of her hobbies or has gone to bed early. I've invited her to join also, which she has, but only to read (checking up on me ), and has never posted.

What it has interfered with is the time I use to spend in other online persuits pertaining to my various hobbies, such as woodcarving, woodturning, pen making, genealogy research, fly fishing, to name a few.

I don't spend very much time in chat rooms, because I'm not a very good conversationalist, but the time I have spent have furthered the virtual friendships founded in posts and replies in the forum.

My time spent online has given me insight into how the SOs feel, and when the SO section of this forum was open to be read by all, I gained a lot of knowledge in this regard.

And, by personal testimonials, my insight and personal knowledge of CDing, has helped a good number of other CDs as well as SOs. If I help one person I consider my time well spent.

I think when another CD is helped in some small way by being here, thier time is also well spent.

[Beauty]

I am completely new at being part of an online group. I finally joined as part of the ongoing compromising that both my husband (Kimberly S) and I are doing, trying to save our marriage. We both get frustrated at times, but we got frustrated with each other and at circumstances even before crossdressing became a major issue in our lives.

I took a long time to join an online group, because I have some strong concerns; I am curious as to whether my concerns are warrented.

. . .


Many of you may think I have a lot of questions, but I am actually leaving many questions out (for now). I appreciate any and all responses.

kaye(so)

Hi Kaye!!!

It's great to have you with us and it takes a lot of strength to join an online group, so good for you for trying to become a more understanding person and spouse.

I completely respect your concerns about your husband's CD'ing and I'll be happy to answer your questions. I hope it helps.

On average, how much time do you spend online reading posts per week?
Sheeesh. A lot!

On average, how much time do you spend online in chat rooms per week?
Little to none.

Of the hours spent online reading posts or in chat rooms, how many are spent at sites dealing with crossdressing?
75% I'd say

Of the hours spent online reading posts or in chat rooms, how many are at your place of employment, during your designated work hours?
Zero hours

Does your 'spouse' get jealous of the time you spend online?
At first she did, but when I noticed it was a problem I started spending more time with her. I also moved her PC into the room with me, so we are together most of the time.

Do you consider the time you spend in chat rooms as building friendships?
I'll comment on the past. When I saw chat rooms, prior to the one we have hear, they usually all became stories about things that I don't find too cool. So I'd have to say no. I gave up trying to find people online in chat rooms and went to forums as they were more issue oriented that things I just couldn't get into in the chat rooms.

Do you consider your time online as being productive (personal growth, learning to be more tolerant/accepting of others, learning to be more accepting of yourself, ...)?
Absolutely. I've learned so much about others and their struggles and accomplishments that I no longer struggle with who I am. So it is a really good thing, I feel.

How has the amount of time you spend online affected your 'flesh and blood' relationships?
At first I used online as an escape. Now I use it differently. It's like reading an interactive newspaper now. Because I'm a TG'd I don't have many friends that I trust. So my flesh and blood relationships are still the same.

How many hours online per week do you think is 'too much'?
When you are neglecting your family or your family feels like you're not there and express or show that they are being affected by you not being attentive to them.

Hey? You said there were going to be a lot of questions???? Where are they?

Those were excellent questions. It was a good therapy for me! Thank you!!! I look forward to answering more.

Beauty

[Kaye(SO)]

Thank you to those of you who have answered my questions. When I asked these questions, I didn’t realize that someone may want to use this information against someone. I am just concerned at how easy it seems for a person (me included) to get hooked onto being online; the time just goes by so quickly! I just want to know how much time people think is needed for this forum to be helpful – I know I didn’t ask that specific question, but I thought I could calculate that from the answers others give.

Darlene – Kimberly S and I both appreciate your thought on maybe some other need within the marriage is not being met in a person’s life if “too much time” is spent online.

Celia – I don’t know if I’d be ready for Hot Topics. I certainly didn’t mean for this topic to be a Hot Topic.

Virginia – Thank you for informing me of the “boundaries” posts. I had read through the first couple of pages; wow! I am collecting my own thoughts on this to share, when I have time.

Donna T – Thank you for answering. Are you sure your wife is jealous of the time ‘in helping others’? Or is she jealous of just ‘the time’. I ask, because I think that’s what bothers me. I’m not sure what I wish my husband were doing instead,…… I’ll have to think on that some more.

Beauty – Don’t worry, I’ll have more questions. My husband said that I might want to shorten up my posts, so I probably won’t put even this many into one post next time – but thank you for the encouragement.

Kaye

[DonnaT]

Donna T – Thank you for answering. Are you sure your wife is jealous of the time ‘in helping others’? Or is she jealous of just ‘the time’.

Well, it is the time, but I explain why I'm here, so it's one in the same to me.

[Loretta Ann]

I just want to know how much time people think is needed for this forum to be helpful.

Hi Kaye,

I am not sure if that question has a clear answer. I think it would depend on how many people there are here that are seeking help. As well as how many people we have here that are equipped to help others.

Also keep in mind that many of us work together as a team. We all come with different gifts. Some of us are supporters; some of us stir up the soil one is planted in etc. And it all works together.

Also some of us are single and retired, and can give more time than others. What is healthy for me today would not have been healthy for me when I had to work for a living.

While your beginning here was a bit rocky, I want to let you know that we appreciate you coming here. It is so encouraging to see people like you come here for help. I have a feeling that you will succeed, your attitude says you will.

Love Dalene.

[Beauty]

Beauty – Don’t worry, I’ll have more questions. My husband said that I might want to shorten up my posts, so I probably won’t put even this many into one post next time – but thank you for the encouragement.

Hey there,

Tell Kimberly I said to hush up.

Your post was not too long, neither was your post in the New Members area. Do not modify what you have to say here because of me or anyone else.

Ask as many questions as you like. I am among many who like to read long posts, so you do what your mind and fingers tell you to do. If you think about how long something is you'll end up leaving out something you wanted to say.

Your debut here has been a smashing success and I am really glad you decided to post!

Beauty

[Andrea(Wa)]

Hi Kaye!

I am delighted to see you "post"!!!

I chat with your "Kim" almost every day....she is a delight!
You are a very "fortunate" wife to have a "husband" that embraces and understands both M & F feelings. I do understand the "problems/difficulties" this does present with children!

I am retired and do chat a bit almost every day, however, while it is a pleasure to share and make "on-line" friends, I personally enjoy "real-life"! My wife still works, so I do most of the cooking/shopping/yard work.

Be delighted to share more if you desire? (a.dehn7@verizon.net)

Pleasure to "meet" you,
Andrea/Andie