How I got here(The Transgendered Community)

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I was reading some posts in the New Members section the other day, and as usual, it reminded me of my first visit here. Not the one where I got here and was too afraid to even look at a post, but when I finally decided to find "my community".

From the time I personally became aware that I really felt like I was a girl on the inside, until the time I actually came to this site I was either under the impression that our numbers were few, most crossdressers were gay, or that the only place for crossdressers and transexuals was in freak shows or as female impersonators.

However, once it became apparent that my marriage was doomed, the issue of my crossdressing, even though it only involved wearing panties at the time, kept coming up. I finally did some searches and found this site, as well as a site by Gianna Isreal.

In her site she described herself as a person who worked with the transgendered. She went on to say how she knew nothing when she had her first transexual client and how that client taught her much of what she knows now. She went on to say that she tells all of her new clients to get in touch with "thier community" be it gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgendered.

She went on to say how the people in our respective communities could teach us much more, much quicker than anyone else, and that the information comes first hand, not the opinion or theory of some psychologist or other health care professional who will never understand what it means to be in one of these communities.

So I remembered this place, and I came here. Middle of the night, scared of what I might find, I clicked on the new members area and started reading. And what I found shocked me. It was people who felt just like me. Not a few either, but hundreds.

And I could not beleive how supportive everyone was. No one was critisized, or told they were immoral and needed to stop. In fact, just the opposite. They were told to embrace who they were, at the pace they wanted, and that support would always be here.

It was the first time I truely accepted I was transgendered. And for the first time ever, I did not feel ashamed of myself. And even though I was a stranger, I was treated like an old friend.

To all of you, my community, I want to thankyou for being here for me, and saving my life. I have gone from hating my life, hating who I was, living filled with regrets and low self esteem, not knowing who I was or where I was going, and having accepted that I was never going to be happy to loving who I am, lettinng go of my fear, regrets, anger, and hate and looking forward to my future with Raven(SO), my children, and whatever life can throw at me.

I love you all and hope someday to perhaps mean to all of you, what you have meant, and continue to mean to me. You are more than just my community, you are my family.

So tell me? How did you find your way to "our community?"

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Virginia]

Elizabeth,
You know we are all proud of you. Although I had not been here but a few months prior to your joining, I experienced what you did! The love,understanding, empathy and acceptance. I, like you, kind of stumbled on this "island in the stream" and as you have experienced, the girls here have done more for some of us than they will ever know. You are my "shining example" of what this forum can do for someone who is truly searching for acceptance and for answers.
I can only hope that God will continue to shed HER blessing on you and your new bride and I always look forward to reading your posts!!
Love ya,
Virginia

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Elizabeth,

I first stumbled onto the site while it was very new, but did not get involved until some time later when, some one posted a link on another forum that I was on. Even then it took me awhile before I registered.

You state that you hope someday to perhaps mean to all of us, what we have meant, and continue to mean to you. I wonder if you realize what you mean to us today?

Love Darlene.

[CJ]

Hi all,

Elizabeth,

That's a very good topic. Cool.

I, too, sort of found this site by just "wandering in."

Although some here have found this hard to believe, I'd never really tried to "join my community" in any serious way until a couple of years ago, despite the fact that I've had access to the internet since around 1993. Of course, I was familiar with all that she-male crap you find on the net but I wasn't looking for any of that stuff. I guess I wasn't looking for anything at all, really. Although I knew there had to be others like myself out there, I couldn't imagine they had much of an internet presence.

Then, in October of 2003, I underwent a surgical procedure that required me to be off work for about five weeks or so with as little physical activity as possible. I started spending more time online. I decided to actively seek out web sites where others such as myself possibly hung out. My first serious stop was a Yahoo Group run by one Glyndon, a GG who's very much into "men as women." But, despite my best efforts at getting a dialogue happening, the group remained fairly small and inactive. Seeking greener pastures, I eventually stumbled upon U R Not Alone (URNA). I put up a profile and a few early pix but never got around to exchanging or chatting with anyone (I've since taken all that off from there). I followed a link from URNA that took me to the CDDF. Now, this was the kind of thing I was looking for. People exchanging ideas, thoughts, experiences, on a forum that seemed pretty active. I liked this. But it soon became obvious to me that the CDDF's being very loosely moderated led to exchanges that were nothing but major wastes of time (at the time, there was one member there who went by the name of Gadfly that had managed to hijack the entire forum for weeks before finally being banned--the forum had become a mere roadside attraction). Then, one day, I followed a link to this forum. I think I read posts for all of two days before deciding to register. The feeling I'd gotten from what was being said here (and the way in which it was being said) was very positive. It was exactly what I was looking for; more oriented towards the support end of the spectrum than towards the "surface" aspects of crossdressing. I've never looked back (well, maybe I have, once or twice, but I always came back; this is my home).

The members here are incredible; there's warmth, drama, laughter, intelligence, wit, the sharing of hardship, tolerance, sorrow, fellowship, understanding, joy, anger, along with the occasional preoccupation with nail polish colours and skirt lengths. Plus (a big draw for me), the participation of women--SO's or otherwise. I've never believed crossdressing occurs in a relational vacuum, and here was a chance to learn what GG's other than those in my own life thought of the whole thing. Even though the SO's area is now hidden from view and their participation much less obvious ( ), I still think this is the best forum out there. Thanks to you all. Like Elizabeth, I think this site is a lifesaver.

Love,
CJ

[Aeryn]

Well, I guess like everyone else I just kind of stumbled across this place. I hadn't dressed in years, the feelings had come back briefly, I was confused, and my SO found out. I was looking for place to get support and guidance along with a place to explore who I was. This wasn't my first stop. My first stop was a yahoo group that didn't provide much info or support. Then I found here. Although I don't post often (at least not about CDing ), I read about every day.

[DonnaT]

I reckon my finding this site was a little different.

When I first became a member of the Internet I was interested in things related to my woodcarving hobby. Being a member of AOL I soon found chats, instant messaging and listserves and started talking to others around the world.

Sometime later I read about and discovered Search Engines, and hotbot became my favorite. Realizing that one could find just about anything on the net using this search engine I soon found myself looking for anything that dealt with crossdressing. I came across stories, some fiction some not, and web pages of other crossdressers not afraid to be out in the open with their CDing.

I read and needed to read more, so kept looking for more sites related to CDing. I learned a lot of things related to CDing and transgenderism. Eventually I came across a forum, CDDF, where others would relate their experiences, etc., and joined in.

I really wasn't looking for answers to questions, I was just looking just to talk to other CDs. I soon came to really liked the idea that I could offer advice to help others cope, based on what I learned from the numerous other CDing sites I had been visiting.

After a while, I started looking for similar sites and came upon this one.

I really liked the format of this site, much more organized. None of the spam and trolling found on the CDDF site.

I liked the sincerity of questions and intelligent help by the other members here. But most important were the posts by the SO's. Their posts made me realize that I didn't have all the answers, and that there were things I could really learn more about, especially since my wife didn't like talking about it.

So I became a member here. I don't know if I would have if it had not been for the SO section.

Of course, I've joined other sites similar to this one, as I still like talking to others around the world and at times there weren't many posts here. However, but this is the first site I go to every day.

[Anita]

Hi Elizabeth--
I drifted in on the wind from CDDF, when Jadeanne was kind enough to let me know that the party was going on over here. I was very tired of a format where topics were gone in a day, never to see the light again. I'd still like to get a website up, but this forum has been a good one for sharing information in a way that's still accessible for anyone who comes along.

I am with you when you say that a forum like this one will teach a person much more about "the community," because we're the ones who live it from the inside out. No amount of sincerity from a therapist is going to substitute for that, although a therapist has their own gifts to give. I'm happy to be a part of this ongoing experience--sure glad I got to see the Internet in my lifetime!

Well, Elizabeth, I'd love it if we all met once a month down at the local GLBT center, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. (Those rockets they promised in 50s sci-fi haven't gotten practical yet.) But I'm overdue for seeing Southern California again; been way too long. I'll be looking you up sometime in the next few years, and that goes for others on here, too. This girl wants to travel a lot more, and help knit the community together in that way, too.

[Jadeanne]

Hi all,

Back when I joined CDDF, Anita was one of the first ones to send an email message and we occasionally still exchange email messages.

I discovered this website from a post on CDDF by Shannon. I lurked for a few weeks, liked what I saw, then joined.

I consider this website as my internet home. The reasons are the caring members, including SO input, the active, alert administration of Sharon and Beauty, the work of moderators present and past (welcome back, CJ) to keep this a clean place where sleaze and trolls are not tolerated.

Jadeanne

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

It is really great hearing all of your stories. It is so interesting how we all have our own needs, and likes and dislikes. For me it is a strange irony being here at all.

I am not normally the "join a club" type of person. There is a huge transgendered community here in Los Angeles, but I am really not interested in living my life in the transgendered community, where my only friends are other transgendered people.

The main reason being, I just like thinking of everyone as people, not necessarily transgendered. There are many of you here, that in my minds eye, really are girls. I think somehow that might change if I was to interact with the transgendered community in person.

Also, I am not passable, and don't have a burning desire to be passable, which is embraced by many in our community. Perhaps just a fear of being isolated again, in the one place I don't feel isolated. That is not to say I fear meeting others, or have no interest in it at all. In fact I have met someone from this very forum in person, when they were in my city and it was a very nice experience.

I guess in a way, just knowing you all are out there, has made a world of difference for me. Being able to share my trials as well as my triumphs with all of you. Being able to get sage advice when I desperately need it, and having an understanding shoulder to cry on, even when I am in the wrong.

Here's to my sisters, and that means my GG sisters too, who truely do make this place like no other place in the world. Shannon, Sharon, Beauty, and all those who have worked hard to make and keep this place the wonderful place it is, my Stupidly Looking Hat is off to you.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Georgia(SO)]

Nice topic Elizabeth...

When my guy told me he was a cross dresser, as sophisticated and experienced as I thought I was, I knew nothing about it other than I'd seen Birdcage once.

So I hit the net. Came across support groups that wouldn't let me join because I wasn't into *fixing* him, wouldn't let me join because he's bi, wouldn't let me join because of whatever reason. That all made me feel really wierd and isolated. Then I stumbled on myhusbandbetty. Emailed Helen Boyd and talked to her a couple of times and she was a lot of help. But their website was frustrating to me and Donna T spotted me on their forum and suggested I wander on over here. I can't thank her enough. I learn so much from you all, and you all have been so patient as I worked out my own feelings regarding this. The SOs here have told me I was normal to have mixed emotions and all of the Girls work so hard to hear what we have to say and are so open in saying how they feel.

I can't thank you enough for letting me work out my feelings here - in relative safety where I can be stupid on occasion and fumble my way through a myriad of conflicting emotions. Thank you for being frank, for being open and for sometimes just letting me eavesdrop on your conversations. You have all made it possible for me to find ways to support my sweetie, you have given me the space and the audience to wander around through emotions that are at odds with what I *want* to feel, and you have given me a whole roomful of friends...Thank you so much.

-georgia(so)

[Kathy]

While I had looked up information about crossdressing on the internet from time to time, I didn't really put much effort into it until last year. In one of my earlier searches, I too found the CDDF. I lurked in there for a couple of days until I decided that I really hated the format and wasn't particularly impressed with most of the topics I saw. So, I continued searching until I found the crossdressers forum run by Julie. I joind up there and participated for several weeks. Then Julie posted a link to this forum. I followed that link over here and was immediately hooked for the same reasons given by everyone else. I participated in both forums for a time but I found that to be too time consuming for me. So, here I am.

Even though I tend to fade in and out and post somewhat irregularly, I have always looked in every few days to see what is going on. There was a period last fall when my dressing stopped completely for a few months. During that time, I just had a hard time relating to the rest of you who were still enjoying this part of your life. Now I'm dressing with some regularity again, the personal turbulance of the last several months has settled and I feel like I can rejoin the group.

It is good to be back.

Love,
Kathy

[Oregon (SO)]

Great question. I found this forum via the cddf forum, from Beauty. That forum has become almost unwatchable, which is really sad as I had been checking it out for a few years. :-(

But, I had been on the net since roughly 1995. I got AOL and immediatly discovered crossdressers. being a gg married to a non-cding hubby was an odd place to be in. Was not single, but absolutely curious about what all this was and really I was a sponge back then, just soaking up as much info as I could on the subject. Unforuntely I evetnually got off AOL becuase I knew that me being married and being a sypathetic shoulder was probaby not a good place to be, stil had the net just not AOL. ... but of course back then there was not the huge amount of websites or or just places like this to congregate. And I knew chatting might get me in trouble,....so after my divorce I found Tora, a vancouver make up artists... who also liked cd's. She was a huge help and it was though her site that I eventually met my hubby. :-)

I really do owe everything that is happy in my life to the net, otherwise, well who knows...


hugs
kathy in canada

[Sally]

I found my way here via CDDF. I actually found CDDF the day James put it on the net and the first two years were very good there, but then as we know it was bombarded by people who had an agenda towards disharmony and just plain trolling, so I left there and never participated on any internet forums until I looked back in there one day and saw a reference to this forum. When I looked in here I recognised many quality people who had participated on CDDF in the early years and that's how I came to join here.

I'd agree with what Gianna Israel says in regards to we learn far more from our own than we ever will by any other means. From around my late teens I sought the help of medics and analysts and the money spent was really a complete waste, but back then I wasn't aware of professional people who were of the same ilk as myself or even that there were professionals who specialised in the TG area, so I only sought the help of every day physicans who really didn't want to know about my problems, or maybe more to the point they were ignorant of the facts about people such as us and put it all in the too hard basket.

As we all know, the internet has been the great release for so many of us and it has been the education tool for not just us, but also for many people who don't walk 'our path', and I think long after I'm gone from this earth, people will look back and see the defining line as to when things started to change for the better for us, as being the introduction of the internet to the world.

I've said this before and I say again, my greatest education has come from personal contact with men and women from the TG world. There is no better or more self satisfying occurrence than sitting down in a room with a group of similar men and women and letting everything take it's natural course with people pouring their hearts out. That's when I've learned the real truth about people such as myself, that's when I learned that I wasn't unique, that how I have felt all my life is normal for myself, that I was never really alone, all I needed was to find that point of contact. that's when I started to learn how to cope. One of the most valuable things ever to happen to me in my learning was to sit and talk to genetic women who were supportive of their husbands and partners regarding their gender variance or whatever we like to call it, right from the simplest form of crossdressing right up to changing gender. I venture to suggest I learned more from that group of women in one night than I'd learnt in my whole previous life and personally I feel that having wives and female partners as a part of this forum is one of the most valuable assets this forum possesses.

I believe it's essential for everybody to come to terms with the fact that people are not all the same, never were, never will be, and that includes all of us who believe we belong to the TG community, be it CD, TG, TD, TS or whatever. It's essential that we accept that we don't have to be like everyone else or indeed anyone else. We're all individuals and we don't have the right to judge who is right and who is wrong in what they do. If we take one point as being the simplest where someone occaisonally wears an article of clothing of the opposite sex right throught ot he extreme point of where someone seeks to physcially change their appearance to that of the opposite sex, then in between there is an underterminable amount of points where people fit in. It is never one size fits all and so many people have to come to terms with the fact of how they really were born and that it's ok to be that way and they don't have to try to fit a square peg into a hole just to be like someone else. If we can learn to believe and accept that it's ok to be who we are and what we are and that it's ok to think of ourselves sometimes, then we're on the way to living the life we were meant to, in the manner it was meant to be and as the person we really are and not as others want us to be, whatever our attributes or failings, believe me, it's wonderful.

This is a really top quality site for the purpose it was meant and the people involved are second to none, both the monitoring staff and the particpants and I have no hesitation recommending people to come here, as I know there'll be no unpleasant repercussions as can happen on other more liberal TG sites. I always believe every man or woman should be free to express themselves, their thoughts, opinions and suggestions, but to my way of thinking there are limits for the sake of peoples' feelings, ethics and morals, and having these guide lines in place here is what makes it a comfortable place to come for every man or woman. It's good that we disagree at times as I've never learnt anything from anyone who agrees totally with my point of view, but respect for others and their opinions has to come into it, if not, then people who lack confidence or are in the infant stages of finding their way get frightened off and revert back into their shell, and those of us who have been there 'in the dark' know it's not a nice place to be.

It's a pleasure to be part of the interaction here and I feel honoured to be accepted here even though compared to most, I'm at the extreme end of the spectrum. I sincerely hope this place keeps on keeping on or a long, long time to come.

Kind Regards to all,

Sally.