===============================
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the Poison Control Center. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I
quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her
daughter in to the Emergency room right away.
********************
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field
decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they
took it for a float on the river, they were quite surprised by a
Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is
activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed
there.
******************
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a
downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this
iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank
of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting
a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo
teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that
he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she
could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to
fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells
Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few
minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
America.
*********************
Drug Possession Defendant, Christopher Jansen, on trial in March
in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a
warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant
because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun.
"Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the
same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge
could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the
pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to
compose himself.
*********************
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial in a district court
for the armed robbery of a convenience store when he fired his
lawyer. Assistant District Attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47,
was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store
manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up,
accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown
your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly
added, "if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20
minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.
*********************
R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were
showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a
Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the
officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his
drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments
later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen
showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in
St. Louis, Missouri.
*********************
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier
put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he
wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to
put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I
don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe
him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of
his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over
and agreed that the man was in fact over 21, and he put the
scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name
and address of the robber that he got off the license. They
arrested the robber two hours later.
*********************
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
************************************
A True Story. If she had killed herself, God forbid, she'd be a
shoo-in for the Darwin Award. Last summer, down on Lake
Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of
Bakersfield, California, a woman, new to boating was having a
problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her
brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane
at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no
matter how much power she applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to
a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A
thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect
working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and
down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the
marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up
choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
(wait for it........)
(remember, this is supposed to be true.......)
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer! ("GO FIGURE!!!!")
Truth Stranger than Fiction?
-
Loretta Ann
- Permanently Banned
- Posts: 2199
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 pm
- Location: Vancouver, Canada
-
Beauty
- Retired Site Administrator
- Posts: 3662
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:30 am
- Location: Northern VA
- Contact:
lol!!! 
-
DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
- Posts: 8222
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:04 am
- Location: No. Virginia
Good ones Darlene.
WHAT WAS HE THINKING
Tulsa - An absent-minded burglary suspect was caught red-handed Tuesday evening at a southeast Tulsa store.
Police say 18-year-old Jacob Wise selected twelve items of clothing worth more than 460 dollars from the Abercrombie and Fitch store in Woodland Hills Mall and removed the sensor tags from them. Apparently, none of the employees saw Wise, but as he was leaving the store, the alarms went off.
When he was confronted by employees, it was found that he had the concealed clothing. But, what gave him away were the 12 sensor tags he still had in his pants pocket.
Police say Wise told store employees he forgot he had put the sensors in his pocket.
EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE DAYS?
A man in Columbus, Ohio violated the Cardinal rule of the bank robbery game: always pick a bank that actually has money. The would-be thief walked up to the counter of a National City Bank branch, located inside the Big Bear supermarket in Columbus, and said "Give me all your money. I have a gun." The teller shot the man a stunned look and told him "Sir, we don't have any money here." She was right: the supermarket bank branch only offers loan applications, and doesn't cash checks or handle money in any way. The teller backed up her story by opening each of the drawers at the counter to prove there was no money. Hoping to get the man to go away quickly, she said "I have a dollar left over from lunch -- you're welcome to that." "No, that's not good enough," the man grumbled as he turned to leave. Store employees followed the luckless bandit into the store's parking lot, where they wrote down the license number of his getaway car. He was arrested a short time later.
CRIMINAL CAREER GOES DOWN THE TOILET
Another Ohio man robbed a bank recently, then ducked into a nearby drug store after the robbery, where he asked to use the store's restroom. Employees thought it was odd that the man left the store wearing different clothes than when he came in. They checked the restroom and found the toilet overflowing, probably because of the shopping bag with a toy gun and a wad of cash that had been hidden inside the toilet's tank. Believe it or not, about an hour later, the fugitive called the store to ask if his bag and his money were still there. The manager told the man to come on down, promising he would have the bag and the cash wating for him. They were -- and so were the cops, who arrested the suspect without incident.
YOU'RE A DUMB ONE, MR. GRINCH
Brickmasons renovating a building in the historic district of Nachez, Mississippi were startled to find The fully-clothed skeletal remains of a burglar inside the building's chimney. Investigators say the man apparently became trapped 15 years ago while trying to break into a gift shop that once occupied the building. The suspect, who had a long history of burglary on his criminal record, disappeared in 1985. He was identified by the contents of his wallet, which was found in the chimney with the skeleton.
THE BICYCLE BANDIT!
Suspects who confess to their crime are usually either in police custody or on a courtroom witness stand. "The Bicycle Bandit" made his confession from...the stage of a comedy club. The owner of the Comedy Cafe in Macon, Georgia says the man joined the performing comedian onstage, grabbed the mike, and said "I have something on my mind that I want to share with you. I'm the one that's been robbing all the banks in Middle Georgia." The club owner, a former police officer, hustled the man offstage as his staff called police. The man is charged in a trio of robberies, each of which ended with the shotgun-toting suspect riding off on a bicycle.
MAN OPENS CAN OF WHOOP-backside ON SELF
After gambling big -- and losing big -- at a Wisconsin casino, a man from Minnesotta roughed hinself up in the parking lot, then called police to report he'd been robbed. The man had the bumps and bruises to back up his story, but didn't know someone had been watching him: a security camera in the parking lot had recorded the man beating himself against a light pole, smudging dirt on his cheeks, and -- after checking the damage in his car mirror -- repeating the process till he got just the right "I got robbed" look. After reviewing the tapes, police carted the high-roller off to jail.
HEY LOOK -- 'SHE'S PACKIN' A PAIR OF 38'S!
A 32-year-old female felon was arrested in Denver, Colorado for violating her probation by posing nude with firearms in photos that appeared on the internet. Under the terms of her parole, the woman had been forbidden from possessing any kind of weapons. The pistol-packin' mama's photos, which appeared on several pornographic web sites, clearly showed the electronic ankle bracelet used to monitor her movements while on parole. The violation carries a maximum sentence of ten years in prison. No word on exactly how Denver authorities happened to find the photos.
DUMB PRISON LAWSUIT NEWS
A man sentenced to eight years for paying a hit man to kill two former associates -- and convicted after the "hit man" turned out to be an undercover federal agent -- sued in Boston to have the $11,000 returned to him, since the killings were never carried out. Meanwhile, an Ohio inmate filed a half-million-dollar lawsuit against his former attorney, who was supposed to bribe a judge with $10,000 of the suspect's money to get him a lighter sentence. The man wound up with a sentence almost twice as long as he expected, and now complains that he didn't get his money's worth from the bribe.
HOYT AND DELBERT IN CRIME SPREE?
Two men broke into the service yard of a boat dealer in Kinston, NC by cutting a hole in the store's chain link fence and driving their truck through the hole. they were attempting to steal a 25-year-old aluminum boat on a trailer in the yard. We say "attempting" because when police arrived, they dsicovered the boat in the back of the pickup truck, and the outboard motor in the boat. the men had apparently cut the hole in the fence a little too small, and the trailer's fenders became lodged in the fence when they tried to drive away, launching the boat off the trailer and into the back of the truck. the men also ended up having to flee the crime scene on foot -- cops say when they got out to investigate the problem, the driver locked the keys inside the getaway truck.
A BREAKTHROUGH IN MODERN CRIME
A 35-year-old man was arrested and charged with the burglary of a Pasadena, California, nursing home. Investigators say the suspect broke in and carefully left open a sliding glass door so that he could make a quick escape. An employee of the nursing home came by a few minutes later, found the door open, and closed it. When the thief came back to make his getaway, he slammed into the glass door and shattered it, suffering several serious cuts in the process. Police followed the trail of blood left by the stunned suspect and quickly made an arrest.
EASY, FINGERS - THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT LATER
A 45-year-old man was arrested shortly after robbing a bank in Bridgeport, Connecticut. He was discovered behind the building, where he had taken a quick break from his getaway because he couldn't resist counting the money. (It was $857, in case you were wondering.)
SO MUCH FOR OUR CLEAN GETAWAY
A man and two juvenile accomplices were arrested in Grand Junction, Colorado, and charged with robbing a bank. They had been hiding out successfully until one of the trio sent a pair of his pants to the laundry. Inside one of the pockets was the gang's holdup note. A laundry worker found it and called police.
AND FINALLY...
A group of files stolen from the Internal Affairs division of the baltimore Police Department were recovered recently. Investigators found the missing files in a dumpster behind...a dunkin' donuts store.
WHAT WAS HE THINKING
Tulsa - An absent-minded burglary suspect was caught red-handed Tuesday evening at a southeast Tulsa store.
Police say 18-year-old Jacob Wise selected twelve items of clothing worth more than 460 dollars from the Abercrombie and Fitch store in Woodland Hills Mall and removed the sensor tags from them. Apparently, none of the employees saw Wise, but as he was leaving the store, the alarms went off.
When he was confronted by employees, it was found that he had the concealed clothing. But, what gave him away were the 12 sensor tags he still had in his pants pocket.
Police say Wise told store employees he forgot he had put the sensors in his pocket.
EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE DAYS?
A man in Columbus, Ohio violated the Cardinal rule of the bank robbery game: always pick a bank that actually has money. The would-be thief walked up to the counter of a National City Bank branch, located inside the Big Bear supermarket in Columbus, and said "Give me all your money. I have a gun." The teller shot the man a stunned look and told him "Sir, we don't have any money here." She was right: the supermarket bank branch only offers loan applications, and doesn't cash checks or handle money in any way. The teller backed up her story by opening each of the drawers at the counter to prove there was no money. Hoping to get the man to go away quickly, she said "I have a dollar left over from lunch -- you're welcome to that." "No, that's not good enough," the man grumbled as he turned to leave. Store employees followed the luckless bandit into the store's parking lot, where they wrote down the license number of his getaway car. He was arrested a short time later.
CRIMINAL CAREER GOES DOWN THE TOILET
Another Ohio man robbed a bank recently, then ducked into a nearby drug store after the robbery, where he asked to use the store's restroom. Employees thought it was odd that the man left the store wearing different clothes than when he came in. They checked the restroom and found the toilet overflowing, probably because of the shopping bag with a toy gun and a wad of cash that had been hidden inside the toilet's tank. Believe it or not, about an hour later, the fugitive called the store to ask if his bag and his money were still there. The manager told the man to come on down, promising he would have the bag and the cash wating for him. They were -- and so were the cops, who arrested the suspect without incident.
YOU'RE A DUMB ONE, MR. GRINCH
Brickmasons renovating a building in the historic district of Nachez, Mississippi were startled to find The fully-clothed skeletal remains of a burglar inside the building's chimney. Investigators say the man apparently became trapped 15 years ago while trying to break into a gift shop that once occupied the building. The suspect, who had a long history of burglary on his criminal record, disappeared in 1985. He was identified by the contents of his wallet, which was found in the chimney with the skeleton.
THE BICYCLE BANDIT!
Suspects who confess to their crime are usually either in police custody or on a courtroom witness stand. "The Bicycle Bandit" made his confession from...the stage of a comedy club. The owner of the Comedy Cafe in Macon, Georgia says the man joined the performing comedian onstage, grabbed the mike, and said "I have something on my mind that I want to share with you. I'm the one that's been robbing all the banks in Middle Georgia." The club owner, a former police officer, hustled the man offstage as his staff called police. The man is charged in a trio of robberies, each of which ended with the shotgun-toting suspect riding off on a bicycle.
MAN OPENS CAN OF WHOOP-backside ON SELF
After gambling big -- and losing big -- at a Wisconsin casino, a man from Minnesotta roughed hinself up in the parking lot, then called police to report he'd been robbed. The man had the bumps and bruises to back up his story, but didn't know someone had been watching him: a security camera in the parking lot had recorded the man beating himself against a light pole, smudging dirt on his cheeks, and -- after checking the damage in his car mirror -- repeating the process till he got just the right "I got robbed" look. After reviewing the tapes, police carted the high-roller off to jail.
HEY LOOK -- 'SHE'S PACKIN' A PAIR OF 38'S!
A 32-year-old female felon was arrested in Denver, Colorado for violating her probation by posing nude with firearms in photos that appeared on the internet. Under the terms of her parole, the woman had been forbidden from possessing any kind of weapons. The pistol-packin' mama's photos, which appeared on several pornographic web sites, clearly showed the electronic ankle bracelet used to monitor her movements while on parole. The violation carries a maximum sentence of ten years in prison. No word on exactly how Denver authorities happened to find the photos.
DUMB PRISON LAWSUIT NEWS
A man sentenced to eight years for paying a hit man to kill two former associates -- and convicted after the "hit man" turned out to be an undercover federal agent -- sued in Boston to have the $11,000 returned to him, since the killings were never carried out. Meanwhile, an Ohio inmate filed a half-million-dollar lawsuit against his former attorney, who was supposed to bribe a judge with $10,000 of the suspect's money to get him a lighter sentence. The man wound up with a sentence almost twice as long as he expected, and now complains that he didn't get his money's worth from the bribe.
HOYT AND DELBERT IN CRIME SPREE?
Two men broke into the service yard of a boat dealer in Kinston, NC by cutting a hole in the store's chain link fence and driving their truck through the hole. they were attempting to steal a 25-year-old aluminum boat on a trailer in the yard. We say "attempting" because when police arrived, they dsicovered the boat in the back of the pickup truck, and the outboard motor in the boat. the men had apparently cut the hole in the fence a little too small, and the trailer's fenders became lodged in the fence when they tried to drive away, launching the boat off the trailer and into the back of the truck. the men also ended up having to flee the crime scene on foot -- cops say when they got out to investigate the problem, the driver locked the keys inside the getaway truck.
A BREAKTHROUGH IN MODERN CRIME
A 35-year-old man was arrested and charged with the burglary of a Pasadena, California, nursing home. Investigators say the suspect broke in and carefully left open a sliding glass door so that he could make a quick escape. An employee of the nursing home came by a few minutes later, found the door open, and closed it. When the thief came back to make his getaway, he slammed into the glass door and shattered it, suffering several serious cuts in the process. Police followed the trail of blood left by the stunned suspect and quickly made an arrest.
EASY, FINGERS - THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT LATER
A 45-year-old man was arrested shortly after robbing a bank in Bridgeport, Connecticut. He was discovered behind the building, where he had taken a quick break from his getaway because he couldn't resist counting the money. (It was $857, in case you were wondering.)
SO MUCH FOR OUR CLEAN GETAWAY
A man and two juvenile accomplices were arrested in Grand Junction, Colorado, and charged with robbing a bank. They had been hiding out successfully until one of the trio sent a pair of his pants to the laundry. Inside one of the pockets was the gang's holdup note. A laundry worker found it and called police.
AND FINALLY...
A group of files stolen from the Internal Affairs division of the baltimore Police Department were recovered recently. Investigators found the missing files in a dumpster behind...a dunkin' donuts store.
DonnaT
-
Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
The prison's are full of them!!!!!
How about the two guys trying to steal an ATM machine at a drive-through! Chained their truck to it and attempted to pull it away - instead, yes, it did not budge, but their bumper (with license tag attached) was pulled from their truck and left attached to the ATM machine - now how hard would it be to find those two village idiots??!
or,
The guy (true story) sued himself. While in jail he filed a lawsuit against himself. The two parties in question were, himself as a ward of the state (prisoner) and the person, himself, would not have been in jail had it not been for the drunk (himself) who should not have been drinking at all and caused his own incarsuration! The court needless to say, threw out the case as it lacked merit!
Virginia
How about the two guys trying to steal an ATM machine at a drive-through! Chained their truck to it and attempted to pull it away - instead, yes, it did not budge, but their bumper (with license tag attached) was pulled from their truck and left attached to the ATM machine - now how hard would it be to find those two village idiots??!
or,
The guy (true story) sued himself. While in jail he filed a lawsuit against himself. The two parties in question were, himself as a ward of the state (prisoner) and the person, himself, would not have been in jail had it not been for the drunk (himself) who should not have been drinking at all and caused his own incarsuration! The court needless to say, threw out the case as it lacked merit!
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
-
Beauty
- Retired Site Administrator
- Posts: 3662
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 4:30 am
- Location: Northern VA
- Contact:
