A question for SO's
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Darth_Wolfenbarg
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 3:05 am
- Location: Sunnyvale, California
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A question for SO's
There is so much shock and grief over discovering that the spouse is a crossdresser. I've read some of your replies to some things in earlier threads and one big reason is that you were never told. Now tell me, if you were told, would you be with your spouse now? Give this some thought, because if he had not trapped you, you may not still be in that box nibbling on the carrot.
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Mhairi (SO)
- Miss Crystal Goddess
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- Joined: Sun May 29, 2005 5:51 pm
Hi Darth
I hope you don't mind my response as I don't really fit into your target group. I am an SO who 'knew before' and has chosen to stay so I haven't voted in the poll so as not to skew your result.
If my ex husband had told me he was a crossdresser, I would not have accepted it as our relationship was already hitting rock bottom but I may have accepted it in the early days, although it's difficult to say. I was only 21 when we married and I kinda think that the older you are when you start a relationship, the more open you are to being more accepting of things. At 21, I might have run for the hills!
My cd boyfriend told me after 6 weeks and I think that his timing was spot on. By this point, I was already falling for him and, although it was a shock, I felt it was something I could cope with. Through time, it has grown from coping to accepting and I see it as very much a part of who he is and is in part why love him. I do think that if he had left it a lot longer it would have been harder on me and I may have felt resentment. Time changes relationships and it's easy to forget the early feelings of joy and euphoria. I have read many postings from SO's who say they would not have married had they known but I wonder if that's true. I know for some it is as it is something they will never accept but for others I suspect they would still have gone ahead as their feelings of love would have won out perhaps? Of course they may have thought they could change him....
I think too that in some ways it is just as difficult for SO's who find out early. When the emotional rollercoaster strikes and they start questioning the relationship, they feel it more difficult to justify their feelings - after all they knew about it so why complain now? Fortunately, I haven't hit that point but thanks to this forum I know that it could happen and I hope I will have the resilience to cope.
Looking forward to reading responses from other SO's.
Mhairi
I hope you don't mind my response as I don't really fit into your target group. I am an SO who 'knew before' and has chosen to stay so I haven't voted in the poll so as not to skew your result.
If my ex husband had told me he was a crossdresser, I would not have accepted it as our relationship was already hitting rock bottom but I may have accepted it in the early days, although it's difficult to say. I was only 21 when we married and I kinda think that the older you are when you start a relationship, the more open you are to being more accepting of things. At 21, I might have run for the hills!
My cd boyfriend told me after 6 weeks and I think that his timing was spot on. By this point, I was already falling for him and, although it was a shock, I felt it was something I could cope with. Through time, it has grown from coping to accepting and I see it as very much a part of who he is and is in part why love him. I do think that if he had left it a lot longer it would have been harder on me and I may have felt resentment. Time changes relationships and it's easy to forget the early feelings of joy and euphoria. I have read many postings from SO's who say they would not have married had they known but I wonder if that's true. I know for some it is as it is something they will never accept but for others I suspect they would still have gone ahead as their feelings of love would have won out perhaps? Of course they may have thought they could change him....
I think too that in some ways it is just as difficult for SO's who find out early. When the emotional rollercoaster strikes and they start questioning the relationship, they feel it more difficult to justify their feelings - after all they knew about it so why complain now? Fortunately, I haven't hit that point but thanks to this forum I know that it could happen and I hope I will have the resilience to cope.
Looking forward to reading responses from other SO's.
Mhairi
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Gardenia_SO
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 8:45 am
- Location: Washington DC Suburbs
This is a really tough question. While I love my guy more than words can say, I have to be honest--I wouldn't have gotten involved with him if I had known that he was a CD.
Now let me explain... he told me that he was a crossdresser right before we moved in together--so we had been together for a while before that. We'd been making wedding plans, and he wanted to "come clean." So I'm glad that he told me BEFORE we got married, and I'm glad that he waited until we were serious about each other. I wouldn't have fallen in love with him if he had told me on our first date. I also appreciate that he told me the truth before making a lifelong commitment to each other, so I could decide whether or not to stay in the relationship.
Luckily, I don't love him any less because he's a crossdresser. It does cause some strain on our relationship sometimes (when we don't see eye-to-eye), but otherwise, we have a wonderful relationship. Plus, I have to admit, it is nice to be able to go shoe shopping with him.
-Gardenia
Now let me explain... he told me that he was a crossdresser right before we moved in together--so we had been together for a while before that. We'd been making wedding plans, and he wanted to "come clean." So I'm glad that he told me BEFORE we got married, and I'm glad that he waited until we were serious about each other. I wouldn't have fallen in love with him if he had told me on our first date. I also appreciate that he told me the truth before making a lifelong commitment to each other, so I could decide whether or not to stay in the relationship.
Luckily, I don't love him any less because he's a crossdresser. It does cause some strain on our relationship sometimes (when we don't see eye-to-eye), but otherwise, we have a wonderful relationship. Plus, I have to admit, it is nice to be able to go shoe shopping with him.
-Gardenia
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GalicianGirl(SO)
- Founding Member
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- Location: Houston, Texas
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
I figured someone was going to ask this sooner or later. So, my answer is I don't know. We're not married, and my guy told me about the time that we decided we were pretty serious about each other. We're not planning to get married, but it has to do with 2 divorces each, not the CDing. So, yes, I am still here before...before what? Before we married? Obviously. But frankly, if I had known before I fell for him, well.......no I probably wouldn't have been as interested. It's hard to tell. What part of the parts of him that I like wouldn't be there if he didn't CD? Kind of like asking what water would be without the oxygen molecule...
OTOH, if something happened with us, I don't believe that I would enter another relationship with a CDing guy. I accept it with my guy - I don't particularly enjoy it. It's not a turn-on for me, and that's not likely to change. OTOH, there is too much good in this relationship to let CDing change it. So, I vote a big fat I don't know...
-g
OTOH, if something happened with us, I don't believe that I would enter another relationship with a CDing guy. I accept it with my guy - I don't particularly enjoy it. It's not a turn-on for me, and that's not likely to change. OTOH, there is too much good in this relationship to let CDing change it. So, I vote a big fat I don't know...
-g