Do we need an area to discuss "Adult" related subj

[Aeryn]

We already have Hot Topics and its existance has been debated to death. I see little difference between the new proposed folder and Hot Topics.

Make it a group that one has to request to join, lay down solid ground rules, and you're ready to go. Of course, a strong moderator will be called for but I think the mods here are good at that anyway.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Beauty,

If you can handle the extra administration required I would support a private area. I think it would help the forum, but I would like to be able to occasionally use for more than sex related stuff.

[Beauty]

I think it would be useful. Sexual gratification is part of my crossdressing, so I think we need a place to talk about it. So what would you have to do to access it? Some kind of proof that you're at least 18?

Hi Daniel,

You'd probably have to be a member for X amount of time. Much longer than the 30 days it takes to join Hot Topics, but this is just a discussion. I don't think Sharon or I plan on taking any action. Just taking the pulse of our regulars.

Beauty

[Beauty]

Hi Aeryn and Darlene,

Thank you for the feedback!

Beauty

[Anita]

Single CDs live in a different world from married CDs-Rikki once pointed this out, in a very well-written post. Many troublesome issues that come up for a single CD will never affect a marriage. But reading about it might affect the marriage!

Ok, that's a quote from a year ago. Since then, we have seen that a separate area of the forum can be a good thing. When it comes to "adult subjects," other forums do have a place for them, so it's not like we're blazing new trails if we do this.

I would still say that the forum will lose a certain "comfort" level if it ever opens up a section like this. I'm not saying that's good or bad--that's just what I see. It's more realistic to have an adult section, and it is certainly an important part of the big picture. It is not always a reassuring part.

[Cathy L. Anderson]

Sex is a big part of crossdressing. We tend to compartmentalize and dissociate sexuality from the rest of our lives, and this causes many problems. It might help to have a place to talk about it.

Single CDs live in a different world from married CDs...But reading about it might affect the marriage!

I don't fully understand the point--maybe it's that married CDs risk having spouses read their posts in an adult section. If so then maybe SO's should not be given access. I think I'd prefer that in any case.

When it comes to "adult subjects," other forums do have a place for them, so it's not like we're blazing new trails if we do this.

My feeling is that the quality of discussion and participation here is unique. An adult section of this forum would be unlike any others I believe.

It is not always a reassuring part.

Anyone who doesn't feel comfortable, for any reason, would not need to make posts, but they could still read them.

Cathy

[Anita]

Hi Cathy--
Thanks for taking an interest in my post.

Sex is a big part of crossdressing. We tend to compartmentalize and dissociate sexuality from the rest of our lives, and this causes many problems. It might help to have a place to talk about it.

I would agree with this. All I am saying is that it will change the comfort level in this forum. At present we only lightly touch on issues such as bisexuality and transition to becoming fulltime. Sexuality questions invariably bring up both these issues, and put a spotlight on them.

Single CDs live in a different world from married CDs...But reading about it might affect the marriage!

I don't fully understand the point--maybe it's that married CDs risk having spouses read their posts in an adult section. [/quote]

No, it's more about single CDs being on the cutting edge. We are the ones who have no restrictions on what we do, so we're out there exploring and experimenting. Whatever changes are going to come into our lives happen faster if we're out there several nights a week, and don't have to answer to anyone about the decisions we make.

When it comes to "adult subjects," other forums do have a place for them, so it's not like we're blazing new trails if we do this.

My feeling is that the quality of discussion and participation here is unique. An adult section of this forum would be unlike any others I believe.

I guess I was trying to say that the decision to include a sexuality section would not be a radical move on our part. And I would hope that your feeling about our uniqueness would prove to be correct.

It is not always a reassuring part.

Anyone who doesn't feel comfortable, for any reason, would not need to make posts, but they could still read them. [/quote]

It's not the making posts that I'd be concerned with. It's the reading of them. Hot Topics is easy to avoid, because the political aspects of CDing are not that compelling. Sexuality, however, is like a bad traffic accident--you may want to avoid looking, but it's hard not to. I could see a lot of people going there and becoming very upset by what they read. Is this bad? No, not necessarily--differing viewpoints can lead to beneficial changes. But up to now, we have restricted such discussion to one closed-off section. I don't feel that a sexuality section would be so closed off--more people would want access. In the short run, we'll probably have more discord and anger. In the long run, we might pull together and be stronger.

[Cathy L. Anderson]

Hi All,

Believe it or not, there is a dark side to me, not appropriate for the forum.

Bernice's comment prompts me to renew discussion on an Adult section.

The Jungian view supposes dissociated parts of our psyches--various "sub-personalities" if you will. And it supposes that the goal is integration of these conflicting parts.

Mostly we've discussed the inner male vs. female (anima vs. animus). But Jung talked about another huge conflict--Ego vs. Shadow (the dark side).

Just as we need to integrate anima and animus, we also need to integrate Ego and Shadow. The first step is to make the contents of our Shadow apparent to the Ego. An adult section would let us do that. Naturally we balk and find many objections to such a thing--but that is the nature of our internal conflict.

Said another way, it is precisely because we resist open, objective admission of our dark side that we must examine it. And it's a lot better to do this in a way that involves other people. Whatever "demons" we may harbor--they cannot stand the light of day.

A responsible adult forum could let us do something groundbreaking. I'm talking about a place were we could discuss our hang-ups and obviously not a place for people to talk dirty or solicit contact.

An adult section would be be cheaper than counseling, and maybe more valuable. What does anyone else think? Would you see possible benefit? Are there any reasons not to have an Adult section?

[CJ]

Hi all,

Cathy,

These are good points you bring up. We've all discussed this before and, unless I misundersood, I think the final verdict was that the idea of an adult section of the forum should be put on hold for now, the fear being that such a section would attract a more unsavoury subset of netizens. Of course, the Admins have since then made the forum registration process a little more stringent, although I'm not sure how that changes anything. I can't see how Sharon or Beauty can control, beforehand, forum membership in order to forbid access to those whose main interest in joining is strictly prurient.

There are only two times in the forum's history that flame wars erupted; one had to do with religion, the other with politics. Do we really want to add sex to the mix (and thus complete the "passionate triad")? I'm not so sure.

I consider myself a liberal-minded person. I have no qualms about discussing religion, politics, and sex in an open manner (especially given the high degree of civility of the members on this forum), but that doesn't change the fact that civility often flies out the window when people feel their most deeply held moral beliefs come under attack, even if only indirectly.

My own view is that this forum was created with the intent to provide psychological and emotional support to crossdressers and their spouses. It should remain that way. Plus, there are forums and web sites out there that specifically discuss the political or religious or sexual dimensions of transgender culture and lifestyle. These sites are only a mouse-click away. Of course, this is only my own viewpoint; as you can see by the poll results, we have, right here, our own "red state / blue state syndrome" regarding the creation of an adult section on the forum. What I'm afraid of is that talk of, say, pornography, masturbation, and she-males, for example, will only serve to increase the forum's visibility to those who seek only these things on the internet (and, by all accounts, they are legion).

I voted No back then, and I still vote No--however much I think frank discussions about sexuality could be, can be, or, indeed, are, therapeutic. "What evil lurks in the hearts of men? Only the Shadow knows!" But let it tell of its findings either in private or on another forum.

Just my two cents' worth.

Love,
CJ

[Dixie Darling]

Seeing as how there are a lot of folks who come to the forum looking for help/support/advice concerning CROSSSDRESSING, it would appear to me that the inclusion of an 'adult area' could be a deterent to some of those who have ENOUGH problems dealing with the crossdressing itself. I know we've all read of the 'horror stories' from some about all the other things that their CD is involved in and I don't think it's to the forum's advantage to include specific areas for these issues to be discussed. Crossdressing ALONE is complicated enough - especially for borderline wives/girlfriends - and we should stick to providing the support and understanding that a lot of those come here looking for.

Aside from that, and as others have mentioned, these other subjects (i.e. 'adult') are often discussed here anyway, but they are done so with dignity, decorum, and in an articulate manner. The group as a whole is very supportive of those who come here looking for answers so I don't think it's a good idea to cloud things up with issues outside of crossdressing.

Dixie

[Kathy]

My thoughts here run in parallel with CJ's. I don't really like the idea of an "Adult" area. The only way I would even consider supporting such a thing would be if it was done in a similar manner but seperate from the Hot Topics area. Not visible to the public and only accessable by members who specifically request it.

Kathy

[Lydia]

Hi all,

Add my "no" vote. This is already essentially an adult forum. There is the "Hot Topics" section. There are other forums where you can get as raunchy as you want. Please leave it alone. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Love to all,

Willy

[Loretta Ann]

Hi all,

If this post comes across as being an in your face sort of thing I do not apologize. The resistance to such a thing becoming a reality here could have more to do with insecurity than anything else.

The reasons given here as to why it would not be wise to have that kind of a section, leave room for some questions.

Exactly what is hot about a topic? What makes it hot? Mans inability to be civil? Not anything more than that, threatened by the opinions of others. (Translates into insecurity)

Does not the psychological and emotional support include the over all health of an individual? Could it not be that some would feel uncomfortable being placed in a situation, where they would feel compelled to reveal something about themselves they would otherwise prefer to keep hidden? Causing them to feel out of place? (Does that not also translate into insecurity?)

I don’t get the serving to increase the forum's visibility to those who seek only, say, pornography, masturbation, and she-males, if the area were hidden. Do we not have a hidden area for Political and Religious topics? Has it attracted those who are only interested in those topics? Have you not noticed that since the administration began putting some muscle behind the forum rules it has in fact eliminated some of the activity of those who are some what more insecure?)

Now having said this I am not in support of including this kind of a section, albeit for different reasons, as I don’t see the benefit of such a thing. I think the same principle should apply to that subject that applies to cross dressing in reference to living a healthy life. And that being; if you are hurting someone by what you are doing then you have, or will have a problem. Not that life should necessarily be free of problems. But many of us have a problem with accepting them as a necessity and/or a reality of life.

Love,
Darlene.

PS. Don’t attempt to connect all of the dots. Once again the main intent of this post is to stimulate thought.

[Cathy L. Anderson]

Hi all,

I wasn't interested in anything sordid. Just a place where someone could say, for example, "Hey, sometimes when I have sex I like to pretend I'm a woman--why is that?" Maybe some insight would result.

I wonder to what extent the reservations are correctly guaged, and to what extent they might be inflated due to a resistance of the "dark side" to becoming conscious.

It's true there are other adult forums. But there people express their libidinous tendencies while remaining mostly unconscious. Here that would not be so. Rather, the "dark side" would come into contact with consciousness.

I think it's very easy to underestimate the negative impact on our lives of things which are unconscious. Bringing them into light every now and then seems very valuable. Otherwise there is no "reality check."

Cathy

[Nikki]

I thoroughly support the creation of an *adult* section on the forum. As a very new member (not yet permitted to enter Hot Topics!), I had some trepidation adding my vote to this poll. However, after reading the fine posts by Darlene and Cathy Anderson, I can see I'm not alone in my thinking.

My cross dressing is inextricably entwined with my sexuality. I have discomfort and ambivalence about both. I could use some insight from others who at least share cross dressing as a behavior. I've come out to about 8 of my best friends, but none of them is a CD. My therapist means well, but we also do not have a common frame of reference.

As Cathy pointed out:

"An adult section would be be cheaper than counseling, and maybe more valuable."